Name: The Slow Clap | Ep 315 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2026-04-06T16:00:15.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Slow Clap | Ep 315 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-04-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Slow Clap | Ep 315 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-04-06. Transcript available.

The Slow Clap | Ep 315 | Bad Friends

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You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?
A white dude and an Asian dude
You two are disgusting
You two are something
We're bad friends
Last night
I fell in love with you
Last night
You look good today. Your hair looks good. You look good. You look smooth
Smooth baby Asian boy
Baby Asian boy
So we're at
Okay
Go ahead
At the comedy store last night
Yeah at the comedic store
Already dude
We were out there selling jokes
Already dude
Already dude
I'm just you from last week
Yeah yeah yeah
Already dude
I'm you from last week
Yeah I'm you from three years ago dude
Yeah I'm you from three years ago dude
That doesn't make it
I'm so sorry dude
What's up okay tell the story
There is no story dude
What's the story
I just I don't know
What's the story morning glory
What this
Nothing dude
Okay
What happened last night
You're a little rude
What did I do
I'm at the comedy store
I'm watching your set
Great set
Terrible set
It was not a good set
I was meandering through poop last night
Sebastian gave me a great intro
I don't think I brought this guy on stage before
Yeah he has
A fellow Chicagoan ladies and gentlemen
He's got an Italian lesson
He doesn't look Italian
Yeah
It was such a good intro
He killed harder in an intro
Than I did on any of my shit jokes
He'd crush
I thought you did
And I went up there and just
That's all I did
Okay
For 15 minutes
I'm in the hallway
Fart crap poop
Oh cause then that was the reason
And then he's on
He's in the hallway
I can see him
I can see
Just a little dumpling
Resting in the window
Of the hallway
And I walk down
And this is what he's doing
This is what he's doing
Leaning against the wall going
You know what that's called
What do you want my reaction to be
Do you know
Okay
Okay
Okay
What would you want
I ate shit on stage
I didn't know
Then you're leaning
Against the wall going
Imagine the level
Imagine the level
Of condescension with
Okay so
What would anybody's reaction be
To that
Okay so I didn't know
Let's backtrack a little bit
I didn't see your set
Okay okay
I didn't see your set
Stone faced
I didn't see your set
I showed up right
I'm in the hallway
I'm watching him right
Toward the end
Right
So I have no idea
What he did
What the crowd is like
And what not
I hadn't even gotten
Into the room
Okay
See he walks out
And just as a joke
I go
Right
He walks right past me
Says nothing
Right
Goes to the kitchen
That's right
Right
Slips out the bag
To the valet
Yeah to the valet
Without acknowledging
My presence
And Bobby runs up to me
Yeah
This is icing on the cake
Everyone's in agreeance
With me by the way
Okay
But this is icing on the cake
After the condescending clap
Then he chases me
In the parking lot
And he goes
You're not gonna say hi to me
You're not gonna say hi
To me
And I said
I gotta go home
And then he goes
We're business partners
I did say that
We're business partners
Yes we are
We are not business
Oh we're not business partners
We're not friends
Okay
Exactly
We're not friends
We are
I guess not
Because I would have led with
Two things can be true
Say hi to my friend
I guess I'll say hi to my friend
Why couldn't you say hi to your friend
We're business partners
Why couldn't you say hi to my
Like it's a law firm
Okay
It's Santino and Lee
Not Lee and Santino
Law firm
The boss is here
The boss is here
You're the boss dude
Okay
I was your intern
You moved me up as a fucking
I'm the only boss
I'm the only boss
That gets paid the same
As his employee
I'm the only boss on earth
Where the employee
Is matched to the CEO
Anyway
I grabbed your wrist
You did
Because you were trying to leave
I was trying to get in my car
And go home
I know
Because you're not gonna
I'll tell you what's not gonna happen here bud
Okay
What's not gonna happen here bud
Is us being in an environment
Where you're just gonna not acknowledge my presence
That's what's not gonna happen
See this fame is going to his head
I told you Andres
When I called you last night
I said I think he's getting too famous
Oh my god
Is he gaslighting me dude
What
You're getting too famous
A lot of people have been telling us
Okay so
Grabbing a friend's wrist is generally considered crossing a physical boundary
Particularly if it's done without consent forcefully
Or to your boss
Particularly to your boss
Okay
Boss man I'm sorry I grabbed a wrist
I had a bad couple of sets
I did not know that
Information
I'm running through new shit all this week
Some nights are good
Some nights are tough
But I'm trudging through the mud
And then the clap in the hallway
Yeah
It was like a Seinfeld episode
He did the clap
He did the clap
He did the clap
I did not know
So now I have further context of the situation
And you had every right to not say hi to him
I love you thank you
Good to see you
But I'm gonna grab your wrist from now on
I mean you're gonna get hurt if you do that
You're gonna
A slow clap is widely considered a condescending
Sarcastic or ironic gesture
Everyone in the world
In Africa
They know
Yeah they know
Yeah yeah yeah
They know
Yeah yeah yeah
They know
Yeah okay
So it was context
A guy has a cricket stick
What's going on here
What's the context
He missed
He has a cricket stick
Yes
He missed
Okay
He missed and slow clap
Okay good
So they play cricket in Africa
All over the world
Okay good
Cricket is a universal sport
Thank you so much
Right I wanna be
No I just had a terrible set
I did not know that
I was slumming in the bums
Yeah yeah
I was bumming in the slums
Yeah so I grabbed your wrist
I said you know
Say hi
And I understand why you reacted the way you did
And I apologize
Thank you I love you
Yeah I love you too
And I'm sorry for ignoring you in the hallway
But the slow clap
Got me good
All right
All the way home
All the way home
Yeah yeah
No music
Yeah yeah yeah
And all I can hear is
Yeah
Okay
Looping through my head
Okay okay
Going through the can
Yeah yeah
Anyway can I just threw another fact in there then
Give me another
If I may
Yeah
Please
I killed
But anyway let's move on
Okay
I had a really good set
But
I know you did
No
Because I'm doing old shit
Yeah
Yeah
But
Not for long
Okay not for long
Because the finally tour is on sale right now
So please go to Bobby Lee
All right very good
Go to BobbyLee.live
Yeah
And please go see my best friend
My business partner as he refers to it
I would have said friend first
I consider you my friend first
One of my closest friends
Yeah I agree
And we do a job together
Yeah
But I wouldn't do this if we weren't friends
I understand that
But we are also business partners
We are
Yes
But I'm
You're my friend first
I care about you more than this
Okay yeah
And I would agree with that
Because otherwise
If we're just two guys doing a show
Who aren't friends
Then it's just two bears one cave
Keep that in
That's true
I'm kidding
I'm kidding
They love each other
Gee many Christmas
Tequila or whatever
Go buy their tequila
Are we not allowed to make jokes
We can
Anymore with anybody
Is everyone sensitive
Yeah they're very sensitive
I love that fucking shirt
And your hair looks good
You're doing all the
You're touching a lot of the buttons right now
Well I'll tell you why
Because I quit smoking as well
No you didn't
Yeah this is day two
Yeah
Dude did you really
Yeah day two
Day two
Yeah
And how do you feel
Pretty good
Well I'll tell you why I did it
And I'm not a scientist
As you know
I don't know
I don't know
Some people think
Is it general health and well-being
Yeah
Are you coughing at night
No
What happened was
I was smoking a cigarette
And I had a loogie
You know what I mean
Yeah
As one does right
And in my sink
I just went
And I just spit in the sink
Inside your house
In the sink
Right right right
Oh were you
My sink isn't
No I'm saying
In my backyard
Were you smoking
Yeah yeah
No it's
What
You have an outdoor sink
You have many outdoor sinks
I do have outdoor sinks
Okay
All right
Wait a minute
I thought you were smoking in this
No I was smoking in the house
I smoked a cigarette outside
I went inside
Right
I did loogie
Got it that's fine
Right
And then I just let it sit there
Science
Remember the science
Okay
Look
I'm a scientist
You're the scientist
Yeah yeah yeah
That's right
Yeah and
It dried
It does yeah
As one does
It should
Yeah
It's called elements
You know what I mean
I told you he was a scientist
Yeah
This is good
Yeah yeah
So the elements caused it to dry
Yes
So elementary
Elements caused them to dry
Right
So they dried
They call it air
Air
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah
Learning
You're learning
You're learning
You're learning
So the loogie dried in the sink
Right
And then
You want to know about geopolitics too
I'm really
Not interested
Okay okay
Anyway
And it looked like
It looked like tar
Yes
After it dried
Because of yes
Because of the smoking
Right
Right
And then because
Remy had died
Right
Death was on my mind
Right
And I made the connection
Yeah
Between the tar loogie
That dried through elements
Through air
And what not
Okay
Yeah
And the death of my dog
Made me go
I'm done
That's good
Yeah yeah
So I'm a little anxious
I told the boys before
I don't know if I could do this today
I have
You know
Very filled with anxiety
And
You know
I don't know much
I don't know what I'm going to talk about
But you know
But we're here
Well you're cold turking
Why don't you just supplement it
I'm like sweating
Why don't you do just
Smaller doses of nicotine
To get you off
In general
Oh you're still doing it
Yeah
Yeah
I'm doing it
I know
Of course you're doing it
Yeah I am
Yeah yeah yeah
But I mean I'm not
Yeah yeah yeah
I got it
Yeah but it's
There's a lot of anxiety here
But it's okay
Going on
But you have to stop
Not to be dark
Because you've also mentioned a lot
You're still smoking
You're still smoking
Yes
You got to stop smoking
I have said it a lot
Yeah do you know why
You said that
Not because we're business partners
Because we're friends
Yeah
I do care about the business of it all
No no
I do care about you
A lot
Tremendously
And if I'm being honest
And I know this is not going to be
A funny part of the show
But I don't care
Yeah yeah
My biological father
Is
Perpetually sick
Because he smoked
For like 45 years
I mean he's got
Did he quit?
He did dude
When?
Got to be
15-20 years ago
I quit
I'll keep smoking then
I'm fucked
No
No no no
The consequences are already
In play
No you can lessen
How bad it is
Because your body
Your lungs are incredible
They clear out very quickly
Oh
But if you smoke up
Into your like
60s
You're in deep shit
Oh right
You're in deep shit
So if you quit now
Yeah
The lungs are amazing
They clean out
At such a rapid rate
But Keith Richards
Has always been my bar
Yeah
You know what I mean
Because you know
There's a legendary story
Where you smoke like
Two packs of Marlboro Red
Bring me a photo
Of Keith Richards today
Without makeup
Without makeup
Without his makeup
And hair done
Yeah
Yeah
Go to the first photo
Yeah
There you go
That's what you want
To look like
He's 42
Yeah
Him and I are the same age
But my point though
But he's alive though
He's barely alive
I know but in my mind
I was like
Oh Keith
There it is
That's the photo
That's what he looks like
That's what he looks like
Yeah
That's
On the left
On the left
And by the way
Yes he is alive Bobby
He's an A
An Anom