Name: Mile High Club w Mark Normand! Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w Kevin Ryan & H Foley
Uploaded: 2026-03-24T21:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Mile High Club w Mark Normand! Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w Kevin Ryan & H Foley' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-03-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Mile High Club w Mark Normand! Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w Kevin Ryan & H Foley' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-03-24. Transcript available.

Check out at a hotel.
You used to be able to check in at like 1 p.m.
Now it's 4.
You get three hours at a hotel.
Exactly.
You got to be out by 10.
You get in at 6.30.
They keep squeezing you.
It's crazy.
And it's going to keep going.
Things are going to keep going.
And I get it.
The restaurants are getting squeezed, too.
But don't fuck us.
The whole country's getting fucked.
The COVID really, they go, we need the extra time to sanitize the room.
Yeah.
That was the big thing.
That was the big, hey, instead of going out at 11 or noon,
sometimes you'll be on the road and you'll be like,
what time we got to hit the road in the morning?
What time is checkout?
And they go, noon.
You go, whoo, I can wake up.
We can all grab breakfast.
We can go somewhere.
You got to, it's that.
Love a late checkout.
Love a late checkout.
The best.
That's when you feel like a king.
Very true.
You hear the cunt of the vacuum in the other room.
You're like, not me, baby.
I'm still here.
I haven't finished jerking.
I still got first 48 going.
Sometimes they knock on the door real early to clean the room,
though, the day you're checking out.
It's like, what the fuck?
Call ice on her.
I mean, that's crazy.
Why would you knock on the door at 8 a.m.?
What am I, a preacher?
But let me ask you this.
In your private life, do you and the missus do anything,
you know, a little bit fancy?
You got the car.
You got the vintage car.
Yes, yes.
Where's that parked?
In a lot, I assume?
Don't get me started.
I just, I just, turnpike.
It shut down on me.
Yeah, it broke down on me.
Broke down.
Jesus.
So I had to, I had to push it.
I was on the freeway.
I had to push it down the ramp and then get in it because it was going too fast.
Why'd you just leave it there?
I can't leave.
It's a classic car.
That's all I have.
You pushed it?
That's all I got.
That's all I got here.
Yeah.
So I had to push it down.
Then I got in it and I yanked it.
No power steering.
Got it off to the side of the road and I popped the hood.
I'm looking in like I know what I'm doing.
You always think you're going to figure something out.
Jersey, though, there are nice people out there.
One guy saw it.
I've told the story before.
But one guy saw me.
He goes, you good?
Oh, yeah, I did hear this.
This is great.
He brought me to my car to his house.
He got a tow trailer thing, trailed it up, brought it to his place like an hour
away.
We sat in the car.
We chatted.
I had dinner with his mom, with his family.
And then I got an Uber and went home.
And he goes, comedy.
At the end.
No way.
Where did he get the car towed to?
His house.
And it's still there?
No.
Then I called a friend of mine who's a mechanic in Philly.
And he goes, I'll go get the car and fix it.
I'll charge you a million dollars.
And then when you do the Stress Factory in New Jersey, I'll drive it there.
I'll watch the show.
And then you drive it home.
Really?
Yeah.
So I drove it home.
No insurance.
No registration.
Straight down the Holland Tunnel.
Very nice.
Yeah.
Freezing cold.
I brought gloves.
A system of dirt bags around the tri-state area.
I like that.
How much was it going to get it fixed?
I don't want to talk about it.
Because don't you have to go to like a specific kind of mechanic?
Yeah.
Well, this guy's good.
But he said the only problem was my fuel valve had popped off the engine.
So I was just shooting fuel out.
And it wasn't getting to the engine.
So it wasn't even that big of a fix.
I could have killed you.
Jesus Christ.
I know.
I know.
I think I'd have blown up like a bomb and I ran.
Sorry.
I thought it was going to be like a real specific.
Like a bomb and I ran.
Yeah.
Because that's not the day-to-day car, right?
You guys have another one.
No, no other car.
That's it.
That's it?
It's a classic car.
I live in New York.
Where am I driving?
What does the wife do if she's going to the grocery store?
The kid or stuff like that?
We live in Brooklyn.
There's a grocery store right down the street.
There's a Target, there's Whole Foods, and a Stop and Shop.
Man, he runs a tight ship over there.
You can't be an Aldi.
You probably love Aldi.
Of course you don't.
You ever go to Aldi?
Yeah.
Oh, I love Aldi.
It's like a FEMA tent.
What are you talking about?
It's bad.
Bristed flakes and fucking cocoa bombs or whatever they are.
It looked like they put people after Katrina.
It's all messy in there and shit.
Those silver blankets?
Yeah.
I'm surprised you don't go to Whole Foods?
It's too, to quote, too queefy.
Queefy.
It's like...
He does well.
I know, but it's like you can't get the stuff you want.
Yes.
You can't get the good bread.
You got to buy all their shit and a version of what you really want.
When you guys did the house, you got like, you know, the good fridge and all
that stuff,
the range and all that stuff.
You spent...
I blew it on all that.
I fucked up.
I should have gotten...
No, I should have gotten that.
I don't respect that.
I forgot.
Oh, you blew it.
You got cheaper shit.
Well, I just got the thing there.
Like, hey, we got you a fridge, and they all did it.
And I don't have the cup in the fridge door, you know, that thing, the water.
Oh, my God.
I fucked up.
You could have got the sub-Z that you can't see.
I might do it in a year or something.
Redo the redo?
Redo the fridge and stuff.
It's an investment.
It pays off in the long run.
Yeah.
I'll tell you one thing.
So I got my baby now, and he's walking, which is fun.
I'm close, yeah.
It's a good time.
Got him stealing.
We'll put him in a big coat.
Put you in his diaper.
Yeah, but he took the remote.
We can't find it.
This is ruining my marriage.
Dude, I just found it in a place.
He had put it somewhere.
Like, he crawled away with it.
Yeah.
And it was under a mat, and I caught it out of the corner of my eye.
I'm like, that would have ruined a week.
Yes.
Because you're looking for it, then you go blame her, and you're like, it's
probably under
the couch.
Right.
We'll probably lift it, and then you've got to order one, and it's like, it's a
multi-day
process.
I thought about this last night.
My dad used to do this, a pretty dirtbag move.
He puts it in his pocket.
If he gets up from watching TV to get something to drink, it goes in his pocket.
That's what they do in prison.
So nobody changes the channel.
That's fucking not smart.
He's the man of the house.
You got to do.
Well, so he hit the remote, and we're flipping the house
over, can't find it, and me and my wife had to talk.
It was brutal.
It kept a conversation.
We didn't know what to do.
I tried to fuck her.
She said no.
It was horrible.
Then I found it like three days later, but that was a long three days.
It was like COVID.
I had to take walks and shit.
It was brutal, but I found it was in an old shoe.
The kid slipped it in a shoe.
Yeah.
Slippery one.
Yeah.
I like that.
Yeah.
He's got sticky fingers like his dad.
But no, like, you guys go to nice dinners?
Oh, yeah.
The spa day?
Well, she's good.
She's a normal human being.
Yeah.
She seems normal and, you know, a little taste of a nicer lifestyle than cockroach
comics.
What do you mean?
He walked here in the rain.
He came in covered in water.
She wasn't with me.
Crazy.
But, like, for New Year's, she's like, what should we do for New Year's?
I'm like, let's stay home and watch TV and have a couple drinks.
And she's like, what?
Let's go on a trip.
So we went to Miami.
Stole a loaf of bread.
There you go.
Somebody I know, I was texting somebody, and they were like, I think I'm going
to talk
to you about this.
This is like, very soon after you had the baby, I was like, my buddy texted me,
he's
like, my other friend is in the Bahamas, maybe, or something, because he thinks
Norman's at his resort.
And I go, I think he just had a kid, like, four weeks ago.
Oh, I did, bro.
I'll send you a photo.
He goes, no, I think he's there.
And he sent me a picture of, like, across the casino.
You were in the casino with a baby.
Yeah, that's right.
That's right.
These all went together.
Yeah, yeah.
That's nice.
Well, we couldn't leave.
The baby was brand new, and we felt bad.
I was like, dude, I don't know if you can travel with a baby.
Yeah, I put that thing on the beach.
I mean, it shriveled like a raisin.
Was it for a gig or just vacation?
It was a gig to vacation.
Nice.
Florida gig, I think in South Florida, and then popped down to the Bahamas.
There you go.
Great time.
How you got to do it?
I don't like resort life.
I don't know about you guys.
I like it for a couple of days, for, like, a few days.
I'm not a big vacation guy.
I'm not either.
I got to get moving.
I got to get B-bopped.
Three, four days.
Get all fucked up at the pool, then go back.
That's it.
That's all I need, yeah.
But with a baby, it ruined it.
Like, it's not a vacation anymore.
Trust me, it's ruined everything.
Yeah, I know.
I'm fucked up at 11 p.m., and you're like, whoo, I'm riding high.
I'm smoking a cigar out on the beach.
And then you're like, oh, this baby's going to wake me up at 3, 4, 5, 6, and
then 7.
I was up at 5, my baby's just getting up at 5 a.m. every day.
He's sleeping through the night, but it's still.
Talk about a buzzkill.
This is why Epstein's Island must have been hell.
There's candy everywhere, toys.
Hold on.
Uh-oh.
All right.
There we are.
I can match that, and you won't want it.
Bring it on.
I got Zep-bound farts.
That'll clear out the room.
Bring it on.
I'll get a hit of Zin from your farts.
All right.
Let's get into some garbage questions from the old Patreon.
Guys, as you know, when you're doing the Patreon,
we will answer your garbage question on the air,
and it could be answered by the one and only Mark Norman.
Mr. Mark Norman.
All right.
Let's see here.
This is from freaking the sheets.
$10 time shareholder.
Never had one read.
What's the longest use of going without health care?
I've never had it.
I still don't have it.
Since you've been off your parents' plan or whatever.
Yeah, I guess.
Since you're a kid, yeah.
You don't have it now?
No.
That's crazy.
You know how much money I've saved not having it?
You just throw money away every month.
You're not wrong.
You're rolling the dice, though.
Does the baby have it?
The baby's got to have it.
Or are you just paying retail?
You might just be paying retail.
No.
The baby's got to have it.
Your wife got the baby health care for sure.
Maybe.
Maybe.
Yeah.
That's crazy.
Is that illegal?
What?
To not have it?
Yeah.
I don't think so.
All right.
As long as you're paying the bills.
I wouldn't tell Mondami.
Well, when's the last time you've been to the hospital?
You've got to switch.
I go to the doctor all the time.
Oh, you do?
I didn't.
We got health insurance through the company.
All these fucking bozos have to.
Really?
Yeah.
You got it through the company?
Wow.
That's very impressive.
We take care of the boys.
Wow.
The boys are very well compensated.
A real corporation here.
They are.