Name: Bill Burr Advice - Girlfriend Says She's The BEST (SHE'S NOT)
Uploaded: 2023-06-30T16:00:16.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr Advice - Girlfriend Says She's The BEST (SHE'S NOT)' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr Advice - Girlfriend Says She's The BEST (SHE'S NOT)' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-30. Transcript available.

wife claims to be great but is actually the worst oh boy here we go here we go
we're going in going
getting in quick here um buildo that's probably not the first time you've been
called that no it
is not but since you like to be called offensive things i do i'll start there
well thank you i'm
writing since you seem to be rather forward in your advice instead of taking a
nice guy approach
i'd like to know what i should oh wait a minute wait a minute here we go oh it's
not playing
why i want to play i gotta get a fucking someone in here it's time yeah hey
that's me sorry if that was too loud
from somebody else all right asking me for advice always a dangerous thing
always a dangerous thing
i'm not a licensed professional i'm a fucking jerk off but here's my two cents
um i did watch i did watch v for vendetta at one point i did see that movie i
have seen that movie
i'm writing you since you seem to be rather forward but i've been with a woman
for 10 years
we're married with one seven-year-old boy who is the absolute apple of my eye
early in our marriage
it became very obvious that she didn't contribute much to the household we
lived in a one-bedroom
apartment and i did most of the cleaning because she never bothered to do any
of it do you realize
how many guys are in this situation it's this weird thing where feminism told
them that oh you're on
you're making the guy a sandwich and you clean it up and what are you is
fucking slave
you know which i say is all well and good as long as you then go out and get a
fucking job
and you're bringing money into the house then i don't have you problem cleaning
up as much but if
you're making half the fucking messes you should be cleaning up half the
fucking messes
i paid all i paid all of the bills because if it was left to her to do it we
would have
have late fees every month on all bills we both worked so she was tired at the
end of the day and
never cared to cook this is understandable but at the same but at the same time
it's frustrating
because she always brags about her amazing cooking skills i know and you worked
all day so you're tired
too uh within a few months after the wedding she almost stopped having sex with
me oh wow dude
at this point 10 years later it's limited to about once or twice a year she's
also basically let herself
go she was about 135 pounds when we were married but she's probably over 200
now
for some that might not be a ton but she's only 5 2 after about a year of this
marriage disaster i
wanted to let her go but her dad came over to attempt to work out our
differences i decided to
give it another chance and then you got pregnant right i decided to give it
another chance within a
few weeks after this conversation she got pregnant and i was obviously not
happy about it yeah i wonder how
that happened um she probably pulled the goalie on you there she promised once
she became a stay-at-home mom
that behavior would be different she's she'd start to clean more cook more go
to the gym but of course
none of that ever happened having a discussion about her lack of effort never
goes well she'll sleep
till nine and just watch youtube most of the day wow dude this laziness even
occurs after 6 p.m.
and puts me in the spot where i must take care of our boy or nobody else will i
walk him to school
every morning and put him to bed and read to him almost every night the effort
she puts in to raise
our boy is atrocious dude this is depressing on top of all this she has lied to
me about her clothing
purchases for years she's also started a business using my social security
number without any discussion
she has proceeded to charge cards to a balance over a hundred thousand dollars
despite my attempts to
stop it well dude you're not you're not trying hard enough what is she holding
you down punching you
in the face taking the cards take the fucking cards away from her she has said
that she wants a divorce
but i have asked for us to work it out every argument she pushes it again i'm
starting to think it's the
right move but i'm terrified for my little boy and his needs i know she won't
take care of him as needed
courts usually side with the woman i'm also scared the courts will make me pay
her business credit card
balances on top of child support see ladies listen to this fucking guy's story
she's truly the worst wife that ever existed but says i'm only i only point out
her worst traits
honestly is there a good trait i struggle to find any her cooking too little
evidence to conclude
hoping for a decent response from a responsible cocksucker like you
wow dude
if she was like half a decent mother i would just say i mean everything points
out you just got to walk
away from this person you got to walk away if the kid wasn't involved you walk
away and who gives a
fuck if they put the hundred grand on you okay if you stayed with her would
become 200 grand
all right um so now all i gotta do is if you're gonna stay or if you're gonna
leave
all right if you're gonna stay you got to take her credit cards away from her
that's it
all right you have to start having ultimatums
all right and she has to get her fucking shit together this is it dude you need
ultimatums here
i'm taking away the credit cards and you have to get your shit together
or this isn't gonna work out and that's fucking it
that's it because you are literally a prisoner in this fucking relationship
granted this is just
your side of it but this is pretty vivid so um i might talk to a lawyer before
you have this
conversation and just see if there's a way to prove that she's as bad as you're
saying that you would
get custody um because reality of what you have going on here dude this is a
divorce where you want
you want to go for full custody um and if that's what you're leaning towards i
would go to a lawyer
first without her knowing and find out what evidence you need to prove that you
should at least get 50
percent of being with your kid because here's the thing too you don't want your
kid not your kid
still loves her mom unconditionally so um you sound like a great dad you sound
like you're you know
you're out there you're earning money you're not doing anything wrong you're
putting up with a
ridiculous level of childish fucking behavior um it sounds like you've sat down
and tried to talk to
her it hasn't fucking worked um you know what dude i would get out of this i
get out of this because
she's because what's going to happen is she's going to end up having 300 grand
in fucking credit card
debt and then she's going to put that on you and then try to get custody and
all of this shit um
i don't know or maybe try to give her one more chance but i would talk to a
lawyer first find out
what your fucking options are so you can play this as perfectly as you can um i'm
hoping in the in
the future court systems will realize that the guy the guy is not always the
the person that's wrong
in a relationship and it isn't always best for the kid to be with the mother um
i understand why that is
you know watching my daughter how she reacted to having a baby brother and just
their instincts is
fucking incredible but like that doesn't mean that there's not selfish sociopaths
or fucking pieces of
shit that happen to have vaginas out there um all right so that's what i would
do sir i would go
talk to a lawyer and find out what my fucking options are and um
you know the other option is you just hang in there to your son's 18 and then
you just fucking
pull the ripcord and get the fuck out but by then dude by then how much money
in credit card debt has
she racked up you know then there's a diabolic side where you just you
encourage her to keep eating
and you hope she drops of a fucking heart attack there's a lot of options here
none of them
friendly all right girlfriend finds another man attractive finds other men
attractive
all right sup bill i'm 23 year old from new hampshire and have recently met a
new woman
we've been dating for a few months now and she is damn near perfect one of the
only things she does
that bothers me is she will often talk about how attractive she finds certain
male celebrities
oh give me a break those aren't real people she will even post things about
these certain
celebrities on her instagram story from time to time basically boasting about
how hot she thinks they
are my question is do i have the right to tell her to stop i have no problem
with her finding other
people attractive everyone everyone does but when she boats publicly about them
it makes me feel
like shit and a bit insecure um i mean come on man i mean the fuck we mean brad
pitt is brad pitt
ryan gosling's ryan gosling i mean they're gonna find him attractive they're
never gonna run into him
you know and if she wants to do that she gives a shit i i personally i wouldn't
bother me
he goes am i being a pussy are my feelings here valid your feelings are always
valid what you have to
wonder is where they're coming from um anyways he goes i've told her it bothers
me before but i'm not
trying to be controlling of her so she still does it from time to time i would
not do this and i find
it disrespectful well it seems like she she lowered it and just from time to
time she does it anyway sure
there are other people out there and she can find some find some attractive but
when she flaunts her
feelings about them to the world it makes me wonder why i am pouring my heart
out to this girl if she's
going to give attention to other men even if they are unattainable thanks and
stay safe kid uh well this
is what i would do why don't you post if you want to be a vindictive v for vendetta
vindictive lunatic
you should post and say how hot you find uh sally sugar tits whatever whoever
the fuck is the hot
chick i'm too old to know anymore yeah why don't you uh oh margot robbie once
upon a time in hollywood
why don't you fucking post some pictures of her with her dirty feet up on that
movie seat um
yeah but that's a dangerous game to play that's a dangerous game to play um i
think
that you know it's just she's just into this shit the way you might be into
sports that's all
where you would post a picture of some fucking linebacker going this guy's an
absolute beast
they're like oh my god this guy's a fucking dreamboat i mean i i really wouldn't
you know if
she suggested that you move to hollywood even if you were in hollywood she's
still never going to
meet these fucking people so i mean i i of all the things you could be upset
about i would let that
i would let that one go um i would let it go personally i would uh all right
top but having said
that if it was the other way around and you were posting about um one of these
stars out here
women you know i think that she would and she had a fucking problem about it
you without a doubt would
have to fucking stop i mean and that that is the male female dynamic in a
nutshell is basically they
can kind of do whatever the fuck they want because the narrative out there is
if you say that they
should stop doing something because it hurts your feelings that you're being
controlled let me even
said i'm not trying to be controlling am i just a pussy right because you
actually she's doing
something that bothers you the other way around is you need to validate your
feelings it's you know
it's the you know the reason why women always talk about that horse stud double
standard is because
if they looked at all the other double standards those are all wins for them