Name: Bill Burr Advice - Asking Out a Random Girl at The Coffeeshop
Uploaded: 2023-06-27T16:00:48.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr Advice - Asking Out a Random Girl at The Coffeeshop' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr Advice - Asking Out a Random Girl at The Coffeeshop' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-27. Transcript available.

circus all right hot girl and coffee shop i like the sound of this already uh
old billy
boozeless that's right billy boozeless boozeless 80 days will be 81 by the time
you listen to this
unless i go off the rails tonight um big fan of your stand-up and the podcast
all the way
from glasgow scotland sorry i'm yawning all the way from glasgow scotland uh i'll
cut to the chase
um glasgow scotland that's where um acdc recorded there if you want blood live
album
right in a venue that doesn't exist anymore because i tried to find it when i
was over there
i'll cut to the chase i'm a 23 year old guy who had who has recently graduated
from college
and moved down to london about five months ago to start a new job all right i
am enjoying life
in my new surroundings and the girls down here are of another planet compared
to back home
however there is one there is one there is one four in particular who has
caught my attention
and i'd like your advice on the best way to ask her out the lovely nia's advice
is welcome she'd
probably have a better idea of what to do here than i would but she's not here
as i'm in green
bay wisconsin right now all right she works in a coffee shop near my work and
she is immense easily
a 9.3 slash 10. i never have a problem with women but 90 percent of the time i
have had a few beers in
me at the time and my confidence is at its peak can you give me any advice on
how to ask this girl out
giving that it's a small coffee shop in full view of the general public uh we
had some chat
oh that's good so i was gonna say go in there and start talking to her and i'm
80 sure she's
into me but i'm shitting myself in case i get the rejection and there's around
30 people there to
witness it dude those other 30 people what you have at your fingertips is a
great story
no matter what happens you either possibly meet the love of your life right
settle down have kids
together and live happily happily ever after or you have a hilarious story dude
that the
worst she can say is no who gives a oh dude i'd ask her out in the middle of
the meal
you know just to make the awkwardness even further just stare who gives a fuck
that dude
if you can chat up women it's not because you're drunk it's because you got rid
of that stupid voice
in your head that says that you can't you obviously can't alcohol doesn't make
you talk to women
all right it doesn't make you talk to women better what it does is it gets rid
of your fear
so you can actually you know perform this is like some uh john daly like he
used
to have a couple of chords lights so he'd relax more hit the ball further i'm
not saying to go in there
shit-faced
i gotta go back to this kansas city touchdown it was a pass sorry anyways yeah
dude just go in there
dude this you're the man she works in a coffee shop she's not splitting atoms
all right
just go in there all right just go in there bill just just not even like try to
walk in like you're
the man he's some badass dude just like block out that voice anytime you hear
that voice it's gonna go
great make her laugh you know when she said uh would that be all just ask ask
her for a number
dude you know you should ask joe de rosa one time i was with joe de rosa you
want to talk about guy
fearless i was with joe de rosa one time we went out to breakfast and the waitress
came over you know
and uh he's kind of checking her out or whatever and we eating we're eating our
food and he goes
what do you think that waitress i'm like she's cute he goes yeah he goes i
think i'm gonna ask
her out and she comes back to the tables like will that be all and he asked her
out
right in front of me right and she gave him his number
now if she shot him down not only it's like that story would have left it's
like either would just be
like with you with a bunch of strangers i could have sat there and laughed at
him which i wouldn't
have i wouldn't have laughed at him but he maybe he would have thought that i
didn't he didn't give a
fuck so i think you go joe de rosa on this one all right listen what is the
deal you're attracted to
her you want her number to ask her out all right so fucking do that that's what
you want that's the
same way you handle your career in life what do you want to do go do that who
do you want
to be with you know that's a different thing because they have a say but you
gotta ask that's
it so i don't know i don't know what your deal is if you're a funny guy
whatever your deal is i don't
know whatever you're doing it seems to be working because you're feeling a vibe
like she's into you
all right so just stop listening to that voice going like oh my god what
happens if this had
hey what happens if she says yes think about that all right there you go all
right mixed race relation
oh jesus christ i love when people think i'm an expert on this just because you
know
it's literally if i fell off a bed hey bill you just you fell off a bed oh i
need some advice on
falling off a bed i don't know how the hell i ended up in this relationship i
just met her and i
liked her i asked her out and uh i couldn't get rid of her i didn't want to get
rid of her every
time i ever thought about breaking up with her when i was be like all in a
panic
of holy fuck i've been with her for three months oh my god the pressure the
pressure all this pressure
i was building up on myself i would always picture her walking out of my
apartment and even in the
fantasy of getting out of the relationship i would always run out to go back
and get her and then it
took me about a good oh seven eight years to realize bill that means because
you love her and you don't
want her to leave um all right hey bill you alabaster bastard alabaster bastard
you alabaster why didn't
you do that hey bill you alabaster uh i'm also a white guy who has just started
going out with a
smoking hot black chick i have no idea what she sees in me but who gives a
right she
makes me happy and i seem to be happy make her happy too so it's all good until
you go outside
uh so on to my question as someone who's in a successful quote mixed race i don't
know why
it's in quotes mixed race relation i wonder if you have any insights or gotchas
that might help my
relationship last make my relationship last and do you still experience any
casual racism from the
mouth breathing morons um i'll spell check this message and be careful to use
correct punctuation
too so hopefully if you do read it you won't sound like a preschool toddler
auditioning for sesame
street thanks for the podcast i listen to them every week and go yourself i
love
how the punctuation is my fault still it's still my fault i'm the victim um do
i have any insights uh
yeah this is my insight is that uh you two people are different than me and my
wife because you're an
individual all right so you know it's not like well when when like it's like
when you watch the
discovery channel well when dealing with the hippopotamus there's an aggressive
behavior
when it's partly cloudy um uh my advice is if you're with somebody and they
make you happy stay with
them they don't break up with them that's it all right and if you're in that
situation right now and
you want to break up with somebody don't use the holidays as an excuse all
right just get out now
just get out now i'll actually tell you it's better to do it right before the
holidays than after
okay because as much as you're going to up their thanksgiving christmas hanukkah
or kwanzaa
uh the new year comes and with the new year they'll be like you know i'm gonna
go to the gym
i'm just gonna get forget about it was the worst year ever you know if you wait
till
after the holidays and then boom their year starts you just up their whole next
year
because people think in calendar years for whatever reason all right so getting
back to you um
i mean what do you want me to say let's start listening to to jay-z
um i will tell you this when it comes to that uh there is a still stay in your
own lane kind of thing
um just because you're with her don't start saying uh don't start using the
expression woke
uh this still you know i guess i can't give you advice there are things like
that there are things
like that that no matter how much she loves you you will immediately turn into
an annoying white person
um and yes racism doesn't magically go away because the two of you are now
together but i will be honest
with you it's just like if it wasn't racism it would be something else
um you know i kept talking about chicago and milwaukee and they kept booing
chicago they didn't
like chicago so it's like people oh they people don't like their next door
neighbors they don't
like the people they work with you know football teams don't like coaches and gms
that won them
super bowl so if it wasn't that it will be something else and who gives a what
other people think
you only go around once and you should be with the person you're supposed to be
with that's what i
think all right so have fun enjoy yourselves and uh that's it
Thank you.