Name: Chatty Chatty, Bang Bang | Ep 317 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2026-04-20T16:01:32.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Chatty Chatty, Bang Bang | Ep 317 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-04-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Chatty Chatty, Bang Bang | Ep 317 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-04-20. Transcript available.

Chatty Chatty, Bang Bang | Ep 317 | Bad Friends

Hey, Bad Friends! I'm doing a bunch of shows. First off, Bobby and I, the Bad
Friends Live,
are going to be at Netflix is a Joke Fest here in Los Angeles at the YouTube
Theater
down by SoFi. That's May 8th. Get your tickets right now. Then I'll be down in
Del Mar at The
Sound in San Diego, bro. Surf's up, June 28th. I'm doing two shows, early and a
late show. And
then July 24th, I'm at the Ameristar Casino in St. Charles, Missouri, which
might as well be St.
Louis, Missouri. Come out and see me. Go to andrewsantino.com for those tickets.
andrewsantino.com.
Hey, everybody. Bobby Lee here. You know, I shot a special, and so I'm going to
do the
Finally Tour before the special comes out. I'm going to be in Detroit 424,
Indianapolis 425,
Montclair 5-1, Atlantic City 5-2. Just go to my website and check out the other
day. It's
Medford 5-3, San Antonio 5-15, and go check it out. It's going to be a theater
tour, my first
one, and come see me live. Go to BobbyLee.live.
Who are these two idiots?
White dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting.
You two are something.
We're bad friends.
It smells like dog food in here.
Yep.
Rook, rook.
Bobby just got here.
I just got here.
I yelled at the host for putting the mic stand low.
You know how they try to get a laugh?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because I'm small.
I've done.
I do that.
I know.
And it makes me so angry.
But I won't yell at you.
But I went, if you ever do that again, I'll rip you.
Oh, I've gotten that from you.
Yeah, yeah.
The low voice.
Because it's trying to get a laugh that I'm short, right?
But it's not my laugh.
It's their laugh.
You know what I mean?
It's their residue laugh.
Yeah, leftover laugh.
Yeah, it's leftover laugh.
When they're not even on stage, they try to get a laugh.
Yeah.
And they're in the back going.
But I made the mic store low, you know.
I bet you Brad gets that.
Williams.
Oh, dude.
I do the opposite for him.
When Brad follows me at the store, I put it as high as I can.
See, that's the same thing.
It's the same thing.
But it's funny.
For you.
For all of us.
For Brad, it's.
For Brad, it's a whole extra thing he has to do.
That's funny, dude.
For me, it's, you know what I mean?
I get a laugh.
Yeah.
But then I have to go, I'm small.
Do that face like, oh, look what God made me.
Right?
And then Brad has to bring it down.
Yeah, it's funny.
It's for the person before, but it's not our laugh.
All right.
You know what?
We're not going to do anything.
No more funny stuff.
Yeah.
No more comedy.
Okay.
I think we're done with comedy.
Yeah.
All weekend long.
All weekend long.
That's not what I'm saying.
What I'm saying is.
Oh, my gosh.
Brad left his toothbrush here at the studio.
Yeah, he did.
Yeah.
And his pen.
And his pen.
Another thing is.
Get it off your chest.
When, like, one time I was in the OR and Steve Byrne, halfway during myself,
grabbed the mic from the side of the stage and walked up on stage.
And he goes, let's do a duo.
Let's play with the crowd.
And that made me so mad.
This is very funny.
You know, he, at San Francisco, at the last time I just played Punch, he showed
up and he came on stage.
At the end of my.
Did you ask him to come up or did he just come up on stage?
He just came up.
No, are you being real?
I'm being serious.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I welcomed it with open arms.
I thought it was.
Yeah, I don't welcome it with open arms.
You didn't want it?
He's half Korean.
Oh, he's not a full.
He's not full.
Yeah, you got to be a full.
To pull that kind of stunt, you got to be a full.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You got to be a full.
I actually totally agree.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, because it's like I'm in the middle of a setup and all of a sudden, what's
up?
Without asking.
And it's just like, I don't like that.
Also, from an outsider's perspective, it looks like your Korean uncle who's got
it together because he wears a suit is coming to like.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Talk you down a little bit.
Yeah, yeah.
Let me do comedy for you.
Yeah.
Because you wear suits.
Yeah.
And we wear clothes.
Yeah.
I also don't like this.
I just realized, right?
God, give it to me.
Give me the idol.
I'm going to give you the feature smile.
What is it?
So what happens is you're backstage.
I just played the San Jose Improv and Ramsey Badali had a really good set
before me.
And so there's a curtain and he opens it and he has a smile, right?
At you?
Yeah.
Like he knows he killed, right?
Oh, yeah.
And he goes, if you do feature smiles again.
No feature smiles.
No, no, no.
I need a frown.
I know how well you did.
I heard it.
I tell my features, no smiling at all.
No comedy.
I say, go up there, say hello.
Yeah, yeah.
Tell people where you're from.
Yeah.
Tell them the favorite foods you have.
Yeah.
And that's it.
And then get off.
Yeah.
Bring up the headliner.
And then the last thing I want to, can I just get off my chest?
I love stuff on your chest.
Pause.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Are you being real?
Yeah, I want you to get it off your chest.
Okay.
So, um, what?
I hate needy hosts.
Was that good?
Was I funny?
No, I had a local, you know, nice girl.
She's already, I already brutally, you know what I mean, verbalized it to her.
Well then, so should we be talking about it?
Yeah.
Well, I could just be vague about it.
It's going to ruminate feelings again then for her.
She's going to hear this a hundred percent and be like, that's about me.
No, maybe it's going to teach her a lesson.
Teach.
Did she bomb?
No, she did great.
Oh, well then, okay.
No, she did great.
I think she has a future.
I do.
Okay.
Yeah.
You're not selling me on it.
Yeah, yeah, but can I...
Be a car salesman.
She has a future?
Well, how is this?
How is this?
Welcome to open my lot.
What?
The open mic night lot.
Oh, it's at the lot.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
We have many new, new open micers here.
All new, new, new, new.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, we've got...
Look at this one.
This is a...
Ooh.
This one's called Catbird.
Really quick.
Snappy.
Yeah, and it's like, you know what I mean, it's an engine that grows.
Mmm.
Yeah, yeah.
You know what I mean?
It's a slim design, right?
And it creates food.
Because she was a chef.
She was.
No, she was married to a chef.
No, she was a chef.
She was a chef.
She was a Michelin star chef.
That's not true.
She worked at Michelin star restaurants as a chef.
That doesn't make you a Michelin star chef, because you worked at a fucking...
She poured water.
Michelin water.
Basil.
At the end.
Yeah.
The last line person that does the herbs or whatever.
She goes, water up.
Yeah, scoop of...
Water up, bing.
Scoop of caviar on top.
Just one little caviar scoop.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And the chef goes, too much caviar!
What are you fucking doing?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Anyway...
Get it off your chest.
So this is Catbird.
This is another model we have, okay?
Is that...
Yeah.
Is it foreign?
No, it's black.
It's a black sleek color.
Divantre.
Oh, this is...
This is a good car.
It's a great car.
Yeah, fab.
It's also the best selling.
It's got to be, yeah.
Yeah.
This car, though...
You're going to love this car.
This car right here, right?
I don't know if it doesn't look like it.
It asks a lot of questions.
Too many questions.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's like Knight Rider.
It talks the whole time?
It talks the whole time.
You can't turn it off?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't know.
You know what I mean?
You're driving too fast.
All on the rules.
You know what I mean?
It talks a lot.
It talks a lot.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There's no off button.
Oh, there's no switch?
No.
Unless you turn it off.
Unless you're ready.
Maybe it's talking to itself at night.
You know what I mean?
But, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Maybe it'll run out of gas.
But it's a lot of like, you know what I mean?
So how do I make it to this?
How do I do this?
Inquisitive.
Inquisitive.
Like, you know what I mean?
How do you make it?
You know what I mean?
How do we get an agent?
This and that.
You know what I mean?
And then it's like, you know, you have to go, hey, hey, hey.
Stop.
You have to have that conversation of like, you know, you know.
I'm the polar opposite.
I'm like, I'll give you an Excel spreadsheet on how to do everything that you're
asking me.
No, I did.
I did tell her what to do.
You did.
You gave her the hints.
Yeah.
I gave her like, this is what you did.
And then, but I don't think that she got what I was saying.
Well, you can lead a horse to water.
But it'll eventually be glue.
That's what they say.
That's the same.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's going to be.
Meanwhile, Carlos is wearing a win hat.
Yeah, because you guys were at the win.
You bought that hat?
Or they give us those hats?
No, I bought it.
I got the same one at Caesars years ago.
I know.
I remember the Caesars hat.
I don't like the specific hat.
It's, I have my Circus Circus hat at home.
Yeah, yeah.
Great joke.
I should have brought it in.
Fancy, you got that Stratosphere hat.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Everywhere I go in the casino.
Yeah.
Where's fucking Bobby, bro?
Yeah, yeah.
Where's Bobby?
I get that every time at the airport.
Why can't we make a shirt that says, where's Bobby?
Where's Santino?
We should make sure to say, where's Bobby?
Yeah.
We had a great time.
By the way, I had a conversation with my driver,
my Uber driver on the way to the airport.
So nice.
So nice, but I was very tired.
Yeah.
We had a long weekend.
I just kind of wanted to chill.
And he was chatty, chatty.
He was chatty, chatty, bang, bang.
He was very inquisitive.
You don't know the rules?
What do you mean?
What you do?
What do I do?
I open with a statement.
You say, I don't want to talk.
No.
What do you say?
Okay, hey, dude, I'm going to be listening to music.
So if you need anything, just, you know what I mean?
You kind of put your hand up.
But he was a fan.
But my earphones aren't even on.
Okay, so the Uber driver, super nice guy.
He's a big fan.
Loves bad friends.
Loves you.
How do you know?
He vocalized it.
Verbally?
Or through hand language?
It was nonverbal.
It was nonverbal?
Through facial expressions?
He goes, bad friends.
Yeah, that's verbal.
And he went.
Yeah, that's bad friends.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, this is bad friends.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So he did that?
He said he loved us.
Yeah.
And then he was talking and I said, he was talking, he was like, oh, I just
drove back from LA, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
He's like, I've been in the car for like 30 hours or something like that.
I was like, oh, that's crazy.
And he said, I got a gift sent to me from my home country for my sister's
wedding or something.
I had to go pick it up.
I said, oh, that's cool.
Where we're originally from?
Pakistan.
And immediately I'm in like a mood.
Like he's trying to talk about.
And I just, all I kept thinking about was those videos from Pakistan.
And it's like, do you love Pakistan?
Do you know those videos?
And I started talking to him.
He goes, I love those videos.
One day I'm going to be pilot.
Dude, what will you do for Pakistan?
And so I'm literally just yelling at him like that in the car.
I'm not even letting him get another word out.
I keep going, I love, Pakistan is great.
And then he goes, I have no problem with that.
I'm Pakistani.
I have Indian friends.
So he's opened up this gate.
I'm like, oh no, I just think the videos are funny.
He's like, no, but I understand there's a lot of hatred in the world right now.
And I was like, oh no, I think he, oh no.
And he goes, and I'm Muslim.
And he goes, my barber is Jewish.
And I was, and then he started to keep talking.
I go, Jewish barber.
I don't, have you ever Jewish barber?
Yeah.
Is that a thing?
Yeah.
I mean, what a disappointment for the family.
Does that Jewish barber go to another, an American barber to attack the Muslim
guy?
No, but he says, I'm Muslim.
And he goes, well, I'm not a practicing.
Yeah.
He's like, I'm not like, you know, praying five times a day.
And then that logged in my brain for the rest of the time.
I couldn't hear what he was saying.
Five times is a lot of times.
A day, he says he prays five times a day?
Not anymore.
He can't, it's exhaus