Name: We're in a Giggity Quagmire | Ep 318 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2026-04-27T16:00:13.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'We're in a Giggity Quagmire | Ep 318 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-04-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'We're in a Giggity Quagmire | Ep 318 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-04-27. Transcript available.

We're in a Giggity Quagmire | Ep 318 | Bad Friends

- Hey, everybody, you guys,
the Netflix Comedy Festival is arriving.
- Netflix is a joke festival.
- And they gave us the YouTube theater.
- Thank you.
- Thank you, 5/8.
- 5/8.
- What is that?
- May.
- May 8th.
- May 8th, we're gonna be here in Los Angeles
at the YouTube theater,
which by the way is right next to SoFi.
- SoFi.
- We're down there by SoFi.
So come see the Bad Friends for Netflix is a Joke Fest,
May 8th in Los Angeles.
Bobby--
- And tickets are going fast.
- Bobby just announced a ton of new dates.
- I have new, this is my last tour for three years.
- Yeah, you gotta do, you gotta go.
- Yeah, so I'm gonna, I'm doing this run
and I'm not gonna go out for like two or three years.
- So if you wanna see--
- You'll have a new hour.
- You wanna see Bobby,
you better go see him on the Finally tour.
- Exactly.
- He's gonna be all over the country
and even down under.
- Down under.
- June 28th, by the way,
I'm gonna be at Del Mar, San Diego, dude.
June 28th shows. - What's up?
- And July 24th, I'll be in St. Charles, Missouri.
So June 28th, San Diego.
Go to badfriendspod.com to come see us.
May 8th at the YouTube theater.
Go to bobbylee.live
And go to andrewsantino.com to come see us.
- You two are bad friends.
- Who are these two idiots?
- A white dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting.
- You two are something.
- We're bad friends.
- Oh my God.
It's so weird to be back in the studio and hearing-
- How you doing? - How you doing?
- How you doing?
- Tony Bagadonuts.
- You're Tony?
- Yeah. - Bagadonuts?
- I'm Tony Bagadonuts.
- I'm Jimmy Small Eyes.
- Tony Bagadonuts. - How you doing?
I'm from Brooklyn.
- I know somebody.
- What are we doing here?
- I know somebody who knows somebody who'll make it
so you don't know nobody.
- Yeah, you know what? - All right.
- You do? - No.
- Whoa. - No.
- You look like my cousin, Aisha.
- Tony. - Tony.
- Tony? - Tony.
- Is that your name?
- My name's Tony.
- Your name is Tony.
I'm Jimmy. How you doing?
- Tony. - Yeah, yeah.
- I'm from Brooklyn. Where are you from?
- New York.
- New York. How you doing? New York.
All you New Yorkers out there, how you doing?
- And to get more comedy like this.
- Yeah, go to our Patreon.
- Please go.
- We're in a war.
- We're in a war. - We're in a war.
- I'll say this to the fans.
I wanna thank all the fans that have bought tickets so far
to the May 8th Netflix as a Joke Festival.
- All 12 of you.
- Bobby and I. - And let me say this.
- It's undersold.
- It's undersold, yeah.
Let's bring it up.
Let's hurt our ego.
- Yeah, let's hurt it.
Let's hurt it real bad.
- I think it's under 40%.
- Is it under 40% really?
- I think so.
- Yeah.
- Is the blue good?
- The blue's bad.
- Blue is bad.
- Blue is all the people that have not bought tickets.
So when is this?
- It's in a month.
- Well, we'll pump it.
- I hope so 'cause it's bad.
- Back in Brooklyn, we used to pump it.
- Hey guys, we're gonna start pumping it.
We were gonna bump it back in Brooklyn.
We used to bump it.
- God, look at that.
That's bad.
- Well, we're competing against so many people.
- Google, who else is performing for Netflix as a Joke on May 8th?
It says John Mulaney, Jelly Roll and Andrew Soltz of the Greek.
We are at the YouTube Theater.
Matt Reif is at the Hollywood Bowl.
Stamptown, our boy, Zack Zucker.
Ronnie Hayes, Hasan Minhaj and Ronnie Chang at the Dolby Theater.
- Yeah, I mean-
- You guys are like the 10th most famous.
- Dude.
- First of all, we're fourth on the list.
- We are fourth on the list.
- So it goes Mulaney, Schultz and Jelly Roll.
- Yeah.
- And then us, we're third.
- We're third.
- You guys are third.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- That's what I meant.
- No, that's not what you meant.
- No, I meant-
- What you meant is that you wanna get fired.
That's what you meant.
- And by the way, we're above Matt Reif at the Hollywood Bowl,
which is way bigger and I bet he sold it out already.
- He already sold it out.
- He already sold the Hollywood Bowl out.
- I wanna apologize just real quick, if I may.
- I also was a, oh, what?
- I wanna apologize to you.
- To me?
- If I may.
- Yeah, please, what happened?
- Today I was doing what I describe as
Netherworld farts.
- Honestly?
- Yeah, it was like Ball, the demon.
Did you smell him, McCone?
- Yeah.
- You walked away one time.
- It bothered me.
- Like it was crazy.
- It was one of those farts that lingered.
I'll tell you this right now from Brooklyn.
They lingered.
And my point is this, I felt so bad.
And I kept apologizing.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
- My fear was that if the guests smell that,
they're gonna be really upset.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And you know what happened?
- Huh?
- You held it in?
- I closed the Strait of Hormuz.
You know what I mean?
I closed it.
I'm charging a tool, okay?
- I'll tell you something.
There won't be any gas coming out of there for a long time.
We closed it off.
- Let me tell you right now, the Iranian regime.
- Closed off the Strait of Hormuz?
- Yeah, yeah, we control the Strait of Hormuz.
- And you really do control it.
- Yeah, we do control it.
So I closed it off the Strait of Hormuz.
And the only thing that's getting in
is a little fertilizer and some helium.
Yeah, maybe a little oil.
But my point is, those are the things that are being,
you know what I mean?
20, 30% of helium comes from that area.
- Oh yeah.
- You don't know.
- Hell yeah.
- What do we make out of helium?
Chips, computer chips.
- Balloons.
- Well, for, yeah.
- Balloons for birthday parties.
- Yeah.
- You gotta have helium for balloons.
- I understand that.
- And for whippet tanks at jam shows.
- I understand that, but the-
- I love whippets, dude.
- I know you do.
- It's so fun.
- They're fun.
But anyway, so the chips are very important.
And then fertilizer, like 20, 30% of the fertilizer
goes through there.
- Well, we just start pooping outside.
Start growing your own crops, poop in your own yard.
- Yeah, so, you know.
- If you poop in your-
- That's how I'm gonna make my potatoes.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Your problem, you had a week off
'cause we were filming and now you feel good?
- Yes.
- What did you do in your week off
while we were shooting "The Bad Game" show?
- I worked so hard for you guys.
- No, you didn't.
- No, you didn't.
- No, you didn't.
- Shit.
You're pitching your zombie movie.
- Andrew, call me.
He say, "We can do the movie."
- Yeah, yeah.
Next September, are you guys available?
And then a week before.
- You fucker.
- Well, don't fuck with me, you fuck, all right?
- You're setting yourself up.
- It's a two-way street, dude.
The straight is closed.
- Straight is closed.
It is fucking close to Spain.
You know what's so funny?
You're getting angry.
- I was resentful all week.
- Oh, oh.
You know what?
Let's hash it out.
- Yeah, yeah, okay.
- Good.
- Hey, you wanna go back in the-
- Let's go back.
- Let's go back.
- Yeah.
- What do you think?
- Hey.
- What do you think?
- What do you think?
- Why were you resentful?
- Yeah, why were you?
- 'Cause your lack of inclusion?
- Mm-hmm.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Well, here's the thing.
- Did you wanna be an executive producer
for decision-making purposes?
- Nah, I'm just joking.
- No, you're not.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- No, you're not.
- Once you start a war, you're in a quagmire.
- Yeah.
- All right, and it's impossible to get out.
- Giggity.
- Okay, so we're in what they call a quagmire.
- Giggity.
- Yeah, a giggity.
- Yeah.
- What does giggity mean?
- The fans will get it.
- Yeah, really?
- Quagmire from Family Guy says giggity a lot.
- Oh, really?
- Yeah, you've never seen Family Guy?
- I thought it was like a giggity, yeah, yeah, yeah,
like in Die Hard or something.
- Motherfucker.
- Motherfucker.
- Motherfucker. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Let me tell you, I want you to be honest with me.
- Yeah, get honest.
We're in a quagmire now, giggity.
And it's gonna be very difficult to get out, okay?
So what is your plan?
Let's negotiate.
- Okay. - Okay.
- Do you have a 10 part plan or a 15 part plan?
- My plan is so long, wait a second.
- Okay, all right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- You did come by.
- Yeah. - I did.
- And we thought about putting you in a bit,
but there wasn't anything cooking.
- Yeah.
- There was nothing cooking in the kitchen.
Carlos is in a bit.
- I know.
- And McCone did a lot of--
- He was in a bit, but here's my,
can I just tell you my problem, right?
Apparently I was told that Carlos was gonna be a runner.
- Oh God.
Just let me, can I finish my resentment?
Dude, you know what?
You know what, dude?
- No, to like-- - You weren't here.
I came here before you.
- What do you mean?
- I was here in the building before you.
- Oh, there was an incident.
- There was an incident.
- I know, okay, what happened?
I know I wasn't-- - Why'd you shave your mustache?
- Huh?
- Why'd you shave your mustache?
- On the spectrum, focus.
- Okay, anyway.
- Did I?
- Okay.
- I had to get rid of it.
- Good bit.
It's a good bit.
- Yes.
- All right, so here's the deal, okay?
We had an incident today where he got,
he kind of snapped at me,
and you guys were witness to it.
For no reason at all, right?
And so I just saw it again a little bit, right?
So I'm just telling you my side of the story.
- Yeah.
You know what I mean, we can, you're part of the, you know?
- What happened?
- Yeah.
- What happened, what?
- What happened?
- I had to take a picture of his driver's license
for his assistant.
- No, no, not today, but the runner part.
- Oh God.
Dude, I'm one of the producers
of one of the most successful podcasts in America,
and you think I'm gonna get you Poquito Moss
when Postmates exists.
That's crazy.
And you had PAs there.
- Enjoy your tour.
- You're my tour manager.
- I am.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Is this the attitude you're gonna bring on the tour?
- No, I'll change it up.
- I swear to God, because if this is the attitude-
- No, it's a different molecule to be involved.
- No bueno, por favor, okay?
- It's a different-
- No bueno, por favor.
- No good, please.
- Yeah.
- Is that what it means?
- Yeah.
- Different chemistry on the road.
- It is?
- Yeah, there'll be different people, different-
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Different players.
- I get this on the fucking road, let me tell you.
- Johnny's not gonna be happy.
- Yeah, Jimmy's-
- Johnny?
- Jimmy.
- Jimmy's not gonna be happy.
- Jimmy Small Eyes ain't gonna be happy.
- Jimmy Small Eyes is not gonna be happy.
- Yeah, yeah, but I'll tell you this,
'cause we've been shooting this other thing
you guys will know about in the future.
- The Bad Game Show.
We've talked about it a little bit.
- Yeah, so we shot the Bad Game Show.
It's really great.
And I'll tell you this, McCone,
this is the first time we've worked together
where you didn't annoy me at all.
- I'll say, it felt really good for our relationship.
No lie.
- Yeah, and where do you think that came from?
- Well, other than the first day
when I said I didn't like Project Hail Mary that much.
But after we moved on from that, we were really good.
- I think it had a lot to do with-
- World peace.
- That he had a job to focus on and not bother you.
- I have another ball fart.
- Don't.
- Yeah.
- Please.
- Oh my God.
- It's a ball fart.
- It sounded wet.
- It's wet, it's dry, it's everything.
Yeah, it's all the stuff that comes through the straight.
- I feel so naked without my beard.
- You look so good.
- No, it's terrible.
- You can barely even notice, really.
- I gotta go.
Somebody, can you Amazon me-
- Oh my God, I'm so sorry, dude.
It's gonna drift your way.
- I know.
- Yeah.
- Will you get on Amazon, order me a top lip, please?
- Yeah, it's fine.
- Look at the lack of upper lip on a white person.
- That's incredible.
- Good God, do I need a beard.
- Yeah.
- I have no lip.
- No, but your lips are good.
- What's going on?
- For the fart.
- Oh, for the fart.
Yeah, I think so.
- No, no, no.
'Cause a candle will just be a hot pumpkin fart then.
- Yeah, but you want a flavor to it.
- There's a bunch of flavors.
- Oh yeah, b