Name: Secret Fast Food Order! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Uploaded: 2026-03-11T23:01:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Secret Fast Food Order! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-03-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Secret Fast Food Order! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-03-11. Transcript available.

Secret Fast Food Order! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Merch alert, baby. Merch alert, merch alert, merch alert.
The quality has gone through the roof, as they say.
Hookin'.
Gang, do yourself a favor. Get over to RUGarbage.com.
We got hats, we got shirts, got mugs, we got keychains.
We got wall art, we got paintings you can buy.
Go check it out. RUGarbage.com. Limited supply list. Do it.
Yeah.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.
This is RU Garbage.
It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians,
and we find it at the group to be classy.
They're just a big old piece of trash.
Trash, trash, trash.
I'm your host, Dave, truly coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're out back here with Tootie's in a new edition.
She just hit a deer with the car.
That's pretty good.
I didn't see it coming, nor did she.
It's in the living room.
My cousin's coming at you from across the table.
The daily double down.
This is what we call the family episode.
Just the boys, the bozos, and the homies.
Just the way we like it.
Give it up for Kevin, James, Ryan.
Ooh, hey, shout out to you, mother effers.
First of all, thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
Also, full video available over there on Spotify.
And the boys got the ladder out, and they're climbing a frigging chart.
We're climbing the charts.
Climbing the charts, baby.
Top podcast in the country.
Hot as guys.
Top comedy.
We're in there.
Top 100.
Uh-huh.
Something.
Billboard.
Is that all the podcasts in the world, or just the United States?
United States.
Eastern regional.
United States.
The lower half of Pennsylvania.
The lower 48.
Which I like that.
I like that term.
The lower 48.
The lower 48?
That's what it's called.
Lower 48 states.
Why the lower 48?
That's what the kids call it.
I don't know.
I'm not accusing you.
I'm just asking.
Yeah, I don't know.
Okay.
Ask Kai Sinet.
One of them kids.
High show speed.
Tate McRae.
I don't know.
Kids are doing it.
Check it.
And then, obviously, the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com.
Oh, yeah.
You go over there.
You get all that bonus content.
And I cannot stress enough, the shows are selling out.
If you want to come see the boys on the road, we're doing some club weekends.
Four, five, six shows in some markets.
We're adding some stuff.
We're shooting some stuff.
Get your tickets, because we can't add shows everywhere.
The lower 48, actually, is a term from Alaskans to describe the lower 48 states.
But shouldn't it be the lower 49?
No.
How many states are there?
Hawaii is by itself.
Okay, but it's still lower than Alaska.
No, it's not a part of the 48.
It's not in a clump.
It's out there in a goddamn ocean.
The lower 48 doesn't imply that they're connected at all.
I think it does.
They're grouped together.
I get that, but I'm just saying Hawaii is also lower.
Well, talk to them.
Okay.
I don't know what to tell you.
Sure.
You go over there and straighten it out.
They're not going to take too kindly to you.
Where?
Hawaii?
Yeah.
Been there, done that.
Not going back.
You're a Howley.
Those Samoan guys fucking tune you up.
What are you?
I'm a Howley, yeah.
Okay.
I respect local customs, though.
I like a Zippies.
Tell you that.
I like that Mack Saladon over there.
I'm sorry.
Speaking of which, I got something I wanted to run by you.
You have lady frames?
What glasses are those?
That's fucking insane, dude.
They make me look smarter.
Or more...
Ladylike.
They make me look more artistic.
Ruth Bader Ginsburg over there.
To go with my brute physique and face.
Okay.
Soften me up a little bit.
They're very Andrew Zimmerman.
They're very Aunt Claude.
Weird Eats.
What's it called?
Strange Eats?
You tell me.
They ate bugs.
What was it?
I told you.
What are you talking about?
I don't know.
Listen.
You're in charge of food and food shows.
That's your department.
Why are you asking me?
Bizarre foods with Andrew Zimmerman.
I'd love to have him on.
Bizarre moods with H. Foley.
Who are you going to get today?
I wouldn't mind having Zimmerman on.
He'd be fun.
I like that guy.
He's got a couple of things that I would eat.
Not that fucking fermented shark they have in Norway, though.
A lot of ketchup for that.
Speaking of food.
I wanted to ask you.
Get your opinion on this.
We were together.
They're not going to respect that, but sure.
We were together.
Who do you know?
We were together at a show recently.
And we didn't talk about this.
But I either have a secret admirer or somebody's trying to set me the fuck up.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Got to a show last night.
We're coming down the steps.
The manager goes, Foley, your food's here.
This is crazy.
Sure.
Yeah.
He goes, Foley, your food's here.
And I'm like, he says it in front.
I'm like, my food?
I didn't order anything.
Dude, he...
We were running around the city all day.
It looked like he got caught with his wiener out.
The vibe's on him.
You've known me 15 years.
I don't order food at a fucking comedy club.
I don't eat in front of people.
It was a lightly attended show.
It was sold out.
It wasn't our show.
It was sold out.
Yes.
Can I...
Yes.
I mean, what do you want from me?
You're going to push back on anything I say.
And I get I would do the same thing.
I would defend myself to the death.
First of all.
Rightfully so, as a dirtbag should do.
It was about $150 worth of Cane's chicken.
It was Cane's chicken.
If it was a Cobb salad, I go, you got the wrong guy.
This is a set-up.
And he's like, I saw the delivery guy.
It said H Foley on it.
And I'm looking through my Uber Eats.
I'm like, I didn't fucking order any chicken.
You didn't?
I said, let me.
I just, you know.
I showed you.
I know.
There was nothing in my recent activity.
Could have been DoorDash, though.
Or one of the other scandalous apps you have on your phone.
You got the Raising Cane's app?
I'm using a VPN to fucking order chicken.
Yeah, I don't know.
There's a lot of chicken.
There's a lot of chicken.
They handed him a bag of chicken, and you would have thought that it was,
he knew they were undercover cops handing them blow.
He was like, no, I ain't never seen you.
I don't touch the stuff.
I don't like chicken.
I'm a vegetarian.
Get that shit out of here.
If you guys are cops, you got to tell me.
Yeah, if you're an Uber Eats guy, you got to tell me.
I didn't order it.
I believe you.
I know you do.
Pardon me.
What do you think that was?
I think it could have been a couple of things.
My immediate thought process is that you were guilty.
I think that's fair.
I think that's based on me knowing you for 15 years,
your inclination to lie,
your inclination to eat some chicken,
are all in.
Now I know the Nuremberg guys felt.
Jesus Christ.
Told I was being given a fair trial.
Fucking kangaroo court you got going on here.
I'm just saying, right?
Like, if someone goes, hey, I got a bag of chicken for full.
You go, that's not me.
I got it.
I saw your name on it.
I got to lean towards.
First of all, I don't fuck with canes.
Not that I don't fuck with it.
I never had it.
Okay.
Until last night.
And I don't make a habit of showing up at shows and eating.
I would never do that.
You know me.
I get that.
But we were here.
So this is my immediate.
I was with you all day, motherfucker.
It's probably your chicken.
Fucking set me up.
I've been playing this all week, Jake.
Yeah, maybe it was you.
I didn't know you got wet.
You ran out to see the three Wiseman.
Diesel, new guy Luke, and Mark the Shark.
I immediately thought you got a...
Okay.
Hadn't we just eaten?
Yeah.
We did.
But you've been eating...
All right, hold on.
Listen, you're just...
Do you want my...
Can I give you what I thought?
Yeah.
You ate pretty good all day.
Yeah.
So typically when we eat good all day, I think you might go home and have what
I would like
to call a feeding session sometimes.
I do sometimes.
I think everybody does.
I'll admit that.
I'll admit that.
That's not...
This is a very hard feeling.
That's not, you know...
Late at night.
Accusation.
Yeah.
That's all I'm saying.
Yes.
You know I like the Daily Doubles from McDonald's.
I admitted to getting a double Whopper with no cheese.
Junior.
Oh, no cheese?
Junior.
Junior.
Whopper Junior with no cheese.
Mr. Universe over here.
Mr. The size of the universe.
I just like the taste of it sometimes.
Sometimes...
Yeah, that's what...
What are you talking about?
No, no, no, no.
I mean, sometimes I just like a hamburger, believe it or not.
Sure.
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah, no.
Hey, Trav hit me.
We can believe it.
Oh, I guess Luke hit me.
Luke does these.
Sometimes.
Or Mark the Shark hit me.
I'll hit you.
With a bag of chicken.
With that Cane's finger licking sauce.
Raising Cane's can't sell chicken around here.
So here's my immediate thought was, because you did leave for a little while.
We were separated for a couple of hours.
I went up to do a spot.
Were we not separated for some time?
Yeah.
Did you then come in and not talk to me, really?
I came in and worked on something on the computer.
Okay.
But answer my question.
Yeah.
Did you come in and not speak to me for a while?
Man, this is really stacking up against me.
I'm just saying, were you furiously on your computer?
And I said, what are you working on?
And you said, quote, unquote, shut your mouth.
Well, I didn't want to tell you because I wanted to read you this.
I wanted to read you the little story I wrote.
I know.
I'm just sharing.
This is about me sneaking away to get Cane's chicken.
I'm just saying this is the information I'm processing in real time.
Yeah.
Right?
I'm a detective.
Call me Columbo.
First of all, you're nothing.
Because we had the door locked.
I opened the door.
He's fucking peeking around the corner.
That was a bad.
Like he's Shelly Duvall.
I was watching porn.
I was ordering shit.
Tough guy over here.
I knew it was you.
Yeah, right.
I could have went through you like butter.
First of all, you had a problem opening the door.
So let's all step back.
You weren't serving a no-knock warrant, okay?
All right.
So I see that you do, and I get, right?
Bigger guy.
Someone hands you a bag of chicken in public.
You go, no, no, no.
You're a little flustered a little bit.
I'll admit this.
If I did order it.
It was my chicken.
If I did order it, let's say we didn't know.
Like I knew that show was sold out.
There's no way that I would have done that.
But if I would have, let's say I would have ordered that chicken.
Now, it's way too much chicken for me to order.
It was like $150 worth of chicken fingers.
So either somebody was trying to fuck with me, or somebody was being, you know,
being, oh,
you know, whatever.
Like, you know.
No, I don't know.
A secret admirer or something.
You know?
Sure.
What are the chances you have a secret admirer send you $150 worth of chicken,
or you got
called ordering $150 worth of chicken?
That's what sucks.
I'm with you.
I know.
I get it.
So here's my thing.
But listen to what I'm telling you.
I'm saying.
This is all the behavior of a very guilty conscience.
That's all I'm saying.
You're not letting me get my theory.
I would have denied it.
I would have denied it.
If I would have ordered it and would have walked in there and saw, oh, fuck,
there's a
bunch of people here, a bunch of chicks and shit like that.
I can't be eating chicken.
And this guy calls me out saying, follow your chickens here.
Uh-huh.
I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about?
So here, so my immediate thought went to he ate pretty good all day.
He did disappear for a while.
He was frantically on his computer trying to figure something out.
I thought maybe it was a misfire.
You put in the wrong location.
Maybe you were going to send it home, get it delivered to the house for when
you go.
I didn't know what you were doing.
I thought you misfired the location and it got sent, which would be a you thing,
do the
wrong drop-off point.
I did do that the other night.
See?
On the way home.
I'm good.
I know my big man.
I did not order it on the way home the other 