Name: Bill Burr Roasts Rick Ross
Uploaded: 2023-06-10T15:00:27.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr Roasts Rick Ross' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr Roasts Rick Ross' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-10. Transcript available.

Oh, as you can tell, I read Rolling Stone.
Here's another article I saw.
By the way, they have Rick Ross on the cover.
I don't know much about the guy other than he's the most confident, fat person
I've ever seen in my life.
For half a second, I thought it was Lil Wayne, and he just went to, like, Wendy's
for 20 days in a row.
How much does the tattoo artist not want to tattoo the underneath part of
fucking Rick Ross' man tits?
You know, because at some point you're sitting there with your surgical gloves,
and you've got to hold it up and actually feel the fucking weight of it as you're
fucking – I wonder if he giggles.
I actually – I started to read that article, but I cannot – I can't read
articles about rappers at that – who come with that vibe of look at all the
shit that I have.
It's the most – you feel like you're reading, like, a fucking – I don't
know what, Jordan Marsh catalog.
That's all they – I'm – he said something.
He was standing on Jewish marble.
Is there a such thing as Jewish marble?
I have no fucking idea.
Is it somehow, like – I almost said kosher, like some fucking bush belt joke.
At one point, he goes out to a fucking steakhouse.
They list everything that he orders and how much it costs.
It's unreal.
If you – if you – honestly, if you have problems sleeping, read that –
and I'm not trashing the writer.
I just – I – I'm on a fucking plane.
I'm trying to kill time, and I couldn't get through the fucking article.
Oh, do you smoke weed the whole time?
Do you have 50,000 fucking cars?
I got it.
You know what they call that in Nantucket?
They call that new money.
I never used to know what that expression is.
He's new money.
You know what old money does?
Old money acts like they don't have money.
You know what I mean?
And they walk around in salmon fucking colored pants.
They call up their financial advisor, and then they manipulate the market, and
they make more fucking money.
And then all of a sudden, the prohibition comes along, and they got to hook up
for Scotch.
So what do they do?
They fucking do it.
I really don't have a problem.
Well, you know something?
I didn't get into how he – I don't know.
Who the fuck knows if anything that they're saying about Joe Kennedy is the
truth?
I want it to be the truth, you know, because it makes you feel better about
yourself.
That's what it is.
That's why you look at rich people like that.
You have to look at them like they did something fucking crooked, because if
you don't, it makes you feel like a loser.
His fucking yacht is bigger than all the houses on my block, you know?
Now, if you give him the benefit of the doubt, then you just have to stand
there and just take that shit.
Or you can just say he's a crooked son of a bitch.
He's going to hell.
God loves me best, right?
And you can walk around with your fucking nose in the air like you're better,
with your slightly cheaper salmon-colored fucking pants.
I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.
So anyways, so I'm nodding off reading that whole fucking Rick Ross thing, you
know?
I don't know.
I'm sure he's got good music.
I don't give a fuck, okay?
How many different ways can you say I have more shit than you do, you know?
Like he was bragging about eating lobster bisque for breakfast.
That's what new money does.
New money gets like fucking DVD, those DVD players in the headrest when you're
driving like a two-seater.
Remember that shit?
I got those, that's for the people behind me.
That's how much money I have.
I can actually waste it.
Rather than taking that money and adding to my portfolio and truly getting out
of my fucked up neighborhood, I'm going to do that instead.
That's what new money does, straight across the board.
Straight across the board, you get a redneck a bunch of money, you know, what's
he going to do?
Huh?
Is he going to buy some gold?
Is he going to, you know, try to invest it?
Is he going to start a business?
No.
He's going to put another three inches on that truck.
He's going to get some big fucking motors.
And hey, he's going to fucking drive down the fucking street.
He's going to make his fucking engine waterproof.
Have that goddamn chimney coming up the side of it so he can go into the swamp
and write back.
And I never have to fucking stop.
That's my apocalypto fucking truck out there.
Any shit happens, I'll drive over everybody.
I'll just keep going until I get up North Pole, make myself fucking snow cone.
That's what new money does.
Right?
Is that what they do?
I don't know what they do.
You know what I do with my money?
I just sit and stare at it.
I don't know what to do with it.
The money that I have, I don't know.
I have no fucking idea what to do with it.
Because you know what?
Wherever you invest it, this is the funny thing about investing your money.
All of it involves you taking your money and giving it to somebody else and
going,
All right, call you in a month.
It's the dumbest shit I ever did.
You know?
In the fucking stock market, that's like getting in the mob.
Once you're in, you can't get out.
Oh, you can get out, you know?
But it's going to cost you.
You've got to cut your fucking dick off.
Get your fucking shit back out again.