Name: Ian Fidance! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Uploaded: 2026-03-08T23:00:24.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ian Fidance! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-03-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ian Fidance! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-03-08. Transcript available.

Ian Fidance! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Merch alert, baby. Merch alert. Merch alert. Merch alert. The quality is going
through the roof, as they say.
Hooking.
Gang, do yourself a favor. Get over to RUGarbage.com. We got hats. We got
shirts. We got mugs. We got keychains.
We got wall art. We got paintings you can buy. Go check it out. RUGarbage.com.
Limited supply list. Do it.
Yeah.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.
This is RU Garbage.
Oh, yeah.
It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find
that it's a good to be classy.
Yeah.
Just a big old piece of trash.
Garbage.
I'm your host, H. Holi, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here
with Tooties in a new edition.
She's got worms.
Short and sweet, baby, to the punch.
My co-host is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of RUGarbage.
He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world.
Give it up for KJ, Kevin J.
Thank you very much, Henry.
Shout out to everybody for tuning in. We fucking love you.
Please make sure you review, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
Full video available over there on Spotify.
And the boys are climbing the charts.
Get your fucking Warner ladders out and start climbing the charts.
Then, obviously, the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com.
Slash RUGarbage over there and get all that bonus content, gang.
We got the merch.
We got the new merch.
We got the tickets on sale.
Uh-huh.
Got the Patreon.
Uh-huh.
The bad haircut.
And we couldn't be more excited.
They were incredibly, and I mean incredibly special guests back with us again
today.
He's goddamn family at this point.
He's got a brand new series over there on YouTube that absolutely no one is
talking about.
But they should be.
That's a dickhead.
I'm sorry.
That's mean.
What kind of intro is that?
That's mean.
That's very mean.
Give it up for Ian.
Jonah Hill sometimes.
Finance, everybody.
Thank you, everybody.
Thank you.
What, are you just going to saff these brothers' movie?
What?
Fuck!
You're starting already.
No, I'm not.
Listen, Foley's a little on edge because he broke his CPAP machine, and he hasn't
gotten
a good night's sleep since the fucking Reagan administration.
Dude, you came in.
That thing looks like a-
His table's wobbling again.
That thing looks like an overhead projector out there.
Yeah, because you're leaning on it.
Jesus Christ.
This is actually a brand new thing.
We have a brand new table.
Goddamn brand new table.
And he broke it again.
Ian, thank you for coming in.
Thank you, guys.
You look fantastic.
I feel fantastic.
Well, you didn't.
You were an hour late, and you were bitching that you didn't want to come out.
I said I did want to come out, but I didn't sleep because I got my back piece
done last
night.
I was at the tattoo shop.
Is that what you call it?
What?
You're not going to give me that?
Are we going to do this?
That's what they're called getting cummed on these days.
Hey, I'm into it.
You know that.
That's how you heal the tattoo.
No, I got my back piece done last night.
I was in the shop till 1 a.m.
How many times do you think he's going to say back piece?
Yeah.
That's what it's called.
That's what it's called.
Would you get a butterfly tramp stamp?
No.
It goes from my shoulders down to my ass covering my whole entire back.
Did they knock you out for this?
What are you, the fucking red dragon?
It's wide.
I got Foley's face.
He said, you don't have enough real estate.
We're going to wrap it around to the front.
It's to scale.
Yeah.
It's one to one.
He's got a brand new series on YouTube.
Everybody's excited about it.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
It's odd guy doing odd shit.
Ian do.
An odd guy doing odd jobs.
Man, Ian loves putting his name in things.
I know.
Which, it's good marketing.
And Foley loves putting his name in things.
Are you garbage?
And we're back.
Anyway, the show is great, and it's so fun to be here.
Is it doing well?
It looks like it's doing well.
It's doing great.
It's doing fantastic.
Partnered with YMH.
They're losing money.
They are bleeding money.
You got to watch.
You got to share.
If it doesn't pop up in a little bit, bye-bye funding.
And, dude, it's so funny because I talked about it on here.
Sure.
And we were like, oh, God, this is never going to happen.
Well, I've been working on it for a year.
I've been filming it out of pocket for a year.
And thank you out there to the AYG fans, best fans in the world.
You guys were messaging me, emailing me, and I got out to some jobs because of
the pod that contacted me.
And I've been out.
And then now I have a ton of people hitting me up.
I just put out an episode today where I did Terry Blacks.
All these people.
All these people.
I mean, just billions of people.
I'm a man of the people.
Who doesn't love you?
I did.
Thank you, the guy in my mirror.
I am going to partner up with AEW All Elite Wrestling, and I'm going to go and
do-
Very nice.
Is that the one Billy Corrigan owns?
I don't know.
I don't think so.
Anyway.
He owns a wrestling thing.
I don't know.
Sorry.
All right.
Well, you don't have to bring him up just because I look like a rat in a cage.
That's pretty good.
Can I tell you today is the greatest day?
What's up with the beard?
What's going on with the beard?
You're a little fluffy.
Is it?
It's just thick.
It's thicker than usual.
I've been debating if I should trim it down, and I'm worried about doing it-
You look heavier.
You look very young Spielberg.
I'm saying not in a-
That's rich.
What?
What?
You called me heavy?
I said heavier.
I didn't say you look heavy.
He's probably skinnier than you now.
Are you?
What do you weigh?
This is a fat suit.
71.
What do you weigh?
What the fuck is this?
No, like 205.
That's good.
Yeah, I know.
How much have you lost?
You're supposed to be my guy.
What the fuck?
I thought we were sandbagging it.
What do you weigh?
I weigh 370.
Well, you weigh 205, but you're not counting that 370 tumor you've attached to
you.
Mine grew hair and teeth.
Well, just hair, actually.
If you zoom in, there's no teeth.
Also, Ian's looking like he got dressed in his-
Fuck!
Yeah.
I have to wear-
What's going on with the look?
You're like a kibosh.
Where did you get that shirt?
I got a-
Oh, this is my friend's band.
Lost and found.
Boom, got him.
My friend's band, Haywire, Boston Hardcore all day.
They're great.
You should check them out.
Fantastic.
I did an Ian-do episode with him.
You're dressed like a homeless guy getting a job interview.
Well, why do you think I'm here?
Right?
I'm literally looking for jobs.
Does anybody have a college?
A college shirt I can wear?
You look like a brilliant homeless guy that's about to-
That's about to beat me in chess.
About to turn MIT on its head.
I know.
I look like I play the violin on the street, and then I get to the actual
concert, and I'm
just yelling slurs.
I have to wear sweatpants and a sweatshirt and have it breathe, because my back
is covered
and bandage it.
What the fuck is happening?
Jesus, get the CPAP.
By the way, he's on the phone like a fucking auctioneer trying to negotiate his
CPAP.
He's like-
$900 for a CPAP.
$900 for a CPAP.
$900 for a fixed income.
$900 is not a lot of money for the machine that keeps you alive.
That's crazy.
I'm talking about you.
You spent that alone on cold cuts this month.
Yeah, I know.
Well, the thing keeps breaking, because instead of water, you're putting grease
in it.
My deep fryer's broken.
You're on the phone with Fry Daddy?
I heard the guy go, Mr. Foley, it's not an air fryer.
It ruined my chicken wings.
And I'm not losing any weight, either.
I got to have breathable clothes, because my back is so covered in-
You're wearing a fucking collared shirt.
What are you talking about?
It's a large collared shirt.
Also, where'd you get the collared shirt?
You think that's an old-
I have a ton of collared shirts.
In the summertime, you know-
From when I drove a cab in the 1970s.
Nobody reacts like that.
You know.
I'm not accusing you of not having collared shirts.
Please.
That collared shirt-
Please.
Is very dated.
Please.
Yes.
In the summers, I wear-
So, take the shirt off and let's see the back.
And it's covered in bandages.
I know you want to show us.
Because I was going to shower this morning and come all ready to show, but I
slept through
my alarm because I was up all night in pain, going to the bathroom because I
need to be
full of fluids to keep my skin breathing.
It's a whole process.
Shout out Tony Kaplan, R&D Tattoo, the best, the only tattoo shop in New York.
He gave you a deal, obviously.
Yeah, look at you, huh?
It was no CPAP machine, but he cooked me up.
I don't get it.
Because you wouldn't be shouting him out if he didn't.
No, no, no, I shot them.
Well, yeah, they give me-
No, but yeah, they give me a deal.
No, I've been going to the shop for like five years, so I'm all buds with them
now.
Can you get rid of it, huh?
No, I'm like, I'm the doomer.
And I-
I love it.
No, they're great.
They do great work.
They're the best shop in town.
They're better than everyone else.
Reasonable prices.
Fantastic work.
Oh, man.
You might as well be reading from the script.
R&D Tattoo, Ridgewood Queens.
Yes.
Yes.
Go out and see him and tell him your old pal Ian sent you.
Yeah.
Now check it out.
What's the we say?
Holy shit.
Yeah, dude.
I better be Henna.
It looks like the Red Dragon.
Yeah, four and a half hours.
You got a lady with a set of cans on there.
I know.
I had to make her boobs less big.
But you see, it's a grim reaper holding a woman because the death is always on
my back
and women will be the death of me.
What?
Talk about a guy looking for an identity.
That's crazy, dude.
What are you talking about?
I've been wanting a back piece forever.
Back piece.
Count it.
I'm covered in tattoos from the front.
Yeah, that's a lot.
Are you going to get that colored in or whatever?
Yeah, yeah.
Jesus.
Yeah, but it's like a process.
Four and a half hours.
I pass out at the end.
Fainted.
So did he.
All that conversation.
Fainted.
Part of the show?
No.
No, I watched a movie and FaceTimed and stuff.
Yeah, look.
Isn't that great?
Yeah.
A little butt crack, too.
Thanks.
I know.
Open for business.
Yes.
Yes.
And then underneath the smoke, they're going to put exit only.
Is that true?
I'm off guys.
All right.
And I don't bottom.
Okay.
I don't.
I do.
What a good time.
Can I tell you, I finally ate she crab soup.
I thought of you.
Nice.
Fucking amazing.
Amazing.
Where'd you have it?
Grand Central.
Newark.
Yeah.
Grand Central.
Oh, at the Oyster Bar.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's a good spot.
Who brought you over there?
I went on a date.
It was nice.
We went to the Whispering Tunnel.
And then we.
It's also his butthole.
Went to.
Train coming every nine minutes.
Don't touch me.
Give me back.
You guys stink.
All right.
He lost the weight, but not the timing.
Let's go.
Speaking of things that you have and you.
Whatever this is.
Remember I bought you a Christmas gift?
Now, what do you have to show us here?
I bought you a Christmas gift.
If this is some of your skin, I'm going to be upset.
Finally.
It finally arrived.
It's my bandages for my back piece.
What is it?
This is what I got for KJ.
It's a gift for the baby.
Chappy wrap.
Mm-hmm.
Uh-huh.
Okay.
Your coffee has a hair in it, by the way.
I visibly see that.
That's mine.
Yeah.
See, it says.
Oh, that's so cute.
Philly's colors, and it says what?
I don't know.
I'm going to open it up.
It says Lil Prince of Garbage.
Oh, that's very nice.
That's nice.
And I can't go empty-handed for the big man.
No shit.
So, I got you something.
At Ridgewood Tattoos.
Yes.
I got you a gift certificate for a back piece.
For you with the cat.
That's very nice.
So, then when the cat's not around, you can look at a picture.
Thanks.
That was in his.
He packaged this up.
That was at your house.
Yeah.
That was for sure.
It's got catnip in it.
It's a re-gift.
That's very nice.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Thanks.
Mm-hmm.
Sweatshirt, sweatpants, bad idea.
Sweating already.
Yeah