Name: Bill Burr Advice - Girlfriend Wants to Sell her Underwear Online
Uploaded: 2023-06-01T15:00:20.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr Advice - Girlfriend Wants to Sell her Underwear Online' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr Advice - Girlfriend Wants to Sell her Underwear Online' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-01. Transcript available.

all right my girlfriend wants to sell her panties online how do you not read
this i don't you guys
i don't give a shit if these are real or not these are very entertaining hey
billy beef farts uh
i think what that means my situation is exactly what it sounds like last week
my girlfriend of
six years asked me if i think it's okay if she sells her used panties online
gross
to some of those weirdo fetishes who enjoys that kind of i said sure thinking
what's the harm but what if one of those guys is in those was a forensic expert
and that's also his
fucking you know and that's how he kind of you know going to those murder
scenes he started sniffing
panties now he's afraid he's going to get caught so he orders them online and
then after a while the
smell isn't enough so he starts dusting the panties for prints the next thing
you know he's standing at
your door with a fucking meat cleaver and a hard-on and you answer the door you
know he's got one hammer
for one he's got the axe for the other and you show up that's going through
your head and then he's
going in looking for your pantyless girlfriend i think you're nuts anyways i
said sure thinking what's
the harm we're both university students she needs money and what's the harm in
milking these wackos
for her old panties stained and clam juice dude there's no way you love this
woman um here's the
problem she tells me that she needs to have pictures taken in these panties to
prove to her potential
clients that she did actually wear them no she doesn't they want to smell them
so they see her so
they can yeah yeah and rub them out um when she told me this i wasn't really it
wasn't really in a way
that was asking for permission not that i would expect her to not that i would
expect her to
this is how much the these american male has been beaten down that if they don't
let the woman in
their life do every thing that she every idea that comes to her head if they
get in
the way of it they're crushing her dream how about if you're a fucking you're
not even her boyfriend
at this point you're just an entourage member just going hey where are we going
tonight oh that's cool
can you be a fellow do you love this woman don't fucking let her do this this
is a dumb
fucking idea don't you have dumb ideas doesn't she say to you every once in a
while hey that's a
stupid idea and then afterwards you're like jesus christ what was i thinking
thank god you're in my life
this is when you need to step up not stand down
she just dude if she does this she's basically she's in the porno industry
her picture is going to be online on a panty sniffer website
what what job do you get after that and it lives forever and they'll wait they'll
wait till she's
running for office you know if she starts her own campaign to stop some
fucking disease right then that thing's going to come out the old patty panty
sniffer photo is going
to come out anyways he says but more of of anyways not that i would expect her
to
dude what if what if what if you dabbled into the porn industry however the
you were going to do it with just a picture huh i don't know it's crazy anyways
but more of a this would be part of the deal kind of way she brought it up to
up to me immediately
i tell her that i have a huge problem with this well all right then all right
then you scared me there
earlier and she should not be doing it she argues that and i quote i like the
attention it gets
all right all right dude you know what this is the sound of
that is the sound of you backing up the dump truck that she's laying in the
back of and dumping that
in the trash dude this is not the mother of your kids this god bless her i don't
know who the
fucked her up it's it's over out it's over dude it's out and it's done i don't
even need to read the
rest of the rest of this he goes like what the am i supposed to do here that's
what you're supposed to
do keep my mouth shut and act like a cuck holder or fight this thing to the
bitter end i know it's
her body and she has the right to do anything with it shut the up with that
jesus christ these feminists you guys have turned into zombies this isn't like
a date rape situation
here i get she does have the right to do it but you're stopping her from
getting into the porn industry
but it makes me feel like a complete tool it should any input would be
appreciated bill i think i told
you i think i told you what you should do dude just yeah you know what this is
the deal okay
even if she goes you're gonna break up with me well then forget it i won't do
it
i can't live without you fuck that whatever this is this this is a this is
gonna rear its ugly
fucking head again i like the attention it gets she likes that kind of
attention okay i'm telling you
right now dude i'm telling you right now somebody that likes that kind of
fucking of attention it's
not the attention that she can get within a fucking one-on-one monogamous monogamous
relationship
all right now whether she'll ever act on it and go even further end up on a
pole or blowing somebody
behind a dumpster down at a denny's after she ate some bad scrambled eggs who's
to fucking know all
you know is that you're rolling the dice with with half of your shit if you
ever marry this kid this
this kid this woman and have kids you know and the kids are gonna halfway
fucking look like her
oh dude i'm just flying down the road with this thing dump her dude dump her
that's a deal breaker
i'm sorry that's a deal breaker done over all right just be like listen uh we've
come to a fork in the
road and uh you want to be a model for a panty sniffing website which i totally
respect and uh i would
like to be with somebody that i can trust you know who doesn't need the
attention of some of the
the weirdest people on the internet okay good luck and thank you for playing
now have you guys ever listened to the uh
the all things comedy podcast that i do i do live with uh al madrigal you've
ever listened to those
al madrigal okay
he's a very busy man so he might not have time to give you breakup advice
al madrigal has the greatest way how you break up with the woman that you if
you're not living with
this woman the greatest way ever and i'm giving him full credit here and he's
already told the
story on a podcast so i don't feel like i'm overstepping my bounds here this is
the greatest way ever
this is what he would do when he knew that he was going to break up with the
woman and and and uh
women can do this too he would and the woman was not living with him he would
gather up all of her
shit that was in the apartment and he would put it in a box he'd call her up
said i need to come over
there and talk to you he'd come over with the box tell her it was over and then
he would
fucking leave and then there was nothing else there was no reason for her to
come back
and that was it that's what you need to do with her you need to pack up all her
panties that she's
going to be selling and modeling soon so she can become a jerk off model
okay and she's free to do that because it's her body snap 12 to 6 right is that
what they do
that's her body it's her right she's an independent woman beyonce the whole
thing
feminism yeah i'm doing this shit you have fun sweetheart right she's gonna go
become a jerk-off
model and if you stay with her you will become a jerk-off and you don't want to
do that because
eventually it's gonna breed resentment and uh you know dude like yeah it's
gonna be over you can't
marry her you can't fucking marry her it's done it's fucking over it's gonna
get out then your
neighbor's gonna find out then your neighbors are gonna be jerking off to her
and then you're gonna
get a nickname you know it's it's fucking over god help you if your name starts
with p right peter paul
any of that shit that that's the alliteration with panty i don't know what the
fuck it's gonna be but it's
it's gonna be a fucking nightmare jerk off jerry i don't know what the fuck it's
gonna be but dude
you need to get out beep beep beep dump that bitch in the fucking trash over
over
and so is this podcast all right go fuck yourselves i'll talk to you on thursday