Name: Bobby’s Dog Died on Fancy’s B Day | Ep 314 Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2026-03-30T16:00:19.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby’s Dog Died on Fancy’s B Day | Ep 314 Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-03-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby’s Dog Died on Fancy’s B Day | Ep 314 Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-03-30. Transcript available.

Bobby’s Dog Died on Fancy’s B Day | Ep 314 Bad Friends

You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots?
A white dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting.
You two are something.
We're bad friends.
You know who that is? Soccer player.
Cristiano Ronaldo.
Happy birthday, Fancy.
Happy birthday to Fancy B.
It's his birthday.
Happy birthday, bud.
Thank you, guys.
Happy birthday.
Okay, enough.
Enough about your birthday.
What did you get him for his birthday?
What?
Matta homo?
Matta homo?
That's what you are, dude.
Is that a good banger?
I don't know.
Matta homo?
Carlos left.
You pay him.
Yeah.
Matta homo.
That's the best you could do?
Yeah.
My dog died.
Let's talk about it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let's talk about your dog died on Fancy's birthday.
What's that?
That's you on the cruise.
Look at how much fun you were having on the cruise.
Yeah, just cruise, Bob.
Bobby on a boat cruising.
Who are these two friends of yours?
I have no idea.
I'm never going on a cruise again, dude.
I think it's a good idea.
This is what happens.
So the girl, which of the girls, which-
I don't know who they are.
Which of those girls did you end up being-
None of them.
None of them.
Who said they don't do this three times?
He appeared out of nowhere.
That's the funniest thing you've ever said.
Oh, that's funny.
I have no idea who they are.
They look sweet.
This is what happened that night.
You have your mom's eyes.
Holy shit.
Yeah, I'm Bobby Mom-ing there.
I'm Bobby Mom-ing there.
Yeah, yeah.
What happened that night?
So I did a show.
Okay.
Look at that Rolling Stone shirt I have on.
And I did a show.
Did we talk about the cruise?
No.
No.
Oh, this is the first time we've meeting?
We haven't been together in weeks.
Oh, weeks, weeks.
Can I take this off?
It's like for some reason it's distracting.
Leave it on.
You're a bull.
I know, but okay.
It's actually aligned perfectly
because right above the tail is your face
and that's where that should be.
Okay.
So what happened this night?
All right, so let's talk about the cruise in general.
Yeah, Adam Devine, Anders, and Blake
did a cruise called This is Important Cruise.
Yes.
And all I did was-
The only person I saw mostly was Swartzen.
Yeah, Nick called me a bunch.
Yeah, yeah, we ate a lot
and then sometimes Eric Griffin would show up.
Right.
And we'd be like, oh, fuck,
because I have to pay for it.
When you're eating.
You know what I mean?
When you're eating.
He shows up, you have to pay for it.
You're like, oh my God, here goes the pill.
Wait a minute.
It wasn't free.
I want to pay $1,000.
It wasn't free on the cruise?
No, because you have to pay extra for the good stuff.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Before the cruise, I'll tell you this.
Get this out of the way.
Okay?
Okay.
My dog dies, right?
Right?
Your dog dies.
Right.
You say what?
I love you and I'm sorry.
I love you.
I'm sorry.
Yeah.
My empathy.
This and that.
It broke my heart.
Right, right.
Andrea has nothing.
You did nothing?
Nothing.
Carlos, nothing.
I meant to say how tasty.
And then, how, what?
How tasty was it?
Okay.
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
Let that sit.
Let us ponder that.
Right?
No one say a word, okay?
And I'm going to answer that question right now.
It's aging right now.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm going to answer that question right now.
Very tasty.
Very tasty.
Very good.
All right, so.
We didn't know.
I know.
And then, McCone, right?
Asking for money.
What?
For the polar plunge.
Oh, right, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Asking for money.
Did you end up giving him money?
No, I refuse.
I refuse because my dog died.
I'm sorry, your dog.
No, no, let's talk about the cruise and the dog
because the girls aren't going to talk about the dog.
Okay.
Okay.
I'm taking this off.
I like it when it's on.
Take it off.
Okay, I'll keep it on.
Keep it on.
It's really funny.
All right, okay.
It's sweet looking.
You're a bull.
I'm a matador.
I'm a matador.
All right, so on the cruise,
a couple of nightmares happened.
What are they?
On the cruise.
What are they?
Okay.
So, I show up on the boat
and then Nick goes,
so, you know, you're doing two shows.
You know this, right?
He told me.
And I go, well, yeah,
just five, ten minute spots
at these, like, showcases.
Really, you know, like the comedy store.
He thinks he's at the store on a cruise.
Yeah, yeah.
I think it's going to be 12 guys on a lineup.
Oh, you're up at 945
to fucking 955.
You know what I mean?
And Nick goes,
no, you're headlining a theater.
Yeah, they give you money
to play a show on a boat.
I had no idea.
Okay.
Right?
So, I got off the boat.
You left the boat.
I got right off.
Okay.
And I'm calling people.
I'm like, you know what I mean?
You're calling your agent.
I can't, this, no.
I didn't sign up for this.
I didn't sign up.
You literally did sign up for it.
Yeah, but I didn't know.
Well, okay.
Yeah, yeah.
So, when you don't know,
you don't know.
Right.
Right.
It's like the war in Iran right now.
We do know.
Yeah, yeah.
We don't know what we don't know.
We don't know why we're in.
We don't know why we're going.
I can give you some hints.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I know, but we're not a political show.
Yeah, we don't want to talk about it.
But it's the same thing as Iran.
I don't know what, I don't know why we're doing it.
- Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na.
Hey!
- Okay.
- That's subliminal enough.
- So. - We don't know why.
- We don't know why.
- Yeah, we do.
- So I get back on the boat,
'cause I guess I have to do it contractually.
And then, um.
- Yeah, you've already said yes.
You signed up, they paid you.
- Right.
So we go to the first show, you know, packed theater.
It's a fucking theater.
They're sold out.
- But it's rocking back and forth.
I don't know if you know this.
- Mid show, it's wavy.
- Well, you're in the middle of the ocean!
- All right, I didn't know.
- Yeah, you're doing stand up like this, dude.
It's insane.
- Yeah, but you had fun.
- 'Cause I'm physical too, right?
So you're doing double things, right?
You're balancing and doing physicality.
- Double duty.
- Double duty.
- Double duty, baby.
- Yeah, yeah.
And I have to say, right?
That that first show, fucking crush.
- It was incredible.
- Incredible.
- One of the best shows you've ever done.
- Probably.
- Wow.
- I get off, I'm like, oh shit.
- I'm a cruise comic now.
- Yeah, dude.
You know what I mean?
I could do this forever.
- Bobby on the high seas.
- Yeah, on the high seas, right?
And then the second show happens two days later.
- What happened?
- The same people come.
- Same show.
- The same exact people come.
- No, how many people are on the boat?
Thousands, right?
- All I know is this, the first eight rows that I could see,
it was the same eight rows in the first row.
- Wearing the same clothes?
- No, but I know their faces and stuff.
Because you run into them on the ship.
- Right.
- You know everybody.
- Right.
- You know what I mean?
"Hey Cliff, Samantha, how was the little poo-poo?"
Or whatever.
- The poo-poo?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right?
"Tanya!"
You know you do, yeah.
Right?
People are gambling.
People come on over and play blackjack.
Okay, Frank, Nicky.
- Okay, Frank and Nicky.
- Nicky.
- Yeah, what's wrong with Frank?
- Yeah, yeah, hey, Nicky.
- They were on the boat.
- Hey, Nicky.
- Okay, anyway.
- Same show.
- Same show, right?
- I go up there, right, one minute in.
Ask anybody that was there.
Silence.
- Tanking?
- Tanking.
- Wait, why?
- They'd seen it already a day before.
- But how much time did you do?
- 45 minutes!
- Okay.
- You're sinking.
- Okay, well you, yeah.
- I was sinking.
- It was bad.
- Yeah, yeah, it was Titanic for me.
Then three minutes in, I was like,
I just stopped the show.
- You didn't, you acknowledged it.
- Oh, I had to.
- You had to be like, hey.
- I stopped, I go.
Everyone's heard this before, right?
The whole audio goes, yeah.
- Ah.
- And I go, well, you're just gonna see it again!
I mean, what else, you know what I mean?
- You did this same act again.
- No, I started doing jokes, like, so it was,
so in the first show, there was like three of my
pretty good jokes that I completely forgot to do.
- From your special?
- From my special?
- From my special.
- Okay.
- Right, so I put those back in, those killed.
And then I would go back into these other jokes,
and start bombing again.
- Because they already heard it.
They didn't laugh again, even though they heard it.
- No, and here's, dude.
- The photo was incredible, you sent me your dog.
What is it with you guys taking pictures of dead things?
It's like, his dad's dead, sends me a photo immediately.
By the way, the photo of the dog is-
- It's so sad.
- It's beautiful.
- It's beautiful, yeah.
- 'Cause they wrapped him up in a little like swaddling,
like in a manger.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- He's like a little baby Jesus.
- Baby Jesus, yeah.
So, um.
- Bojo.
- Anyway, I um.
- Bojo?
- No, it was Remy.
- It was Remy.
- Yeah.
So anyway, um, I continue to bomb, and um.
- You're bombing bad.
- Bombing bad.
And I just take my clothes off.
Yeah, you know how I do it.
- Mm-hmm.
- There's always an answer.
- There's an answer to every problem.
- There is.
- And when that problem is tough enough,
you take your clothes off.
- Take off your clothes off.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Well, it's an adult cruise,
and you've got a great body now,
'cause thanks to-
- Life in prison, right?
First day, right?
Take your clothes off.
- Take your clothes off.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Don't fight the biggest guy.
- Problem solved.
- Take your clothes off.
- Right, you accept, right?
And you get stretched.
- And you got stretched.
- I got stretched out.
- So you killed on the second show
and you got naked.
- I bombed.
No, the first show killed.
Second show, I had to survive.
- And you did.
- Yeah.
- You fought and survived.
- Although, I had to do bingo night.
- Naked.
- No.
Bingo night was fun,
'cause I did it with Griffin,
and I decided to do, you know, my prayers.
- Oh, yeah.
- For Thanksgiving.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- So I told the whole audience,
there were probably 250 people there,
"All right, get on your knees."
Right?
Everyone else, right?
- And you did a prayer?
- And I took the mic,
and I did the longest prayer about the ocean.
And how about the sea dwelling?
You know what I mean?
We can't even go deep enough.
- Yeah.
- I mean, because it's the mystery.
We haven't even discovered the species down,
you know what I mean?
And went on and on and on.
It was so fun.
That was fun.
- So you killed.
- Killed that.
And then, so this photo,
let's go back to this photo.
- Yeah, this photo for the people at home.
- So there's this thing called-
- Two wonderful women are there.
One of them's wearing lingerie, so it seems.
- Mm-hmm.
- And this is where?
This after hours?
- Okay, what are you zooming at my hand for?
- You just want to-
- It's above the waist.
- The positioning is right.
- Yeah, the positioning was very el correcto.
- So give us this.
Get these two young ladies that are on the boat with you.
- Okay, so this is the night I bombed.
- Is that the captain?
- What?
- That's the captain on the left?
- Yeah, that's the captain of the ship.
- She drove the boat.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- That's right, is the-
- Yeah, we hit three icebergs.
- There's four.
- We barely survived.
- Yeah, there's four icebergs there.
- Yeah, yeah.
So, yeah.
So that, I don't know if you've never been on a cruise ship.
- Never, I won't.
- Also, I'm going to pitch you-
- Please.
- The Bad Friends Cruise Show.
- Oh, wow.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- I'm not going to do it.
- Yeah, you are.
- No.
- I don't want to be on a boat.
- It's so fun.
- All right, I'll do it.
- I'm telling you right now, at the end of the day, I'm glad I went.
- It was worth it.
- Oh my God, it was so worth it because you're with all your friends.
- Yeah.
- And that area is called The Haven.
So it's like, you know, we're, you know, separated from everyone.
- Oh, you're in your private-
- So it's like eight luxurious, you know what I mean?
- Cabins?
- Cabins.
- Ah.
- And in the middle of it is a pool, st