Name: What Makes Luis J. Gomez Feel Classy
Uploaded: 2026-04-14T20:30:12.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'What Makes Luis J. Gomez Feel Classy' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-04-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'What Makes Luis J. Gomez Feel Classy' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-04-14. Transcript available.

i did use western union once man that's a tough feeling when i was in uh it's
in amsterdam okay
that's a little that's your right but i ran out of money because of hookers and
weed it wasn't like
dude i didn't think i didn't get my bag i didn't think you spent it at the and
frank museum
i spent my money every time i went dude every time i went to amsterdam i'm like
i'm going to
the and frank museum i'm going to the van gogh museum i'm gonna do it i'm doing
it and every
time i spend all my money on hookers and weed i never get there i've only been
one time and i
went with my with my wife you guys would kill it there you should go to a
theater in amsterdam
they love comedy i know yeah but we don't do that well overseas it's a it's a
very we didn't realize
it's a very american-based show yeah it's all about how you grew up it's not
like i do crazy well but i
saw a couple shows in amsterdam i don't know we're having trouble we're having
trouble with chicago
tonight who'd you ask for western union uh my friend katie we were out in amsterdam
just spent
all of our money we were staying in utrecht which is like another city like 45
minutes away from
amsterdam we're just trying to get near amsterdam we didn't realize how far i
didn't know how to
travel yet i was like 22 years old i still don't my mom died when i was on that
trip actually jesus yeah
yeah well that's your morning yeah i just wanted to bum everyone out hey guys
just so you know you
think you'd ask for airfare to get back home nope you're trying to re-up on the
on the i had a real
well i didn't find out until i got home because i had like a little nokia cell
phone
i i couldn't get calls overseas i didn't have whatever you needed to do that so
i found out when
i got home god damn there's a chance i was inside of a prostitute when my mom
died oh that'll give
you something to think about the chance that prostitute was female i had a
pretty good chance
uh i was in amsterdam one time and i just went to i popped my head down like
the red light district
i was just like let me just go see what it's like and there was a guy getting
oh let me just go see
what it's like i swear i was two seconds i was with my wife and there was this
guy getting pushed
out of a out of like a a brothel and he's like holding onto the door frame he
goes just let me get
a hand job and i was just like never be that guy i respect them it's just pleading
yeah yeah no
amsterdam's a good city it's a fun town uh one question we've been doing as of
recent and i feel that
you might have a few good answers on this please what do you do to feel classy
it doesn't even have to
be classy but like maybe high taste use the valet or you had is there a product
or something that
you have at the house you're like i like using this it could be a cutting board
a knife i like this
question an air fryer anything what makes you go oh this is nice i like well i
bought a second car
for no reason not a second car that you have the audi well i had the acura all
right i had an audi
total the audi right got an acura because i didn't deserve an audi okay i was
like actually i don't
deserve a german engineered car it was like i'm too much shitty of a driver i
was like then i was like
i'm gonna buy this acura tlx nick rusherford recommendation he's the man love
me for it
and uh i bought this accurate tlx use just bought a cash i was like that's that
i was like i'm gonna
have this car till my son turns 16 he's 13 now i'll reward myself with a nice
luxury car then yeah if i
can get it to no accidents between now and then learn my lesson be a little bit
less distracted right and
then stop drawing on walls dude it's it snowed uh out in jersey where it snowed
all over it snowed at my
it was crazy it was a crazy snowstorm you remember like the foot of snow we had
yeah yeah yeah it was
like three weeks ago my whole house was buried the car was buried this is the
acura and uh i was like
fuck so i go into the acura i open the door i turn on the heat full blast i
turn on the the defrosters
full blast me and my son we dig out the entire driveway the whole path um you
know we don't
have it this is like real shovels this is some fucking old school i got you i i
don't have a
fucking snowblower none of that shit dude we shoveled that fucking car out
right uh you know an hour
later i go to move the car you know because the heat's on the snow just kind of
falls off right so i
back out as soon as the snow fell off the windshield had a giant crack because
you can't
go from freezing ice cold to heat blasting on the window so then i started cursing
and i was like
this fucking piece of shit car and i called it was gonna be 1200 to replace the
windshield
and uh and then i was like i was called nick roger for it he had such a funny
point because i was like
oh dude i'm thinking about getting a car and he said this on the real ass
podcast he's like when a guy
calls you up and says i'm thinking about getting a car that means he's 36 hours
away from buying a
new car dude i bought a new car that same week and i saw that and i was going
to call nick and i saw
that clip i went no way because he's going to talk me out of what i want to get
well that's exactly it
so then i was like this uh i need a different car i'm sick of driving around a
shitty car i haven't
been in any accidents it's been 13 months so i got myself the audi q8 so now i
have my audi but then
i put brought my car in to get the windshield fixed and i blacked out the tires
and the windows
very puerto rican look this blacked out acura and now they gave it back to me
and i'm like that's
a hot car right there i didn't even need the audi so now i have a second car
you put black rims on
your car yeah so blacking out the car that makes you feel rich no no having to
having the second car
for no reason was like a move spending a lot of money on a gym membership you
know oh boarding before
everyone else on a flight very premier 1k which i'm no longer premier 1k i was
premier one united
that's united premier 1k i was they bumped me because i didn't spend enough
money they changed
it used to be miles flown now it's money spent yeah which is okay but here's
what i have learned
you just walk up on the premier 1k this guy's cracking the case guys i'm
telling you right now
they don't check i've seen delta bump people and go not delta united united
united with animals they
don't check i'm telling you right now and i'm just gonna keep on playing dumb
and even if i get caught it's
not like i get caught by the same person i'll get caught like cool all right i
guess i got caught
i'll wait till group one is called now then you gotta i'm still in group one no
that's crazy you're
in group one i'm in group one okay okay yeah so that makes me feel you got tsa
pre-check oh yeah
you got clear oh yeah you got touchless what touchless is no you gotta get
touchless dog you guys are
classy this episode is sponsored by better help yeah gang we know better help
is fantastic for all the
things in your life they're also fantastic if you're working through some
financial stresses
that you need to get off your chest talk to somebody and no matter what it is
whether it's
big whether it's small you want to talk to somebody and better help is a great
way to step your foot
into talk therapy we love it you'll love it talk it out yeah uh money worries
often bring anxiety
sleep disruption disruption and even depression and one of the leading sources
of conflict for couples this
month you can normalize the emotional weight of financial stress and remind
people that struggling
with money doesn't mean they failed sometimes it's just accessing the right
kind of support money stress
as from a child all the way up to when i was adult you see it from your parents
at it i had it's just
it's it is a big big big point of contention in my life uh it always has been
so having somebody to
talk to talk to about that we'll fucking just shed a little bit of light and
make things a little bit
easier you'll be sleeping a little better at night and uh talk therapy as it
has always been a
a fantastic tool in my life uh when life feels overwhelming therapy can help
sign up and get 10
off at betterhelp.com slash garbage that's better help help.com slash garbage
do it do it
okay let's talk about pesty pesty gang you know pesty i do baby use it at the
house gang if you got bug
problems you got infestation what you want to do is you want to go to pesty and
kind of do it yourself
listen right let me let me take over am i talking out of my ass i just did it
are you taking control
of your life with pesty i just did it four days ago my man four days ago listen
they send it to
bug man uh it's fantastic they send it it comes you they send the bag you mix
it with the water you
mix the little uh the little potion with the water you put your little sprayer
on top give you a little
set of black gloves yes i i think it's two foot you go around the perimeter of
the house it takes
minutes minutes and you're good with the bug get them out that's great it's uh
it's not crazy toxic
it's good we were it's kid and pet friendly one because we got a little caparino
and we got hansi
ponzi sure the pesticides they shipped are fully registered and have been used
in hospitals and schools
all over the country pesty offers a 100 bug-free guarantee or your money back
if the bugs don't go away
you'll get a refund the kit includes a sprayer a mixing bag pesticide gloves
like i said and
instructions it's less than 10 minutes it's so simple it makes you feel like
you're accomplishing
something too uh gets rid over 100 types of bugs from spiders to ants roaches
and scorpions which
listen i ain't got scorpions but with pesty we definitely ain't gonna get them
yikes uh keep the
bugs away with pesty go to pesty.com ayg for an extra 10 off your order that's
pesty p-e-s-t-i-e.com
slash a-y-g for an extra 10 off do it yeah anything that makes you feel trashy
like you're like fuck
the feeling that if i if if i were to walk into your home and you had cash on
the table yeah i would
think to steal it i wouldn't steal it you would go how would i do that i would
just go like uh whatever
it is like my like an urge like the same way if you see like a and you like you
want to lick it what
like that's the way i'm not seeing pussies that much if you see a pussy you
want to lick it you're
like i want to lick that pussy go to a strip club like oh i'd love to lick that
pussy you don't do it
because you're in a strip club you'll get kicked out and bounced right but the
same that same urgency
you gotta keep this guy on a short leash dude hey if you got cash on a tee you
got pussies i'm
gonna lick it you don't do it because you're my friend and this and i'm at a hootah's
right now
you know what i'm saying dog you go to a strip club and be like if the
pussy's right in your face you're like oh i just want to give it a liquor room
your mind
goes there a liquor room and your mind goes there and the same thing you're asian
if i see your if
i see money on your table and i'm at your house like my mind goes like oh i
want to take that money
and that that is will always be in me you'll never get that out of me can i don't
i would never steal
two follow-up questions please what is the steal from you know big businesses
and airports but not
okay what was the last thing you stole from probably an airport then yeah
probably an airport okay fair
enough uh what was the last strip club you were i was the name of it
that's called cotton mouth
i haven't been to a strip club since i started dating my girlfriend how long
have we been dating
prior to that i went to a strip club in at least four months do you have four
months do you have
do you have one from your past that you really liked no i went to a pretty good
strip club in
like just one of these shitty towns the last one i don't remember what it was
but it was a straight
up like black strip club which is like that's where you want to go look now i
understand that
this is going to sound harsh but i am brown so i feel like i have a good
perspective on this as a brown
person like bleros out of this white strippers are the best obviously like you
want to if you're if
you're at a bachelor party if money's not an object you're not a guy like you
right let's say money's
not money's not an object you're getting your white strippers for your party
beautiful young hot white
women but those bitches come at a high cost right um you know we but money is
an object so you got to
consider everything uh-huh go to a black strip club like the ghetto ass strip
club okay i remember after
skank fest we went to uh hustler barely legal hustler club okay that's who
hosts the after
party at skank right the barely legal club i think we were sick that year
so uh we all had a sickness that weekend um no and but like it was like high-end
hot white
bitches and i remember i took my money and i fucking uh came over and i smacked
it on her ass
she didn't like that no the security was like whoa you can't touch the strippers
i was like can't
touch the strippers that's the whole thing what are we doing go down to the
king of diamonds you can
arm wrestle you go to a black strip club doggy i'm straight up you could punch
it into her
fucking ribs you put it you put the money on the end of your fist and you just
punch her square in
the face and she's like thank you baby and they're all they're all kind of fun
you know funky and
fucked up and like you want a ghetto ass strip club though they'll fucking you
spit in their mouth for a
dollar you're all class trust me
you

What Makes Luis J. Gomez Feel Classy

i did use western union once man that's a tough feeling when i was in uh it's
in amsterdam okay
that's a little that's your right but i ran out of money because of hookers and
weed it wasn't like
dude i didn't think i didn't get my bag i didn't think you spent it at the and
frank museum
i spent my money every time i went dude every time i went to amsterdam i'm like
i'm going to
the and frank museum i'm going to the van gogh museum i'm gonna do it i'm doing
it and every
time i spend all my money on hookers and weed i never get there i've only been
one time and i
went with my with my wife you guys would kill it there you should go to a
theater in amsterdam
they love comedy i know yeah but we don't do that well overseas it's a it's a
very we didn't realize
it's a very american-based show yeah it's all about how you grew up it's not
like i do crazy well but i
saw a couple shows in amsterdam i don't know we're having trouble we're having
trouble with chicago
tonight who'd you ask for western union uh my friend katie we were out in amsterdam
just spent
all of our money we were staying in utrecht which is like another city like 45
minutes away from
amsterdam we're just trying to get near amsterdam we didn't realize how far i
didn't know how to
travel yet i was like 22 years old i still don't my mom died when i was on that
trip actually jesus yeah
yeah well that's your morning yeah i just wanted to bum everyone out hey guys
just so you know you
think you'd ask for airfare to get back home nope you're trying to re-up on the
on the i had a real
well i didn't find out until i got home because i had like a little nokia cell
phone
i i couldn't get calls overseas i didn't have whatever you needed to do that so
i found out when
i got home god damn there's a chance i was inside of a prostitute when my mom
died oh that'll give
you something to think about the chance that prostitute was female i had a
pretty good chance
uh i was in amsterdam one time and i just went to i popped my head down like
the red light district
i was just like let me just go see what it's like and there was a guy getting
oh let me just go see
what it's like i swear i was two seconds i was with my wife and there was this
guy getting pushed
out of a out of like a a brothel and he's like holding onto the door frame he
goes just let me get
a hand job and i was just like never be that guy i respect them it's just pleading
yeah yeah no
amsterdam's a good city it's a fun town uh one question we've been doing as of
recent and i feel that
you might have a few good answers on this please what do you do to feel classy
it doesn't even have to
be classy but like maybe high taste use the valet or you had is there a product
or something that
you have at the house you're like i like using this it could be a cutting board
a knife i like this
question an air fryer anything what makes you go oh this is nice i like well i
bought a second car
for no reason not a second car that you have the audi well i had the acura all
right i had an audi
total the audi right got an acura because i didn't deserve an audi okay i was
like actually i don't
deserve a german engineered car it was like i'm too much shitty of a driver i
was like then i was like
i'm gonna buy this acura tlx nick rusherford recommendation he's the man love
me for it
and uh i bought this accurate tlx use just bought a cash i was like that's that
i was like i'm gonna
have this car till my son turns 16 he's 13 now i'll reward myself with a nice
luxury car then yeah if i
can get it to no accidents between now and then learn my lesson be a little bit
less distracted right and
then stop drawing on walls dude it's it snowed uh out in jersey where it snowed
all over it snowed at my
it was crazy it was a crazy snowstorm you remember like the foot of snow we had
yeah yeah yeah it was
like three weeks ago my whole house was buried the car was buried this is the
acura and uh i was like
fuck so i go into the acura i open the door i turn on the heat full blast i
turn on the the defrosters
full blast me and my son we dig out the entire driveway the whole path um you
know we don't
have it this is like real shovels this is some fucking old school i got you i i
don't have a
fucking snowblower none of that shit dude we shoveled that fucking car out
right uh you know an hour
later i go to move the car you know because the heat's on the snow just kind of
falls off right so i
back out as soon as the snow fell off the windshield had a giant crack because
you can't
go from freezing ice cold to heat blasting on the window so then i started cursing
and i was like
this fucking piece of shit car and i called it was gonna be 1200 to replace the
windshield
and uh and then i was like i was called nick roger for it he had such a funny
point because i was like
oh dude i'm thinking about getting a car and he said this on the real ass
podcast he's like when a guy
calls you up and says i'm thinking about getting a car that means he's 36 hours
away from buying a
new car dude i bought a new car that same week and i saw that and i was going
to call nick and i saw
that clip i went no way because he's going to talk me out of what i want to get
well that's exactly it
so then i was like this uh i need a different car i'm sick of driving around a
shitty car i haven't
been in any accidents it's been 13 months so i got myself the audi q8 so now i
have my audi but then
i put brought my car in to get the windshield fixed and i blacked out the tires
and the windows
very puerto rican look this blacked out acura and now they gave it back to me
and i'm like that's
a hot car right there i didn't even need the audi so now i have a second car
you put black rims on
your car yeah so blacking out the car that makes you feel rich no no having to
having the second car
for no reason was like a move spending a lot of money on a gym membership you
know oh boarding before
everyone else on a flight very premier 1k which i'm no longer premier 1k i was
premier one united
that's united premier 1k i was they bumped me because i didn't spend enough
money they changed
it used to be miles flown now it's money spent yeah which is okay but here's
what i have learned
you just walk up on the premier 1k this guy's cracking the case guys i'm
telling you right now
they don't check i've seen delta bump people and go not delta united united
united with animals they
don't check i'm telling you right now and i'm just gonna keep on playing dumb
and even if i get caught it's
not like i get caught by the same person i'll get caught like cool all right i
guess i got caught
i'll wait till group one is called now then you gotta i'm still in group one no
that's crazy you're
in group one i'm in group one okay okay yeah so that makes me feel you got tsa
pre-check oh yeah
you got clear oh yeah you got touchless what touchless is no you gotta get
touchless dog you guys are
classy this episode is sponsored by better help yeah gang we know better help
is fantastic for all the
things in your life they're also fantastic if you're working through some
financial stresses
that you need to get off your chest talk to somebody and no matter what it is
whether it's
big whether it's small you want to talk to somebody and better help is a great
way to step your foot
into talk therapy we love it you'll love it talk it out yeah uh money worries
often bring anxiety
sleep disruption disruption and even depression and one of the leading sources
of conflict for couples this
month you can normalize the emotional weight of financial stress and remind
people that struggling
with money doesn't mean they failed sometimes it's just accessing the right
kind of support money stress
as from a child all the way up to when i was adult you see it from your parents
at it i had it's just
it's it is a big big big point of contention in my life uh it always has been
so having somebody to
talk to talk to about that we'll fucking just shed a little bit of light and
make things a little bit
easier you'll be sleeping a little better at night and uh talk therapy as it
has always been a
a fantastic tool in my life uh when life feels overwhelming therapy can help
sign up and get 10
off at betterhelp.com slash garbage that's better help help.com slash garbage
do it do it
okay let's talk about pesty pesty gang you know pesty i do baby use it at the
house gang if you got bug
problems you got infestation what you want to do is you want to go to pesty and
kind of do it yourself
listen right let me let me take over am i talking out of my ass i just did it
are you taking control
of your life with pesty i just did it four days ago my man four days ago listen
they send it to
bug man uh it's fantastic they send it it comes you they send the bag you mix
it with the water you
mix the little uh the little potion with the water you put your little sprayer
on top give you a little
set of black gloves yes i i think it's two foot you go around the perimeter of
the house it takes
minutes minutes and you're good with the bug get them out that's great it's uh
it's not crazy toxic
it's good we were it's kid and pet friendly one because we got a little caparino
and we got hansi
ponzi sure the pesticides they shipped are fully registered and have been used
in hospitals and schools
all over the country pesty offers a 100 bug-free guarantee or your money back
if the bugs don't go away
you'll get a refund the kit includes a sprayer a mixing bag pesticide gloves
like i said and
instructions it's less than 10 minutes it's so simple it makes you feel like
you're accomplishing
something too uh gets rid over 100 types of bugs from spiders to ants roaches
and scorpions which
listen i ain't got scorpions but with pesty we definitely ain't gonna get them
yikes uh keep the
bugs away with pesty go to pesty.com ayg for an extra 10 off your order that's
pesty p-e-s-t-i-e.com
slash a-y-g for an extra 10 off do it yeah anything that makes you feel trashy
like you're like fuck
the feeling that if i if if i were to walk into your home and you had cash on
the table yeah i would
think to steal it i wouldn't steal it you would go how would i do that i would
just go like uh whatever
it is like my like an urge like the same way if you see like a and you like you
want to lick it what
like that's the way i'm not seeing pussies that much if you see a pussy you
want to lick it you're
like i want to lick that pussy go to a strip club like oh i'd love to lick that
pussy you don't do it
because you're in a strip club you'll get kicked out and bounced right but the
same that same urgency
you gotta keep this guy on a short leash dude hey if you got cash on a tee you
got pussies i'm
gonna lick it you don't do it because you're my friend and this and i'm at a hootah's
right now
you know what i'm saying dog you go to a strip club and be like if the
pussy's right in your face you're like oh i just want to give it a liquor room
your mind
goes there a liquor room and your mind goes there and the same thing you're asian
if i see your if
i see money on your table and i'm at your house like my mind goes like oh i
want to take that money
and that that is will always be in me you'll never get that out of me can i don't
i would never steal
two follow-up questions please what is the steal from you know big businesses
and airports but not
okay what was the last thing you stole from probably an airport then yeah
probably an airport okay fair
enough uh what was the last strip club you were i was the name of it
that's called cotton mouth
i haven't been to a strip club since i started dating my girlfriend how long
have we been dating
prior to that i went to a strip club in at least four months do you have four
months do you have
do you have one from your past that you really liked no i went to a pretty good
strip club in
like just one of these shitty towns the last one i don't remember what it was
but it was a straight
up like black strip club which is like that's where you want to