Name: Mall Walkers! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Uploaded: 2026-04-05T23:00:05.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Mall Walkers! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-04-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Mall Walkers! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-04-05. Transcript available.

Mall Walkers! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Gang, let me really quick tell you what you might not know.
The boys want to see you in Los Angeles for the Netflix is a Joke Festival in
May,
and we want to see you this week in Chicago, so grab the squad and come hang.
Yeah, if you've never been to a live show, it's a good time.
We do some stand-up, then we play AYG with the crowd.
You've seen the clips. You get your garbage question read.
We call you trash. We make fun of you. It's a good time.
We celebrate Army of Garbage. We love you.
See you there.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.
This is R.U. Garbage.
Hey, yeah.
It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians,
and we find that it's a group to be classy.
Yeah.
But they're just a big old piece of trash.
Trash, trash, trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're out back here at Tootie's in a new edition.
She, um, well, Kevin will tell you more.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. More than 11.
Mike Coase is coming at you from across the table.
If you don't know, this is what we call a family episode.
Whoa.
Just the boys, the bozos, and the homies, just the way we like it.
Give it up for my good pal, Kevin James Ryan, everybody.
Hey, oh, thank you.
Thank you.
Please stop.
The boss with the hot sauce.
Hey, gang.
The jean jacket man.
Yeah.
How you done?
It's a jean jacket.
My James Dean ears.
My Jimmy Dean ears.
And a can of beer.
Sure.
You're like a can of beer, don't you?
Sure.
Yeah.
You were asking for beers at that show.
What show?
Can I get two, actually?
Yeah, well, they're giving to me.
Slugging beers.
Drinking beers.
Somebody was bothered by that.
Drinking Thai kooks like a liter.
With a lime, wacko.
I prefer a lime.
Do you?
Hey, what's up?
I'm Kevin Ryan, everybody.
Shout out to you.
Thanks for tuning in.
How do lemons win?
We got to pay the freaking bills around here.
Got to keep you in your-
Spotify, iTunes, all that stuff.
Get a t-shirt.
Got to keep you in your cool plaid t-shirts.
You got to go in there.
This is my father's.
Holy shit.
What do you have?
A second job as the Easter Bunny?
This fucking guy.
Easter Bunny didn't wear business casual.
He wore no shirt, actually.
Bit of a freak.
I hated that.
Uh-huh.
Santa Claus I could deal with.
I was still freaked out him coming into the house.
But a six-foot fucking rabbit?
Mm-hmm.
Get the fuck out of my house.
I don't care how many categories-
Hey, what are you, an 80s comic?
Shut up.
Thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you review, subscribe on iTunes, full video
available on YouTube,
full video available on Spotify, and the boys are climbing the charts, baby.
Shout out to the Army of Garbage Thing Gang.
We got a whole bunch of merch over there.
We got ashtrays.
We got shot glasses.
We got koozies all on sale.
We got t-shirts.
We got hats.
All the whole nine yards.
Get it out.
Check it out.
Big sale over there.
Big sale.
Clean it out the inventory.
Clean it out the inventory.
Liquidating.
Liquidating.
Everything must go.
No, no.
That's not that correct.
I'm not crazy yet.
He's slashing prices over here.
They always did that.
What?
He wasn't going anywhere.
Sure.
That was a sales gimmick.
Mm-hmm.
Everything must go.
Everything must go.
Liquidate.
And liquidate the inventory to make room for the new stuff.
Which is just old stuff.
Hey, dad.
Welcome to Marshalls.
You start selling jeans.
That's so weird.
Instead of selling merch, you start selling clothes.
Mm-hmm.
Winter coats.
Well, this is...
I've been spending...
I spent two...
Somebody made fun of me.
A friend of mine.
Who made fun of you?
A friend of mine.
Phil X's wife.
I love her.
Yeah, she's great.
Sharp.
Sharp lady.
I was saying I spend a lot of time at the mall.
And she's like, what are you doing?
I spend a lot of time at the mall.
I like going to the mall.
You do?
Yeah.
Just to push the kid around?
No, not anymore.
I go by myself.
You're joking.
No, I just go to the mall.
What mall?
It depends.
I spend a lot of time at the Oxford Valley Mall.
You're joking?
No.
That's sad.
Why?
I thought I was a loser.
You have a wife and kid at home.
You're going to the mall?
I'm not going to pick up chicks.
What are you going to the bathroom?
Tapping on the stall?
Bed in there.
What are you doing?
You're in there.
Kippy, is that you?
Awkward.
What?
You're joking.
No.
Well, I'm not like hanging out at the mall, but.
What day?
It doesn't matter.
What?
Did you know this?
I mean, I feel like we picked up on it just from the massages.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Well, I had to buy an outfit for the special, so I went to the Macy's.
Uh-huh.
Right.
I'll give you that.
Yeah.
And then I went back the next day to look for a pair of shoes.
For what?
The special.
Uh-huh.
And then I went a few days later to get a massage.
Right.
We know that.
I mean, that's three days in a.
It's three out of four days.
Okay.
Have you gone since?
No.
I haven't.
I haven't been down to visit the piece yet.
Let's give it a rest for the summer.
You have a family at home.
What?
You're like.
I mean, you act like you act like I'm out the fucking right.
Fences.
So you leave.
You.
What do you mean?
Stop saying I have a family at home.
Like, I'm abandoning my family.
Well, like on a Sunday, you're like, hey, I'm going out to the mall.
I'll be back in a few hours.
That's weird, man.
No, I'm not doing that.
I used to know a guy that did that.
He would go shopping at Hallmark stores for like Christmas stuff, like all
throughout
the year just to get away from the family.
I have to tell you, I worked with a guy at the Harrisburg Comedy Zone, and he's
like,
I was featuring.
No, but I wish I wouldn't.
I was featuring.
He was hosting.
He had driven in from like Michigan or something.
And he's a road dog.
He's like, yeah, real road dog.
He's like, what are you doing tomorrow?
And I go, I'm going to hang out or fucking sleep on this hangover off.
Get a bacon egg.
I don't know, man.
And he goes, you want to, you know, I got, I'm going around dry.
I got, I got to go look at some stuff.
I go, what do you look?
He's like, I'm like, what are you looking for?
He had the, he's like, I got the biggest haunted house in, in Michigan or
something.
And I got to go look for, there's a lot of good like flea markets around.
He goes and looks for stuff for his.
Decorations?
Yeah, trinkets and whatnot.
Eyeballs or what I don't know, skulls and stuff like that.
Nah, man, I'm Catholic.
I'm doing that shit.
You sound like crazy.
I'm not doing that devil shit.
Anywho, that's one thing I want to do.
I want to get a kiosk or I want to, I want to.
You want to get a kiosk?
You said you want to start selling jeans and stuff like that.
I was joking.
Yeah, me too.
I want to rent a place in the mall.
And sell all your garbage merch?
No, just sell anything.
Just have, just run a business.
That'd be fun.
Hanging out at the mall.
You got a family.
What the hell are you doing with these malls?
I'm providing for my family.
You have a job.
Here.
A good one.
Yeah.
You're going to go sell fucking knockoff cologne in a dead mall?
Yeah.
What do you mean dead mall?
I can bring it back.
I'm supporting local business.
With cheap cologne?
Support the community.
Hey, you got to get these Armenians in here somehow.
I don't, there's something about this isn't sitting right with me.
What?
You're losing it.
You're hanging out at the mall?
I'm not, stop saying I'm hanging out at the mall.
I went shopping at the mall and I got one massage at the mall.
That's not that weird.
Did you eat at the mall?
No, I didn't eat at the mall.
A family man shouldn't do things on his own.
What does that even mean?
You should do with your family.
What does that even mean?
Be thankful you have one.
What does that even mean?
Do things on my own?
Yeah.
I'm not like going on vacation and shit by myself.
I couldn't do stuff alone.
I'm running to the store, getting supplies for my family, and stopping at the
mall.
Oh, the massagers for the baby?
Huh?
That was so I could be relaxed.
The walk and roll?
They could do my job.
But there was this one guy, just walk, he was walking, he walked in and out of
every store.
Older, single guy.
He had like a-
Fuck.
Yeah, dude.
He kind of-
Just get a hooker, man.
He was just walking around.
I saw him in every store.
He was just popping in.
He was being like journeys, like looking up, you know.
For all we know, that guy could be happy as a clam.
You know what Tom Hardy said?
He loves spending time by himself.
Why are you breaking my balls just spending time by myself?
He's not hanging out in a mall, and he's a good-looking actor.
What am I?
Gross.
And weird.
You're mall shopping.
Next thing you know, you got one of those fucking metal detectors in your hand.
I went to a Macy's.
I'm not mall shopping.
You are.
You're mall walking.
Like Phil, like, um, uh, fuck.
Yeah, got him.
Oh, there you go.
Diesel, who ran the New York crew?
No.
Before him.
Carmine.
Spaghetti.
Blue Patazzi.
He goes mall walking Tuesdays and Thursdays.
Yeah, their people are there.
They're doing that.
Whatever.
This isn't about whatever.
Enough with the malls.
Okay.
That's it.
Yeah, that's our problem.
It's not good.
Listen, you start falling apart.
We're in trouble.
I'm not falling apart.
I'm supporting local business, and I'm going to...
Sometimes you can't order everything online.
I need stuff today.
Where are you going to go?
I go to Target.
I go to the mall.
What kind of shoes did you get?
I ended up not getting shoes.
Fast-paced life you're living with.
Just hanging out at the mall.
I was just vibing, dude.
You're just trying on shoes just to hang out with the guy?
I'm doing the thing where I'm sprinting.
Nah, these aren't it.
I got a basketball.
What time's your lunch?
That'd be a fun thing, that little challenge that we should do.
What?
We have to each go out and make a friend.
On the spot.
Okay.
Wouldn't that be fun?
What are you, practical jokers?
Is that what they do?
I mean...
I would love to see you try.
They'd bury us.
Oh, yeah.
That's the highest-rated TV show.
13 seasons.
Shout out to the fucking boys.
Doing numbers.
Why can't you do that?
I'm at the mall.
What do you mean?
Why can't you do...
You're breaking my balls.
I don't know anybody in TV.
That's right.
Don't you forget it.
I got no ideas.
Let's check deadline.
Get out of here with the deadline.
You got mall vibes right now, if I'm being honest.
You do.
You should be cruising around the mall.
Fucking putting in job applications.
You shoot me down.
Yeah, I should be in the mall.
I'm a 50-year-old man.
Yeah.
We should open up a kiosk.
I'm not doing that.
You bust.
You already break my balls here.
I got to show up at a mall on fucking Sunday at 9 o'clock.
I love how you think I...
I come in hungover.
You're fucking busting my chops.
You think I break your balls?
That's what you think I'm doing.
Crazy.
You're nuts.
Working for you.
Uh-huh.
That'd be fun, though.
Yeah, thanks, Luke.
I appreciate it.
Where are you going to get that thing?
Get what thing?
The kiosk.
It's like a wagon.
You don't...
I mean, they got them.
It's not bringing...
No, you got to buy it yourself.
No, you don't.
I guarantee you got to buy that yourself.
I guarantee the Oxford Valley Mall will give you a kiosk.
If you start...
Dude, you already checked for $1,000.
You probably get...
You could probably get pennies.
Take over the old Boscovs.
I'll work there if I could...
With the car.
You know, they got the car parked in there.
Yeah, we could do that.
Yeah, sell that.
Park your Jeep in there.
Wow, people.
No, not my Jeep.
I'm not selling my Jeep.
Make a couple of bucks.
No, you get like a Buick or something like that.
Guess how many marbles are in there?
You got to fill them with marbles?
I don't.
Get an intern to do it.
It's Luke's job.
They give you the kiosk?
You just lease it, yeah.
Yeah, otherwise, they'd be all different kiosks.
Oh, yeah.
It's about $500 a month.
That's it?
Yeah, I mean, it depends on where you're getting location.
It goes up to $7,000 a month.
$7,000?
