Name: Stealing From Brewster's Ice Cream w/ Matt McCusker | Are You Garbage
Uploaded: 2026-03-30T19:30:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stealing From Brewster's Ice Cream w/ Matt McCusker | Are You Garbage' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-03-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stealing From Brewster's Ice Cream w/ Matt McCusker | Are You Garbage' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-03-30. Transcript available.

what was the first job your first actual job oh like working for like a company
yeah i assume you
worked for some my dad yeah my dad one of your family yeah yeah yeah so the
first job you applied
for a job i think it was brewster's ice cream brewster's brewster's ice cream i
think i'm almost
i've i think that was the first one where's that where's brewster's uh it was
on 202 it was on like
route 202 uh right near where like pennsylvania hits delaware okay so like you
know back it was like
the concord mall was right there and if you keep going up from delaware into
pennsylvania there was
just like right on the side of a two-lane highway i think i know what you're
talking is there a hot
dog thing hot dog place on the on the right side that's his north star no no
there was there's a
wawa and then you keep going and it's just like there's there's a nail salon
called a nails sort
of guy makes me laugh every time a nails and then there's uh birds and the bees
was like a classic
like lingerie kind of short adult and then it was just ice cream right my mom
used to run a lingerie
shop called the butterfly what slut you seem to be over it i i but yeah that
was the first i had a lot
of like weird odd jobs where i would like work but that was the first job
location did you get the gig
did you get the job i got the job how old were you when you got it i think i
was i was old enough to
drive so i was probably like 16. okay summer job yeah and i was doing the
school year really yeah
i'll work at night time selling ice cream selling ice cream gotta be slow in
the winter dude so this
was the very they the year i worked here the year i worked there was the first
winner there there was
like a gamble they're like we're gonna stay open all winter it was like we got
the husker on board
it seems like he's got moxie i think if anybody can do it he can do it dude
global warming's real man
it was unheard of and they and they were like i remember them like they took
all the employees in
they're like we're going to do something crazy they try to act like they're
founding facebook they're
like we're about to disrupt the ice cream industry we're going to do something
nuts hot ice cream i
think i'm just crazy enough to do it but yeah no i actually so i never filled
out a w9 when i worked
at that place because i was just stealing money from the cash register the
entire time again the underworld
if you hit well i my part my thing with teenage jobs was if the boss was nice i
wouldn't steal if the
boss was not nice i was like this is my enemy i'm going to try to destroy your
code yeah i had a code
i had a code and they i mean dude it was on them because like the way they did
it was on their cash
register if there was a baby you could do free baby cone and hit it and would
zero the order out
or like you're like zero out like it wouldn't do anything but you could pop the
drawer by hitting
free baby cone gotcha so if anything fell on an even number no change like
exactly 20 exactly 10
i would get that 20 hit free baby cone so it would look like on a camera it
looked like i was
ringing it up and the thing would pop out and i would act like i was putting it
in crumple the bill
in my hand and then put it in my pocket later damn i did that that's pretty
advanced what are we
talking about you're walking out of there with just like 50 i had like gas
money yeah i had maybe
i might make like 100 and you know 100 something a week off of that yeah okay
that's pretty that's
a nice little grift wasn't that you're not getting greedy that wasn't it wasn't
i wasn't crazy
and it was you know it was like when the opportunity would strike i'll go nice
because i didn't like the
manager right because the manager came in it was actually she was completely
right but she was like
you're stealing from us i got i got hired i got hired a day before her so she
came in and started
bossing me around and i was like yo technically i've been here longer than you
i don't have to listen
to you and so we were at odds the entire time so but yeah i don't know why i
didn't like that place
but i definitely i mean i feel bad now but i definitely as a child and then i
finally filled out
the w9 and got my paychecks and was like yeah but you weren't collecting paychecks
no i worked
there for like a month and a half and didn't collect a paycheck i think i
should have known you were
stealing hey do you need that w9 now i'm cool keep them baby i remember my mom
my mom brought to my
attention so you got to fill this out you're not gonna get paid i was like i
will and she was just
kind of like okay like mom i'm getting paid that's like every dirt bag figures
that out early on of
like how it takes them like four days to go to find the what the end the cracks
in the long go oh
i got this place dead no i had a candy i worked at a candy stand in the concord
mall same thing you
had to manually put in the price i just started taxing everything like 50
basically if it was 10
bucks worth of candy i rang up five pocketed the other half tariffs got them
bad i was bad i was
tariffing hard so i was a bad employee as a child and again it was all the boss
if i liked the boss
straight as an arrow if the boss gave me an attitude i was like all right man
well let's
let's see what's up then i remember devin they were doing they had some card
that was uh it was like a
gift card but you could you had it to swipe but you were able to give people
like if it was their
birthday give some give them something off man that got through the fucking the
perka then holy
shit my my cousin might have had the all-time so he worked at wawa and i won't
say which cousin
but one of them worked at wawa and he got that you know the hoagie when you get
a hoagie
and he had a paid stamp he took the stamp so he was giving it out to us we
could stamp our own
hoagie things dude it was that was huge i don't think i paid for lunch one
summer like the whole
summer that would do when it was it was when it was just analog like that it
was like
i'm like i won't even show you the slip half the time they didn't check yeah
but the paid stamp
you're a bulletproof you go here you go let's get that because you would order
it they would make
it you would pay supposedly and yeah just come back and there would be your
sandwich you'd be like sweet
in the realm of the philadelphia underworld that has to be a hot come on dude
that's like a stolen gun
that's like a gun with a serial number dude that thing is it's hard to even
explain the significance
but it was pretty much like a counterfeit money machine for food to go home and
be like my friends
man his cousin stole one i want like i want to be telling that story that i
know a guy who knows a guy
who had a paid sticker dude what was the first concert that you went to first
concert i went to was
i think oh it was it was red hot chili peppers whoa that's not bad red hot
chili peppers
at the tweeter center who'd you go with just like two of my friends okay so you
were you were of age
you were 16 yeah yeah you had the brewsters money on you i might have had that
brewsters change on me
i forget exactly when that was but we definitely that was the first one that's
pretty good that's
a great one red hot chili peppers yeah not bad what was the first car first car
was
so my dad collected classic cars like old muscle cars so the first car i drove
was a 72 lemans no
shit i don't know why he let me it wasn't even fuel injected i just sat out in
the morning and like
punch the gas to get like to turn over and then i would go and pick my cousin
up and we would head
to school together and i like crashed into my my uncle's car like early in the
morning so i didn't
defrost the windshield and i was kind of like doing the dumb and dumber how
long did you see you're
rolling around in a muscle car dude it was so fast that's pretty sick it was
pretty awesome it was an
old muscle and i could like at a green light hit the gas and it would just be
like i don't know why he
gave it i don't like the same he was like you can drive this and i was like all
right sick so i just
like you can drive one of the sickest cars ever it was pretty tight it was like
a tan
72 levon pretty sick but also pretty trashy you ever see the kid in the muscle
car that pulled into
the parking lot yeah man the average i wasn't even a gearhead like that i was
just like okay cool
thanks man kids that were into cars like before they had cars i'm like dude
your dad hit you at
some point yeah yeah the gearheads it was usually like gearhead slash the
speaker head the guys
would have the big 12s and 10s in the back and they would sweat the lemans and
i always be like
whatever man whatever this is just my beater yes this is my day to day i'm
gonna go hit wawa later
this is my point a to point b it is funny though to like have an ice cream shop
and you see like a
six year old kid roll up pull down a 90 000 car
haven't collected a paycheck yet some hot chicken of some 23 year old in the
flight
attendant costume gets in your car you pull away what's up babe i i literally
pulled up like a meth
dealer they're probably like who the fuck is this guy 16 year old kid in a
muscle car pulled up to
his ice cream job he's crazy that's crazy work i used to not wash they were
like you gotta wash your
i had a white sweatsuit for brewsters like you gotta wash it every day and i
was like dude we're
not even like working that hard i don't need to wash this but the ice cream
would like spoil so i
fucking stunk so bad man because i just had ice cream drops i would just sit
there in my car for
like a week i was bad with the washing of the uniform as well yeah horrible
that's my my favorite and
least favorite kind of waiter is the guy who comes up to your table with like
four weeks of stains on
it what can i get for you like dude just go get a second shirt bro hair's all
greasy eyes are bloodshot
what can we get for you
but yeah it was first first job first car do you remember what you got on your
sats yeah pretty
sharp guy 11 30. no very good oh the old sats yeah now that's like well it's
back to that
is it really went to 2400 and then back now it's they they've abandoned that it's
back at 1600. that's
good that that new stuff is crazy it was like completely work and they had the
yeah they had
the essay portion which how do you read that sorry is that what they what
happened there was an essay
point yeah they tried to like equalize it we're like well if you write a nice
letter we'll give
you 900 points but the my math was like abysmal like forrest gump level like
bad and uh put it
nicely in the but my verbal was super high so my sats were like crazy lopsided
damn but i got the 11 30
i never would have got it once too yeah me too it was 11 40 i was like it was
like dead on it was like
6 10 and 5 30 or something like that was like yep mine were like seven
something and like four it
was so bad if i would have had to write out an essay it would have been brutal
i literally just sped
through it we had a football game that night and i took acid that night oh i
was hurting what'd you
get uh 870. talk about gump huh just gumping i don't know after a night of acid
all night i think
at 870 that's if you should explain that if you ever had a job you should be
president actually just
be like i had 870 i was on acid all night i'd be like damn that's crazy bro gumpins
all right
dude's gumping hard crashing the boat into the dock you jump off the boat
Thank you.