Name: Bill Burr Advice - Why Most Young Men are Lazy
Uploaded: 2023-06-09T17:00:25.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr Advice - Why Most Young Men are Lazy' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr Advice - Why Most Young Men are Lazy' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-09. Transcript available.

I like lazy young men. Hey, Bilbo Bergens. Love the show. Thank you. I figured
out what's wrong
with the world. Oh, did you figure it out? Oh, thank everybody. Put your brains
on hold. This
guy figured it out. I figured out what's wrong with the world. Too many young
men these days
want to sit around making YouTube videos, podcasts. Hey, I'm offended. It pains
me to see a room full
of healthy, fit young men talk into a microphone when they could be building
bridges and roads.
Build a goddamn bridge. They're already built. No, I'm kidding. I know what you
mean. I'm a sewer
worker in Australia, and even though the work I earn enough to support my
family easily, pay a
mortgage, put my kids through private school, and go skiing a couple times a
year. Okay, so you're
going to try to get a guy to stop podcasting to go work on the... I don't know
about this argument,
buddy. The lesson is hard and work pays well. Oh, there you go. A call to young
men to stop
fantasizing about being a fucktard with a microphone and get out there, help
with the labor shortage.
Get your hands a little fucking dirty and put some hair on your chest. As for
you, Bill,
you're too old to swing spanners. I don't even know what that means. Keep
making us laugh with your
microphone, mate. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. That's a hard sell. If
somebody's actually
making money podcasting... I will tell you, blue-collar jobs, the people you
work with are great. It's
fun as hell. But I can't... I can't act like I'm a hard worker. I lasted like
eight days doing
construction. And I still talk about it. That was a grunt. I was like, fuck. I
don't know where
the fuck I am in the pecking order of the world, but this is... I can't... I'm...
I'm... What am I
gonna... I'm gonna somehow become a Finnish carpenter or an electrician? I mean,
I could have done it
through, like, memorization, but not through, like, having the gift. So, uh, I
kind of went away from
that. But I... I know what you mean, I guess. Don't worry. They're gonna have
robots soon, right?
They already have... They have robots on the subway platform in, uh, New York
City. Now, how long do you
think before somebody fucking kicks that thing over the edge in front of a
train? I mean, that's gonna
happen at some point. They call it the snitch bot. Um, all right. Centrist fuck.
All right. Here we go
again. You know, why can't it just be a person that, you know, tries to listen
to both sides before he
makes a decision? You either on this side or the wrong side. Shut the fuck up.
Um, centrist. I love
how liberals just... They got a fucking word for everything. They're supposed
to be liberal. Why
are they always name-calling? I understand the fucking conservative. You know,
they like
everything from the N-word to, uh, whatever the fuck, right? But, like,
liberals, they do...
Centrist. He's... He's... He's a centrist. Um... Oh, God, with your hairy pits.
All right.
William words a lot. You know, we've reached a point in history where you get
insulted for
wanting a society where nobody... Nobody gets everything, but everybody gets
something.
Nobody gets everything. Oh, nobody hoards all of it, but everybody gets
something. You get
insulted for that. Uh, the purity tests on either pole of the political
spectrum are equally as
intolerant. Maddeningly... Maddeningly so. Yeah, that's why I... I have somehow...
You know, maybe that's a good argument for people to call you centrist. It's
like, you ever think
maybe if you liberals weren't such fucking intolerable while calling yourselves
liberal,
I could fucking, you know, listen to you a little more? You know? And I'm not
into the
conservative side either, Lloyd. It's just like, it just should just be for
white people.
Which really is what so much of their shit comes down to. And then you have the
other people,
it's just like, hey, fucking, you know, we got a fucking, you know, whatever
the fuck they're
talking about. You say, use these words or you can, I'm going to fucking come
at you. I don't even
know. I don't even give a fuck. I can't even, I can't even make a fucking
intelligent argument
for either side. I'm just sick of them. I'm sick of them. You can't even look
at a fucking pickup truck
on Instagram without somebody like politicizing it. You know, hey, snowflake,
this is what a real
truck sounds like. You fucking dick sucking snowflake. It's just like, I, I can't
just enjoy this F-150.
You know, oh, I don't get me fucking started. And then liberals out here, oh,
flyover state. It's
like, you're from that state, you douche. I get it. Somebody hung you by your
underwear from the door
and now you can never go back there. And you think just because you moved that
you're somehow
successful. All right. See, I'm not a centrist. I'm a, I'm a, a separatist.
Um, all right. Though I don't personally subscribe to either of the major
parties,
there is one streak of libertarianism that makes sense. My rights end where
yours begin. I like that.
You know, I don't want to, I don't want to be the guy telling somebody what the
fuck they can
and can't do. But I also don't want somebody doing something that, you know, is
fucking with my ability
to be happy. You know, we, we should just, okay, Hey, I want to do this. You
want to do that. Let's
find a fucking middle ground. I don't, I don't understand what the problem with
that is.
Anyways, it says E pluribus unum. I don't know what that means on lots of USA,
USA stuff like our
coins. Oh, I'm supposed to go USA, USA stuff like our coins, but Americans don't
know Latin.
Most people don't know Latin. People always shitting on America. You know what
I mean? You're just jealous
of our movies and our blue jeans, man. Um, it means out of many one. All right.
Can you now tell me
what that means? Out of many one. Oh, all of us make one. Jesus Christ. How
fucking annoying was that
whole fucking paragraph? Most of you guys, you know, Americans don't know Latin.
Here's the Latin
phrase and here's what it means in English. And I, I'm still not smarter or
more informed. Anyway,
being able to consider both sides of an argument is now a radical school of
thought that puts you in
the crosshairs of the left and the right, which proves my point. Oh gee, what
happened here? We're
just listening to you make a point. You didn't prove your point. Someone who
doesn't agree with you
then says, you know what? You proved your point. Did you just bestow that
fucking victory on yourself?
Huh? You fucking self ribbon given motherfucker. Sorry. Uh, those that claim
their side is the
tolerant one is completely full of shit. That's true. They're both completely
intolerant. And the
extremes, the extremes of both sides. I don't see why I should have to be at
work between a Bible
misappropriating, misappropriating, holy roller, and a non-binary pansexual who
identifies as a ferret.
Um, what gives either of them the right to try and bend the world to their
distorted way of
thinking? Just shut up both of you. And that's not because I'm intolerant. It's
because I have other
shit to deal with and you're putting it in my front yard. Thank you. Exactly.
Just shut up. I don't
give a fuck what you're doing. Just stop, you know, fucking dictators, man.
Anyway, maybe I need
sensitivity re-education. By the way, I'm still laughing from the Forest Hills
Stadium show last
August. That was another fun one. Yeah, I kind of agree with that. And I guess
that makes you like a
centrist. Like, you know, I listen to people, you know, try to listen to what
they're saying. I get it.
You're into your guns. I don't want to take them from you unless you're a
fucking lunatic. And okay,
you identify as whatever the fuck you are. All right. I'll do my best to use
the right pronoun. But you
know, I have a life too that I have to get to. And if I say the wrong pronoun,
I don't want to listen
to you fucking flipping out about it. You know, I got to keep my head on a swivel.
Kick a ginger
day is coming up. Or did it go by? I don't know. It's one of the best things
about shaving my head.
My shins thank my head every day. Once a year. Anyway. Yeah, I think most, I
gotta be honest with
you. I think most conservative people and most liberal people are, I think most
of us are sort
of the way you describe it. It's like, all right, okay, I get it. You know,
everybody fucking relax.
We stop yelling at each other. It's so dumb. I know, Bill, you say this every
episode. I know,
I know. Sorry. Anyway.