Name: Bill Burr Advice - My Girlfriend Wants me to Change my Name
Uploaded: 2023-06-05T15:00:40.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr Advice - My Girlfriend Wants me to Change my Name' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr Advice - My Girlfriend Wants me to Change my Name' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-05. Transcript available.

all right girlfriend wants me to change my name dear bill i'm gonna i'm a huge
longtime fan of
yours from the younger generation um f1s f1s for family is oh f is for family
god i can't read my
name on my own fucking that's an i f is for family is fucking awesome can't
wait for season three to
come out to see what happens next well thank you i was hoping you could give me
your two cents on
this situation i've been in a relationship with a wonderful young lady for over
two years now we
met at a community college in my state and hit it off really quickly she's
smart outgoing beautiful
community college easy hey i don't know about the smart thing there all right
no i'm kidding a lot of
smart people go to community college they do they just fucking scatterbrained a
lot of dopes go there
too uh she's smart outgoing beautiful has and has a great sense of humor she's
tall slim black girl
while i am a greasy haired italian white guy and we get along great the problem
first started with
my dad he's a total racist and since we can't he can't we can't afford to put
me in a real university
i have to live with them i've tried to get him to change his ways but it's like
you said in your act
old men like him come from a different era so there's probably zero chance he'll
ever change his mind
yeah you can't change somebody's mind they got they have to want to i told my
girlfriend how frustrating
is with him and she understands that even though my dad hates her and doesn't
want us to be together
that i'm nothing like him at least where it counts even though i can't stand my
dad's attitude i know
that he only wants he only wants the best for me so i try to be a good
boyfriend and a good son while
keeping my father and girlfriend separate from each other we also spend time
out at her or out of her
place and showy comes over to my place my father is on a business retreat jesus
christ this is
complex it's really inconvenient but we've been making it work for over two
years in spite of the
tribulation and we're still going strong uh it seems like i got everything
figured out all right
jesus this is a fucking long one um seems like i got everything figured out
bill but here's where
things get tricky since i'm his first born son my dad named him after himself
since same first name
middle name and last name my girlfriend hates that the guy she's been in a
serious relationship
with for a long time has the same name as a cantankerous old racist dago i like
how you're
being racist about about yourself greasy italian dago anyways who hates her
sexy black ass for no
justifiable reason jesus christ it sounds like bad fucking dialogue in a porno
she wants me to legally
change my name completely first middle and last so that there is no connection
to my father whatsoever
when i asked her what name she thinks i should have dude this is like i don't
believe this you gotta
be shitting me she said i could change my last name to the same as her her name
last name uh
parentheses what the fuck i told her that if it would make her happy i would be
willing to change my name
but if i did that my dad would feel betrayed he would hate her even more for
stealing away
stealing only son away from him and the rest of the family think i'm a total
trying to dissociate myself from them which is totally not the case she got
upset with me and
has given me regular reminders since then that she's serious about wanting me
to go through with
this this isn't the first time i've considered changing my name even before i
started dating this
woman it's a very italian sounding name so what you're very italian that people
always made fun of
me for throughout school so i've come to dislike it myself yeah dude you got a
lot of self-loathing
going on here italians of the shit who makes better food than you huh japanese
um no this you guys make
like the best food on the fucking planet the ferrari the ducati you fucking
women the mediterranean
lifestyle dog what are you what are you walking away from here so bill what the
fuck should i do here
how can i make things right with my girlfriend as well as my dad without
accepting one party or the
other she stopped introducing me to people using my name and she only refers to
me as my boyfriend
i've been able to circum circumvent hostility between my dad and my girlfriend
before but i've
totally i'm totally lost with this one any advice would be very much
appreciated thanks and go
fuck yourself sincerely that's funny and he fucking leaves his name off um here's
a deal to you first of
all um this isn't about your dad and this isn't about your girlfriend this is
about you
okay you date who the fuck you want to date and your name is your fucking name
and your heritage is your
fucking heritage all right like what what if her fucking her her parents didn't
like you because you
were white and you said okay you're named after your mom i can't stand your mom
change your fucking name
and i'm gonna pick the name and it's not gonna sound like you know i guess
black people don't
have their fucking ethnic names anymore do they thank you white people but you
know what i mean yeah
fuck that dude you can't do that shit you can't do that shit fuck that your
name is your name and
you're italian and you should be fucking proud of it okay and you're not your
dad and she needs to
fucking accept that you're not changing your name and she has a problem she can
walk away she can walk
all right you know what you really need to do you need to get out of your house
and you need
to build your own life okay and you need you need to be with somebody like this
is nuts
like i gotta tell you dude like that
if you thought about if that came from you that's one thing but the fact that
she
fucking wants you to do that that's fucking insane don't do it you know you're
you're giving into everybody else and you're not you're not staying true to
yourself you got
to figure out what the you want and you have to be yourself jesus christ man
your dad is who the he is your girlfriend is who she is and you're who you are
okay and you
should be proud of who the you are work on the stuff you need to work on
and be proud of of your heritage i don't i don't i don't get i don't fucking
get that at all you
know i know i know a number of people like italians they always are it's two
two italian sound of name
who fucking who gives a shit i don't understand like i don't i don't know i
wouldn't do that
i miss all the fucking ethnic names everybody's like homogenized their fucking
names um
i think it's interesting when you meet somebody that's like that so i i think
you need to pump the
brakes here sir all right because now it's getting crazy and um yeah don't do
that to your dad don't
change your name who gives a he's an old crabby racist this is the deal dude he's
gonna die
someday all right and you're gonna continue on so what you what you haven't
done yet is you haven't
created your own life you're still living at home with this guy so you have to
move out
all right the name he gave you is the name that he gave you don't change it
because of his stupid
thoughts okay embrace who the you are and if this woman you can't deal with it
tell her to walk
tell her to walk you're young there's plenty of fish in the sea you know jesus
christ you're gonna
bend over that far you're bending over backwards flip you're like a gymnast you
know when they do
those things to hands foot hand foot hand foot all the way across the diagonally
across the goddamn mat
that all of that you know i liked your girlfriend at first by the end of this
thing i didn't like her
okay because she's waging war with your dad through you and you're innocent all
right you're the guy
taking her out for a ice cream why do you got to do all this yeah no i mean jesus
christ that
her telling you to change your name would be you telling her to go get a go can
you get like a
like a weave like a blonde weave or some like that i mean what the
fuck you got to be who the fuck you are god bless you you italian son of a
bitch
stay true to your heritage stay true to your name continue not to be racist and
just be yourself change your name oh jesus christ