Name: Bill Burr & Nia - I'm Attracted to a Douchebag
Uploaded: 2023-03-27T17:00:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Nia - I'm Attracted to a Douchebag' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Nia - I'm Attracted to a Douchebag' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-27. Transcript available.

um all right let's go on the next one see that people i establish credibility
you admit when
you're fucking wrong i do come from a place of fear i know what you bitches is
up to all right
yeah number two uh dear dearest william you always wrote that no one did i just
dressed it
up a little okay you always you always bitch that women don't write in for
advice well here you go
i met this guy a year ago now i want to answer this one before you go on one of
your rants let
me just answer this one and you tell me if i'm right or wrong i met this guy a
year ago uh at a
mutual friend's wedding he's fucking hot uh he wore a pair of pants that were
so tight i could see
everything wow could see his sausage uh my sausage uh let's just say he gift
wrapped his package and
it was well received hey oh wait a minute she keeps going with the late night
jokes but he's so cocky
but um bump she says oh jeez um i didn't think uh he'd have any interest in me
a while later he
invited me to a party and paid me an undue amount of attention about a week
later he had me over for
dinner and when i say he had me over for dinner that sounds that that sounds
like a setup no but it
okay and when i say when i say dinner i mean yeah it's like a bad sex in the
city joke yes that you've
watched every episode a hundred fucking times i have oh well that's why i can
speak on it better than
you can because you haven't seen it so anyway read the rest of the letter yeah
that's sure it's like
fucking entourage you see one episode you've seen it oh my god we have a
problem what's gonna happen
oh it all worked out let's go to vegas fuck you turtle right no that's the
episode no all right
whatever go fuck i don't give a shit i watch sports um anyways and when i say i
mean we ate uh
i mean this is funny this is actually funny she goes i mean he bragged about
himself a lot
and we jumped into bed basically before i drained the drops from my wine glass
that's what you do
with a dildo right i like this girl she's fucking she's using him yeah wow can
you believe that can
you believe look at you just is she is she calling saying i never get laid and
what do i do about it
no she's talking about something else entirely so don't even try to compare the
two situations
that's not what i'm saying i'm saying that women can think like guys too duh
well i thought that
that's what you were reacting to no like going wow like why'd you say wow no
because i think that's
awesome she's very being very upfront about it oh well your read of wow was
terrible well fuck you
i'm not auditioning for your little ham radio show you have going on here
really the one that you go
can i be on it again you asked me to come in here tonight that's because i felt
bad because i freaked
you out about saying how i wanted to buy extra paper towels oh my gosh they
know what it was about
all right let's fly okay let's go here uh we slept together about once a week
for the next two
months but because he said at uh because he said at the first dinner that he
wasn't into having a
relationship even though all his friends marveled that he's so wonderful and
not yet not married i did
my best to keep it casual so this guy basically said he didn't want a
relationship so she's keeping
it casual anyways after we hung out a bit i started to realize he wasn't really
as much of a dildo as i
initially thought and i knew i was in danger of developing feelings for him so
of course i got
more distant and he eventually he ended it saying ironically this isn't going
anywhere then she
in parentheses says wait what i thought you said you didn't want a relationship
oh jesus oh jesus
that's what she wrote all right she goes i didn't know i didn't object but i
told him i wanted to be
friends and may and may have sent him an overly drippy drunk text or two um
last week we had dinner and
from the second he uh he got there his hands were all over me he flirted like
fucking crazy all night
uh but we went our separate ways here's what i want to know is it possible for
us to date now like for
real now that i i know him better i think we could really have something but in
my experience and
according to all my male friends guys don't stay interested in someone they
fucked before especially
if he got bored enough to end it the first time around what should take bill
can i make this happen
again and if so how this is what i think i think the fact that this guy's a douche
all right that's
the father of your kids some guy who shows up with his fucking package hanging
up you know like he's
fucking robert plant and the song remains the same that's the guy you're gonna
fucking breed with
and then you have dinner with him and all he does is talk about himself hey let
me do this i don't
i don't like that you don't like me agreeing with you no i don't want that i'm
not i'm not in a church
right now i don't need to go uh-huh um i think you know what this okay you know
what we can talk
about this you know what i think really happened i think that his ego was bruised
this guy's
obviously tremendously fucking insecure so he overcompensates with the fucking
ego so he
talks about how awesome he is so he bangs a lot of girls and girls get all
caught up in it like
you do sometimes yeah i really didn't need to know that i'm just being honest
didn't need to know can
you just shut up and let me just i'll walk out of the room as you fucking
answer this oh okay this is
it all right he fucking as i try to desperately forget what the fuck he just
said there um
he basically i think his egos hurt the fact that she wasn't totally fucking
into him right and then
when he said well fuck it it's over he was trying to get her to fucking beg for
it and she didn't
yeah and she didn't so now he's coming back trying to get her all her all into
him so then he can tell
her to go fuck herself yeah that's what i think he's gonna am i right yeah he's
playing mind games
with you sweetie run the other way run the other way there you go yep jesus
christ nia really what
really he had a big dick which you sometimes get caught up in why don't fucking
women why don't
women talk like that on tv why do you guys just fucking sit there and you act
like why don't you
guys talk like that i don't know why can't you guys show that you're just as
big of fucking pigs as
we are well maybe if we if women rallied more and got in the the business of
writing and producing
and executing then there would be more shows like that but you know women have
to write this shit we
have to make it happen can't rely on men to do it for us so yeah that's it but
yeah he's who are you
what do you mean who am i i don't know what the fuck you're talking about you're
causing revolution
you're talking about big dicks let's move on to the next question i'm being
honest no people want to
hear an honest answer and you know the situation that she found herself in is
not unusual but he is
in mind he's a game player so you know she needs to she needs to go in the
other direction she needs
to go in the other direction this guy's a fucking leave it alone you will find
you will find another
guy who you'll have incredible sex with who has a nice dick and he's not going
to be this manipulator
that's the thing you can have a guy that like all right all right all right
multiple orgasms and
he's not an asshole it's possible you know what it's hard but you'll find him i
like how you went back
to wacky humor it's hard because god knows i don't have that um i think it's
time for you to get a
spinoff podcast because if you're going to start talking like this i i really
can't frankly and
honestly bill what i do is no different from your rants and raves it's just a
different tone yeah but
it's my podcast i know but you're being my podcast this isn't your fucking
podcast oh wait a minute
wait this is like you walk into fucking you walk into tyco and without talking
to anybody else you
start building your own fucking toys oh all right so you don't like you don't
like the toys that i'm
bring into the the you pitch them first layer you pitch them first you don't
just fucking throw them
out there in the goddamn meeting it isn't that kind of a show we go back to
your office i'll see it for
we get on here we just start talking you don't ever know what's gonna happen
isn't that the
exciting part oh god you've never annoyed me more yeah i'm fucking around you
think i don't know
all of this shit about you i was gonna say we're very honest with each other
about our past yeah i didn't
know you're gonna say it on the fucking podcast you're telling me not to bring
up the fact that i
want to get a goddamn gun but you're gonna sit there talking about a uh uh
fucking dicks here
did i say anything about personal experience no i did not jesus christ nia i
didn't i didn't say
when i so what are you i i i never said that okay okay this is this has just
become a riveting podcast