Name: Bill Burr Advice - I Want All 3 Sisters
Uploaded: 2023-04-14T17:00:22.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr Advice - I Want All 3 Sisters' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr Advice - I Want All 3 Sisters' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-14. Transcript available.

All right.
Sisters A through C.
Here we go.
Tired of giving advice to guys with psycho-suicidal girlfriends or people with
STDs?
Well, I got something a bit lighter for you here.
Kind of like the Coors Light version of your typical advice.
Thank you.
And it's perfect for the middle of summer.
I'm going to kick my feet back on this one.
So I know this lady who I've been friends with for a while now and banged one
time.
She's the oldest of three sisters, so we all call her Sister A.
About two years ago, I made out with Sister B in a club.
Not my initiative.
And ended up having sex with her the same night.
Jesus Christ, dude.
I went out with her.
Dude, do they have like that thing on the back of their SUV where they have the
stick figures of the entire family
and you just slowly keep X-ing them out?
And the family doesn't understand?
Is somebody trying to kill my daughters?
No, just trying to fuck all of them, sir.
Well, that's a relief.
All right.
Anyways, I went out with her for a while.
Oh, this is Sister B.
And it was surprisingly not awkward when we were hanging out all together,
even though everyone knew the situation.
Jesus Christ, what southern state are you in, sir?
Um, I'll go fuck yourself, people down south.
That was funny.
Um, some months later, Sister B left me for one of her, one of my friends
and got over it quickly enough.
Oh, and you got over it quickly enough.
And nowadays, I'm still in contact with Sister A and B
since I'm not the kind of guy that holds a grudge for that kind of stuff.
Well, there you go.
It's very immature, which means you really didn't give a fuck about either one
of them.
So why are you going to be all upset, you know, like you own their pussy once
you fuck it?
I hate when guys do that.
Anyways, recently, since Sister C started talking to me more frequently,
after talking for a bit, she said she could pose for me since I'm a painter
and she's a model and a 10 all the fucking way, I might add.
Oh, you fucking creep.
You fucking creep.
You fucking creep.
So she was a 10 the whole time.
So basically, you're in a holding pattern, banging her older sisters,
waiting until this girl was of age so you could fucking paint her.
Jesus Christ.
I got to, you know, I might have to stand up and applaud this one.
This guy's taking it to another level.
Dude, this is a fucking epic situation here.
So you go, so here's my question.
Does that proposition mean anything?
Dude, you need my advice?
I need advice from you.
How do you fuck every girl in the same family?
Jesus Christ.
This is like, do you know how long it's been since there's been a triple crown
winner in horse racing?
The last time someone won the Kentucky Derby, the Preakness, and the Breeders'
Cup?
Is that what it is?
Or is that a soccer match?
I don't fucking know.
I don't own a fucking horse.
Since the late 70s.
I would guarantee that it's been since the late 70s since somebody has, who's
banged three.
I think a lot can do two in one family.
But to get all fucking three.
Dude, three.
Two is respectable.
Three is, no, it's beyond respectable.
Dude, three.
Okay?
Everybody knows three is in the sporting world.
Dude, that's a fucking dynasty.
Okay?
You just put yourself in there with fucking Bill Russell.
You put yourself in there with the fucking Magic Johnson Lakers.
You know, I wouldn't say the Kobe Lakers, you know, when you go out and you get
Phil Jackson and fucking Shaq.
That's that new shit that the kids like.
I don't like that shit.
Either way, dude, you're talking fucking dynasty.
Wait, Magic never won three in a row, but he had the Celtics to fuck with.
And they won three out of four years.
Give me a fucking break.
So here's Michael Jordan.
There we go.
So here's my question.
Does that proposition mean anything?
Is it a trap?
Should I try to bang her, should I try and bang her too and get a third strike
or keep my dick in my pants and avoid a potential shitstorm?
And if yes, do you have any tips, special tips on this special situation?
All my friends are telling me to do so, but I thought I'd ask a more refined
mind like yourselves before I did a move.
Dude, you're looking at me like, dude, you're beyond me right now.
Okay?
This is like Bull Durham.
I'm fucking Kevin Costner.
I'm a lifer.
Okay?
You're going up to the show, hitting brand new balls every fucking day.
You tell me.
Okay?
I never banged two girls in one fucking family.
You know?
I was psyched if I was able to tag a couple of friends and we were all hanging
out at a bar one night.
And you get that feeling like, I fucked both of you and you both knew it and
you both loved it, I hope.
Please, please tell me you liked it.
Did you like it?
Was I okay?
Dude, I think you got to do it.
You got to do it.
You know?
You've been above board the whole time.
Sister A, Sister B, they all fucking knew everything, right?
Now, I understand this is a little delicate.
Okay?
He's trying to snip the last wire here.
This is the kid's sister.
Is it going to blow up in your fucking face?
It's worth it, dude.
It's worth it.
It's worth losing a couple of limbs and your nose on this one.
You got to do it.
The fuck, you know?
Dude, what the fuck?
She says to you, yeah, you're a painter.
Oh, let me take my clothes off and you can paint my fucking twat.
That's not art, dude.
That's foreplay.
Give me a fucking break.
It'd be one thing if you're in a classroom of people.
It's just you and she's standing there naked.
Dude, that's like one of the, have they ever done that porn, that scenario in a
porn?
Jesus Christ, you might have found a new angle.
Dude, that's phenomenal.
That is fucking phenomenal.
Dude, you got to do it.
You got to do it.
Did John Elway retire when he only got one?
He came back for another, right?
You got to do it, dude.
Dude, that's like when Bush fucking, the first Bush,
he stopped and he didn't get Saddam.
You got to go all the way on this one, man.
All right?
You got to be like Marlon Brando in fucking Apocalypse Now.
You just, you just, you just accept the fact you left the program.
All right?
And I don't care how mad these girls get.
Dude, you are at the precipice of becoming an absolute
fucking legend.
Legend.
Who, who, who, who, who's going to be able to top that?
Dude, there are celebrities who've had orgies.
They've had five on ones and all that type of shit.
Okay?
But I guarantee you, they never fucked three fucking girls in the same family
when they weren't famous.
Not famous.
You're doing this shit with the gift of gab, whatever the fuck you're doing.
Dude, you do this, you got to write a book.
You got to write a book.
That's, you know, that's what you should do.
Collection of the most amazing pussy-getting stories ever that you can somehow
confirm.
All right?
And it has to be, none of that bullshit.
The second you get famous, you get money.
That doesn't count.
All right?
That's garbage time.
Okay?
They put the fucking second team in there and you're just fucking hitting layups.
That's bullshit.
I'm talking about just regular dude.
You talk yourself into it.
Dude, you're a fucking legend.
You got to do it.
All right?
There's my halftime speech.
I'm going to quote Joe Bartnick, quoting John Madden.
Today is going to be the greatest day of your life, but only if you win.
All right?
You got to do it.
You got to fucking do it.