Name: Andrew Santino Returns! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Uploaded: 2026-05-13T23:00:41.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Andrew Santino Returns! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Kevin Ryan & H. Foley' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-05-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Andrew Santino Returns! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Kevin Ryan & H. Foley' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-05-13. Transcript available.

Andrew Santino Returns! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.
This is R.U. Garbage.
Oh, yeah.
It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians,
and we find that if they grew up to be classy...
Yeah.
...with just a big old piece of trash.
Trash, trash, trash.
I'm your host, Hollywood Hank Foley, coming at you.
West Hollywood here in Los Angeles, California.
And Toadie's back in Philly, and from the American Express statement,
she's with a couple of Coors Light party balls.
Okay, respect it.
My co-host is coming at you from right next to me.
He is the CEO of R.U. Garbage, but even an international businessman,
my best pal in the whole wide world.
Give it up for KJ, Kevin, James, Ryan.
Hey, what's up, everybody?
Shout out to you.
Thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
Full video available over there on Spotify,
and the boys are climbing the frigging charts.
And obviously, the greatest website of all time,
www.patreon.com slash R.U. Garbage.
You go over there, you get all that bonus content, gang.
That's right, gang.
We couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly,
and I mean incredibly special guest, back with us again today.
It's been a minute.
Last time we had him on a pod, we were also out here in Hollywood.
All right.
His meteoric rise continues.
He's one of our aces in the industry.
One of the best.
You know him on Bad Friends.
You know him on Whiskey Ginger.
And just about everywhere else.
Give it up for that Andrew Santino, everybody.
Hey, good looking kid.
Look at you.
I'm the ace, huh?
Top Gun.
I'm an ace.
You know you are.
I'm playing for the Las Vegas Aces, the basketball team.
Is that true?
The WNBA team, yeah.
They just drafted a little Juana Man.
Power forward.
Yeah.
Juana Man.
Yeah, I'm going to do blackface next season.
They said I got to wait a year.
You can't do it for your rookie season.
You can't do it.
You can't do it.
It's next season.
Thomas Howell, do a soul man.
In the bylaws.
Remember that movie?
That movie was so funny, dude.
Crazy.
Insane.
Full blackface.
Yeah.
Full blackface.
Black hands, too.
Black arms.
I mean, you can't just stop at the face.
I think it's funnier if you don't.
You know what I mean?
If you have the white hands, it's way funnier to me.
Didn't work that much after that, Mr. C. Thomas Howell.
Yeah, what happened?
I don't know.
Shout out to him.
He's a legend.
He's probably a good guy.
He 100% lives in this neighborhood, by the way.
There's no doubt in my mind.
This is who lives over here.
Oh, really?
That's old Hollywood.
Oh, I'd love that.
This is old Hollywood.
West Hollywood is old Hollywood.
This is where, like, all the TV stars that you know from your childhood, this
is where
they live.
Really?
100%.
This or far out east, but this is West Hollywood, like, these old bungalows and
all that stuff
on the block.
This is kind of their secret little house.
So I could run into the guy that plays Howlin' Mad Murdoch on the A-Team?
He's next door.
He's right on Sierra Bonita.
He's right there, dude.
I've seen him.
Wait, did you say his name?
No, I said he's on Sierra Bonita.
Oh.
The street.
I think I thought you said Dwight.
We don't know any streets.
I know.
That's why I said it.
He's like, that's his name?
Like a right on La Cucamonga Boulevard.
Hey, careful.
Over by Erwan Avenue.
Careful.
No, that's Ice Avenue now.
We've renamed it.
Okay.
Santa Monica's Ice Ave, yeah.
That's how they get you.
We're fixing the city.
Taking the city back.
It's us.
Boys, back in Hollywood.
Thanks for, yeah.
Back in Hollywood.
Back in Hollywood, baby.
Back over here.
I know.
I love it.
And you might be one of my most Hollywood friends I have.
I swear.
Yeah, you are.
You're tapped in.
Not in a bad way.
I'm saying it in a good way.
Yeah.
And you're a level-headed kid.
You know why?
Every time I text him.
Every time.
He's right there.
I'll text you right back.
Minutes.
I'll text you.
Maybe not even a handful of people.
Maybe the bubbles pop right up.
I go, this kid's fucking.
There's some people I don't text back right away.
Oh, yeah.
And that is dependent upon how our last exchange was.
So, if the last exchange was like, they didn't hit me back for three or four
days?
We got to put them in a penalty box for a little bit.
Coming right back.
Yeah.
You never responded to my Venmo request, which I was insulted by.
Well, the amount was insane.
It's like 30 grand.
It just said help, 30 grand.
I was like, dude, I don't call me.
Did you put the pizza emoji?
I know you did.
And the eggplant.
I was like, I don't know, dude.
But I am more selective as I get older.
If it's someone I love and I respect and love, yeah.
But if it's someone that's had kind of a, or it's also sometimes if it's just
someone in
my life that only asks for favors, like, hey, can you come help me with this
thing?
Or can I call you about the thing?
And I'm like, never like a, hey, what's up?
Or like a, you know what I mean?
If it's only favors from buddies that I know, like in town, I don't know.
Then I get a little like.
It's tough, too, because we're like, we're very, you know, you got to become
very aware
of that when you're like, we were going to ask somebody to like, if they wanted
to do
the show or something.
I was just like, I feel like every time, I don't want to make it seem like I'm
going to
this person for stuff.
Yeah, but pods are fine.
Pods are different.
This is like, have fun, hang out.
Do a pod work.
But I'm talking about favors, like favors.
I was going to ask people that need stuff.
And you're like, all right, well, I guess.
I mean, you didn't talk to me for six months, but now you like.
Can you give me Bobby Lee's number?
Honestly, he told me specifically not to give it to you.
We love you, Bobby.
I don't.
I don't.
Can't stand the guy.
Love him to death, actually.
I got one of them.
Yeah.
What, me?
And he's got a little, he's got Japanese hair today, too, tied up in the bow.
His name's Blubby Lee.
That's just rude.
It's a comedy pod.
Who do you Bobby here to balance this out?
Yeah, no, no, no.
We don't.
He's sleeping.
Let me ask you this.
I bet you Bobby sleeps heavy and messy.
4 p.m.
3 p.m., 4 p.m.
Usually gets up.
We can't pod.
We've never potted with the sun up.
It's impossible.
The sun has to be down.
Are you at the point, would there be anybody that called you and said, hey, can
you help
me move?
Would you do that?
Are you there?
No.
Yeah, no, I would never.
That's insane.
No.
Not at our age.
Get a mover.
Oh, I would do it for like my little cousin who lives here.
Okay.
My younger cousin or like a family.
Great.
Yes.
All right.
Always, always, always.
I would help someone move if financially I know they couldn't afford to hire movers.
Now, would you help them move or would you just hire movers?
Yeah, okay, that's your way.
But I mean, I would help them.
That's me helping.
You're not hooking the couch around the staircase going up and doing it.
I mean, because back in, I don't know how it was for, you know, you guys in New
York,
but we, Young Comics, moved every year out here.
I moved a thousand times.
Every year, you'd have to get a buddy to help you move to a different apartment
because
you do a one-year lease and then you'd be like, it's a dump and I can't afford
it.
Or you're like, I want to move or we'll get a roommate.
I leveled up, I can get out of here.
Yeah, or like get more roommates to pay less rent because no one's home because
everyone's on the road.
Right.
So like that staggering thing of your 20s, I'll never again, dude.
I never want to.
Moving is fucking, moving and going to the airport.
I'll never pick you up from the airport.
That's crazy.
I'll send you a car.
Okay.
My parents, I'm always sending them cars, like friends, if it's someone, you
know,
a good old friend from home.
Yeah, let's just send you a car.
If they're like, hey, can you scoop us?
I'm like, for sure.
There'll be a guy picking you up.
With an iPad with your name on it.
I cannot go down there.
We go down so much for our job.
It's insane.
It's like, I don't want to fucking, I don't want to be there if I don't have to
be there.
It's like when somebody goes, you're going to go hang out at the comedy club.
It's like, I don't have a spot.
And they're like, why not?
It's like, I don't want to hang out.
I don't want to go to the office if I don't have any work to do.
Yeah.
I don't really, it's not for me.
A goddamn gentleman.
I can't do it.
It's my job.
So it's weird to go, unless it's like, hey, someone's in town I haven't seen in
a long
time.
I'll go get a beer.
Right.
That's fine.
But I never understood hanging out at the spot if you're not working.
What's a night off look like for you, a guy like you?
I'm a lot of nights off lately, dude.
I'm doing a good job of trying to balance it.
Okay.
Home, dog, wife, movie, order in.
Order in.
We don't know how to cook, dude.
No.
Really?
I don't.
We tried.
It sucks.
It's boring.
It's shitty.
Then you got to clean it up.
And then it's not that good.
You're like, let's make a professional do it.
Why are we doing this?
This guy's a derp pig, actually.
We don't have any kids, dude.
It's like all the money that would go to a child goes to DoorDash and Postmates.
Okay.
I'm employing people.
Go ahead.
Hit them with it.
Yeah.
Here's a good question.
You get DoorDash, you know, whatever you get.
Do you eat out of that container or do you plate it?
Oh, container always.
Plate it?
You plate it?
You don't.
Yeah.
No, I'm just saying I've done it.
You feel fancy.
I don't like to plate it because I know that's a dish that I wanted to avoid
having to clean.
That's why I ordered out.
No, no, no.
We're eating right out.
Last night we had Thai food.
O'Connor came over with Sandy.
Shout out to O'Connor.
And we ordered some Thai.
This is her hair tie, by the way.
Yeah.
It looks like it, actually.
I got it from her at the store the other night.
Did you really?
I've been using it ever since.
How many girls do you ask for hair ties?
No, but that's a good move.
Yeah.
That's a good.
That's a good.
Yeah.
Hey, could I, do you mind if I grab a hair tie?
Obviously she's dating our friend, but if she was single, that's a good move.
I got one more good move.
A buddy was talking to me about his single days, about his favorite move in New
York.
This is pretty good.
I was like, what was your favorite move before you got married?
He goes, I would do this thing.
I'd be at a nightclub or a bar or whatever.
And I've noticed the pretty girl that I'm looking for.
And he goes, I would wait until she makes eye contact.
And no matter what man was around her, like in any vicinity, I'd go, boyfriend,
I'd mouth boyfriend.
And he goes, their reaction is the dead giveaway of whether it's okay to engage
or no.
Because if they go, yes, like, you know, it's my boyfriend like that.
Okay.
Close it down.
But if they go like this, they either go, he goes, they say no two ways.
They know like this.
They go, no, like that.
Like, no, that's not, I don't know that man.
Or they go, no.
Then he goes, you're in.
Cut to me standing next door.
This fucking piece of shit.
No, but he goes, that was my, he's like, that was my power move.
If they laughed at the idea that that would be my boyfriend, he goes, it was a
door open of comedy for me to like get him to.
Because they were like, no.
And he'd come over and be like, I was hoping.
You know, and then you engage.
I go, that, I go, how often did it work?
He goes, well, constantly.
What does it mean if they ignore you?
Huh?
If they look at you and ignore you.
And call security.
Is this a thing?
Yeah, they call security.
That man keeps staring at me asking if everyone's my boyfriend.
You'd go up to her, you're like, is the bartender your boyfriend?
She's like, get this guy out of here, dude.
You can't do it when you're three feet away.
This one I saw, I saw an Ireland work.
Not even joking.
It sounds crazy.
I saw 100% of the time.
This wasn't me.
It was, he wa