Name: Chris O'Connor Eats Baby Food And Hates Computers | Are You Garbage
Uploaded: 2026-04-17T18:30:44.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Chris O'Connor Eats Baby Food And Hates Computers | Are You Garbage' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-04-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Chris O'Connor Eats Baby Food And Hates Computers | Are You Garbage' from Are You Garbage Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-04-17. Transcript available.

I saw Joe DeRosa buy a cassette the other day, and I went, it's pretty good.
Okay.
Well, you and Joe DeRosa can do whatever the fuck you two want.
Joe DeRosa.
Joe DeNoska.
You two can do whatever the fuck you want to do.
You two go get your cassette tapes in your lunch meet and go have a good time
and leave the rest of us.
You don't have a cassette anywhere in tutties?
I'm telling you, open one of those things up.
Look at the liner notes.
I'm telling you.
What?
It's just going to move you.
I got to fast forward the songs?
Yeah.
Slow it down.
Slow it down.
Hey, jerk off.
You showed up here with an iPad, okay?
Don't fucking get on your high horse and start talking shit to me.
You showed up with a pair of readers and an iPad.
Chris O'Connor, ladies and gentlemen.
Let him, Chris O'Connor in the building.
Now, thank God your apple juice was missing, which is weird.
Why did you show up here with an iPad?
I have been eating applesauce in the morning.
What?
Well, just the goat, like the goat applesauce.
Dude, it's so good.
Applesauce is all right.
Applesauce, do you have them in the house?
No, I don't have them.
You got a baby, huh?
You're so good.
Do you have them in the house?
You know what I'm talking about, right?
I like to keep them for company.
Yeah, the green bag, the green, like, space bag of applesauce.
No.
Wait, that's what you're eating?
Yeah, dude.
Wait, you're eating baby food.
Like, you're eating pouches?
It's applesauce.
It's what?
Are you eating, like, the pouches with the little screw top?
Yep.
That's baby food.
Yeah, that's baby food.
No, it's applesauce.
What brand?
I don't know.
Baby love?
It's green.
It's all green.
Go-go squeeze.
No.
Yeah, I think it's a go-go squeeze.
That's baby food, dude.
No, it's not.
It's not.
Buddy, I gave that, but it was peach.
Wait, hold on a second.
O'Connor, are you an astronaut?
Are you on the Artemis II rocket right now?
Then that's fucking baby food.
Solidarity with my boys up there.
And my lady.
Yeah, you're eating.
Applesauce is so good.
And let me tell you something.
It cured a hangover once.
Huh.
Better than a liquid IV.
Also great for colic.
You got runny stools.
Yeah, measles is going around again.
A couple applesauces in there.
You're doing the leg stretches to get your gants in there.
You're telling me you don't like an applesauce.
I do, yeah.
An ice cold applesauce.
I love it.
Out of a cup with a spoon, like an adult.
A cup and a spoon?
Yeah, it comes in a cup.
That's crazy, dude.
Suck it right out of the bag, yeah.
Where are you getting these, though?
My lady gets them.
I think I said I liked them once.
Did you work at a nursery or something?
Did you bring them from school?
The hospital she works at?
Wow.
Now, please.
What were we talking about?
We were talking about your iPad.
Your iPad.
We were talking about your cassettes.
No, we were talking about your iPad.
No bag or anything.
You rolled in like you were-
It's got a case on it.
Yeah, that's the way old men carry them.
I know, I know.
Old men that read them at airports, that's the way they carry them.
They look down over their glasses and see what group's born.
Dude, yeah.
I got the writing utensil.
Are you drawing and stuff?
I've been trying to, yeah.
What?
Really?
Right now, I'm just watching tutorials and checking out brushes.
About what?
Brushes?
I don't know.
I'm just trying to, I'm trying to slow it down.
Trying to slow-
Slow what down?
Just trying to, at all, it all just-
Speed it up.
No, no, it all needs to slow down.
How about get a little work done, huh?
Well, that's it.
That's, we're going to ramp it back up.
You've got to slow it down first.
You don't want to hit max speed too quick or too long.
You're going to blow out your engine on that.
I'm going to quiet the mind for about six months with a little bit of a still
life painting.
I'm going to really attack it.
Yeah, dude.
Yeah.
Did you say you had to put an hour together?
It was bumming me out.
It was bumming me out that I was looking, I was staring at the, like the little
paint
app.
On the iPad.
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
And I was like, you know, I don't even know how to like have fun in this, you
know?
Sure.
So you're learning.
Yeah.
Like I'm so insecure about painting and drawing.
You should be.
Also, I don't want to be like, you know, bully, whatever.
I want to be inclusive.
We got to draw the line somewhere.
You should be fucking real self-conscious about your art.
Whatever happened to play, you know?
What?
What, like reset?
I'm down bad.
Somebody put this kid in a pack and play.
I tell you what, I'll come over every day for an hour.
Yeah.
I'll take you out.
We'll do a little kickball.
Then you get back in the office.
That'd be nice.
That'd be nice.
Yeah.
You're shitting on me about applesauce.
You want to play kickball?
What the fuck?
Throw a couple pitches?
I think it's funny.
You think he's really leaving the house?
We'll do it over video.
What are you doing with your time?
You're just looking at social media.
That's a great question.
That's a great question.
Hey, Chris.
Thanks for bringing that up.
More at 11.
Right?
Yeah, what are you doing with your time?
Look, you got the analog pen and paper.
Get an iPad going.
No.
Yeah, dude.
My guy's got a laptop.
He did.
We got a laptop.
Six months ago.
Yeah, yeah.
It's a different vibe.
I haven't opened it.
Yeah.
He opened it once and he went down.
He was like, yeah, how does it work?
I can go to YouTube.
And I've never seen, he went to YouTube and there's, he had never gone to
anything.
So it was just a completely brand new computer, not locked.
He had a, it was YouTube, the home screen was blank.
They had nothing, nothing to suggest him because it had no input.
That's the way it looks at my phone.
Looking at a raw YouTube, I use YouTube unsigned in most of the time.
Really?
Yeah.
I actually kind of like that.
I don't think he's got an account.
Yes, I do.
I don't have an account.
I don't have an account.
I'm on YouTube.
I don't have an account.
Are you garbage?
Dude, I've been saying this for a while, but you should be able to multiply
your algorithm
times like negative one.
You know, give me the opposite.
Give me the opposite of whatever you think I like.
And who have you been saying this to?
It's just my iPad.
I've been writing it down in the iPad.
A couple old Greek guys at Dunkin' Donuts.
You got a couple of cartoons to go along with.
Yeah, my pain about it.
Yeah.
When did you make the iPad purchase?
Because that, you know, you're a, you know, listen, you're a mover and shaker
in the industry.
You know what I mean?
You're a self-employed, you're a touring comic, you're an actor, Netflix, tires,
the whole time.
Artists now?
But when did, I've hung out with a lot of, I've never seen anybody break out
the iPad.
I got the iPad a long time ago and then I didn't really use it.
And now I'm like, you know what, dude?
It's fucking bullshit that you bought this and you're not fucking using it.
How about you fucking...
Well, you're not retired.
What?
You're not a retired man or a 12-year-old.
I know, but I want to be one of those...
Who's playing videos with the volume all day.
What would you be doing with it?
I don't know, man.
Do you have a laptop?
I heard, what?
Yeah, I have a laptop.
Yeah, I got it all going.
I use a laptop.
But then when you're trying to like think of stuff, like this position is not
as good as this.
Hmm.
Something about holding a pen.
Yes.
Sure.
See how much better your brain...
Yeah, yeah.
So far I've written down your name.
So if you had a computer open, you'd be a mess.
It's very true.
Yeah.
You know?
I don't do computers.
Exactly.
I just don't know.
The iPad, it's a...
I think about them.
It's an in-between.
It could get you into computers.
You want to use a computer someday?
No, I don't.
Kippy's a mess right now.
Why not?
He's starting to make sense, and I hate...
The more that he talks about shit that I hate...
No, you never made sense.
The more that he talks about shit that I disagree with, I go, he kind of gets
me there.
We're unfortunately very much alike.
I know.
And I don't like it.
I know, I know, I know.
It's like everything you hate staring back at you.
You're saying quiet rage.
Since I've turned 50, any of that future stuff or what I thought I was going to
do...
It's an iPad.
It's the past now.
It's true.
That's like a cassette.
I'm never going to learn to type.
I'm never going to do this.
I'm never going to do that.
Why not?
And I'm not going to be a computer guy.
It's not going to be...
In five, you're not going to see me doing my thing.
Dude, get busy living or get busy dying.
I'm living.
It's fucking...
I'm living.
No, you got it.
I just know...
Listen, I just know what I'm not going to try to do.
All the shit that I tell you to do, dang it, dude.
What are you going to try to do, then?
It's a good point.
I'd love to hear this list of stuff.
You're telling us what you're not focusing on.
You're focusing on...
Score chicks.
But Rhodes.
Dude.
That'll come, dude.
That'll come with the iPad.
You know what I mean?
Wait till you get an iPad.
Get on Backpage.
These Broads are going to be all over you.
I've been fighting them off with a stick.
You got to learn to paint, man.
Dude, I'm telling you, man.
I'm telling you.
You learned to use the computer.
What are you telling us?
I'm saying that it's like the...
He's not really sure.
You know what I mean?
It's like I feel like when a coach is talking to a player
and it's like it's about the fundamentals.
You got to get this stuff down.
The points are going to come.
I'm working on it.
The chicks will come if you just start doing the right things.
They love dudes in tech.
Yeah.
And iPad's the first step to that.
I'm just saying I'm not going to learn a language or whatever.
We're past all that.
Are we?
I think so.
Also, who's asking you to learn a language?
What are you talking about?
Yeah, get Duolingo.
This Vietnamese broad.
Walks me to talk to her son.
No, dude.
You got to come up with something.
You got to do something.
Hmm.
All right.
Yeah.
What do you...
I feel like you could paint.
I could paint?
Yeah.
I don't want to paint.
Hit that shit over my house, hold my hand.
Not on the iPad.
It's...
Oh, there we go.
What do you got, stock in these fucking things?
I'm just saying.
For three easy payments and 99.
Just trying to defend myself.
Sure.
I get...
Listen, you're making some solid points.
I...
We were both just shocked.
We had never really...
I know.
It's a bad look.
I walked in there with it.
I had...
I had reading glasses with them, with the iPad.
Are you on reading glasses now?
I'm on reading glasses, dude.
I'm...
They're like proper, like, CVS readers.
I'm in fucking purgatory, dude.
Really?
I need reading glasses and I need distance glasses and it's fucking hell.
I need to know.