Name: We Found The "Adult Happy Meal" At A Diner
Uploaded: 2026-04-29T20:00:34.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'We Found The "Adult Happy Meal" At A Diner' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-04-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'We Found The "Adult Happy Meal" At A Diner' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-04-29. Transcript available.

So this is all very of that.
I sat down.
There's a new diner's been closing left and right.
They're too expensive.
The food in New York City, they're closing.
There's been a bit of a revamp of them.
The whole place is tanking.
Culturally.
My dummy.
Kidding.
There's a new diner opened up in my neck of the woods.
Yes, that's true.
I've heard about this place.
What?
You told me.
Okay.
You told me.
Okay.
All right.
And I think me and, uh, weren't me and Diesel up there for something?
Maybe.
Yeah.
We walked by it.
You're stalking me?
No.
You're obsessed with me.
Why the fuck were we up there?
You dropped picking me up or something.
Dropped me off probably.
Yeah.
I remember walking down the street with somebody and I said, hey, we should go
here.
And then somebody walked by.
I was like, the food is delicious.
Oh, it had just opened that weekend.
Yes.
And I hadn't been yet.
Yes.
Yeah, new diner.
Who was I up there with?
I think Diesel.
Huh.
Interesting.
I never take anybody's advice when they say that.
It's not that interesting.
You know, four people.
When somebody says that, oh, the food's delicious.
I fuck you.
You work there.
You need something.
Trying to sucker me in there.
It's a new place.
Yeah.
And it was just opened that weekend.
It's in the neighborhood.
I think the local neighborhood people were supporting it.
That's nice.
Yeah.
I like that.
Okay.
I think that's why he was telling you the food's good.
Yeah.
I'm not buying it.
That's good for a guy like you, maybe.
I like mustard on my sausages.
I'm no bozo.
I'm waiting until the fucking, you know, the health inspector gets in there.
Yeah.
Let them get their fucking, let them make their mistakes.
This is a soft launch.
Yes.
Soft opening.
Soft opening's bad.
Uh-huh.
Fryer's not working.
Kid don't know what he's doing.
Mm-hmm.
That's why, like, Taffer, you ambush everybody with the soft openings.
There's never 100 people walking in at once.
That's a stress.
That's a Taffer stress test.
Everybody knows that.
Well, you know that they're going to fail.
They're going to turn the heat.
Yeah.
Find out where they fail.
Bunch of mouth breathers walking in, judging.
All the foeys are there.
Patty's there.
Those people are always such.
Man, she can't smoke in here.
They're always such dicks.
They walk in like they're the Kennedys.
Oh, man.
I remember thinking, I would.
What are you talking about, you rat?
If Taffer wasn't picking up the tab, you'd be out in the street.
Mm-hmm.
I would never want to be on one of those shows.
No?
Even in like the sense of like, I'm hanging out at a place that's hanging on by
a thread.
Dive bar aside, obviously, but like, you know.
Also.
Wait, you wouldn't want to be like the mixologist going in undercover?
Do you mean Johnny Tips?
Yeah.
I remember thinking, that was the first time in the day, and she's like, this
is Johnny Tips.
And they cut to him like with a shaker.
And I went, his last name's Tips?
That's crazy.
And I said, oh, it was a fucking stage.
They were always bartenders that like sort of like Bennigans and like, they're
all corporate bartenders.
Sure.
Not shot in beer, guys, like we're used to.
Right now.
Guys that can point you in the right direction, if you know what I mean.
Stay open late.
Down there at those Shady's bar.
Whatever lines are always drawn.
But that aside, I popped in the other day with my wife and my son.
Is that right?
A little late breakfast for me.
I'm doing intermittent fasting.
Are you?
Yeah.
Are you?
Okay.
You weren't doing that with beers down here in Pottstown.
I didn't have any beers in Pottstown.
Yeah, right.
You had a whole tray of garage beers.
I seen them in there.
I didn't.
First of all, that's on the rider.
Shout out to garage beers.
Shout out to garage beers.
Also, shout out to Souljules.
That was awesome.
Great time.
Let me tell you this.
Great time.
Those lemon pepper wings were something else.
I know.
It was garlic Parmesan.
I can tell you right now.
Lemon pepper wings.
Were you at the king of diamonds?
No, Diesel ordered lemon pepper wings.
But they had a garlic Parmesan sauce down there.
I'll tell you right now, garlic Parmesan has really taken over the wing market.
That's it.
He's going for garlic Parmesan.
That's what they're doing.
I swear to God.
I can't believe you.
They are.
That sauce was delicious.
All that aside, I pop in.
You know how diners, like you said, you get the dinner, the entrees.
I love that.
They always have a decent special going on.
And they treat you better.
Yeah.
They treat you better.
Like a gentleman.
When you get the entree, they treat you better.
Like a gentleman.
So I popped in.
This was the market.
The first thing I saw, and I said, you know what?
That's a bum getting waffles.
As a society, we're going to be all right.
I had never seen this before.
Maybe this is a new trend.
An old trend.
I had never seen this marketing in my life.
What happened?
Really piqued my interest.
Hit it.
The adult Happy Meal.
A double patty smash burger, fries, and a bottle beer of your choice available
all day,
every day, 1995, out the door.
Where can you beat that?
That's pretty good.
I wasn't even in the mood for it.
I mean, it was about 11 o'clock in the morning.
I wasn't in the mood for a beer, a burger, a French fries.
I didn't get it.
It was my family, man.
I had to do fucking airplane mode with a pouch of string bean mash.
But if it was me, you, or someone, I would have fucking, an adult Happy Meal.
That's great.
I've never seen that.
I respect it.
Look at that.
Yeah.
I thought it was two beers.
It could be two beers.
I put one bottle of beer.
Listen, they get you looking, though.
Get you talking.
I'm sold.
Maybe that's the thing, they get you looking.
I was sold.
Why is there two beers, then?
That's what I would say.
Well, let's order it and find out.
Yeah.
Also, price point-wise?
Choice of bottled beer.
Choice of bottled beer.
There you go.
Maybe one's domestic, one's imported.
Yeah.
They got a, yeah, they got a Bud Light and a, I need to show you their, you
know.
Yeah.
That's real nice.
$19.95 for a double smash, that looks like a double smash cheeseburger.
Mm-hmm.
Right?
Double patty.
Double patty, smash burger, fries, and choice of bottled beer.
That's going to run you, the burger, a burger and fries alone would run you $15.99.
Something like that, right?
You want to know a good gimmick to throw in with that?
They're only like a dollar.
What?
You buy like a thousand matchboxes.
And you get a matchbox, you get a Hot Wheels with it.
Oh, like a toy.
Yeah.
Oh.
You thought I meant like a matchbook?
Yeah, matchbook?
Mashed potatoes?
I don't want the fries, can I have the mashed potatoes?
No, people always love when you, especially people our age.
I do think a toy, some sort of trinket would be nice.
Yeah.
Spider ring, something like that.
Maybe something for adults, that this is for adults.
Like what?
I don't know.
What do adults use?
I don't know, not spider rings.
I can't go back to work after having a double smash burger fried.
Hey, Lenny, check it out.
And four beers and a fucking wrist full of fucking.
Well, no, they know you were down there at the joint getting the happy meal.
Kippy, Kippy, what'd you do for lunch today?
I'm all fucking slut.
Spider rings all over here.
I'm tapping.
I'm typing with fucking eight spider rings on.
Nothing, boss.
Brass smells like garlic parmesan.
Uh-huh.
The adult happy meal.
Home run.
That's fucking home.
I love that.
And maybe it doesn't.
Hit me up if this is a new thing or if this has been, if other places are doing
it.
I never saw that.
I've, somewhere in the back of my subconscious, I feel like I've seen a little
bit of this.
I mean, it makes sense.
But that's, first of all, that's a deal.
New York City, that's a deal.
Give me a favor, Luke, if you don't mind.
If you don't mind.
Dude, just a little bit of work.
You're such a dick.
Bug man back.
Everybody run.
Oh my God, a bug.
I didn't mean to wake you or nothing like that.
Somebody get a big piece of tissue so I can squash you.
Why, because I'm bug man?
Yeah.
Yeah, you go ahead and try it.
I don't kill bugs.
I'm talking about people I don't know.
You know Bug Jenkins?
Would you give me a price check on a burger?
Yeah, run that.
Give me a cheeseburger deluxe New York City diner.
Let's see what that is.
I would argue, I mean, a cheeseburger deluxe.
It's got to be 15.
But that's single patty still.
Single patty.
It's double smish burger.
Double patty.
Probably, listen, they're probably skimping on the patties a little bit.
Maybe.
You know, and we get two of them.
Yeah, whatever.
Two slices of cheese.
It looks like, at least according to the artist's rendering.
Yeah.
What if you get hit with an LTO?
I don't think they do that on a smash, do they?
I think smash is just traditionally the cheese and the meat.
I like an LTO slaw and a pickle.
Listen, I'm sure they would accommodate.
What do you got, Luke?
With fries at that 24-hour diner we all went to a few, like six months ago.
It used to be Tivoli?
Yeah.
That one that they took over.
Where?
Like 23rd or something?
Yeah.
Yeah, I think on, yeah, 24th maybe.
Yeah, it was the old Tivoli.
Yeah.
That's going to be 15 bucks with French fries.
Wow.
15, so you're at 15.
For a single smash burger.
Single smash burger.
Let's go.
I want a double patty.
That's four bucks right there.
Sure.
You're $19.99 without the beer.
Shout out to this joint.
That's going to run you $25.
Available every day.
All day, you walk in, I'll do the adult happy meal.
Me, that's a good time.
A lot of men, a lot of guys, not me.
Yeah.
Like men, men.
They like a burger and a beer.
Yeah.
When I was ever, anytime I was working construction, it was like I could never
do the beer at lunch.
I was never that guy.
I was never that guy.