Name: Getting A Boner On A Plane w/ Mark Normand | Are You Garbage
Uploaded: 2026-03-26T22:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Getting A Boner On A Plane w/ Mark Normand | Are You Garbage' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-03-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Getting A Boner On A Plane w/ Mark Normand | Are You Garbage' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-03-26. Transcript available.

Oh, I'm not, that home will get me going.
I've had to hide some boners for sure.
Oh, yeah, I got a boner immediately on a plane.
I don't know what that is.
Oh, man.
Huh, okay.
Well, we're a couple of freaks out.
You ever have the nudity on a plane?
You're watching the movie, and there's a nude scene?
You're like, oh, I can't do it.
Dude, we were flying to Rochester, whatever, a couple of months or two ago.
I'm in 1A, right?
He's in 1B, because it's the tiny little guy.
It's the one and then two up front.
Got it, got it.
So we always get those, you know, that's like the best seat in the house.
That's the best seat.
You got a window seat and an aisle seat.
That's all I need in life.
No neighbor.
A window and an aisle.
I can look out the window.
I can pee.
I can do as I, sure, it's a four-minute flight, but still.
I like that, up and down.
Yeah, sure.
That's the first time I realized, I'm like, oh, this is just like a car.
It was that flight to Buffalo.
You don't even get up high.
No.
And you're just like above the, I'm like, this is like a car right above the
high.
Half of that went coasted.
They stopped hitting the gas like halfway through.
That's true.
But this woman next to me, older, and she had a, like, she was
in very good shape, older, you know, 60 maybe.
And she had a blouse, like a sweater.
Rich lady.
Rich lady.
Like, nice tight jeans, a button-up sweater, and like nothing under the sweater.
She should have had a blouse under this, but didn't have anything.
And I could see through the butt and just her lace.
Oh.
Dude, and I was like.
I love a lace bra.
I was fixated on this fucking thing.
But it's still bangable.
Oh.
I mean, like.
60, that's.
What's Ted Danson's wife?
Mary Steenberg.
Yes.
Very similar to her even, like, past, you know, before.
Wow.
Okay, okay.
Yeah, not now.
I like an old broad.
Oh, my buddy.
Right in my wheelhouse.
Jamie Lee Curtis.
I've always had a crush.
Oh, well, we saw her tits growing up.
Yeah.
And then what's the, what's the one where she's.
Come closer to the bed.
Rust eyes, all right.
Oh, yeah.
Blowout, I think.
No.
With Travolta.
And then you see her.
Don't you see her drugs?
Trading places.
Yes.
Pull that up if you can.
I want to see that later.
I forgot.
They're perfect tits.
She's all right.
I don't love the short hair.
But what are you going to do?
I love the short hair.
It's funny.
I didn't know where you were going with that, with the flight thing.
I didn't either.
I thought there was a guy, like, reading A Hustler next year.
No, but I was just like.
Oh, the porn thing.
The porn.
And you got the hum of this little fucking small jet going.
I got these side boob going.
I got him behind me breathing on my neck.
Oh, yeah.
Well, that's why the, what do you call it?
One Mile High Club?
What's it called?
The Mile High Club.
What's it called?
One Mile High Club.
That's still doing take-up.
The Mile High Club.
The Mile High Club.
That's it.
That's why that exists, because you get something going.
How does that work?
I know a friend that did it.
I could barely fit in there myself.
You're in there jerking off.
Doors still open.
Hitting the wall with your hand.
Doof, doof, doof, doof, doof.
Well, the thing is, they did some study.
You can look this up there, Fetty.
The plane makes your emotions go up.
That's why you cried or moved on the plane.
Yeah, so 9-11 must have been wild.
You just feel like, ah, God.
Hard crying.
Yeah.
So I think you get horned up, too, more.
Everything is heightened.
Well, it's like fate.
You're like, this is, you know.
Sure.
Even if you're not afraid to fly, there's still this, you know.
Yeah.
Something, a primal thing in you.
100%.
I just get hungry.
Uh-huh.
Over what?
On the airplane, when I'm in the plane.
Oh, you just get hungry.
I thought you said, I just got hungry.
Based on this conversation.
What else is new?
Like a stanza?
Well, it is 5-15.
Something cured meats?
You ever do that at the Mile High Club?
No, I never did.
Do you jerk golf on a plane?
I have.
Once.
In the thing or at the seat?
It's a helicopter.
Yeah.
The helicopter's great.
You shoot it right out the door.
Sucks it right up.
I did the jerk-off once because Fitzsimmons does it every flight.
A lot of guys do it a lot.
I think Pete Holmes did it a good amount.
Wow.
Really?
So it got in my head.
A lot of guys do it.
In the bathroom.
In the bathroom.
In the bathroom.
Yeah.
So, yeah, in the bathroom I did it once.
And I've only shit on a plane twice because it was an emergency.
But that ain't fun.
Yeah, I've done it once or twice.
I never go to the bathroom on a plane.
Oh, I pee every time.
I pee 100 times.
I'll get up four times.
Easy.
And if you're, you know, putting them back.
I hold it.
Really?
It's crazy, dude.
I can have 17 drinks and I just don't pee.
It absorbs back in them.
We'll be in here for like eight hours.
We'll pee one time.
We should do a tech because I was a bedwetter.
So my dad made me stretch my bladder.
I could not pee for hours.
I made you stretch your bladder.
Yeah, it was like an old school remedy.
He's like, your bladder's too small.
You pee in the bed.
Stretch it out.
So during the day he would make you drink water?
Water, no piss.
Jesus.
Oh, yeah.
He's boot camp.
You got to check.
Isn't that emotional?
Isn't bedwetting's more?
It's all trauma.
Yeah.
I had a lot of trauma.
Yeah, me too.
I used to pee.
Really?
Oh, dude.
Rubber sheets.
I remember, yeah, I had plastic sheets.
So we didn't ruin the fucking bed so much.
The mattress.
And, yeah, exactly.
And then I remember the noise it made.
It was a monitor.
Yes.
And it hooked up to my underwear.
I had this too.
And it would, if it got wet.
Pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy.
Tiny dick, tiny dick.
Well, mine shorted out.
I peed all over it.
I short circuited it.
And it was supposed to wake you up.
I guess you didn't roll in it, but, like, you still pee.
It didn't stop you from peeing.
It didn't stop you.
I didn't get it.
I never fucking did it.
It was supposed to train you to go, oh, I have to pee, or I'm peeing.
Get up.
Right.
But it didn't work.
That's funny.
Yeah, it is all emotional.
I think you're not peeing.
What was your trauma?
All right.
We don't have to get into it.
No, no, no.
I had to think about it.
I mean, parents did.
He had dinner one time at 9 o'clock.
Freaked up.
Equinox was closed.
My dino nuggets weren't done.
No, I get parents' divorce.
Oh, okay.
Dad did have a psychopath.
That'll do it.
That'll do it.
Well, you turned out all right.
I mean, you seem pretty well adjusted.
I'm pretty nuts.
Okay.
Especially in the mornings.
You'd be a crude man.
Oh, get over it.
Oh, boy.
What was your trauma?
I think the break-ins.
We had a lot of break-ins in the house, and it freaked me out.
Freaked me out.
Saw a couple guys breaking in.
Saw a guy run through my lawn with a TV under his arm.
And I was a kid.
I bumped into this guy.
I was home alone in this bad neighborhood.
And this big dude was like, oh, hey.
And I was like, hey, how are you?
Because I was just a gullible seven-year-old.
And he's like, where's your dad at?
And I'm like, oh, I'll go find him for you.
You were in the house?
I was in the house.
We talked.
Me and the robber.
I bumped into a guy breaking into our house.
And he goes, where's your dad?
That guy played it pretty smooth.
He played it quick.
Hey, where's your dad at?
I'm here to look at the toilet.
Hey, little buddy.
Good to see you.
Yeah.
He switched it on me.
And he's like, I'm a worker.
I'm a worker.
And I was like, oh, OK.
Like, he was working on the house.
And I bought it completely.
And I said, oh, let me go find him for you, sir.
And I ran out to go find my dad.
I was like, dad, dad.
And I look out the window on the second floor.
And he's running through the backyard with a TV.
Oh, shit.
Yeah.
And I was like, oh, how about that?
I didn't get it for a second.
And I told my mom later.
She was like, whoa.
Your dad must have been pissed.
Oh, he was pissed.
He's like, you let the TV go?
That's fucking nuts, dude.
Good times.
Yeah.
That's why I pee the bed.
I haven't in a while, though, just so everybody out there knows.
Same.
I had a guy call my house one time when I was maybe like 11.
And I wasn't thinking anything.
And he started asking me about my mom's birthday.
He's like, I work with your mom.
We're going to get her a present.
And he's like, what kind of underwear does she wear?
And I didn't even think about it.
I know this guy.
I don't know.
And he's like, she'll wear like panties?
And I'm like, panties?
I don't know.
And then I yelled for my mom.
And she picked up the phone.
She's like, what?
And freaked the fuck out.
Yeah.
It was like a perv?
Yeah, it was a perv.
Whoa.
That's pretty, I guess, I mean.
But that was pretty victimless.
I guess you're getting a little freaked out.
But did he pinpoint your mom?
That's the scary part.
Or was it a rando?
No, I think it was around my mom's birthday, too.
Oh, that's weird.
Then you start wondering, who the fuck is this guy?
Yeah, some creep roller.
That's an inside job.
Probably my dad.
That's how he gets off a fat ass.
That's kind of healthy, thinking about it.
Yeah, a little role play.
Yeah, putting me in the middle of it.
What the fuck?
Keep it spicy.
No, it turns me on.
Talking to little boys about panties.
It was bad.
I remember then I'd have like sleepo.
I'd be like sleeping over my buddy's house.
Even like way past of me peeing my pants.
Yeah.
And my dad would be like, don't forget to.
Like, I call my dad.
He'd be like, don't forget to go to the bathroom.
I'm like, I'm fucking 18, Jerko.
Oh.
That's embarrassing.
Not until like in front of my friends, but like on the phone.
He'd be like, don't forget.
That's nice.
I'd call him like, hey, can I sleep at Henry's house?
Pee in the bed in the sleepover.
I don't think that's ever happened.
I would stay up sometimes.
Dramatic.
You've done that?
Yeah, a couple times.
One time I wet the bed.
I was sleeping on like a little cot at my friend's house.
I wet the bed.
I wake up and the mom is, they're all standing above me looking at me.
Because they could see the piss.
Like you're on an operating table.
Yeah, and I was like, oh, hey.
Breakfast ready?
Yeah.
My friend goes, why do you do that?
And I was so crying.
And the mom goes, get up, get up.
Because she had to clean it.
So she was like furious.
She was a single mom.
What the fuck?
She was a British cunt.
And she was like, give her a little compassion.
Yeah.
And I was like, oh, my God.
I'm so sorry.
And you're just wet, you know.
Oh, it was brutal.
They give you a change of clothes or something?
Yeah, I got a change.
I got like a bathing suit.
Wear her dress or something.
Wearing the wedding dress.
Wearing your dad's old clothes or something.
It's in a big suit.
Yeah.
Man, that's fucking brutal.
Yeah, it was brutal.
But I would stay up too like a war guy.
You know, you're like, I'm on stakeout.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'll watch the line, boys.
I'll watch the line.
Yeah.
Drop all night.
Damn.
Yeah, I ruined a couple of wrestling buddies.
I mean, I peed a lot.
Sure.
Then it was weird because as I started drinking, no friends of mine ever really
peed.
I was the only, like, as kids that peed the bed.
And then as I started drinking, you know, people would get drunk and pee and
whatever.
Like blackout, wake up and start peeing on like the TV or something.
I never did that.
But all my friends who didn't pee the bed as kids all started peeing as adults.
What?
Like, you know, they'd pee the bed.
They'd get fucked up and pee the bed.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, drunk.
I see.
You didn't do it?
When I blacked out, I would pee all over again.
Never.
It like triggered it again.
I think I peed in my dirt, my clean clothes one time in college.
Okay.
I remember standing there and then, like, the next morning they were all, like,
damp.
And I'm like, I think I peed in the, like, I thought it was the toilet.
Right.
So I just threw them right back in the, they were already in the hamper.
I just threw them right in the.
No one night stand piss?
I did that a few times.
I was like R. Kelly.
Thank you.

Getting A Boner On A Plane w/ Mark Normand | Are You Garbage

Oh, I'm not, that home will get me going.
I've had to hide some boners for sure.
Oh, yeah, I got a boner immediately on a plane.
I don't know what that is.
Oh, man.
Huh, okay.
Well, we're a couple of freaks out.
You ever have the nudity on a plane?
You're watching the movie, and there's a nude scene?
You're like, oh, I can't do it.
Dude, we were flying to Rochester, whatever, a couple of months or two ago.
I'm in 1A, right?
He's in 1B, because it's the tiny little guy.
It's the one and then two up front.
Got it, got it.
So we always get those, you know, that's like the best seat in the house.
That's the best seat.
You got a window seat and an aisle seat.
That's all I need in life.
No neighbor.
A window and an aisle.
I can look out the window.
I can pee.
I can do as I, sure, it's a four-minute flight, but still.
I like that, up and down.
Yeah, sure.
That's the first time I realized, I'm like, oh, this is just like a car.
It was that flight to Buffalo.
You don't even get up high.
No.
And you're just like above the, I'm like, this is like a car right above the
high.
Half of that went coasted.
They stopped hitting the gas like halfway through.
That's true.
But this woman next to me, older, and she had a, like, she was
in very good shape, older, you know, 60 maybe.
And she had a blouse, like a sweater.
Rich lady.
Rich lady.
Like, nice tight jeans, a button-up sweater, and like nothing under the sweater.
She should have had a blouse under this, but didn't have anything.
And I could see through the butt and just her lace.
Oh.
Dude, and I was like.
I love a lace bra.
I was fixated on this fucking thing.
But it's still bangable.
Oh.
I mean, like.
60, that's.
What's Ted Danson's wife?
Mary Steenberg.
Yes.
Very similar to her even, like, past, you know, before.
Wow.
Okay, okay.
Yeah, not now.
I like an old broad.
Oh, my buddy.
Right in my wheelhouse.
Jamie Lee Curtis.
I've always had a crush.
Oh, well, we saw her tits growing up.
Yeah.
And then what's the, what's the one where she's.
Come closer to the bed.
Rust eyes, all right.
Oh, yeah.
Blowout, I think.
No.
With Travolta.
And then you see her.
Don't you see her drugs?
Trading places.
Yes.
Pull that up if you can.
I want to see that later.
I forgot.
They're perfect tits.
She's all right.
I don't love the short hair.
But what are you going to do?
I love the short hair.
It's funny.
I didn't know where you were going with that, with the flight thing.
I didn't either.
I thought there was a guy, like, reading A Hustler next year.
No, but I was just like.
Oh, the porn thing.
The porn.
And you got the hum of this little fucking small jet going.
I got these side boob going.
I got him behind me breathing on my neck.
Oh, yeah.
Well, that's why the, what do you call it?
One Mile High Club?
What's it called?
The Mile High Club.
What's it called?
One Mile High Club.
That's still doing take-up.
The Mile High Club.
The Mile High Club.
That's it.
That's why that exists, because you get something going.
How does that work?
I know a friend that did it.
I could barely fit in there myself.
You're in there jerking off.
Doors still open.
Hitting the wall with your hand.
Doof, doof, doof, doof, doof.
Well, the thing is, they did some study.
You can look this up there, Fetty.
The plane makes your emotions go up.
That's why you cried or moved on the plane.
Yeah, so 9-11 must have been wild.
You just feel like, ah, God.
Hard crying.
Yeah.
So I think you get horned up, too, more.
Everything is heightened.
Well, it's like fate.
You're like, this is, you know.
Sure.
Even if you're not afraid to fly, there's still this, you know.
Yeah.
Something, a primal thing in you.
100%.
I just get hungry.
Uh-huh.
Over what?
On the airplane, when I'm in the plane.
Oh, you just get hungry.
I thought you said, I just got hungry.
Based on this conversation.
What else is new?
Like a stanza?
Well, it is 5-15.
Something cured meats?
You ever do that at the Mile High Club?
No, I never did.
Do you jerk golf on a plane?
I have.
Once.
In the thing or at the seat?
It's a helicopter.
Yeah.
The helicopter's great.
You shoot it right out the door.
Sucks it right up.
I did the jerk-off once because Fitzsimmons does it every flight.
A lot of guys do it a lot.
I think Pete Holmes did it a good amount.
Wow.
Really?
So it got in my head.
A lot of guys do it.
In the bathroom.
In the bathroom.
In the bathroom.
Yeah.
So, yeah, in the bathroom I did it once.
And I've only shit on a plane twice because it was an emergency.
But that ain't fun.
Yeah, I've done it once or twice.
I never go to the bathroom on a plane.
Oh, I pee every time.
I pee 100 times.
I'll get up four times.
Easy.
And if you're, you know, putting them back.
I hold it.
Really?
It's crazy, dude.
I can have 17 drinks and I just don't pee.
It absorbs back in them.
We'll be in here for like eight hours.
We'll pee one time.
We should do a tech because I was a bedwetter.
So my dad made me stretch my bladder.
I could not pee for hours.
I made you stretch your bladder.
Yeah, it was like an old school remedy.
He's like, your bladder's too small.
You pee in the bed.
Stretch it out.
So during the day he would make you drink water?
Water, no piss.
Jesus.
Oh, yeah.
He's boot camp.
You got to check.
Isn't that emotional?
Isn't bedwetting's more?
It's all trauma.
Yeah.
I had a lot of trauma.
Yeah, me too.
I used to pee.
Really?
Oh, dude.
Rubber sheets.
I remember, yeah, I had plastic sheets.
So we didn't ruin the fucking bed so much.
The mattress.
And, yeah, exactly.
And then I remember the noise it made.
It was a monitor.
Yes.
And it hooked up to my underwear.
I had this too.
And it would, if it got wet.
Pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy.
Tiny dick, tiny dick.
Well, mine shorted out.
I peed all over it.
I short circuited it.
And it was supposed to wake you up.
I guess you didn't roll in it, but, like, you still pee.
It didn't stop you from peeing.
It didn't stop you.
I didn't get it.
I never fucking did it.
It was supposed to train you to go, oh, I have to pee, or I'm peeing.
Get up.
Right.
But it didn't work.
That's funny.
Yeah, it is all emotional.
I think you're not peeing.
What was your trauma?
All right.
We don't have to get into it.
No, no, no.
I had to think about it.
I mean, parents did.
He had dinner one time at 9 o'clock.
Freaked up.
Equinox was closed.
My dino nuggets weren't done.
No, I get parents' divorce.
Oh, okay.
Dad did have a psychopath.
That'll do it.
That'll do it.
Well, you turned out all right.
I mean, you seem pretty well adjusted.
I'm pretty nuts.
Okay.
Especially in the mornings.
You'd be a crude man.
Oh, get over it.
Oh, boy.
What was your trauma?
I think the break-ins.
We had a lot of break-ins in the house, and it freaked me out.
Freaked me out.
Saw a couple guys breaking in.
Saw a guy run through my lawn with a TV under his arm.
And I was a kid.
I bumped into this guy.
I was home alone in this bad neighborhood.
And this big dude was like, oh, hey.
And I was like, hey, how are you?
Because I was just a gullible seven-year-old.
And he's like, where's your dad at?
And I'm like, oh, I'll go find him for you.
You were in the house?
I was in the house.
We talked.
Me and the robber.
I bumped into a guy breaking into our house.
And he goes, where's your dad?
That guy played it pretty smooth.
He played it quick.
Hey, where's your dad at?
I'm here to look at the toilet.
Hey, little buddy.
Good to see you.
Yeah.
He switched it on me.
And he's like, I'm a worker.
I'm a worker.
And I was like, oh, OK.
Like, he was working on the house.
And I bought it completely.
And I said, oh, let me go find him for you, sir.
And I ran out to go find my dad.
I was like, dad, dad.
And I look out the window on the second floor.
And he's running through the backyard with a TV.
Oh, shit.
Yeah.
And I was like, oh, how about that?
I didn't get it for a second.
And I told my mom later.
She was like, whoa.
Your dad must have been pissed.
Oh, he was pissed.
He's like, you let the TV go?
That's fucking nuts, dude.
Good times.
Yeah.
That's why I pee the bed.
I haven't in a while, though, just so everybody out there knows.
Same.
I had a guy call my house one time when I was maybe like 11.
And I wasn't thinking anything.
And he started asking me about my mom's birthday.
He's like, I work with your mom.
We're going to get her a present.
And he's like, what kind of underwear does she wear?
And I didn't even think about it.
I know this guy.
I don't know.
And he's like, she'll wear like panties?
And I'm like, panties?
I don't know.
And then I yelled for my mom.
And she picked up the phone.
She's like, what?
And freaked the fuck out.
Yeah.
It was like a perv?
Yeah, it was a perv.
Whoa.
That's pretty, I guess, I mean.
But that was pretty victimless.
I guess you're getting a little freaked out.
But did he pinpoint your mom?
That's the scary part.
Or was it a rando?
No, I think it was around my mom's birthday, too.
Oh, that's weird.
Then you start wondering, who the fuck is this guy?
Yeah, some creep roller.
That's an inside job.
Probably my dad.
That's how he gets off a fat ass.
That's kind of healthy, thinking about it.
Yeah, a little role play.
Yeah, putting me in the middle of it.
What the fuck?
Keep it spicy.
No, it turns me on.
Talking to little boys about panties.
It was bad.
I remember then I'd have like sleepo.
I'd be like sleeping over my buddy's house.
Even like way past of me peeing my pants.
Yeah.
And my dad would be like, don't forget to.
Like, I call my dad.
He'd be like, don't forget to go to the bathroom.
I'm like, I'm fucking 18, Jerko.
Oh.
That's embarrassing.
Not until like in front of my friends, but like on the phone.
He'd be like, don't forget.
That's nice.
I'd call him like, hey, can I sleep at Henry's house?
Pee in the bed in the sleepover.
I don't think that's ever happened.
I would stay up sometimes.
Dramatic.
You've done that?
Yeah, a couple times.
One time I wet the bed.
I was sleeping on like a little cot at my friend's house.
I wet the bed.
I wake up and the mom is, they're all standing above me looking at me.
Because they could see the piss.
Like you're on an operating table.
Yeah, and I was like, oh, hey.
Breakfast ready?
Yeah.
My friend goes, why do you do that?
And I was so crying.
And the mom goes, get up, get up.
Because she had to clean it.
So she was like furious.
She was a single mom.
What the fuck?
She was a British cunt.
And she was like, give her a little compassion.
Yeah.
And I was like, oh, my God.
I'm so sorry.
And you're just wet, you know.
Oh, it was brutal.
They give you a change of clothes or something?
Yeah, I got a change.
I got like a bathing suit.
Wear her dress or something.
Wearing the wedding dress.
Wearing your dad's old clothes or something.
It's in a big suit.
Yeah.
Man, that's fucking brutal.
Yeah, it was brutal.
But I would stay up too like a war guy.
You know, you're like, I'm on stakeout.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'll watch the line, boys.
I'll watch the line.
Yeah.
Drop all night.
Damn.
Yeah, I ruined a couple of wrestling buddies.
I mean, I peed a lot.
Sure.
Then it was weird because as I started drinking, no friends of mine ever really
peed.
I was the only, like, as kids that peed the bed.
And then as I started drinking, you know, people would get drunk and pee and
whatever.
Like blackout, wake up and start peeing on like the TV or something.
I never did that.
But all my friends who didn't pee the bed as kids all started peeing as adults.
What?
Like, you know, they'd pee the bed.
They'd get fucked up and pee the bed.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, drunk.
I see.
You didn't do it?
When I blacked out, I would pee all over again.
Never.
It like triggered it again.
I think I peed in my dirt, my clean clothes one time in college.
Okay.
I remember standing there and then, like, the next morning they were all, like,
damp.
And I'm like, I think I peed in the, like, I thought it was the toilet.
Right.
So I just threw them right back in the, they were already in the hamper.
I just threw them right in the.
No one night stand piss?
I