Name: An Obese Guy Sat Next to Bill Burr on a Plane.
Uploaded: 2023-04-07T17:00:09.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'An Obese Guy Sat Next to Bill Burr on a Plane.' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'An Obese Guy Sat Next to Bill Burr on a Plane.' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-07. Transcript available.

but i have been having uh i had a brutal flight all right i flew out of lax los
angeles
international airport that for some reason if you go beyond colorado you just
can't get a
fucking direct flight anywhere i don't i don't get it when i was in new york
city i could fly
to all these places directly maybe it's because i was in new york and it was
only an hour and a half
away i don't i don't fucking know it just doesn't seem like he can fly anyway
so anyways i gotta fly
la to phoenix phoenix to columbus all right on us so i get on the plane and
there's two empty seats
next to me and it's getting close to the point where they're going to close the
door to the plane
and i'm excited like holy shit i'm gonna have this whole fucking row to myself
let's be nice i can
stretch out a little bit take my carry-on stick it under the other chair this
is going to be great
right before they close the door lo and behold this fat tub of shit gets on the
fucking plane
all right and i'm thinking oh god not me please for the love of god don't pick
my row you know when
you do that shit you're just fucking willing the guy to sit down as he waddles
his fat ass down the
fucking aisle it's him and his fucking lady right so he fucking comes all the
way up comes to my row
and he's just standing there and i'm hoping he's just standing there because he's
putting his stuff
in the overhead compartment i can literally feel the fucking heat radiating off
of his body from the
22 years of mistakes that he's putting his goddamn stomach all right and what
does he do oh yeah i'm in
that row i'm in your row so i gotta get up and what does he do his feet lets
his fucking girl sit by the
window and then he sits in the middle seat and this fat fucking tub of fucking
shit
this dude was so fat i was sitting behind his back fat you know what i mean he
was like fat and round
it was like sitting next to a planet with a head you know it was like you could
the roundness of this
guy okay so he's trying to be less fat god bless him so he crosses his arms
when all it does is just
cause his fat lat to fucking bulge out even more into my airspace that i
fucking paid for
and it's not really all i'm thinking is why the fuck didn't he take the window
seat and then post up
against his girlfriend my shoulder was getting hot from his arm it was he was
on me this fucking guy was
on me if i was claustrophobic they would have had to turn the plane around this
is how much this guy was
in my chair and i'm thinking why the hell why didn't you just take the fucking
window seat you fat
fuck have a little bit of fucking consideration you tub of shit you know with
your basketball shorts like
you actually never played a goddamn day in your life his fucking legs spread
out like he was going to give birth
to a baby calf you know why don't you sit near the window you know what i
realized after a while he didn't
sit near the window because he's so fucking fat he can't he can't he sat by the
window his other fat lat
would have blown out the window we all would have got sucked out unless his tub
of shit body fucking somehow
got stuck in the fuselage which if you saw him wouldn't wouldn't be beyond a
possibility
un-fucking-believable and he's sitting there this is what kills me he's sitting
there
and he's he's biting his nails and i just want to be like dude do you ever stop
eating
is there a moment and you're literally consuming yourself right now
i know i know i know what you guys are thinking well hey bill why don't you fly
first class
oh yeah well hey why don't you go fuck yourself hypothetical person who said
that
okay i understand i bought a coach seat i know what that means that means my
fucking knees are going to be in my chest that means if i'm even slightly lean
forward
and the guy in front of me reclines he's going to hit me in the head i
understand that okay
i get it but that doesn't mean that this tub is i shouldn't have to pay an
extra couple of
fucking grand uh or whatever 1500 bucks so somebody else's lard isn't in my lap
i am full on 100 behind you having to buy two seats when you're on an airplane
okay i'm sorry you're fat
okay but you made your choices this is one of the things this is a good thing
you got to buy two seats
you got less money for cookies maybe that that'll be a goal maybe that'll be
your bottoming out but
it's it's absolutely ridiculous that i have to i'm literally leaning out into
the fucking aisle
my giant microwave oven head is out there and then i got to deal with the stewardess
going
excuse me sir excuse me sir can you not share any sir please sir all right i
gotta watch if i'm i can't
start yelling here i'm in a hotel room again i already got one strike against
me they probably built a
fucking file on me um yeah i'm leaning out there that was this is the best part
the food cart comes
okay they asked me what do i you know they asked the dude what he wants to
drink he goes can i have a
coke can i have a coke i just want to be like dude how about a water how about
a salad are you trying
to make yourself even fatter during the flight you know what that soda's gonna
do to your already
distended fucking belly you already can't even put the fucking tray down this
dude couldn't put the
tray down he tried he tried to put the trade oh my god this fucking guy i swear
to god the thoughts
i was thinking it was embarrassing i was sitting there thinking like you know i'm
so glad this
dude's gonna die young can you believe that i'm not happy in real life that
that's gonna happen
but that's how fucking uncomfortable i was and that's how fucking mad i was at
this guy
absolutely you got to buy two seats people you got to do it
i love when they try to leave the fucking arm up too i don't play that i
fucking shave that ham right down i bring the fucking dick right the fuck down
fucking sit here making me uncomfortable and you you want to relax
if i could i put my foot on your chest to make your belt even tighter that's
what i do to you cut
off your circulation to your legs maybe you'd get up and take a walk there's no
excuse for it
you know and i know this is probably coming off insensitive but you know
something i've been a
redhead my whole life nobody gives a shit we don't get we don't we're not
considered handicapped
capped we're not considered handicapped this always happens when i scream all
weekend we're not
considered handicapped we don't get our own parking spaces these tubs of shit
they're getting their own
parking spaces now making a shorter walk to the store making them even fatter
the only positive thing i can say about this guy
was he only went to phoenix and he didn't smell i gotta give him that he didn't
smell i don't know
if he fucking jumped in a goddamn pond you know killed 200 fish before he got
onto the flight i don't
know what he did but he didn't smell but i swear to god you know what you know
what kills me is i
ranted about this on the radio here in columbus and somebody called up the
radio station said i'm
five eight three hundred pounds and i love to fly i'm never listening to this
radio station again
can you believe that this dude actually felt like he was the victim
you know that'd be like if some wife who got the shit kicked out of her ranted
about
her piece of shit husband for slapping the shit out of her and then some guy
calls up hey
i got issues with women and i slapped the shit out of my wife and i'm never
listening to this radio
station again you know
give me a fucking break you know you know what you need to do eat a salad go
for a walk you don't have
to put money down for for the gym just go for a walk it's actually easier to do
cardio
when you're not at the gym because we're at the gym at any point you can just
get off
and walk a hundred yards to your car your car is always a hundred yards away
when you walk out your front door and you walk a mile away
what are you gonna just quit and lay down on the ground you got to walk back
there's two miles
easiest two miles you'll ever fucking do
or or or be a tub of shit be fat that that's your right okay but buy two seats
that's all i'm gonna
say all right
do i wear short shorts showing off my milk white legs offending everybody's
eyeballs
no i don't i'm considerate i wear the jordan ones that come down right over my
little white knees
um you're listening to the monday morning podcast and yes it is insensitive
doesn't mean it's wrong i'm right i'm right on this one i'll
hey fatties who listen to this podcast god bless you have yourself a sunday on
a monday right
i understand it you're emotional leaders something
fucking bad happened to you so food is your friend and then you go in there i i
get it i get it i want
you to lose weight i want you to feel good about yourself but until you're at
that weight where you're
not you know spill it into my seat you got to buy two seats i shouldn't have to
suffer
because you ate all the cookies in the house that's not my fucking fault oh jesus
bill we got it
i actually tweeted this week that fat people are the new secondhand smoke
hey you want to be fat go outside