Name: Bill Burr Advice - How to Deal With Public Rejection
Uploaded: 2023-05-21T16:00:19.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr Advice - How to Deal With Public Rejection' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr Advice - How to Deal With Public Rejection' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-21. Transcript available.

um all right plowing ahead uh bill uh so something kind of ridiculous happened
to me the other day
and you're the only person who i think might appreciate my point of view on the
matter okay
so there's this really good looking lady uh that works at the sandwich shop
around the corner for
my job so i've been going there for like a year now and i've always wanted to
say something to her
but never did because either the place was too busy at the time or i just pussied
out usually
the latter so the other day i finally man up and decide to say something and it
went a little
something like this uh i go in after two so it's not as busy i place my order
she makes me a wrap
she hands me a wrap and i say excuse me uh i've been coming in here for a while
and i've always
wanted to introduce myself and before i can even get the words out her smiling
expression turns
blank her lips seal tight and she kind of looks up at her eyebrows with that
you got to be
fucking kidding me look all over her face i can only equate ah shit i just hit
the wrong button
on my computer um he goes i can only equate the look to an uh to an employee
what an employee might
have when they're done with their work for the week and on friday evening right
as they feel like
they're going to get out of there the boss comes and drops another hour's worth
of paperwork on their
desk they can't say anything but you know they're thinking you fucking prick so
what i end up saying
after i get this look from this chick is this is basically what the guy says he
said excuse me
i've been coming in here for a while and i've always wanted to introduce myself
you know what fuck it never mind
and he goes i turned around i just walked out
all right and he goes now here's my issue dude we've all been there all right
we've all fucking
been there um all right so he goes now here's my issue it's not that i was
rejected big deal that
shit happens all the time right uh that's like an ongoing theme in an adult
life and i've learned
to live with it jesus dude don't jump off a cliff here um he goes my problem is
that society i can't
even talk society my problem is society dictates that the guy should approach
the girl and all the
girl really needs to do is look pretty throw a few signals and wait for dudes
to start clamoring like
morons is it fair no but then again it's really not a big deal it's one of the
situations you grow
accustomed to but if that is the case and if all women have to do is be pretty
then say yes or go
fuck yourself could they at least wait 30 seconds for me to say whatever retarded
shit whatever retarded
shit i'm thinking before they shoot me down all she has to do is wait a minute
and say no thank you
but instead i get cut off by stink eye mid-sentence should i have told her to
go fuck herself what are your
thoughts on this sort of shit your true and loyal fan bobo the douchebag all
right um
what are my feelings on this all right first of all dude we've all been there
we've all you know you got it in your head you're gonna come up there like
fucking sean connery and
one of those early james bonds you even feel like you got a fucking tuxedo on
and then the second you
open your mouth you sound like fucking arnold horshack and you even want to
shoot yourself down at that
point okay um but in answer your question uh should i have told her to go fuck
herself no
that's not oh i mean i'm i'm just you know having not been there i i can't
it'd be it would depend on what the look on her face was or how she looked you
know if uh
if she was just some hot girl who didn't have a brain in her head yeah then you
tell her to go
fuck herself but this is a really cute girl and you actually feel like wow i
you know i'd like to
get to know that girl no you don't tell her to go fuck herself it's actually in
that moment when
she gives you the stink eye is when you have to come up with something funny to
say something
something clever something so you show that you're not going to quit in life
because that's what i hate
to say dude but that's what you showed her you showed her that you have you
have the quit dna
in your fucking ball bag and she's not going to want to mate with you
but fortunately there's plenty other gazelles out there on the fucking serengeti
that you can try to
run down you see the discovery channel cheetah doesn't always fucking run the
thing down sometimes
it gets kicked in the face then it sits there feeling stupid especially when it
realizes it's being filmed
it's going to be on basic cable there's where you can you can actually look at
a bright side it wasn't
filmed did you just gotta kind of come up with something um in that moment that's
funny and i
actually kind of thought about it what i would have said and i would have choked
even if i tried to
come up with something funny because in the moment i would have felt like a douche
and i probably would
have attacked what she did for a living which is the worst thing you can do be
like really you know
you're fucking you've been working here for a year and a half two years i've
been seeing you're making
sandwiches you're not getting any younger there sweetie all right you know i
would have been bad
it would have been bad it's very easy for me you know for me to sit here and
tell you what you should
have done you know it's kind of like uh you know when you when you watch a uh a
football game or
something like that and once it ends and whatever the game plan was didn't work
out they do why didn't
they give it to marshall fuck i don't understand um it's easy to do that so um
i don't know what to
tell you like you know it'd be funny you got to go back there and keep ordering
sandwiches i don't
know that's fucking humiliating you might you might have to find a new place to
get a sandwich dude
i gotta be honest with you i don't know how you pull yourself out of that one
what did you say uh you know what fuck it
oh this is what you do dick heights you just walk in just kind of be a dick you
know
when she you could just walk up hey sunshine that's something i don't listen to
me all my
shit just always ends up with you know there's a reason i get heckled as much
as i do because
i'm an asshole um but as far as like uh what you said earlier because i know
there's a lot of
women pulling their fucking hair out right now when you say all the woman has
to do is be pretty
and wait for the offers to come in um i don't know dude if you ever had a
girlfriend first of all
that whole thing of looking pretty from my standpoint and my experience takes
at least four and a half
fucking hours and um and you never know that girl might have been giving you
the stink eye because
she's a really good looking girl and she she has a public she has a job where
she deals with the
public so believe it or not the amount of ugly fucking out of shape dudes who
actually don't
have a problem approaching beautiful women uh is actually it's the it's pretty
high i mean
personally i think it's funny but um if you're a woman it's it's not as funny
and i think that's
something that took me a long time to realize how like um uncomfortable that
feeling can be
you know because guys think dude i would love to be standing there women
hitting on me but what you
have to do is you got to see how we're physically made up the fact that a guy
you know what what if
there was this thing that physically could beat the shit out of you and it
wanted to enter your body
that's the only way to try to put yourself and what if it's if you're not
attracted to it and you feel
it getting angry when you're trying to communicate that you know you're all set
you know and then
there's the option that if they wanted to they could give you a forearm shiver
and begin to execute
their plan you know oh jesus how do i talk myself out of this one you know what
it's like put it this
way for all the guys listening out there if somebody said hey man i'll give you
10 bucks this is like
an old joke i used to do in my act i'll give you 10 bucks to walk over to that
birthday cake and stick
your finger in it yeah you've got 10 bucks yeah fuck it i'll do it you know 20
bucks or whatever just
something you know you do it you wouldn't think anything about it whatever
stick it in you take it right
back out you know you wouldn't give a fuck what if somebody said dude i'll give
you i'll give you 20
bucks to take that cake and put it in your ass
see what i mean there'd be a difference then then you you would have some
questions
you know where is that cake been are you going to tell anybody i usually don't
do things like this
you know that's that's why women they approach sex that way you know they got
to have rules on when
they're going to fuck you and all that it's it's a did that that example i i
know on some level it
made sense i'm a little jet lagged i haven't done that joke in a while and i
gotta admit halfway
through it it didn't even make sense to me i'm just saying you know did i
answer your question um
so this is what you got to do you got to treat uh you got to treat women like
uh like i treated open
mics okay you just know you're going to bomb and eventually you're going to get
good at it so just
keep you know make some notes what what you're going to do the next time that
happens you know
maybe try to come up with a couple of lines and i hope women i hope you
appreciate uh what a
fucking pain in the ass it is for a guy to get laid you know what i mean and
that's why there's the whole
um stud whore double standard because basically for a guy to get laid this is
what he has to go
through this guy actually has to develop skills to get laid you know all you
have to do is show up
you know i mean for a guy the brass ring is getting a two-on-one no tv credits
no my dad has a yacht you
just get it from talking shit that is the brass ring for a guy now a woman her
first night of
fucking all she'd have to do is lay down on a pool table she could fuck every
guy in the bar it's it's
not a skill it's gluttonous you know it's gluttonous it's like watching a fat
guy eat an ice cream
you never cut him you don't cut him any slack haven't you had enough um all
right
i'm really glad i redid this podcast because this other one was not nearly as
fucked up as this one
i don't know if it's funny but it's definitely funny but