Name: Fat Guy Breakfasts! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Uploaded: 2026-04-12T23:00:59.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fat Guy Breakfasts! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-04-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fat Guy Breakfasts! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-04-12. Transcript available.

Fat Guy Breakfasts! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Hold on there, gang. California, the boys are coming.
I'm going to say that one more time. California, the boys are coming.
Come see us down there in Los Angeles for the Netflix's Joke Festival.
Grab the squad. Let's have a good time.
Yeah, if you've never been to an AYG live show, it's stand-up.
Then we play AYG with the crowd. You guys submit your questions.
We pick the best questions. We shit on you. It's a good time.
Get your tickets. We'll see you there.
Find out if you're garbage.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.
This is R.U. Garbage.
Hey, yeah.
It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians,
and we find enough to be classy.
Yeah.
They're just a big old piece of trash.
Trash, trash, trash.
I'm your host, Dave Trolley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're out back here with Tootie's in a new edition.
She's now doing a little extra work for that new Murder, She Wrote spinoff.
Yeah, well, good for her.
It's called Murder, You's Wrote.
Fuck!
That's not bad.
Yeah, I got to laugh, so.
My co-host is coming at you from across your table.
I don't know why you're being so fucking antagonistic.
This is what we call a family episode.
Or enemy episode.
You be the judge.
Just the boys, the bozos, and the homies.
Just the boys, the bozos, and the homies.
Just the way we like it.
My co-host is coming at you from across the table.
My best pal in the whole wide world.
A lot of people say there's no heroes left in this universe.
Kevin James Ryan.
This guy next to me is a J-O.
What's up, gang?
Shout out to everybody.
Thanks for tuning in.
As always, make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
Full video available over there on Spotify.
And the boys are climbing the charts.
Climbing.
Get your ladders out.
The boys are climbing the charts.
The show's bigger than ever.
It's going up every week, gang.
Get on the garbage train.
We love yous.
And obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com.
Slash are you garbage.
You go over there.
You can get all that bonus content.
You sign up today.
You get the last five years of bonus content.
It's a lot.
I'm talking hard feelings.
I'm talking AYG bonus episodes.
A whole nine yards.
A lot.
A lot.
I don't know if you noticed.
I keep, it's happening once a day now.
Okay.
Where I, I don't misspeak.
Something with my brain and my mouth is off.
Or like the last word is messed up.
Sure.
I have that a lot too.
It's not drugs.
It's not alcohol or anything like that.
It could be, but it could have been, but it's not.
Sounds like it is.
No.
It doesn't sound like it's not.
I'm just saying that I'm starting to get concerned
that I do have like early Parkinson's or dementia
or something like that.
Yeah.
Like.
What do you want from me?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
It could be for sure.
So I got to go in.
Yeah.
God, I would suck.
Uh-huh.
It would.
If I had dementia, would we still do the show?
I mean, I would tell you if we were doing the show.
You'd be in here with a cardboard cutout.
I'd be, I'd be on an island somewhere.
That's a pretty good episode today.
Oh, yeah.
There'd be a hologram Kippy in here.
Yeah.
Kippy's on a space station.
Anyway.
Uh-huh.
I heard you have some, something you ought to run by me.
Is that right?
I don't know.
Which my office door is always open to you.
You seem to be, sometimes you make it seem like there's like production
meetings that like,
or like you've gotten snippets of information that you just, I don't have
anything I want
to run by you.
Can I tell you this real quick?
Sure.
Yeah.
I was in the middle of something.
This water is so cold.
I remember the first time I had cold water.
It was 1972.
My mom had just left me.
She was wearing leather pants.
Hey, play the hits, will you?
I don't know what you were about to say, but I know I got it.
No.
I remember the first time I had gobstoppers.
I've been drinking.
I shoved it in my asshole.
By the way, my son found my belly button recently.
Oh, man.
He caught a whiff of that thing down there.
Ripe.
Jeez.
Cheesy, I bet.
He got a finger in there.
I slapped it out.
Like Murray's Cheese Top.
I don't know where it's coming from.
How are you supposed to eat in there?
You ever been in a Murray's Cheese Shop?
I just went recently.
I know.
They want you to have lunch in there.
It's like eating a foot.
Yeah, it smells like feet in there.
Yeah.
A little fucking Febreze, Murray.
Hey, crack a window, pal.
Yeah, I got, you know, as you know, we're dirt bags.
Oh, yeah.
Right?
Oh, yeah.
To the fullest.
To the max, dude.
Yeah, this was, I mean, there was just multiple steps to this,
and I didn't even realize it was happening until it was over,
and I looked at it, and I was like, oof, that's a,
hmm, that's the definition of jammed up.
Okay.
Luke, run it.
The toilet paper, a roll of toilet paper on the paper towel holder
as paper towel.
Whoa.
First of all, I thought it was a mini baseball bat.
What, are you playing for the Trenton Thunder?
What's going on there?
Yeah.
Is that your house?
Uh-huh.
Who did that?
I did.
Why?
I didn't even think about it.
We were out of paper towel.
Out of paper towels.
Paper towel.
Who says paper towel?
I do.
Yeah, paper towel.
About four beer?
I drink four or five beer.
I love that guy.
What do you think that guy's place smells like?
I don't know.
You could use a paper towel.
I know that one.
How do you get four or five beer?
Two beer?
Probably smells like Mary's.
Not in his country.
I was cleaning, wiping stuff down, you know, and I needed some sort of absorbent
paper product.
You were cleaning.
Yeah.
You should try it sometime.
I mean, that's even worse.
Okay, but I don't have paper towel.
So, I already sprayed the counter down.
All right.
Right?
Right.
Now I go, I turn around, there's no paper towels.
Right.
I open, I go under the sink.
I'm looking all everywhere.
You go under the sink in the kitchen.
Not for the toilet paper.
I'm looking for paper towels everywhere.
There is none.
I go, fuck, I didn't buy a big one because I was at a fucking CVS, so I just
bought a two-pack.
Like a dickhead.
That lasts you an afternoon.
You got a baby, a two-pack of paper towels don't get you out of the night.
I love paper towels.
So, then I just, and it's the shitty, it's Scott toilet paper.
My wife's family were in town.
They bought a fucking 36-pack of Scott.
I got this shit for the rest of my life.
You can't use it.
I am so sick of that shit.
Dude, it's one, it's single, but, so then I'm using it.
I wipe, I use that to wipe down, and now I just got it, and I need to, like,
dry my hands and stuff.
It's rough drying your hands, but totally.
Bad news.
It just sticks to it and stuff.
The little dingleberries get all over it.
PJ called them the little rolled-up joints.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It gets worse.
GI Joe joints.
I mean, the fact that you even put that on your counter is, if that was my
house, yeah.
What?
That.
If that was my house.
Uh-huh.
That would be somewhat acceptable.
That's acceptable.
I don't know what circles you think I'm rolling in.
Well, because that toilet paper has fecal matter on it.
No, it doesn't.
How do you know?
What?
Unless it came with it.
I wasn't in the bathroom.
Oh, I'm not an animal.
I'm a dirt bag.
Hey, you didn't take it off the hoop in the bathroom?
No.
Off the hoop.
What are we talking about, then?
That's all good, baby.
Yeah, that's good use it.
That's what I'm saying.
Is that still there, or is that, like, done as a joke?
As a joke?
No, that's still there right now.
Wow.
You got to get your shit together a little bit.
I got to get paper towel.
Yeah.
I got to get four or five beers.
Yeah, but in a pinch, that's fine.
That's, what am I also, I'm not having company over it.
In a pinch?
Okay.
It was just me and my wife.
To do what?
What do you mean to do what?
To leave there as, like, that's going to be your paper towel until it's gone?
Until it's replaced with paper towel.
There's not much you can really do with it, though.
It's more than nothing.
I'm not going to wet my hands and walk away like an asshole.
Well, don't you have a, you ever heard of a dish towel?
Yeah, yes.
They're nice sometimes.
They're very nice.
You get a nice clean one and you put it over the sink so it doesn't get all
moldy and you
just, you know, you just be wary of it.
I understand that.
Don't rub, like, mashed potatoes or anything.
Yeah, but I know, yeah.
If I was a lot, yeah, for sure.
I agree with you.
But you can't, if you spill a little something on the, see, the problem with
the dish towel,
right, is I'm cleaning, I'm doing dishes, I'm doing all this stuff.
You're not, you can't dry dishes with me.
Oh, it's fucking, dude, you'd be leaving fucking cotton all over my frying pan.
You can't use the dish towel to, like, wipe up stuff and then also on your, it
just gets
too, it gets too, too, too ratty and it don't dry fast enough.
Well, you also can't be putting fucking Clorox on the countertop, wiping it up
with that
and then drying your hands with it or, like, cleaning off the potatoes.
That's just for, like, that's for things it can handle.
Not a lot, as one-ply toilet paper handles.
You might.
It's like I'm at a gas station.
It sucks.
You might want to think about replacing that scrubby back there, too, on the
left.
He looks a little dried out.
No, that's pretty brand new.
That guy's, nah, that guy's been in the sun.
Nah, that's, I think that's pretty.
You don't live in a blue zone, I'll tell you that.
That thing is hurting.
What's a blue zone?
It's where people live that are very healthy.
Your green sponge.
What do you live, under the fucking center of the earth?
Your green sponge doesn't.
And what's that big sponge in the back?
Is that for the baby to wash?
I'm not sure if I'm being honest with you.
That was new.
That's an odd sponge.
And when I sent the picture to Luke, I go, they're going to bring that up for
sure.
I don't know.
It looks like something.
The only sponges I've ever seen like that were fucking dudes who do drywall
wipe the dust
off the new drywall.
That's the only time I've ever seen a sponge like that.
It was nice when they did that.
I don't know what my way.
I haven't seen it in use.
That was there this week.
Yeah.
Maybe she uses it.
It's got it's baby related.
For a little sponge bath.
Maybe.
But we don't do that in the sink.
You don't wash the baby in the sink?
No.
Yard?
Take them down to the truck stop.
I can spray them down real nice.
Wow.
Yeah.
But that's that's the that's the that's the kind of life I'm living.
And it wasn't it did not cross my mind until I looked over at one point to dry
my hands.
And I pulled that and I'm like the trashy thing to me is all these steps to get
here get it on the the even the holder were all I didn't think I was jammed up.
I was just like I yeah yeah yeah yeah.
And then I went oh I've made a lot of shitty decisions to get to this point.
It's a nice looking paper towel holder though.
Thanks.
Rustic little marble in the bottom.
Is that my right about that?
Some sort of stone.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Pumice.
Pumice?
No I don't think it's not pumice.
Nice countertop.
Decent countertop.
You have a kettle?
You have an electric kettle?
Yeah she does the tea.
Why don't you do it on the stove?
Electric kettle's quicker.
I don't know.
That's whack.
No.
It's I think to me it's very European.
Nobody I knew I'd never seen one until she moved in and we got one.
I figured she'd want to do it on the stove.
I got a little waffle maker for the boy in the back.
See the little guy?
I see the little bag.
You have gas heat right?
Or gas stove?
Yeah.
Okay.
I'm not living in a fucking extended stay Ramada.
You got the bullet?
Yeah.
Got a French press for when her parents come.
French press is pretty nice.
And I think the thing in the back is for iced tea or her mom made like lemon
water in it
or something like that.
Oh all right.
I don't use none of that.
Very nice.
I'm a frying pan.
A little bit of pork roll.
Couple of scrambies.
They're 