Name: Andrew Santino's Grandfather Worked for the Mob as a Child
Uploaded: 2026-04-16T20:30:12.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Andrew Santino's Grandfather Worked for the Mob as a Child' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-04-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Andrew Santino's Grandfather Worked for the Mob as a Child' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-04-16. Transcript available.

But he grew up like that.
They grew up, him and his brothers.
I mean, you know, my grandfather, you want to tell, I will get into the trashing.
My grandfather, till the day he died, which was a year and a half ago, worked
at the dog
track and the horse track.
Holy shit.
Where's their dog tracks?
I thought they got rid of that.
Well, the last one was Maywood dog track in Chicago.
It's gone now.
Damn.
It's winter.
But Arlington is the horse track.
Maywood is the dog track.
What did he do there?
He was a taker.
He was at the window.
Because when he was a kid, he was a numbers runner for the mob.
Nice.
That was his game.
That was his money.
You're a generational dirt bag.
Yeah, 100%.
Yeah.
So he, and he lost, I think he lost my grandmother's house like three times
from gambling.
What the fuck?
Guys, the kid.
Kept winning it back, though.
Rest in peace, Tommy.
He's the kid.
He's going to walk away from the table on a heater.
He was the fucking man.
But he was, he loved gambling.
He was his vice.
I mean, to a degree, that was absurd.
He would spend all his paycheck money at the track.
So he'd work.
And this is your dad's dad or your mom's dad?
My dad's dad.
Yeah.
Yeah.
This is all the Sicilian side.
Damn.
That's all the Italianos.
Yeah.
So he would work at the track and, and I'd go as a kid, but I loved it.
Like they had boxing nights.
I used to love that.
Like Monday nights were like amateur boxing nights.
It was just local idiots.
Just local fucking going to town.
Local guys who hang sheetrock, punching each other.
Just getting brain damaged.
It's funny.
Cause you're only what?
38 or something like that?
38.
Yeah.
You're describing a childhood from the 1970s.
I know.
Or 20s.
Yeah.
I was.
I was.
So I took the street car to see my grandpa in the dog track.
Man, I had her on the numbers.
Yeah.
I mean, we did, we, we had nights.
I mean, because my dad lived that like street lifestyle, I kind of got to see
that, that
world as a young kid.
It was kind of wild.
It was, you know, and he was also, he was a people guy.
He was a, a contractor and he would contract in the worst neighborhoods and
they loved him.
He would go to the worst neighborhoods cause he knew like they also have money
and no one
was going there, but he would go like I, to his credit, he, he robbed their
house, but
still a hundred percent.
Plus his plug was over that way too.
He got a take.
Yeah.
Are you on your way?
Yes.
I've got a job to do.
I'll be right back.
Andrew.
Four hours later.
Were you a fighter growing up at any scuffles?
When's the last time you got into a fight fist fight?
Not since I was in college.
Okay.
I learned my lesson.
My, uh, we've beaten up Shane for nailing your girl.
Yeah.
You didn't have to record it, dude.
Come on.
When I was a little kid, I got kicked out of, um, I got kicked out of a
Catholic school.
You seem to have a bit of an edge to you.
Yeah.
If it came to it.
Hot temper.
They called me slugger Santino.
Ooh.
What?
Cause I hit, I hit a couple of kids.
I got kicked out of Catholic school and then I got kicked out of a daycare.
A daycare?
A daycare?
How old were you?
A little baby.
I was fine.
I like, I, I just would, I got violence.
Running numbers?
What'd they get you for?
The Vig is 20, bitch.
I got 30 says Brian shits his diaper.
I don't care who your brother is.
All right.
So I was fighting as a little kid.
I used to love fighting with people.
That was my favorite thing.
Holy shit.
Kick that a dick.
Well, because it was a defense mechanism.
I was, I was angry.
People would talk shit.
They'd make fun of you.
I'd immediately hit him.
But then when you learn your words, yeah, then you leveled out.
But I haven't fought since I was in, in college.
I, the last fight you get into, you know why it's your last fight.
Sure.
Cause you know how it feels.
Yeah.
We were just talking about this.
You get punched in the fucking head.
Even if you win, you're on the couch the next day, everything hurts.
You've always lost every fight.
Of course.
Even if you got the better of the dude, you lost anyway.
Yeah.
Your face is fucked up.
You feel like shit.
You, you, like you're physically worn out and you're like, I didn't even, I
didn't
even start that thing.
The guilt, the shame comes in.
It's gross.
The hangover sucks.
The shock of being punched in the face, every human being should experience
once.
Yeah.
I think everyone should get punched.
There's a couple of people I know, Alex, and they should get punched in the
fucking head.
You should, everyone should get sucked in the head.
We'll do it on the Patreon.
Yeah, let's do it.
Patreon.com.
Switch over now.
Switch.
Dump it.
No, I think, I think everyone should.
The worst, but the worst I got, we got jumped in college.
A bunch of us got outnumbered and I got kicked in the head.
I know that was kind of the beginning of the end.
Gang fights?
You know what it was?
It was like a bro frat.
This guy comes out of this house.
Yeah, man.
It was nuts.
It was like a total disadvantage for no reason.
My buddy was actually doing the right thing.
This guy was fucked up and he almost hit this girl with his car in an apartment
complex.
He's pulling out.
He almost hit this girl.
My buddy's yelling at this guy and we've been drinking too much.
So they get into it.
But little do we know, he's got a whole gang of people that come out.
They hear the scuffle.
They come out.
We're, we were done.
We were fucked, but I got punched and then I got kicked.
And that was like the last time.
I think after that, I was like, I'm not going to do this anymore.
You hang out the clubs?
I'd never want to do it again.
Yeah.
I'm hanging him up.
Like, that's it for me.
My neck is in a brace.
You're taking off the Batman cowl?
Yeah.
I can't do it anymore.
I can't do it.
I'm done, Alfred.
Yeah.
So after that, I learned, you know, and then when you see adults talk shit and
you're just
like, it's ridiculous.
Both of us don't want to do this.
Oh, no.
Are you nuts?
I just want to be like, let's get to the point where we both just walk away.
Yeah, please.
Because we're not going to do this.
When I see those videos of like some drunk dad coming out of like a Giants game,
running
his mouth to some Vikings fan.
He's got like a five-year-old kid with him.
Then one thing leads to another and he's getting knocked out in front of his
kid.
That's a tough one.
I mean, you see it.
You see it here a lot.
I mean, back in the, you know, the Dodger Stadium, they put that kid from San
Francisco
into a coma.
But I remember when I first started going to Dodgers games out here and you
could, you
know, you could only afford either the way, way, way ups or the bleachers,
which is the
favorite for fighters.
I mean, that's their fucking, that's, they, fighting loves the bleachers.
Yeah.
Nobody's fighting in a club box.
You know what I mean?
There's not like free hamburgers.
Like you got my filet mignon.
Yeah.
Swedish meatballs.
You would see so many fights at Dodger Stadium back in the day.
Oh, of course.
And it was always so daunting because you're like, this is just someone said,
one wrong thing.
And sometimes you see a Dodger guy fighting another Dodger guy.
Like they both be Dodgers.
Same team, dude.
What's the deal?
And you know, it's just because some guy talks shit.
Stepped on his shoes.
Said something stupid or whatever.
He's like, you shut up, bitch.
Or whatever.
It's like, I saw it so much.
You're like, I can't believe adults are still getting into it.
But it's also because too much booze.
Oh, yeah.
When you're liquored up.
Dude, there's nothing you could see.
You could walk up and call my mom a dumb bitch.
And I would be like, if I was sober, I'd be like, yeah, maybe she deserved it.
I don't fucking know.
You know what I mean?
But like, if I'm drunk, I'm like, let's fucking go.
I got a couple of Sauvignon Blancs in me.
Yeah, you get saucy on the cabs.
You get the backhand.
By the way, speaking of saying that to your mom, let's have a fan do that.
Let's put that on Patreon and see what happens.
This guy's a thinker over here.
Let's see what happens.
Let's go back a little bit.
Go back to your childhood.
What was the name of the grocery store that your mom went to?
Jewel.
Jewel.
Gotta go to Jewel's.
Yeah, Jewel.
Gotta go to Jewel's.
Jewel Asco.
Back in his damn Buick.
Gotta go to Jewel's.
And actually, oh, dude, Serengeti.
Shout out.
Love him.
Wow, dude.
I used that music as my intro music for my special.
Oh, shit.
Favorite actor, Dennehy.
That's right, dude.
Favorite drink of Dulles.
Dulles.
Toby turned us on to that when we went to Chicago for the first time last year.
The best, dude.
Which then did two things for a straight week.
We talked like Sebastian Maniscalco the entire time that we were there, and we
quoted that song.
Yeah.
And every time we drove by Jewel's back into Buick.
And we'll be back May 11th and 12th.
Zany's.
Check it out.
Zany's.
In Rosemont.
Downtown?
No, Rosemont.
We're doing both.
We're doing both.
I've never been out to Rosemont.
This is our first time, too.
Yeah.
I've only known downtown.
And then, because Rosemont is, I guess, relatively new.
I had been gone for so long, it didn't matter.
And I didn't start in Chicago anyway.
People are always like, oh, you're from Chicago?
I started out here.
When I left college, I went right here.
Because if I went back home, I would have never left home.
I would have never left Chicago.
Of course.
In a million years.
All my comforts were there.
But I started out here.
But when I would go back, when I was a young comic, Bert would let me do little
nuggets during
the week at Zany's with other comics.
But that downtown room was so hard when it was other Chicago comics, because I
was not
a towner.
Yeah.
It's like, I'm from there.
Fish out of water.
Right, right, right.
It was so wild.
But I loved that old little shitty school.
That used to be a titty bar.
You probably thought you were a cop when you came back.
Really?
That's what they say.
It used to be a fucking cabaret, titty bar show or whatever.
And then they bought it out and turned it into a nightclub and then a bar and
then the comedy
club.
But I loved, I always loved fucking Zany.
But what did you say?
You said what?
Take it back to what did you say?
Oh, Jules.
Jules.
So, Jules.
Got to go to Jules.
Dominic's, rest in peace.
R.I.P.
Dominic's is gone.
It got taken over by a new fancy chain called Mariano's.
Do you guys know about this?
No.
Mariano's.
Probably selling a lot of turtle wax in there.
Mariano's.
Mariano's is like the, it's like.
The fancy.
It's like Midwest.
It would be like the Midwest version of.
Whole Foods.
No, well, we have Gelson's out here.
Do you know what that is?
That's like super classy, right?
It's an overpriced grocery.
Yeah.
What is it in New York?
And you guys have a.
Whole Foods is kind of top of the line.
Yeah, but Whole Foods is everywhere.
You guys.
Zay Bar's is pretty expensive.
Zay Bar's is like.
Yeah, but there's not that many.
There's only a couple of those.
Yeah, but I know what you mean.
Oh, there is an Italian one.
An Italian market.
It's like one notch up where you're like, why is that?
What are we doing here?
Why is that $15.99 a pound?
Why is pasta $9.99 a pound?
Is that what you're talking about?
No, I know that.
No, I know that.
But it's like.
That's what.
That's what Mariano's has become now.
Okay.
Jewel is still around.
But we were always Jewel Oscoers.
Nice.
For the longest time.
There you go.
Jewel.
Jewel Osco.
Dude, a Chicago accent.
I'm on board.
For the longest time.
We're going to be talking in Chicago the whole way to La Jolla.
We're just going to be done.
Got to go to Jewel.
Fan of the deep dish pizza?
Yes, but.
And there's always an asterisk by it.
I think tavern style is better.
This is always a long argument.
Tavern style is the best.
When it comes to pizza, you got to go tavern.
Tavern.
Got to have your square cut.
I like an old world pie.
If you ask Chicago people about pizza, we never say deep dish.
Right.
There's this weird bullshit lie.
I love it.
I love it.

Andrew Santino's Grandfather Worked for the Mob as a Child

But he grew up like that.
They grew up, him and his brothers.
I mean, you know, my grandfather, you want to tell, I will get into the trashing.
My grandfather, till the day he died, which was a year and a half ago, worked
at the dog
track and the horse track.
Holy shit.
Where's their dog tracks?
I thought they got rid of that.
Well, the last one was Maywood dog track in Chicago.
It's gone now.
Damn.
It's winter.
But Arlington is the horse track.
Maywood is the dog track.
What did he do there?
He was a taker.
He was at the window.
Because when he was a kid, he was a numbers runner for the mob.
Nice.
That was his game.
That was his money.
You're a generational dirt bag.
Yeah, 100%.
Yeah.
So he, and he lost, I think he lost my grandmother's house like three times
from gambling.
What the fuck?
Guys, the kid.
Kept winning it back, though.
Rest in peace, Tommy.
He's the kid.
He's going to walk away from the table on a heater.
He was the fucking man.
But he was, he loved gambling.
He was his vice.
I mean, to a degree, that was absurd.
He would spend all his paycheck money at the track.
So he'd work.
And this is your dad's dad or your mom's dad?
My dad's dad.
Yeah.
Yeah.
This is all the Sicilian side.
Damn.
That's all the Italianos.
Yeah.
So he would work at the track and, and I'd go as a kid, but I loved it.
Like they had boxing nights.
I used to love that.
Like Monday nights were like amateur boxing nights.
It was just local idiots.
Just local fucking going to town.
Local guys who hang sheetrock, punching each other.
Just getting brain damaged.
It's funny.
Cause you're only what?
38 or something like that?
38.
Yeah.
You're describing a childhood from the 1970s.
I know.
Or 20s.
Yeah.
I was.
I was.
So I took the street car to see my grandpa in the dog track.
Man, I had her on the numbers.
Yeah.
I mean, we did, we, we had nights.
I mean, because my dad lived that like street lifestyle, I kind of got to see
that, that
world as a young kid.
It was kind of wild.
It was, you know, and he was also, he was a people guy.
He was a, a contractor and he would contract in the worst neighborhoods and
they loved him.
He would go to the worst neighborhoods cause he knew like they also have money
and no one
was going there, but he would go like I, to his credit, he, he robbed their
house, but
still a hundred percent.
Plus his plug was over that way too.
He got a take.
Yeah.
Are you on your way?
Yes.
I've got a job to do.
I'll be right back.
Andrew.
Four hours later.
Were you a fighter growing up at any scuffles?
When's the last time you got into a fight fist fight?
Not since I was in college.
Okay.
I learned my lesson.
My, uh, we've beaten up Shane for nailing your girl.
Yeah.
You didn't have to record it, dude.
Come on.
When I was a little kid, I got kicked out of, um, I got kicked out of a
Catholic school.
You seem to have a bit of an edge to you.
Yeah.
If it came to it.
Hot temper.
They called me slugger Santino.
Ooh.
What?
Cause I hit, I hit a couple of kids.
I got kicked out of Catholic school and then I got kicked out of a daycare.
A daycare?
A daycare?
How old were you?
A little baby.
I was fine.
I like, I, I just would, I got violence.
Running numbers?
What'd they get you for?
The Vig is 20, bitch.
I got 30 says Brian shits his diaper.
I don't care who your brother is.
All right.
So I was fighting as a little kid.
I used to love fighting with people.
That was my favorite thing.
Holy shit.
Kick that a dick.
Well, because it was a defense mechanism.
I was, I was angry.
People would talk shit.
They'd make fun of you.
I'd immediately hit him.
But then when you learn your words, yeah, then you leveled out.
But I haven't fought since I was in, in college.
I, the last fight you get into, you know why it's your last fight.
Sure.
Cause you know how it feels.
Yeah.
We were just talking about this.
You get punched in the fucking head.
Even if you win, you're on the couch the next day, everything hurts.
You've always lost every fight.
Of course.
Even if you got the better of the dude, you lost anyway.
Yeah.
Your face is fucked up.
You feel like shit.
You, you, like you're physically worn out and you're like, I didn't even, I
didn't
even start that thing.
The guilt, the shame comes in.
It's gross.
The hangover sucks.
The shock of being punched in the face, every human being should experience
once.
Yeah.
I think everyone should get punched.
There's a couple of people I know, Alex, and they should get punched in the
fucking head.
You should, everyone should get sucked in the head.
We'll do it on the Patreon.
Yeah, let's do it.
Patreon.com.
Switch over now.
Switch.
Dump it.
No, I think, I think everyone should.
The worst, but the worst I got, we got jumped in college.
A bunch of us got outnumbered and I got kicked in the head.
I know that was kind of the beginning of the end.
Gang fights?
You know what it was?
It was like a bro frat.
This guy comes out of this house.
Yeah, man.
It was nuts.
It was like a total disadvantage for no reason.
My buddy was actually doing the right thing.
This guy was fucked up and he almost hit this girl with his car in an apartment
complex.
He's pulling out.
He almost hit this girl.
My buddy's yelling at this guy and we've been drinking too much.
So they get into it.
But little do we know, he's got a whole gang of people that come out.
They hear the scuffle.
They come out.
We're, we were done.
We were fucked, but I got punched and then I got kicked.
And that was like the last time.
I think after that, I was like, I'm not going to do this anymore.
You hang out the clubs?
I'd never want to do it again.
Yeah.
I'm hanging him up.
Like, that's it for me.
My neck is in a brace.
You're taking off the Batman cowl?
Yeah.
I can't do it anymore.
I can't do it.
I'm done, Alfred.
Yeah.
So after that, I learned, you know, and then when you see adults talk shit and
you're just
like, it's ridiculous.
Both of us don't want to do this.
Oh, no.
Are you nuts?
I just want to be like, let's get to the point where we both just walk away.
Yeah, please.
Because we're not going to do this.
When I see those videos of like some drunk dad coming out of like a Giants game,
running
his mouth to some Vikings fan.
He's got like a five-year-old kid with him.
Then one thing leads to another and he's getting knocked out in front of his
kid.
That's a tough one.
I mean, you see it.
You see it here a lot.
I mean, back in the, you know, the Dodger Stadium, they put that kid from San
Francisco
into a coma.
But I remember when I first started going to Dodgers games out here and you
could, you
know, you could only afford either the way, way, way ups or the bleachers,
which is the
favorite for fighters.
I mean, that's their fucking, that's, they, fighting loves the bleachers.
Yeah.
Nobody's fighting in a club box.
You know what I mean?
There's not like free hamburgers.
Like you got my filet mignon.
Yeah.
Swedish meatballs.
You would see so many fights at Dodger Stadium back in the day.
Oh, of course.
And it was always so daunting because you're like, this is just someone said,
one wrong thing.
And sometimes you see a Dodger guy fighting another Dodger guy.
Like they both be Dodgers.
Same team, dude.
What's the deal?
And you know, it's just because some guy talks shit.
Stepped on his shoes.
Said something stupid or whatever.
He's like, you shut up, bitch.
Or whatever.
It's like, I saw it so much.
You're like, I can't believe adults are still getting into it.
But it's also because too much booze.
Oh, yeah.
When you're liquored up.
Dude, there's nothing you could see.
You could walk up and call my mom a dumb bitch.
And I would be like, if I was sober, I'd be like, yeah, maybe she deserved it.
I don't fucking know.
You know what I mean?
But like, if I'm drunk, I'm like, let's fucking go.
I got a couple of Sauvignon Blancs in me.
Yeah, you get saucy on the cabs.
You get the backhand.
By the way, speaking of saying that to your mom, let's have a fan do that.
Let's put that on Patreon and see what happens.
This guy's a thinker over here.
Let's see what happens.
Let's go back a little bit.
Go back to your childhood.
What was the name of the grocery store that your mom went to?
Jewel.
Jewel.
Gotta go to Jewel's.
Yeah, Jewel.
Gotta go to Jewel's.
Jewel Asco.
Back in his damn Buick.
Gotta go to Jewel's.
And actually, oh, dude, Serengeti.
Shout out.
Love him.
Wow, dude.
I used that music as my intro music for my special.
Oh, shit.
Favorite actor, Dennehy.
That's right, dude.
Favorite drink of Dulles.
Dulles.
Toby turned us on to that when we went to Chicago for the first time last year.
The best, dude.
Which then did two things for a straight week.
We talked like Sebastian Maniscalco the entire time that we were there, and we
quoted that song.
Yeah.
And every time we drove by Jewel's back into Buick.
And we'll be back May 11th and 12th.
Zany's.
Check it out.
Zany's.
In Rosemont.
Downtown?
No, Rosemont.
We're doing both.
We're doing both.
I've never been out to Rosemont.
This is our first time, too.
Yeah.
I've only known downtown.
And then, because Rosemont is, I guess, relatively new.
I had been gone for so long, it didn't matter.
And I didn't start in Chicago anyway.
People are always like, oh, you're from Chicago?
I started out here.
When I left college, I went right here.
Because if I went back home, I would have never left home.
I would have never left Chicago.
Of course.
In a million years.
All my comforts were there.
But I started out here.
But when I would go back, when I was a young comic, Bert would let me do little
nuggets during
the week at Zany's with other comics.
But that downtown room was so hard when it was other Chicago comics, because I
was not
a towner.
Yeah.
It's like, I'm from there.
Fish out of water.
Right, right, right.
It was so wild.
But I loved that old little shitty school.
That used to be a titty bar.
You probably thought you were a cop when you came back.
Really?
That's what they say.
It used to be a fucking cabaret, titty bar show or whatever.
And then they bought it out and turned it into a nightclub and then a bar and
then the comedy
club.
But I loved, I always loved fucking Zany.
But what did you say?
You said what?
Take it back to what did you say?
Oh, Jules.
Jules.
So, Jules.
Got to go to Jules.
Dominic's, rest in peace.
R.I.P.
Dominic's is gone.
It got taken over by a new fancy chain called Mariano's.
Do you guys know about this?
No.
Mariano's.
Probably selling a lot of turtle wax in there.
Mariano's.
Mariano's is like the, it's like.
The fancy.
It's like Midwest.
It would be like the Midwest version of.
Whole Foods.
No, well, we have Gelson's out here.
Do you know what that is?
That's like super classy, right?
It's an overpriced grocery.
Yeah.
What is it in New York?
And you guys have a.
Whole Foods is kind of top of the line.
Yeah, but Whole Foods is everywhere.
You guys.
Zay Bar's is pretty expensive.
Zay Bar's is like.
Yeah, but there's not that many.
There's only a couple of those.
Yeah, but I know what you mean.
Oh, there is an Italian one.
An Italian market.
It's like one notch up where you're like, why is that?
What are we doing here?
Why is that $15.99 a pound?
Why is pasta $9.99 a pound?
Is that what you're talking about?
No, I know that.
No, I know that.
But it's like.
That's what.
That's what Mariano's has become now.
Okay.
Jewel is still around.
But we were always Jewel Oscoers.
Nice.
For the longest time.
There you go.
Jewel.
Jewel Osco.
Dude, a Chicago accent.
I'm on board.
For the longest time.
We're going to be talking in Chicago the whole way to La Jolla.
We're just going to be done.
Got to go to Jewel.
Fan of the deep dish pizza?
Yes, but.
And there's always an asterisk by it.
I think tavern style is better.
This is always a long argument.
Tavern style is the best.
When it comes to pizza, you got to go tavern.
Tavern.
Got to have your square cut.
I like an old world pie.
If you ask Chicago people about pizza, we never say deep dish.
Right.
There's this weird bullshit lie.
