Name: Bill Burr & Nia Hilarious Argument over a Protein Bar
Uploaded: 2023-05-09T16:00:21.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Nia Hilarious Argument over a Protein Bar' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Nia Hilarious Argument over a Protein Bar' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-09. Transcript available.

anyways the lovely nia is here nia pick up a microphone all right hello hey how
are you
you and i got into it i can get it to you today from amazon what the bar that
you won't let me
have you won't share with me i won't i just don't understand why you can't
share with me i'm your
wife like why wouldn't you share you don't share you just take i asked you if i
could have one
no no because this is okay this is what happens whenever i go on a diet all
right and i start
looking like old shredded red face over here she's like oh what are you doing
oh and then she
rather than getting on the diet she just picks at all the shit that i bought
and you know when you're
on a diet you got it all mapped out for the week so you don't have to think you
know you can't wait
until you're hungry because then your body's gonna be like i want a cheeseburger
man and you
gotta do it want a hamburger no cheeseburger i'm on a chocolate shake you'll
have nothing
um at least that's how it works for me so yes meal prep i get it all right so
why couldn't i just have
a bar like we just came from a walk like why can't i have a bar like to refuel
because they were hard
for me to find and it was the last one and you just want to have one not
because you're on the diet
because it's convenient and then i'm going to come there tomorrow there's going
to be an empty box so
now i got to go online yeah you're going to get me that tomorrow today actually
because it's prime
yes and how much is that going to cost it's 29.49 for the box
but here's the thing nia here's the thing if i didn't make such a fucking stink
about this i don't
know why you have to make a stink period like it's my last one nia and it's
hard to find
okay let me see if i can find hey i can get some for you that'll be delivered
today can i have one
now you're telling me that that would have worked yeah you're full of shit we'll
never know because
you'll always pop off so who knows first of all i don't pop off i'm white i
flip out
that's funny huh thank you every once in a while i do have a good one no the
thing i've learned about
you which i then translate to pointing i'm pointing right at you
which i'll then of course transfer to all women because that's how simple my
brain is
is you have to make a scene for you guys to finally do the right thing that's
what it is
because oh my god you are just dramatic and like overly what's the word i'm
looking for i don't know
overly interrupting me every time i go to make a point that's the second time
you've done it
one more time and i'll tell you you're ready and i'm out of the ball game yeah
you're going to do that
can i have one you can stack like some little pound puppy and then i'm going to
give it to you and
you're going to say that you're going to do it you're going to say that there's
going to be follow
through like this ottoman over here that has the stuffing coming out of it i
left a message
you were supposed to take care of that like three months ago okay all those
little
balls are coming out we got a kid around here i don't want her to eat them
thinking that they're
the little things are couscous or something like she knows what that is so this
this leaky
piece of that i don't know where you got it from west elm west elm so how much
was that
a zillion dollars right yeah it was like 45 bucks or something all right well
then throw it out
i don't know what to tell you you just leave it leaking all over the place all
you got to do is
just find some no because this is what it is near i have to take care of all of
this all right
that's why you don't get a power bar because you wouldn't have done it you
would have said you were
going to do it and then you wouldn't have done it and the amount of time it
would have taken me to
figure out the internet and how to get some look at me some what are hipsters
dressing like now huh
they'd kind of dress like hitler youth with the lumberjack must beard and
mustache right
the conor mcgregor but like zach alifianakis okay level beard who was the
originator they all owe him
money okay he brought back the martin van buren beard um he's like the eddie
van halen right you're
throwing out the names of a lot of white guys he's like the eddie van halen of
the beard i am lost and
all these hipsters that came along were all those guys that ripped off eddie
van halen
oh speaking of that the next season of baskets is coming out with louie edison
i love that show i
love that show anyways that's why that's why you don't get up you don't get a
you know what's so
funny about you nia is i'm trying to communicate with you and you're on your
phone i'm on amazon
ordering the goddamn thing for you and because i'm over here flapping my freckled
arms
this is what i have to do this is why you actually don't you actually don't
have to have this reaction
okay okay let's do a little role play all right i'm gonna be you oh i'm gonna
be you what okay okay
and then you be me and you tell me how to do it okay all right what am i what
are we talking about
we're talking about what the just happened so i'm you yeah and you're okay okay
here we go
what do you have
can i have it too i object to this let me like yours isn't going to be worse
so you're like hey you have something hey i want something i'm a five-year-old
can i have
what the fuck i'm trying to do something you're coming in here i have to take
care of it three
months ago wow wow fair enough i'm busting my ass on the road every weekend so
we can afford this
house and i can't even get a bar that's a good point i don't even care if it
was an unflattering
impression i agree with your version of me i want one why why can't i have one
every time you talk
like that i swear to god like part of my soul breaks off like that i know i don't
talk about that
that's what you do okay i have gone why yeah i've done that but by the time it
goes into my head cut
with my childhood and all my experiences you need and i process it oh god so it's
you know
you've got every excuse in the book why i was popping off and you know what
flipping out whatever
whatever and it's just like you don't have a point right now i just saw that
you started that
searching for work you got everything and it's just like because hey man
if you'd like to see more of this banter in this sunday crashing on hbo that
was three quarters
that was three quarters of a point you just made there because you know man it's
like
like all you to do there is start the the lady fake crying i hope you know that
your
is coming today yeah and look what i had to do look how high my blood pressure
had to go up you
didn't have to do all that i could have figured it out for you if you were
nicer to me all right
if you were like you know what this is the let's role play let's role play let's
start over again
this time rather than insulting each other rather than insulting each other i
want to say that yeah
god damn it this is my part i'll take your purple sock off right now you could
have said it's my last
one do it as me and i okay okay the way i would have liked you to do it yeah no
i'm we're gonna do
this we're gonna finish this thing okay okay all right i'm gonna be you i'm
gonna try to do a
flattering version of you okay go ahead what is that you're eating can i have
can i have one
you oh it's my sir yeah
see you can't do it no kid uh all right do it as you tell me how tell you tell
me you tell me i was
trying to tell you tell me how the i'm supposed to do that you were supposed to
say i only have one
left and they're really hard to find and i said okay so i can't have one that's
what you would have
said i would have been like well let me see if they have any online on amazon
like i did just now
like it's literally coming before the end of the day a chocolate bar is more
important than me
i'm just saying i think your reaction was a little over the top and unwarranted
it wasn't i i stayed
calm i stayed calm unless you said can i have a chocolate bar what i say no i
said no
yeah and you but the thing is and you're like i can't i said no
you said why i go because they're mine i'm on this diet i kind of said that you
okay but it's your tone
and it's your approach you often say i'm from massachusetts i always sound like
i'm in a bad mood
no that is not true all my family's from massachusetts and they don't always
sound like
they're in a bad mood so that's a excuse all right white people from massachusetts
always sound like
they're all right that's fair also it's okay to blame a race when we return
more hate speech from
nia hill i'm gonna have a siding bar after this because there's more coming
later today you know
what's funny you're gonna bite into that and be like oh you think fucking sucks
that's what you're
gonna do does it suck yeah of course it does it's healthy um but does it like i
don't know have at
least a little bit of good flavor to it just imagine chocolate covered sand no
no that's what it tastes
like okay like the amount of water that you need to drink or like half of it
will be stuck in your teeth
oh gross it's disgusting oh but you wanted one can i still have it huh can i
still have that last
one is this all like just some insecurity about whether i still love you or not
are you willing to
give up what you i just don't will be the last why you are just you like the
way you say no
like so easily to me it's just like i just don't understand well what do you
look
princess i'm your wife so i should be hearing yes like most of the time based
on what based on my
position which is what as the wife what is your definition of this household
what is your definition
of a wife what what do you mean put stammering your idea what does that mean
because i'm your wife
i feel like i should have top priority like i should be like yes yes of course
whatever you
need and or want you may have do you think that that's like a is that a two-way
street yes
you're so full of you're such a i am your queen yeah no no you're a spoiled
brat it's my own goddamn
fault i've created a monster you sound like my dad it's like you know what yeah
you you and your dad
and i bond a lot about what you guys are both like you're so spoiled you are so
you guys want to like
give me all these wonderful things which i am grateful for and then you want to
call me spoiled like
that's not that's not fair it isn't yeah we don't want to give you all those
things we want to shut
you up like a little five-year-old i thought it was because you love me but i
want the chocolate bar
go eat your chocolate bar nia can i have that yeah you can have the whole empty
box
when you're done put it on your head and walk around like the queen that you
are
all right go yourself so i'll talk to you i'll talk to you guys later