Name: How does THAT Make People Happy?!
Uploaded: 2026-02-19T17:10:39.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'How does THAT Make People Happy?!' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-02-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'How does THAT Make People Happy?!' from Bad Friends Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-02-19. Transcript available.

- Bro.
- You wanna hear a statistic?
Same thing, same statistics.
- Love statistics.
Bobby's statistics, we'll be right back.
- You wanna hear one?
Right.
People that are in a car accident
and paralyzed from the neck down
are happier than lottery winners.
- No, you made that up.
- I didn't.
- I mean, that sounds real.
- I'll tell you why.
- Why?
- Can I tell you why?
So when you win the lottery, right,
your friends and family, they change, right?
- Hey, I want the money, me, me, me, me, me, me.
- Also, you don't know how to manage money
so you lose the money quickly.
- Right.
- You start buying houses and cars for your friends
and all that stuff.
And it becomes more painful in your life.
- Well, more burdened, for sure.
- More burden, more pain, you know what I mean?
And somebody that's been in a car accident
paralyzed from the neck down, right?
When they can taste orange juice for the first time,
there's super joy there.
When they can move a pinky, right?
Like every day, you know, some new thing happens, right?
You get more joy and there's more, you know what I mean?
- The small things matter.
- Small things.
And then you realize who your true friends are
and loved ones when you're in a car accident.
- Mm-hmm. - Yeah.
And so they say that you're happier.
- I agree.
I mean, you see the history of all these people
that win the lottery is awful.
- That's awful, yeah.
They lose it quickly.
- Whenever, they're always like the guy,
what was the dude, wasn't there a guy
that just killed himself that won a lottery
not too long ago?
Like he just presented.
- Do you guys think that this guy's gonna lose the love
if he loses the money?
- Yes.
- Yes.
- Yes.
- Mental health struggles, very big.
The curse, the curse of the lottery.
70% of lottery winners go broke
or face severe financial distress within a few years.
That was kind of like, do you remember the show?
What was it?
Move that bus, you know that fucking show?
- Extreme Home Makeover. - Extreme Home Makeover.
They would give these people these mansions.
People that made like 30 grand a year,
they give them a fucking mansion.
They couldn't pay the taxes on it.
They'd go broke.
Then they'd be in worse financial debt
than they were before they got the house.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, because it's a,
so they got sued, right?
Didn't they get sued?
And then they settled.
And then at some point,
the show had to continue on the air.
So what happened was,
then the network started paying for the taxes
or the whatever, so these people wouldn't drown.
- Right.
Wow, that's interesting.
- It's a bad, it's a bad game.
- Lot of case.
- Hey guys, do you know we're sponsored by Pepsi?
- Bob, did you see that Pepsi
did another Pepsi challenge?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, people still do that?
- Yes, they do still do that.
- And 66% of people chose Pepsi Zero Sugar
over Coca-Cola Zero Sugar.
- Oh, that's not even close, dude.
- I know.
66% of people over what percentage of people
chose Coca-Cola Zero?
- 44%.
- 34.
- I guess Pepsi doesn't make you good at math.
- Right on, man.
Good math.
- Is that true or?
- That is very true.
That's right on the number.
Perfect.
All right, let's take the challenge and see.
- I wanna try, I wanna try.
- There we go.
- Okay.
I'm gonna take a straw in the A and then a B.
Ready?
- And I'm gonna try B first.
- No, you go backwards.
You always go backwards.
- I'm gonna try A first.
- All right, go.
- And then I try B.
Okay, don't say anything.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Okay.
- Okay, what's yours?
- On the count of three, we'll say.
- All right.
- Well, close your eyes.
- I gotta do it again.
Hold on, I gotta do it again.
- I should do it one more time.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Got it?
- I got it.
- On the count of three.
- Close your eyes.
- I gotta do it again.
Hold on, I gotta do it again.
- I should do it one more time.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Got it?
- I got it.
- On the count of three.
- In my mind, it's also, you know, I'm parched.
I'm in the Sahara Desert, right?
I'm dreaming of a cola beverage.
- We're in a studio in Burbank.
- No, in my mind.
- Oh, yeah.
- Like, what would I, right?
- Okay.
- I'm parched.
Yeah, I'm in the Sahara Desert, right?
And I'm trying to find a liquor store or something
or a store or a convenience store so I can get a beverage.
- Yeah.
- I see one in the desert, right?
- What if it's a mirage?
- It could be a mirage.
And I only have one opportunity to buy one beverage.
Which one would I pick?
What are you gonna say?
I'm gonna say.
- One, two, three, A.
- No.
- Let me see.
- Let me see.
- Let me see.
Oh my God.
Pepsi, dude.
- No.
- What's yours?
- I picked Pepsi.
- Yep.
- Wow.
Got me.
- If I had an option based on the test,
I'm going with the rising star.
- Because you're a rising star.
- I'm a rising star.
- Am I?
- Yep.
- I am?
- Yeah, because you chose the 66%.
- But my star's a little bloated.
So as long as I keep drinking Pepsi Zero Sugar,
it might be a shooting star at some point.
- If you wanna use that analogy.
- Fuck, I did.
- You have to also think of it this way, dude.
I'm an alien.
I'm visiting Earth.
- I'll second that.
- Oh my God.
What city am I in?
- Los Angeles.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- I heard about cola beverages.
Can you give me?
- They're phenomenal.
- Are they?
- Yeah, they're really good.
- Which one is the one that's the best up and rising one?
- Let me tell you something, Alien.
- Yes.
- I can get you the Pepsi challenge
so you can decide for yourself.
Is this this right here?
- That's it.
- Wow.
- That's the Pepsi challenge right there.
Are you an alien or a robot?
- I am a combination of a cyborg and human parts as well.
- You know what?
I shouldn't, I've never questioned you.
I'm sorry.
- I have also Bionatrix.
- Are you made of Bionatrix?
- Yes I am.
- Wonderful.
- All right, why don't you take the Pepsi challenge?
What's your name, sir?
- I know.
- Huh?
- What's your name?
- Alongo.
- Alongo.
- Alongo, what do you think?
- I love it.
- Take a sip.
- Okay, here we go.
- Mmm.
- Bina bop bina bina bop bop bop.
- That's not gonna short circuit your insides?
- That's me short circuiting.
- Okay, well drink up before you die.
- Yeah.
- Before your system crashes.
- Beep bop bop bop beep bop bop.
- Did you like that one more?
- That one is better.
- Which one?
What's, what's, what's, what's, what's, what?
La Longo.
- La Longo likes what better?
- Pepsi.
- You heard it here first.
La Longo likes Pepsi more.
- Pepsi.
- Pepsi.
- Pepsi zero sugar.
- Pepsi.
- La Longo likes Pepsi zero sugar more than Coca-Cola zero sugar.
- Bop bop bop bina bop bop bop.
- Go out and try Pepsi zero sugar today.
Let your taste decide.
- Pepsi.
- The lottery is gross.
- Give me a statistic.
- I'll give you a statistic.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Okay.
Smoking a pack of cigarettes is the health equivalent to having unprotected sex
with five prostitutes.
- It is?
- No, I made it up.
- Oh, fuck.
- But it sounded real.
- It sounded pretty real.
- It sounded real.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Okay, true or false.
Let's see if you can get it.
- But you know, I'll give you one.
- You go.
- It's better to just be a cigarette smoker for COVID.
- True.
- It is.
- It was, yeah.
It turned out.
- It is.
- Smokers had better lung capacity.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, better propensity to like fix themselves.
- No, you know.
- All right.
- I'm not Googling.
- I don't like that you're smoking.
- Yeah, Google it.
It's true.
- Because I look dumb when I Google things that are the joke.
- No, it's not, it's true.
Google it.
- No.
- Extensive research authorities like World Health Organization
confirm that smoking increases the risks of severe illness,
hospitalization and death from COVID-19 in fact.
- Oh, I made it up then.
- Yeah.
- I made it up.
- I tell you, you sold me.
- Yeah, yeah.
- I bought it.
- Same.
- Can I give you a statistic?
- Is it real or fake?
- You tell me if it's true or fake.
- Okay, okay, go ahead.
- All right.
- 78% of people that got the Johnson and Johnson vaccine
drove Dodge Chargers.
- What, 78?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Is that real?
- I think it's false.
- I think it's false.
- I think it's false.
- 'Cause I don't know anybody that drives on.
- It's 87.
It's 87.
- Yeah, yeah, okay.
- It's the other way.
- Wow, that's a good one.
- That one's for McCone.
McCone, welcome back.
McCone, he's back.
Give it up for McCone.
He got stuck in New York City.
How was New York, you pig?
- It was great.
It was very fun.
It was nice hanging out with you.
And yeah.
- Yeah, we took the boy.
- SG.
- Took the boy to Madison Square Garden,
had a fun little time there.
Then we went to what we thought was a gay bar,
but it was just gay night.
- Yeah, yeah.
- It was all women.
We went downstairs and it was all women.
- Wow.
- And then it took five seconds for the intelligent people
to go, oh, it's a gay bar.
- Yeah.
- And these fucking dorks, him and his buddy were like,
there's a lot of babes here, man.
- They were like, great ratio.
And they were all beautiful.
- I was like, great ratio.
These women don't like penises.
- Oh, wow, wow, wow, wow.
- You can tell 'cause a girl came up to me
and dapped me up right away.
She literally goes, yo, fucking love your show, dog.
And I was like, yeah, thank you, dude.
- Wow, wow, wow, wow.
- By the way, big in the lesbian community.
That's huge, bad friends.
We love that.
- Really?
- Yeah, fuck yeah.
- That was great.
- Yeah, that's cool.
- Made me feel good.
- That's amazing.
- All right, sorry.
- I really like it.
- That's good.
- Sorry for sharing.
- That's really good.
I like it.
- You go to a gay bar, you find out.
- Yeah.
You get recognized at gay bars.
You know?
- Bobby, you're back.
Where have you been?
- Yeah.
- You bad boy.
- I just got tuned out for a second.
It was so weird.
- Yeah, where are you going?
- 'Cause I came up with another statistic,
but then it's like it was too late to say it
because we had transitioned onto something else
and then it just got stuck on it.
But it's like, I'm not even gonna say it,
but I'm just saying.
- Come on, give it to me.
Give it to me.
- It's stupid.
- They're all stupid.
- It's so fucking dumb.
I don't know why for like a minute I got hung up on it.
You know what I mean?
You know those people in China where they can walk,
like it looks like they can walk above the ground
like they're floating or they're dancing?
- Yeah.
- Do you know that?
- Yep.
- Yeah.
Did you know that those people,
not everyone can do it,
but those people, they don't have bone marrow.
Did you know that?
- Mm-hmm.
- No, be real.
- Is that a stat?
- Is it a hundred percent?
- What do you mean this?
What do you mean this?
- That's not a good one.
- I know.
I know.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.