Name: Bill Burr Advice - My Boyfriend is Lazy in Bed
Uploaded: 2023-06-23T18:18:49.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr Advice - My Boyfriend is Lazy in Bed' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr Advice - My Boyfriend is Lazy in Bed' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-23. Transcript available.

boyfriend interrupts sex time to close curtains hey billy blue balls hey billy
blue balls um
what do we got here long time lady listener here i've been with my lovely
boyfriend for
two years and despite being very much in love i'm starting to get irritated by
our sex lives
every time he initiates and i put that in quotes because how he initiates is
sending me a message
while he's in the other room while jerking off oh brother expecting me to go to
him and skip over
all the foreplay oh yeah he's trying to postmate pussy
this guy is trying to skip all the coming attractions get right to the car
chase
and since i'm kind of easy and i like to have a good time i think i trained him
not to try
all right well look at you taking a responsibility for a little bit of it that's
great
it shows that you're a fully formed adult on some level so what i would do is i
yeah i think you need
to sit down and have a talk with them that's what i'm another thing he does is
if we do start off and
get in the mood is get up in the middle of undressing close all the windows and
curtains not an inch of
exposure is tolerated and returned like you would after pausing a game the
problem is he forgets it's an
online game and by the time he's done closing all the windows and curtains i'm
no longer in the mood
well how many fucking windows do you have also with all these fucking perverts
and cameras they got
drones he's probably doing you a favor i've addressed this before but to no
available he's paranoid someone is
watching slash recording us while we're fucking that's a good thing to do
though be a little
paranoid i'm sure there are creeps out there but i feel he's blowing it out of
proportion
no pun intended it's becoming a boring routine where i'm sitting there half
naked watching him slowly
close the curtains all over the place
that's like when you go to a diner and they bring you your eggs and they like
the toast is coming
it's like eggs over easy i need toast with this for the yolk and you're just
sitting there while the
eggs are getting cold her eggs are getting cold buddy um anyway how do i
convince him that nobody gives a
fuck about our sex lives uh i used to walk around naked in my apartment not
giving a fuck but he's very
wary of even a few seconds of exposures exposure thanks and fuck you ps are you
doing a europe tour
anytime soon all right um okay so you're more of an exhibitionist you walk
around naked in your
apartment without the fucking uh you know curtains closed i guarantee you some
guy figured out a way
to look at you and jerk off because that's how guys are it just is it is what
it is okay it's like snow
in the winter you're fucking a woman and you're walking around in your
apartment naked eventually
one day you're gonna look and there's gonna be a guy's head looking in the
window it's just it's gonna
happen all right we do not live in a perfect world act accordingly um so i don't
know what i i would
yeah you just this is easy you just need to talk to him just say listen how
about you go downtown a
little bit instead of fucking you know going right to uh cruising altitude
this guy goes right to the end of the fireworks
the 1812 overture um that's an easy conversation the um the blinds
i don't know well let me ask you this are you are you someone that gets off
from the fact that maybe
somebody is kind of watching you know you're walking around naked and you know
back in my day old single bill i met a number of women they they they liked
being a little bit of a
exhibitionist i have no idea if he's going the other way you know maybe that's
turning you off beyond it
getting you out of the mood is it also turning you off a little bit you know
this is what he
should if that's what i would do if i if i had was paranoid like him and you
liked walking around
naked in the apartment what i would do is i'd bang you at night okay i'd stick
your head out the
window and i'd pull the curtain down right to right above you know where the
tramp stamp is and i'd be
banging you from behind you could have your head out the window we're both
happy
see a relationship is all about compromise everybody um that's it get a little
fresh air you feel like
you went for a walk um so anyway that is the uh sorry about that everybody that
is the podcast um
i'm watching this here tom terrific is going down the field there's three
minutes left in the game is he
gonna cover my bet first down tom brady this is why gambling sucks is because i
need him to score a
fucking touchdown no wait no no wait i'm gonna lose this bet i forgot what my
spread was it was minus
six and they're fucking down by what one
so they score a touchdown that's seven oh you fuck i'm gonna push
how about a round of applause for fucking vegas
i mean does anybody do it better than vegas how do they do it how did the sam rothsteins
they just
pick the perfect number of course i wasn't gonna go four and oh on my bets what
the
fuck was i thinking all right
look at bruce i mean this is just his dream gig he's 69 years old he's on his
way out
he's got a player coach the greatest quarterback of all time got himself a
super bowl ring last year i'm
surprised he came back cool dude like that you know with his can go hats and
shit i figured he'd just be get himself a cigar and go off into the sunset but
the man loves the game
it's one of the hardest stairs i've ever seen in my life he's still thinking
about running out of
bounce um all right this is the end of the podcast but i'm going to stay on
here for the final
couple minutes here of this patriots game tom brady all right all you guys are
faster than me but no
one knows the game better than me just do what the fuck i say and we're going
to win another one okay
on two on two ready break
bill belichick
squinting is always emotionless second and eight it says right on the grass in
case i couldn't read
it at the bottom of my fucking screen tom brady going for it oh fuck
i thought that was going to drop in there all right third and eight
third and eight
this is this is going to be the exact thing i didn't want these
fucking assholes are going to kick a field goal to win it
i bet against my own goddamn team
jesus christ another miscommunication there
it's like i threw it to the back shoulder there
how many times we got to do it in practice
oh the water boys coming out bobby boucher
bill belichick where the fuck's my son
someone was mentioning this
the other oh dean del rey was talking about how football pants are slowly just
becoming shorts
like not only there are no knee pads most of them don't even wear knee pads the
pants are above the knee
which is amazing to me
because knee injuries end your fucking career a lot of these guys
the flashy guys there the father the what they call it the uh
running backs the wide receivers the guys to get all the fucking ladies right
they need to be fast
i would have every fuck i'd be wearing that barry buns fucking
middle-aged thing middle ages thing that he fucking wore
here we go again same fucking play he juggled it out of bounds
now it's fourth and eight now they kick a field goal
now they kick a field goal they go up
it'll make it 19 to 17 and i've lost my bet because even if the patriots come
down and kick a field goal
at least we can win the fucking game there's enough time where we can win the
game
oh jesus he should have had it
i mean look at this guy 44 years old he just he puts it right
what does he got to do does he got to hand it to you i got a feeling this guy's
going to miss it
he's going to push it wide right he already one up today
come on you shit bird push it right push it right yeah you
fucking bastard good for you good for you you don't have to put your house on
the market
all right i'm not going to sit here for two minutes of timeouts and fucking
commercials
um
son of a bitch we better win this fucking game if i'm going to lose my bet all
right that's it that's
the podcast go fuck yourselves um have a great couple days and i'll check in on
you on thursday