Name: I Accidentally Scammed a Guy at a Gas Station
Uploaded: 2026-05-23T19:00:29.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'I Accidentally Scammed a Guy at a Gas Station' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-05-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'I Accidentally Scammed a Guy at a Gas Station' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-05-23. Transcript available.

I just wasn't my best version of my little sleep.
And I'm at a gas station, and I was on the phone with somebody.
I was walking to the gas station.
A pay phone?
It's good for a record.
Now I'm on the, now I, this is what I realized.
I didn't for like, I was on the phone with somebody for like 15 minutes out
front of the gas station.
And now I just look like a gas station guy.
You were trashing me.
I was.
No, no, not trashing.
We were discussing some of your behavior for sure.
You were this person on the phone.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Do you know who it was?
I assume it was your wife.
It was not.
Your brother.
No.
My brother.
No.
What?
My dad.
You got a phone to heaven.
Maybe you didn't make it to heaven.
How do you say that?
It was someone who just left the house.
Oh, Mr. Chamberlain.
Yeah.
I gotta go.
What was that all about?
I always call him for a yes man when you need him.
He called me.
You're the only guy who acts like a complete insane person.
It was like, oh, yeah, you need a yes man if I can throw it on me.
I love you, big guy.
Yeah.
Shout out to that Colin Chamberlain.
So I'm on the phone.
I'm hanging out at a gas station for 15 minutes on a phone call.
Right?
And I go in.
Suspicious.
I for sure looked like a guy hanging out.
Which I would have to guess that phone call at times might have been slightly
animated.
Yes.
Honestly, I wasn't that upset, but it was, yeah, I wasn't, you know, we weren't,
there was
a lot of, I looked like a fucking guy who, I looked like, did you ever see an
episode
of Cops where they pull up and the guy's up front of the gas station?
Yeah.
Who is it?
It's him.
It's him.
It's clearly him.
That guy's got no car.
Yeah, gas station, no car.
What the fuck are you doing?
For sure.
I'm just at the gas station.
I'm on the phone.
I go in.
I want to make a purchase.
I don't have, all I have is my phone, which I'm going to do Apple Pay.
And it said cash only.
Right?
So I go in, the inside of the store is as big as this table.
Right?
It's literally, you walk in, there's one center stand, not even an aisle, just
a center
stand, one refrigerator.
So I go around, there's a, I go, maybe I can tap to pay an ATM machine.
Like, I don't know if they have those.
When you said that, I thought that was genius.
I wonder if they have that.
I'm sure they do.
This was one of those old ones that you've seen that says like cash bank at the
top.
You know what I mean?
It's the old big gray plastic.
This thing's barely digital.
And I would imagine this establishment doesn't have five-star customer service.
It does not.
Okay.
I'm talking about four inches of bulletproof glass.
If that's five-star, then you have, I'm just probably, this stuff was rated for
a fucking
AK, dude.
We were in a bad part of town.
I looked, yeah.
So I get in there.
There's a guy in a sweater vest, I believe going to or from church.
Mm-hmm.
Right?
Sunday morning.
Which I had just been to mass.
Uh-huh.
Did not help.
And I'm the crazy one.
So I get there.
So then I go, this is a long shot.
But the guy's getting a bunch of 20s out of the machine.
And he clocks me clocking him.
Of course.
You're deranged.
I'm like.
You're just sitting here looking at it like it slices of turkey coming out of
the sauce.
You going to eat all that?
Well, you got to think of what he sees.
He pulls up.
I'm in the parking lot.
Talking on the phone.
Over by the dumpster.
Right.
You know what I mean?
Got a black and mild in your hand.
I told you, fat motherfucker.
Yeah.
So I don't think that he.
So he sees that.
He sees me for what I am on the true.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
He's got like x-ray glasses.
Be like, who is this guy?
This guy belongs at a gas station hanging out.
So I go, hey, man.
I lead.
I lead.
Now my idea is I got Venmo.
I got cat.
I got, you know, I got digital currency, right?
How do Indian guys get you?
Right.
So I go, hey, man.
Hold on.
Has he completed his transaction or is the money still coming out?
I would say the money.
There's a lot of 20s.
And now I look, dude, I just.
What's he doing?
He's nervous that I'm behind them for sure.
No, what's he getting 20s?
I don't know.
I think he needed to take out because it was cash only.
The machine was down.
So he needed cash and maybe he was getting gay.
I don't know.
I don't know what he was doing, but he had money.
What kind of work you do?
You hire him by any chance?
So I go, hey, you know, this sounds crazy.
It ends right there.
It ends right there.
It ends right there, right there.
Listen, I've opened conversations with that.
It usually ends right there.
Uh-huh.
It sounds crazy because it is crazy.
Well, so what.
All right.
So then we can, let's workshop this to come up with the best pitch.
What I go, hey, man, I know this sounds crazy.
They're not taking cash.
Or it's cash only.
As you know, we're in the same.
You put yourself in the same problem with them.
You know what I mean?
Were your hands moving like that, too?
Yeah.
You just look crazy saying that.
This guy's not taking cash.
I'm on speakerphone the whole time.
Do you know Foley?
He's crazy.
My buddy's crazy.
You should get a load of him.
You think I look bad.
You should get a load of him.
What the fuck?
I stink, dude.
It'd be funny if I walked in dressed to the nines.
That's a sin these days, isn't it?
Get your hands off of me.
Henry, it's me.
Give me 20.
Trying to get a pack of heaters here.
Officer, I don't know this, man.
So I go, hey, man, I know it sounds crazy.
Can I Venmo you for 20 bucks?
First of all, you told me this.
That's got to be, I'll give you 40 for 20.
You got to sweeten that.
You're trying to come with a 50-50, no exchange rate deal?
You're nuts.
I see what you're saying, but hold on.
So let me just, I think the 40 sounds too scammy.
That's like fucking, you know, that's like my dog ate my homework.
No one's buying that.
That's as old as time.
If the guy was dressed like Kippy, I would say lead with that.
But he seems like an upstanding citizen.
You want to make this seem like a square deal.
Yeah.
If he needed, he got to need the 20s.
He got hundreds of 20s in front of him.
He don't need them.
That guy's flush with cash.
Nice sweater.
Yeah.
What the fuck?
So.
I just realized too afterwards, there's a bad showing for the kid.
Take a shit in the middle of the parking lot.
Start sipping gas.
If you swallow it quick, it doesn't hurt you.
I, um, so I asked him and he goes, and as I saw, I wasn't getting a yeah.
I said, buddy, feel free.
I know it sounds crazy.
Feel free to say no.
And he went, nah, I need, I went, dip, dip.
Feel free to say no.
I'm not going to hurt you or nothing.
Kill your family.
I'm not going to hurt you physically.
I said, feel free to say no.
He goes, nah, nah, nah.
I need, at that point, I'm, I was, okay.
But did you feel like you had made some, some connection as a human?
Like, yeah, I would, I just can't do it.
Or was he like, no, he was nervous.
He, I had made this guy, he, cause he didn't say real words.
He was like, ah, yeah.
Oh, I've been there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dick, I hate that.
So, I get it.
I'm, you know, I, I essentially cornered him.
I, like, in, I'm not real life, but, like, in real life, I walked into a small
vestibule
and cornered the guy.
Stop hunching like Nosferatu when you tell the story.
Then I had him.
That's where I got you right where I want you.
Um, so then I, I go, hey, no worries, and I leave, and then right.
That's cool, don't worry about it.
Right across the street, there was, like, another convenience.
So, I went, okay.
So, you sprinted over there.
So, now the guy sees me.
So, I, uh, I get my stuff, and I'm, now I'm crossing that big, I'm crossing,
like, fair,
I'm crossing, like, a big street, and the guy.
So, hold on, but in his head for a second, he saw you, it didn't work here.
I'm going to run across, see if anybody else is in the ATM.
Uh-huh, and at the whole, he's watching me, and then I'm crossing the street,
and he's
at the light, and I see him looking at his boy, who's in the car, and they're
giving
me, like, the, don't make eye contact with him.
Wait, had you gotten your, your heaters over at the, or?
Yeah, over, yeah, and now I'm crossing, but I don't, it's not like I'm carrying
a bag of
groceries.
I would've got a soda or something to show.
See, fuck face?
I got money, and I'm walking out, and he's doing the, like, the, like, they had
talked
about me.
Sure.
Before they saw me again, and he gave the, don't, there he is, don't look at
him, guy.
Welcome to my daily life.
Well, yeah, I empathize with you, my friend.
But what's, okay, I was jammed up due to circumstance.
What is that pitch?
I don't.
It's tough.
It's a hard pitch.
It's the ATM, 2026, bad neighborhood in LA.
You're not getting it.
What?
What are you looking at?
No, I'm just scratching my face.
Freak?
Yeah, I'm the freak.
I'm scratching my face and go, what, what, what is it?
I'm, I'm the nervous one.
Um, yeah, that, I don't know.
Luke, what would you, someone have to say to you as you're, you know.
Nothing.
You've never been on the wrong side.
You've never been down and out on the wrong side of the track.
There is nothing.
You have and one shorts on, you're trying to scam me.
They weren't and one shorts.
It might've been a bathing suit.
They weren't good shorts.
Uh, they might've been, they might've been North Face shorts.
A little grease on your knuckles.
Yeah.
Or stealing carburetors all night.
I'm trying to sell a catalytic converter.
Somebody in his generation of his astute, they're not fucking getting involved
with that
at all.
Scamming's so big right now, too.
I know, but what's the scam to him?
I pay with someone else's credit card?
Yeah.
Like if he, if it goes through to his Venmo.
I, of course, it's fine.
They can, they can do that where it looks like it went through, but didn't go
through.
Now I was going to go, if he was on the fence about it, I was going to go also,
sir, I'm
a pretty prominent comedy and podcaster.
I didn't.
If he, if he, if I could've got him over the edge, I would've pulled out.
You know Tim Dillon?
Are you Tim?
No, I'm not Tim Dillon.
That would've helped.
That would've helped.
I would've been like, dude, here's my Instagram page.
But then you're crazy.
As the guy in the sweater getting 20s out of the ATM.
What's that guy doing in a bad part of town anyway?
That's what I'm saying.
Give me a regular, give me a guy from that part of town.
But I definitely don't want to be a part of your world.
Sure.
I get that.
You're stopping by for gas and a sweet treat.
You know, all of a sudden, I'm just going to always be a dirt bag.
I can't.
I couldn't believe that story.
I hold it together, but every couple of months I break and it's just like, that's
not that crazy to me.
But I realize that's what a gas station guy says.
In a different setting.
You do that in a burb, something like that.
Hey, I'm sorry.
I don't know.
I don't know if my dad, my dad might give you a 10.
I just, they, people are just, their radar is so up.
They don't realize how you're screwing them, but they know you are.
I get, I understand that.
Right?
What is, I 100%, but isn't, don't I get some leeway with cash only?
Like, you got to give me, like, I pulled over, we're in a digital currency
world, and you're
operating in a cash only?
Like, you got to give me some sort of leeway there of like, right?
All right.
All right.
I don't know, maybe you're hanging out there all day.
I know.
Maybe I realize it's cash only, go, I can pull my scam here all day long.
Where's the, what'd the guy behind the counter say?
Oh, he had bigger problems.
Huh.
He didn't, that didn't cross his radar.
You also didn't set yourself up for success.
I did it.
I, that dude, he's such a fucking rich kid.
It's crazy.
You didn't practice the Dempsey, three D's to success.
Dedication.
You got to sing.
Determination.
Tell a joke.
Something.
And digital currency.
Um, yeah.
I, yeah.
I don't know.
What?
Write in.
Let me know.
I, I know I misplayed that a hundred percent, but I don't know how to play it.
You walk the fuck back to the house and get your wallet.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
Well, no, I just went to the next store.
There was a couple of blocks away.
Oh yeah.
There you go.
Yeah.
Keep it moving.
But it didn't, I also didn't know that part of, I didn't know what direction.
I was just, you know, Mr. International businessman, huh?
Man.
That's how you got to move, daddy.
I got to keep them guessing at all times.
Okay.
Guessing.
Keep them guessing.
Keep them guessing.

I Accidentally Scammed a Guy at a Gas Station

I just wasn't my best version of my little sleep.
And I'm at a gas station, and I was on the phone with somebody.
I was walking to the gas station.
A pay phone?
It's good for a record.
Now I'm on the, now I, this is what I realized.
I didn't for like, I was on the phone with somebody for like 15 minutes out
front of the gas station.
And now I just look like a gas station guy.
You were trashing me.
I was.
No, no, not trashing.
We were discussing some of your behavior for sure.
You were this person on the phone.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Do you know who it was?
I assume it was your wife.
It was not.
Your brother.
No.
My brother.
No.
What?
My dad.
You got a phone to heaven.
Maybe you didn't make it to heaven.
How do you say that?
It was someone who just left the house.
Oh, Mr. Chamberlain.
Yeah.
I gotta go.
What was that all about?
I always call him for a yes man when you need him.
He called me.
You're the only guy who acts like a complete insane person.
It was like, oh, yeah, you need a yes man if I can throw it on me.
I love you, big guy.
Yeah.
Shout out to that Colin Chamberlain.
So I'm on the phone.
I'm hanging out at a gas station for 15 minutes on a phone call.
Right?
And I go in.
Suspicious.
I for sure looked like a guy hanging out.
Which I would have to guess that phone call at times might have been slightly
animated.
Yes.
Honestly, I wasn't that upset, but it was, yeah, I wasn't, you know, we weren't,
there was
a lot of, I looked like a fucking guy who, I looked like, did you ever see an
episode
of Cops where they pull up and the guy's up front of the gas station?
Yeah.
Who is it?
It's him.
It's him.
It's clearly him.
That guy's got no car.
Yeah, gas station, no car.
What the fuck are you doing?
For sure.
I'm just at the gas station.
I'm on the phone.
I go in.
I want to make a purchase.
I don't have, all I have is my phone, which I'm going to do Apple Pay.
And it said cash only.
Right?
So I go in, the inside of the store is as big as this table.
Right?
It's literally, you walk in, there's one center stand, not even an aisle, just
a center
stand, one refrigerator.
So I go around, there's a, I go, maybe I can tap to pay an ATM machine.
Like, I don't know if they have those.
When you said that, I thought that was genius.
I wonder if they have that.
I'm sure they do.
This was one of those old ones that you've seen that says like cash bank at the
top.
You know what I mean?
It's the old big gray plastic.
This thing's barely digital.
And I would imagine this establishment doesn't have five-star customer service.
It does not.
Okay.
I'm talking about four inches of bulletproof glass.
If that's five-star, then you have, I'm just probably, this stuff was rated for
a fucking
AK, dude.
We were in a bad part of town.
I looked, yeah.
So I get in there.
There's a guy in a sweater vest, I believe going to or from church.
Mm-hmm.
Right?
Sunday morning.
Which I had just been to mass.
Uh-huh.
Did not help.
And I'm the crazy one.
So I get there.
So then I go, this is a long shot.
But the guy's getting a bunch of 20s out of the machine.
And he clocks me clocking him.
Of course.
You're deranged.
I'm like.
You're just sitting here looking at it like it slices of turkey coming out of
the sauce.
You going to eat all that?
Well, you got to think of what he sees.
He pulls up.
I'm in the parking lot.
Talking on the phone.
Over by the dumpster.
Right.
You know what I mean?
Got a black and mild in your hand.
I told you, fat motherfucker.
Yeah.
So I don't think that he.
So he sees that.
He sees me for what I am on the true.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
He's got like x-ray glasses.
Be like, who is this guy?
This guy belongs at a gas station hanging out.
So I go, hey, man.
I lead.
I lead.
Now my idea is I got Venmo.
I got cat.
I got, you know, I got digital currency, right?
How do Indian guys get you?
Right.
So I go, hey, man.
Hold on.
Has he completed his transaction or is the money still coming out?
I would say the money.
There's a lot of 20s.
And now I look, dude, I just.
What's he doing?
He's nervous that I'm behind them for sure.
No, what's he getting 20s?
I don't know.
I think he needed to take out because it was cash only.
The machine was down.
So he needed cash and maybe he was getting gay.
I don't know.
I don't know what he was doing, but he had money.
What kind of work you do?
You hire him by any chance?
So I go, hey, you know, this sounds crazy.
It ends right there.
It ends right there.
It ends right there, right there.
Listen, I've opened conversations with that.
It usually ends right there.
Uh-huh.
It sounds crazy because it is crazy.
Well, so what.
All right.
So then we can, let's workshop this to come up with the best pitch.
What I go, hey, man, I know this sounds crazy.
They're not taking cash.
Or it's cash only.
As you know, we're in the same.
You put yourself in the same problem with them.
You know what I mean?
Were your hands moving like that, too?
Yeah.
You just look crazy saying that.
This guy's not taking cash.
I'm on speakerphone the whole time.
Do you know Foley?
He's crazy.
My buddy's crazy.
You should get a load of him.
You think I look bad.
You should get a load of him.
What the fuck?
I stink, dude.
It'd be funny if I walked in dressed to the nines.
That's a sin these days, isn't it?
Get your hands off of me.
Henry, it's me.
Give me 20.
Trying to get a pack of heaters here.
Officer, I don't know this, man.
So I go, hey, man, I know it sounds crazy.
Can I Venmo you for 20 bucks?
First of all, you told me this.
That's got to be, I'll give you 40 for 20.
You got to sweeten that.
You're trying to come with a 50-50, no exchange rate deal?
You're nuts.
I see what you're saying, but hold on.
So let me just, I think the 40 sounds too scammy.
That's like fucking, you know, that's like my dog ate my homework.
No one's buying that.
That's as old as time.
If the guy was dressed like Kippy, I would say lead with that.
But he seems like an upstanding citizen.
You want to make this seem like a square deal.
Yeah.
If he needed, he got to need the 20s.
He got hundreds of 20s in front of him.
He don't need them.
That guy's flush with cash.
Nice sweater.
Yeah.
What the fuck?
So.
I just realized too afterwards, there's a bad showing for the kid.
Take a shit in the middle of the parking lot.
Start sipping gas.
If you swallow it quick, it doesn't hurt you.
I, um, so I asked him and he goes, and as I saw, I wasn't getting a yeah.
I said, buddy, feel free.
I know it sounds crazy.
Feel free to say no.
And he went, nah, I need, I went, dip, dip.
Feel free to say no.
I'm not going to hurt you or nothing.
Kill your family.
I'm not going to hurt you physically.
I said, feel free to say no.
He goes, nah, nah, nah.
I need, at that point, I'm, I was, okay.
But did you feel like you had made some, some connection as a human?
Like, yeah, I would, I just can't do it.
Or was he like, no, he was nervous.
He, I had made this guy, he, cause he didn't say real words.
He was like, ah, yeah.
Oh, I've been there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dick, I hate that.
So, I get it.
I'm, you know, I, I essentially cornered him.
I, like, in, I'm not real life, but, like, in real life, I walked into a small
vestibule
and cornered the guy.
Stop hunching like Nosferatu when you tell the story.
Then I had him.
That's where I got you right where I want you.
Um, so then I, I go, hey, no worries, and I leave, and then right.
That's cool, don't worry about it.
Right across the street, there was, like, another convenience.
So, I went, okay.
So, you sprinted over there.
So, now the guy sees me.
So, I, uh, I get my stuff, and I'm, now I'm crossing that big, I'm crossing,
like, fair,
I'm crossing, like, a big street, and the guy.
So, hold on, but in his head for a second, he saw you, it didn't work here.
I'm going to run across, see if anybody else is in the ATM.
Uh-huh, and at the whole, he's watching me, and then I'm crossing the street,
and he's
at the light, and I see him looking at his boy, who's in the car, and they're
giving
me, like, the, don't make eye contact with him.
Wait, had you gotten your, your heaters over at the, or?
Yeah, over, yeah, and now I'm crossing, but I don't, it's not like I'm carrying
a bag of
groceries.
I would've got a soda or something to show.
See, fuck face?
I got money, and I'm walking out, and he's doing the, like, the, like, they had
talked
about me.
Sure.
Before they saw me again, and he gave the, don't, there he is, don't look at
him, guy.
Welcome to my daily life.
Well, yeah, I empathize with you, my friend.
But what's, okay, I was jammed up due to circumstance.
What is that pitch?
I don't.
It's tough.
It's a hard pitch.
It's the ATM, 2026, bad neighborhood in LA.
You're not getting it.
What?
What are you looking at?
No, I'm just scratching my face.
Freak?
Yeah, I'm the freak.
I'm scratching my face and go, what, what, what is it?
I'm, I'm the nervous one.
Um, yeah, that, I don't know.
Luke, what would you, someone have to say to you as you're, you know.
Nothing.
You've never been on the wrong side.
You've never been down and out on the wrong side of the track.
There is nothing.
You have and one shorts on, you're trying to scam me.
They weren't and one shorts.
It might've been a bathing suit.
They weren't good shorts.
Uh, they might've been, they might've been North Face shorts.
A little grease on your knuckles.
Yeah.
Or stealing carburetors all night.
I'm trying to sell a catalytic converter.
Somebody in his generation of his astute, they're not fucking getting involved
with that
at all.
Scamming's so big right now, too.
I know, but what's the scam to him?
I pay with someone else's credit card?
Yeah.
Like if he, if it goes through to his Venmo.
I, of course, it's fine.
They can, they can do that where it looks like it went through, but didn't go
through.
Now I was going to go, if he was on the fence about it, I was going to go also,
sir, I'm
a pretty prominent comedy and podcaster.
I didn't.
If he, if he, if I could've got him over the edge, I would've pulled out.
You know Tim Dillon?
Are you Tim?
No, I'm not Tim Dillon.
That would've helped.
That would've helped.
I would've been like, dude, here's my Instagram page.
But then you're crazy.
As the guy in the sweater getting 20s out of the ATM.
What's that guy doing in a bad part of town anyway?
That's what I'm saying.
Give me a regular, give me a guy from that part of town.
But I definitely don't want to be a part of your world.
Sure.
I get that.
You're stopping by for gas and a sweet treat.
You know, all of a sudden, I'm just going to always be a dirt bag.
I can't.
I couldn't believe that story.
I hold it together, but every couple of months I break and it's just like, that's
not that crazy to me.
But I realize that's what a gas station guy says.
In a different setting.
You do that in a burb, something like that.
Hey, I'm sorry.
I don't know.
I don't know if my dad, my dad might give you a 10.
I just, they, people are just, their radar is so up.
They don't realize how you're screwing them, but they know you are.
I get, I understand that.
Right?
What is, I 100%, but isn't, don't I get some leeway with cash only?
Like, you got to give me, like, I pulled over, we're in a digital currency
world, and you're
operating in a cash only?
Like, you got to give me some sort of leeway there of like, right?
All right.
All right.
I don't know, maybe you're hanging out there all day.
I know.
Maybe I realize it's cash only, go, I can pull my scam here all day long.
Where's the, what'd the guy behind the counter say?
Oh, he had bigger problems.
Huh.
He didn't, that didn't cross his radar.
You also didn't set yourself up for success.
I did it.
I, that dude, he's such a fucking rich kid.
It's crazy.
You didn't practice the Dempsey, three D's to success.
Dedication.
You got to sing.
Determination.
Tell a joke.
Something.
And digital currency.
Um, yeah.
I, yeah.
I don't know.
What?
Write in.
Let me know.
I, I know I misplayed that a hundred percent, but I don't know how to play it.
You walk t