Name: Bill Burr Advice - My Husband Doesn't Want me Anymore
Uploaded: 2023-06-02T15:00:14.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr Advice - My Husband Doesn't Want me Anymore' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr Advice - My Husband Doesn't Want me Anymore' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-02. Transcript available.

uh past this prime prime question mark hello william i need some advice by the
way you guys
you all realize i'm a moron right i flunked everything in high school okay this
is on you
if you take my advice and it doesn't work you know you should go talk to
somebody who actually
professionally gives out advice and part of your therapy session should be why
you take
advice from somebody who doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about oh bill
shut up and just
read it okay all right hi bill i need some advice my fiance and i used to have
in an insane sex life
two to three times a day crazy marathon sex sessions we used to celebrate sexta
day
what does that mean what is that when you reminisce about how much you've
yesterday
ah you kids i don't know what you're talking about sex today boo boo all my
seem so far away
i put it in your ass and not because i'm gay i just your veg enough times
your vag you know it's like i woke up and the lyrics just came to me to the
point i thought
did someone else talk about this somebody else are we right this song um not
for lack of trying on my
part i love giving him blowjobs oh what a champ she says she loves give him
blowjobs and now he always
says not right now when i try uh we welcomed our first baby six months ago i am
now in better shape
than i was before i got pregnant i do yoga and run every day and feel sexier
than ever i am 22 and he is
40. is he passed his prime he's been stressed out lately does that keep men
from getting it up
um he was my first so the only thing i know about male sexuality is what i know
about him usually he can't
keep his hands off me help bill it's hard not to take this personally thank you
well aren't you a sweetheart
um you like giving blowjobs and you're very polite and you know how to write a
letter god damn it
you're a keeper and you were virgin at 22 you saved yourself and here this guy
comes along the grizzled vet
in the final year of a three-year contract you know once you sign the contract
he stops producing
well i for one i feel for you um did he watch you give birth
you know that that that new thing that they do over the last 20 30 years back
in the day
he used to just stand out in the waiting room with the big stogie just stand
out how's she doing
is her blood pressure dropping oh she passed away on the table ah
fucking 120 dollars in cigars out the window he used to stand out there in the
waiting room
you know and you let the doctors be doctors
i don't understand why the guy has to be in there i i don't this is a big
fucking debate between me and the lovely nia like i don't understand why this
why you have to
fucking be in there you know when i go down to minus muffler do i fucking stand
underneath it is
he sitting there and the sparks are flying i don't know how to weld you know
yeah you got a busted
aspirated tube i don't know where that is i don't know what it is why am i
there you know
i should be out in the fucking waiting room so anyways what did he stand there
and then just watch
something alive come out of your vagina maybe it's it's kind of because i hear
that guys have like
maybe performance issues after that you know there's a whole bunch of things
that could be going on
here so i don't want to put too many how are you guys doing financially how is
this job security
you know does he spend a lot of money this is the other shoe about ready to
drop are you one of those
one of those couples that i see on those reality shows you know does he wear
like a lot of t-shirts
or like button-down shirts that have a lot of designs on them a lot of drawing
you know does he fake tan
is he one of those guys because if he's one of those guys then i would guess
that you're actually broke
and have been broke for eight months and he doesn't know how to tell you um but
if he's a regular guy
all right i'm joking around too much about this this is actually a serious
thing all right help me
bill it's hard not to take this personally um i would bring it up to him you
got to sit down and uh
hopefully he's not a walled off emotional psycho like most guys if you bring it
up
and hopefully you can bring it up to him without him getting mad but um i that's
what i would do
i'd bring it up and just be like hey uh you know you haven't been banging me
lately and uh
i know i'm looking pretty good and used to it all the time what's what's the
deal
you know just that's the essence of it just stretch that out into about eight
minutes and say a lot of loving things
um do that thing where you put your hand on the you know the women they put
their hand on your
their forearm on the dude's forearm and they and they move you move your thumb
side to side
and just be like hey
how come we're not i don't know how to do it that's what i would do i think you
need to talk to him rather
than me uh i would not take it personally you know you're you're a champ you
love giving blowjobs
you're in the prime of your life you had a kid what did you do you got yourself
right back in shape
you're in the best shape of your life it's not on you so i wouldn't take it
personally so there's
obviously something going on with him and you love the guy so try to help him
bring it out you know
oh jesus all right there you go there's that
i hope that helped i don't fucking know