Name: Bill Burr & Nia - Nia's First Appearance on the Podcast
Uploaded: 2023-05-02T18:00:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Nia - Nia's First Appearance on the Podcast' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Nia - Nia's First Appearance on the Podcast' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-02. Transcript available.

Wait a second. Wait a second. Did you want to chime in with something, Nia?
Well, I'm just surprised you didn't talk about Tila Tequila being choked by
that NFL, that football player.
Oh, that's right. Sean Merriman choked out Tila Tequila.
You know, I...
Well, she's a whore anyway. She probably deserved it.
Exactly.
Oh, you fucking asshole.
What do you... Nia, it's a podcast. I got to make it funny.
I don't like how you actually have my voice down, like you actually know what I'm
going
to say. No, that's not what I was going to say. I was going to say, before I
was so rudely
interrupted, with your completely offensive... I don't like how... You know,
have you noticed
that with women, whenever they do an impression of their boyfriend, they always
have to go,
uh, before they say anything? I wanted to go out to go to a restaurant. You
know, my boyfriend
said he was going to take me, and I was like, so we're going to go to the
restaurant? And he's
all, uh, I want to watch a football game.
I know, my impression of you is really bad. It is bad.
Do you want to go to a party this weekend, my girlfriend's...
What, Ben Roethlisberger? Ah, that was a cash grab. He raped me, Ben Roethlisberger.
Well, do you feel like the whole Michael Vick thing with the dogs got...
Why don't you come over here near the microphone, if you're actually going to
come in here and
hijack it? All right. Here's my lovely
girlfriend, Nia, everybody. Hi, everybody. Hey, let me just do this as like
an interview, like a little Dick Cabot thing. What was your question here?
Uh, my question was
in regards to the football player
who, uh, allegedly choked out
Tila Tequila, um,
and other... Why are you being so official?
The question that I had this
afternoon, and first of all, I just want to say I love
the show, and I'm really... Uh, long-time listener,
first-time caller. Uh, no, but do you
think, because I feel like, and I guess
we'll see... Please get to the point, ma'am. Well, we'll
see how the story develops, but like,
do you feel like the Michael Vick thing got more
attention than
when athletes have, like, sort of
like these abuse charges? Putting aside... First of all,
Sean Merriman didn't have like
40
MySpace whores hung from trees
that he was electrocuting and drowning.
Okay, he choked out one dumb
whore with, uh, fake tits,
a bisexual whore at that, and I have
to say that I fucking hate the San Diego
Chargers, but my hatred went down a little
bit, knowing that he slapped her on Tila
Tequila. That's just funny. If she was, if
she was just, you know, a regular, you
know, girl from Hooters whose dad didn't
stick around, so she felt the need to dress
around scantily clad and try to get guys'
attention. You want to see my clam? If she
was one of those people.
Do you think that's what women say? Huh?
Do you think that's what women say?
Well, I'll tell you this, I'll tell you this
right now, and I might get in, I might get in
trouble here as I wade into these dangerous
waters.
Women don't say clams. They don't refer to it
as a clam, so...
How would you know that?
Because I'm a woman, you asshole!
Well, first of all...
I'm done with this podcast.
Oh, you're storming out? You're gonna take
off your little lapel mic and just walk out?
I'm done.
Alright, obviously I know they don't do
that. Get back here! You can't just leave
like that.
No, they don't say, I'm gonna show you my
clam, but I will tell you this. When women
get fake tits, they will show you them
like they got their nails done. Because
obviously it was a very insecure part of
their body, so now they have it, and
they will... It's so easy to even be able
to touch them. You just... All you gotta do
is, like, what their big paranoia is, now
that they have them, they want you to
tell them that they feel real. So all
you gotta do is just be like, you know,
they look really natural. Do you feel
like they feel... Oh, yeah, here! And
they just grab your hand. For some
reason, because their hand is on your
hand, they don't feel like you're
actually feeling them up.
I felt a fake boob before.
You felt a fake boob before? Okay.
Yeah, a girl that I used to work with
had fake boobs, and she was just
talking about it. I guess, like,
sometimes they do. And I was like, "Oh,
really?" And she was like, "Yeah! Feel them!"
They felt real. Yeah, see? Well, there you go.
Nice, actually. Like, nice. I haven't
really felt a lot of boobs, but... Well, when
you say nice, what are they... Felt like a
bag of sand. You know, they just felt full
and nice, and just buxomy and soft. You
know, like a woman. Really? I came in here to
talk about... No, I'm actually... I'm
getting turned on by this. This is like... This is
really... You know, I gotta tell you, I got a lot of
creeps who listen to this, so they're probably
touching themselves right now. I know.
They drive trucks. Well, help them out a little. No, I'm not gonna whore out my
girlfriend on
my own podcast. You're a good girl, right? Say it.
I'm like... What are you... Wait a minute. What are you... This is what you do
at the office? You go around filling up girls with fake tits?
I'm not at the office. Well, where was it? When you were at fucking in Bill Haley's
swimming pool down the street? I can never remember people's names. What's the
name of the fucking guy who has Playboy? Hector Camacho? What's his name? Hugh
Hefner? I knew there was an H.
Who's Hector Camacho? I know, I'm brutal. That's one of the long... Hector Camacho
was a boxer. That's one of the long-standing jokes in our relationship is how...
This is what happens. I can never remember famous people's names.
So, I just... Whatever the first name that comes to my mind. Or the names of
movies. Like, remember when I called that movie The Last Days of Dracula? What
was the name? What was that movie? Interview with the Vampire. I called it The
Last Days of Dracula.
Ah, that was a classic. We have a lot of fun out here, don't we?
It was at the gym.
All right. Well, we're gonna wrap up the podcast. Look how cute Cleo is over
there with her ears down.
Baby. Yeah, she's a cutie. All right, that's it. That's it for the podcast. You
got a little bonus interview.
And that's it. I want to thank, once again, everybody came out in Sweden. I'm
definitely gonna come back.
They were already talking about bringing me back there. And everybody in Philly,
I wrote a new hour. I'm gonna be there.
Please sign up for my website. And yeah, if there's girls out there with fake tits,
I'm telling you, you don't have to ask too many questions.
You know, there's actually a good chance they'll take them out. If you're in
like a ground round, one of those kinds of restaurants.
Remember that restaurant? Where it was like, I don't know how they didn't get
shut down by the health department with all those crushed peanut shells on the
floor.
You know, you walk into a barbershop, they gotta sweep up the hair. How about
you sweep up the peanuts, you fucking disgusting cunts.
All right, have a good week.