Name: Bill Burr - Why Women Resort to Crying
Uploaded: 2023-04-28T16:00:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Why Women Resort to Crying' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Why Women Resort to Crying' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-28. Transcript available.

how are ya how's it going you hear that echo echo yo um i'm in a new place i
moved no more
angry old guy beneath me i'm in a new place and uh it's sparsely furnished i'm
sitting in an old
chair so it's going to be creaking a little bit during the podcast i actually
got out of it because
i just realized that sonically that could be a little annoying um yeah move to
a new place little
bigger little better right the american dream still existing you know instead
of taking giant
leaps you take little steps little baby steps oh look at that the kitchen's up
it's about six inches
bigger um no i'm psyched first time in my fucking life i don't have some cunt
living below me or
above me so you know what that means all i gotta do is piss off my neighbors
and i think i'll be
all right no we got we got a nice place so we're psyched my girl's happy which
is a great thing as
a guy you know that's a great thing you know you get something new and shiny
and what are the name
and then they're happy and then your life is great that's all you want you just
want them to be happy
maybe if they're happy they'll stop fucking bitching at me maybe that'll stop
you know but you know how
broads are you know they are no matter how cool they are how fucking hot they
are eventually they find
something eventually they find something you know and you're sitting there and
you're listening to
them talking and you're nodding you're nodding your head uh-huh yeah yeah okay
yeah i'll work on that
yeah definitely i'll work on that and in your head you're just sitting there
going like really
really it's fucking unreal i swear to god i swear to fucking god i was talking
to paul verzi about this
the other day we were on the phone joking about this shit going i bet donald
fucking trump gets nagged
you know sitting there looking out the fucking helicopter window that has his
goddamn name on it
right and his fucking wife is probably sitting next to him if he's even married
whatever his
fucking girlfriend he likes those transylvania hotties that olga kind of chicks
whatever
he's just staring out the window of his fucking chopper right
just fucking sitting there shaking his head
you know whole head moving toupee sitting still
you know right on top of his head on a swivel
right
she's just fucking sitting there nagging him
you know i just thought you could have been a little more social
it's like i was having those those are my friends okay those are my friends
those people are important
to me the same way you are okay you have to accept all of me
donald stop looking at your skyscrapers i'm talking to you here
this is us okay i just do you're the dawn you have a hit show okay this is us
okay this is your foundation
well i don't feel like you're listening to me because i'm staring at the back
of your orange hair
okay okay i'm sorry i know hair is sensitive to you it's just i'm i'm i'm
emotional right now and i i i felt that i was going to invite my friends over
right and then they go into that shit
right now here's a little quiz for you fellas
why did that fictitious bitch start crying in that fictitious monologue
why did she cry
i'll give you a couple seconds to come up with it
was it because she was really sad
i feel like i'm giving a lecture right now
this is really sending my ego through the fucking roof
why did she cry
was it because
she felt like he didn't love her
was it because she was truly upset
that he wasn't nice to her friends
or
was it because
she took the argument to a place
where she knew she was wrong by bringing up his fucked up hair
that's what it was
so then she just oh my god i'm gonna start losing this
so then they immediately go to the tears
that's what they do
they're terrible
awful
living things
with a vagina
no i'm kidding
um anyways
but i'm not kidding about why she cried
all right so there it is
so that's what you have to do as a guy
you have to assess why is she crying
am i being a dick
if you're being a dick
and she starts crying
that's when you go in
and you hold them
and you tell them you're sorry
all right
and say please don't cry
but if it's got nothing to do with fucking anything
it's just it's just a manipulative technique
to make you feel like
like you're the hulk
you know when you're screaming in their face
all right
so you don't always have to go in for the hug
you don't always have to do it
just stand back and assess the situation
like one of them fucking coordinators
on the sidelines
you