Name: Bill Burr & Nia Advice - Girlfriend has an Ugly Laugh
Uploaded: 2023-04-21T20:00:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Nia Advice - Girlfriend has an Ugly Laugh' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Nia Advice - Girlfriend has an Ugly Laugh' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-21. Transcript available.

Awful laugh. Hey, Mr. Bill Burth Canal. They always, they try to come up with
clever ways to, uh, with my name.
I see.
Hey, Bill Gingerhead Man. Is that a gingerbread man?
That's good.
That's decent, right? That's all right.
Yeah, that's all right.
All right, I need the brilliant wisdom that only a middle-aged balding redhead
could give.
See that? This is how they do it. They compliment and they slap me around a
little bit.
Uh, I'm dating a lady who couldn't win a Hooters model contest.
Wow. She could win a Hooters model contest? Fly that girl to Paris and put her
on the runway at Chanel.
Sorry.
Why do you guys hate, why do you guys hate it when we say you're pretty?
No, no, it's not that. It's just like that is supposed to be like this fucking
ultimate compliment that she could win a modeling contest at Hooters.
I'm, I'm, any other woman who is, and this is nothing against Hooters, actually,
because I like.
Don't alligator arm it.
No, no, no.
Shit on Hooters.
No, no, no.
But I'm just saying, like, it's just funny to me what men or young guys
consider a compliment.
She could win a fucking Hooters modeling contest.
I'm sorry.
If there's any girls that work at Hooters, I fucking love Hooters and their
girls are super sweet.
You don't like Hooters.
I do, actually.
And you don't think it's suited.
You're insulted by it.
I'm not, it's, I'm, I think it's funny the way he describes her as saying she
could win a Hooters, there's something really funny about that.
All right, there is something funny about that.
But I'll tell you this stuff.
Yeah, come on, you can't break.
You're thinking about, you've got to go on the road with me, though, Nia.
Okay.
You've got to go on the road.
You've got to understand, you know, when you live in the middle of fucking
nowhere, you know, and you get big deals, you go down to the fucking cracker
barrel.
And you get down, you get, you get down to one little golf pig, and that means
you're a genius.
That, that's out there, Nia, out there in the sticks.
You think I'm being, you think I'm being classist by laughing at that
description?
Because he can't just say, I, this girl is really beautiful.
Because he goes on to say, she's funny, intelligent, level-headed, and has a
smokey, that's, those are wonderful things.
But, like, the Hooters model contest, first of all, I didn't know that they had
model contests.
Do you mean that she could get a job at Hooters?
Because, hey, can I get a word in here?
I was actually, I was being a dick.
Oh.
I'm joking around.
I love cracker barrel, and I love when I fucking get down to the one little
golf spike.
It makes me feel like I am intelligent.
They got that little game, if you can.
I haven't been to cracker barrel in a million, billion years.
You shouldn't, because they said that racist shit a long time ago.
Yeah, exactly.
And I betray our relationship every time I go there and get their eggs.
Um.
All right, she's funny, intelligent, level-headed, and has a smoking hot body
and an epic chest.
Ah, well, maybe that's where the Hooters part comes in.
Yeah, she's got a great fucking wreck.
The Hooters model contest.
All right, I'm sorry.
What should he have said?
Applebee's fucking...
Just like, like...
Spring chicken?
An incredibly subpar fucking restaurant chain with the most basic requirements
for hot broth.
Do you realize what a snob you sound like to be sitting here in Paris shitting
on Hooters?
I absolutely do.
Fuck you.
I absolutely do.
Fuck you.
You know what?
No croissant for you today, mademoiselle.
But absolutely.
I love it.
I love their popcorn shrimp.
Yeah, you see that, Nia?
It's really good.
Don't ever forget that, Nia.
And the lemon pepper wings.
Don't ever fucking forget that.
I don't ever forget that.
I don't give a fuck where you're at or what you're doing.
I took my cigarette on a Monday last year.
At the end of the day, you like Hooters lemon popcorn shrimp.
Not lemon popcorn shrimp.
The lemon pepper wings and the buffalo popcorn shrimp.
That shit is amazing.
And they have really big drinks.
It could be a little stronger, though.
At least in the Hollywood one.
But, uh, no, I really don't have a problem.
I just saw the final ten years of your life.
What?
You're just an absolute lush sitting next to a pool.
Why isn't this fucking martini any bigger?
Eating fucking lemon chicken wings.
Ugh, I would never have a martini at fucking Hooters.
I mean, a margarita maybe.
Ugh.
Like, that's the kind of place you get a fireball shot.
You know what, Nia?
You really sound gross right now.
All right, this is my fault.
Anyway, let's go on.
This is my fault.
Both her looks and personality are...
Shut up, I'm reading this.
Why would I complain, you ask?
Well, because you're a guy, and so you have to complain about something.
Because every time she laughs, I feel like putting a bullet in my head.
It sounds like a coyote in a trash compactor.
When we're at dinner, at Hooters, I assume.
She laughs as loud and as awful as she can.
I can see all the shock tables in my peripheral vision and hear the babies
nearby begin to violently weep.
Okay, now you're being hyperbolic.
Whenever she laughs, I do my best to stare at her rack and appreciate her until
the storm is over.
This is actually kind of funny.
This girl is practically wife material.
With every laugh, I lose the will to live.
I'm a 26-year-old man with options.
Right.
But really...
Oh, you know what?
You're such an asshole.
You just shit all over the guy.
That's good.
You balance it out.
Nothing the guy said.
That whole fucking hyperbole thing.
If some woman wrote that, like a coyote in trash compactor and, like, the
babies crying around there, you would have laughed.
Oh, my God, this girl's hilarious.
But if a guy does it, they're a fucking asshole.
Let me finish this out.
I got you, buddy.
Here we go.
This girl is practically wife, but 26-year-old male with options.
He does have options.
And with Facebook now, the world is his option.
Oh, Grandpa.
I'm sorry.
What is it, Instagram?
Yes.
Is it a meme?
Is that how you meet somebody now?
Pussy meme.
But realistically, I don't know if I have the potential to top this girl.
Ah, dude, you're selling yourself short.
What do I do?
Do I suck it up and look past it?
Or do I put on the breakup suit and dump her moments before leaping out of the
car?
Your advice and possibly the lovely Nia's would be wonderful.
Calls you the lovely Nia and you're shitting on him.
I'm sure I speak for many when I say, uh, okay.
Sincerely possible suicide victim.
All right, dude, you don't love this girl enough to look past her laugh.
Because I really think if you really loved her, the fact that she had that
crazy laugh,
it would actually, in some weird way, you'd find it adorable.
I think she's just hot.
Yeah, that's true.
I think she's hot.
I think you have a little bit of low self-esteem where you're looking at your
age.
Like, what do you got fucking eggs in you?
You don't, all right?
You're a guy.
You're young forever.
You know, your biological clock isn't ticking.
You know, Nia, I just say this shit just to get you going, all right?
You're a 26-year-old.
Yeah, you got all the options in the world.
She's fucking smoking hot, right?
Bang her one more time and then fucking dump her, right?
Sorry, I'm fucking with you.
Just get out of it.
Just get out of the relationship.
And that's the thing, though.
But don't tell her why.
Don't say because you're fucking laugh.
Well, because she can't do anything about her laugh, Nia.
I know.
I feel bad.
I actually feel bad for them both.
Because it's like, I'm trying to, I was just trying to put myself in a
situation.
Like, you know, being crazy about you and if you just had, like, the worst
laugh.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, who, who, we, don't, we know somebody that has a laugh like that.
That's like, kind of like, has like a honking in their laugh.
And it's, and it's funny.
But I'm sure the first time the person he's with heard it, she was like, whoa,
okay.
But the thing is, a person who laughs like that, other, you laugh at them for
their laugh.
They laugh even more.
Everybody laughs at them.
And it becomes like a, like, that girl with the crazy laugh.
If you love them.
If you love them.
You're right.
If you don't, you're like, oh my God, I want to kill this person.
Like, is it really that bad?
Like, is it, I, I wish I knew what the laugh was like.
I'm not going to say the name.
I'm not going to say the name.
Uh-huh.
But I used to have somebody, uh, one of my agents.
That's who I was just talking about.
Yeah.
One of my agents.
And I loved him to death.
And I actually loved his laugh.
Especially.
That's great.
Because you could hear it when he was in the crowd.
And I knew that he thought the joke was funny.
And he'd seen a bunch of comedy.
So to really get him to laugh was an amazing thing.
I really feel like I can hear it right now.
Yeah.
So I, I remember being on stage at Caroline's.
And I'm killing for a half an hour.
And I, and I knew he was in the crowd, but I'm not thinking that.
I'm just thinking of doing my shit.
And about a half hour in, I tried this new bit.
And I riffed this thing.
And it fucking killed.
And in the middle of it, I hear in the back of the club, you just hear.
Yep.
The honk.
Yeah, but I'm not even doing the thing.
Yeah.
And, uh, yeah, and he, and he hated his laugh, too.
He hated his laugh.
And he's just like, I know, that's how I laugh.
And blah, blah, blah, blah.
But, uh, fucking sweetheart out of a guy.
Yeah, but he's a great person.
We're talking about him like he's dead.