Name: Bill Burr Advice - Overly Jealous Boyfriend
Uploaded: 2023-04-05T00:00:08.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr Advice - Overly Jealous Boyfriend' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr Advice - Overly Jealous Boyfriend' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-05. Transcript available.

All right, Bill. I'm a big fan of the podcast. All right, here we go. My
boyfriend and I have
been dating exclusively for about eight months now, and things are getting
pretty great.
There's just one little hiccup that I was hoping you could help with. A few
months back,
I told my boyfriend that when we first started dating, I also went on a date
with another guy.
It was just a concert and a little goodnight kissing, and then we went our
separate ways.
At the time, I was recently single, and I was exploring my option, but didn't
feel much of
a connection with the second guy, and he never really showed much of an
interest back.
So there wasn't much contact after the date. There wasn't much contact after
the date. Okay,
you've left that open-ended. All right. We work at the same company, but
entirely different offices,
so we do run into each other from time to time and have casual hallway chit-chat.
Oh, my God.
I swear to God, women, if you were a little bit bigger, you'd be the greatest
major league
fucking catchers of all time. The way you can frame your fucking bullshit and
make it look better than it
really is. That was clearly a ball outside, and you just framed that into a
nice little strike there,
didn't you? There wasn't much contact after the date. There wasn't much
interest. We had just started
dating. We work at the same company, but it's different offices. We do run into
each other time to time
for just a little chit-chat. Gee, oh, Jesus. All right, here we go. I told my
boyfriend about this,
and he forgave me, and said he understood, and all was well until recently. Guy
number two.
Number two. Huh? How pathetic, how poetic is that? The piece of shit. Number
two. Asked me out again
about two months ago, and I politely declined and said I was seeing someone
else now.
He backed off, and that was the end of that. In an effort to be open and honest.
I would have
normally kept this to myself. I told my boyfriend about it. All right. As
always, I haven't read
this whole thing, but why would you do that? Okay? You know, if you truly don't
have feelings for that
fucking guy, who gives a fuck? Don't say anything. Okay? You think your
boyfriend hasn't gone out,
and the local whore at the bar who just got her tits done and wanted to show
them to everybody like
she got her nails did, right? Didn't pull her titty out? You know? He doesn't
need to tell you that,
because he wants to keep going down there drinking with his friends. He doesn't
give a fuck. Some shit,
you know, you can keep to yourself. So anyways, she goes, I told my boyfriend
about it.
Now he keeps asking me to retell the date story, and flat out tells me he
thinks I'm lying. He thinks
something more happened, and he said from a man's perspective, there is just no
way this guy goes
on a date with me, gets a kiss, and then leaves me alone. There's something you're
not telling me,
he says. I've told my boyfriend that there just wasn't a connection. Conversation
was a little
awkward in force. The kiss wasn't great, etc., etc. But he's still very
suspicious. I'm wondering if
there is anything I can say to put his mind at ease. No. No. You fucked up. You
fucked up by telling
him that. Look at all the details, how openly, open-ended you've left this
stuff, where it's like,
you know, I went on a date when we first started seeing each other, you know,
because we weren't
official. And then you say there wasn't much contact after the date. So that
means there was
some contact. I guess you're saying the contact was that you work at the same
company,
but it's different offices, so you run into each other from time to time, so it's
casual hallway
chitchat. Is that what it is? This is kind of vague. So anyways, she says, I'm
tempted to show him
my own old phone bills to prove how many texts were sent back and forth to make
him feel like an
asshole. I think that's a good move. You shouldn't make him, like, what you
should do is declare your
own name. He's not the asshole in this. You are. Or you're naive. Because you,
first of all,
all, you told him that you went on another date while you guys were first
seeing each other. He forgave
you for all that shit, even though you made out with this guy at work. He looks
the other fucking way.
And then you come home with this shit like, what did you think that you were
going to, what did you think it was going to do other than make him feel
insecure and jealous?
And I know there's probably a lot of ladies listening right now. Well, that's
the thing. See, guys,
it's so fucking insecure. You can't even be honest. Shut up. So are you. Okay?
If you fucking just started dating some dude and he gets all honest, he goes,
yeah, I also, you know, went on a date with some chick from work.
We made out, but it was kind of awkward and whatever. I run into her from time
to time. Right? And then you, you say, fine, no biggie. And then a few months
into the relationship, he brings up that she comes back into the picture and
starts fucking, uh, you know, comes back in the picture and asked if, you know,
if he'd like to go out on a drink with her and have a drink with her, you know,
on a drink with her, go out and have a date with her.
You know, no, go out on a date or have a drink with her. God damn it. I'm
fucked. Um, you'd have a problem with that, right?
So anyways, uh, she said, I guess I'm mostly frustrated because he's accusing
me of lying and this about this innocent event. I should just play along,
answer his question till he drops it. Oh, should I just play along?
I've told him that the constant questioning bothers me and I don't like being
accused of lying, but I see it eating at him from time to time.
So I feel like it's an issue. We'll keep coming up until something changes. Do
you think over time he'll just let it go and eventually believe me? What should
I do?
All right. I, I just, okay. First and foremost, wait, I'm going to open the
fucking window because I don't give a shit if you guys can hear the traffic. It's
too goddamn hot.
Hey, slow down. There's kids out here. Um, anyways, in the future, if some guy
makes advances at you and you don't give a fuck,
you honestly don't give a fuck, don't bring it up to your boyfriend because all
you're doing is just going to make him jealous and you're going to make him
feel insecure that there's guys out.
He knows that there's guys out there trying to fuck his girlfriend. He doesn't
need to hear about it. Why would you do that to him?
All right. And at this point, you know, I would just say that what you've been
telling me that if, if you truly believe this, all right, because part of me is
thinking that you did this to make him feel jealous.
So you could feel fucking attractive. And then he flipped out and now it's got
a little out of your, your control here. So now you want to hear, you know, you're
looking for some sort of sympathy from somebody else.
Part of me is thinking that, but you actually, I don't know if something about
you kind of seem like a nice person. So I'm going to believe you here.
So I would actually get your phone bills and show it to him. All right. And
just say, I'm guilty of being too fucking honest. I'm sorry. And, uh, I think,
I think it'll be all right.
It might be all right. You know, I don't know. I have no fucking idea. I just
don't know why women, I don't know why they do shit like that. They seem to do
that.
Ah, Jesus Christ, Bill, why do you lump all women into everything? Are you ever
going to get past your fucking issues? All right, let's move on to the next.