Name: Bill Burr Trashing HIS OWN SPONSORS for 12 Minutes Straight
Uploaded: 2023-07-03T15:00:37.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr Trashing HIS OWN SPONSORS for 12 Minutes Straight' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr Trashing HIS OWN SPONSORS for 12 Minutes Straight' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-03. Transcript available.

All right, right out of the bat. This sounds fucking creepy to me. Video doorbell.
Uh, will insert dinging sound. What does that mean? I was supposed to fucking
insert ding-dongs?
All right, let's do that again. Uh, I can do this. Here we go. Doorbell
sound. This is like Donald Trump announcing he's running for president. Doorbell
sound effect.
Did you mean doorbell, all one word? Of course I did. Let's see if I can do
this correctly.
All right. Hey, everybody. Video doorbell. Let's do that again. Oh, I'm adding
all kinds
of layers to the podcast here. Hang on a second. It's got a fucking, uh, it's
got to reload here.
Hey, everybody. I'd like to take a little bit of time to talk about
video doorbell. What is video? Oh, that was the shit. Video doorbell. This is
the sound
of a package being delivered or friends coming over for dinner. But it's also
the sound of
someone planning to rob you blind. Jesus Christ, that took a left turn, didn't
it? Over 95%
of home break-ins happen during the day. And all right. Who is it? What's going
on here?
Oh, I think I'm stuck in one of those YouTube loops where they just keep
playing the fucking
the doorbell. Well, I think it works with the copy. I'm going to keep it.
Anyways. And burglars
always, almost always start by ringing the doorbell to see if someone's home
before pillaging your
possessions. I guess that's a fancier doorbell. Oh, I like this music too. With
ring video doorbell,
you can see and talk to anyone at your door from anywhere in the world using
your smartphone.
Hi. I'm Bill Burr. What's happening? Is this a DJ party?
Um, okay. I think we're having a fire alert here. Okay. Back to the, back to
the copy. Rings
advanced motion detection alerts you even if someone doesn't ring the doorbell.
It's like a caller ID
for your home. You know, millions of people suffer every year and they don't
have a video doorbell.
Please share a personal story or how this could help you or someone you love.
Hey, will you share
a fucking personal story, you cunts? Isn't enough? I'm reading your copy. I don't
know anybody who has a
video fucking doorbell. How does that work for you? That's your story. You like
another one?
I'm sorry. And ceiling ring takes minutes and it works with either your current
wiring or built-in
rechargeable battery. Put your mind at ease and protect your home and your parakeet
with the video
doorbell. Time magazine named one of the top 10 gadgets of 2014. Sure, it'll
kill more porpoises
because eventually you have to throw out the wires and they will end up in the
ocean. But right now,
my listeners get the ring video doorbell for only $174. That's $25 off the
normal price.
Still kind of expensive though, you know? Door fucking house comes with a doorbell
already
attached. He's still making payments. Anyways, go to ring.com/burrnow.
Protect your home and have peace of mind with ring. Go to ring.com/burr for $25
off. Once again,
that's ring.com/burr.
Oh, and he fades out the music. Jesus Christ. I could be a DJ. Put a fucking
mouse head on me and
see what happens. I'll tell you what'll happen, huh? A bunch of drugs will be
taken. Um, how much
can I freak out people at one of those raves? If you just had the DJ and he's
playing all this mellow
shit, then all of a sudden out of nowhere, I just started coming out with a
mouse head screaming
cunt over and over again. I would love to have an overhead shot of that, you
know, maybe using
one of those drones and just watching them all scatter like fucking roaches all
across the desert,
stepping on side winders. This might be my favorite name of anything I've ever
advertised here.
Uh, other than one white Charlie's. Uh, Sherry's berries.
It says insert story when you've given or received, uh, the gifts. Well, I, I've
been out of town. I
haven't gotten Sherry's berries yet. All right. Sherry's berries. Since the end
of the year is all
about delicious holiday food. Why not send an extra special holiday treat to
friends, family,
business associates, associates, everyone, you know, I've never met a person
who didn't love
Sherry's berries. Send giant dip strawberries from Sherry's berries for only $19.99.
That's over a
40% savings. Go to berries.com. Click on the microphone and type in burr B U R
R for my listeners.
Double the berries for just $10 more. Berries are terrific and a sweet holiday
gift. They also
have delicious products such as Christmas cake pops, cheesecakes and dipped
pretzels. Here's the only way
to get this special 1999 Sherry's berries offer. Call 866 fruit.
I'm sorry.
What the fuck am I selling?
Did I approve this? This is fucking ridiculous.
Who the fuck is gonna buy this shit? This is the funniest shit I've ever seen
in my fucking life.
Christmas cake pops, cheesecakes and dipped pretzels.
Call 866 fruit everybody.
8, I'm sorry. 866 fruit zero dash two. Or even better, visit berries.com.
Oh, punch drunk. Oh, please spell out the words. Oh, by all means. Berries. B E
R R I E S.
Berries. Click on the microphone in the top right corner and type in burr.
You gotta see these enormous berries for yourself.
I swear to God, this is the copy. Go to berries.com. Click on the microphone
and type in burr.
Type in burr. Dip your balls and dip your berries in that. Don't wait now.
Order.
Order some chocolate berries for the fucking person in your life.
Oh, shit. I needed that. That was wonderful. I'm sure I'll get some complaints
on that one.
We need a conference call. Can't do it. I'm in Helsinki.
Hey, you cunts better buy some Sherry's berries because I'm going to get in
trouble with that
fucking reading. I'm not changing it because that was hilarious.
Um, uh, wiping tears away here. Um,
and I, my apologies to berries.com. I didn't, I didn't look at the copy before
I read that. This,
I'm too fucking immature to read shit like that. I'm sure you have wonderful
chocolate covered berries.
All right. All right.
Score big, everybody.
You're paying too much for tickets between all the markups, last minute
convenient charges,
even printed home fees. You end up paying court side prices for nosebleed be
bleed seats. Sorry.
Score big is here to change that guys. I don't know about this company, to be
honest with you. I think
this is just another fucking scalping site. You know, I think what they're
claiming they end up doing.
Did you know that 40% of all live event tickets go unsold that? No, that's not
true. That is not true.
That isn't. I know what happens is, is you fucking assholes go and you buy them
up and act like you got
them. Something happens. I don't know. This is, this whole fucking thing seems
fishy to me.
And did you know there's a place to get seats at huge savings? It's called
score big.
Score big works directly with your favorite teams and artists to get, oh, good.
So they get a cut.
And artists to get their unsold seats at unpublished prices. That's bullshit.
That's bullshit. People scalp tickets to my shows all the fucking time and fans
end up yelling at me.
And I'm not, I don't make any money off of that. I get that all the time, dude,
you're funny. You're
not this funny. And then I look and I go, Jesus Christ. And I call up my agent
and go, what the
fuck are we charging all this money for? He's like, we're not doing that. Those
are scalpers.
I don't know. Maybe score, maybe score big's on the level. I'm going to have to
do a little
research here. Only with score big, can you name a ticket price and be
guaranteed to pay below box
office up to 60% off. Now see right there, they're talking some shit there
below box office. So box
office says a hundred bucks, you know, then you should be getting it for 40,
right?
Or at least under whatever the fuck that because they say up to 60% off. All
right,
here's what you do. One, go to score big.com or download the new score big app
on your iPhone
and find the events and tickets, uh, the seats you want to make an offer with
score big's name,
a ticket price feature three, get an instant answer and save up to 60% on your
tickets. Ah,
maybe they're not, they're not that bad. Name any fees, never any fees and
shipping is always free.
You can count on unbeatable prices and great seats. And when you're in great
seats,
you actually enjoy the game or the show all the more. Next thing you, yeah,
as you stand down there taking a fucking selfie, uh, next time you go see any
game or show,
go to score big first and see how much you can save for the easiest way to save
on tickets. Download
the new score big app for your iPhone, enter promo code burr at checkout, and
you'll save an extra
$20 off your first ticket price. No iPhone, no problem. Get $20 off online too.
It's score big.com.
That's score big.com promo code burr, score big.com promo code burr.
That's it, right? Dakota access pipeline.
Oh, okay. That's, that's part of a question sitting there reading it. Like what
the fuck is that?
I thought that was like the end of the copy. Like that was some code to save
money.
That's somebody's question. All right. Hang on a second. Jesus Christ. Okay.
Let's, let's,
let's read some questions here for the week. Shall we? Oh boy. Here we go. Club
Debbie.
What? Club Debbie. Club Debbie. W. Club Debbie. Mike Bush. Club Debbie. Okay. I
speak Spanish.
Convenience. Club Debbie. My dad's down South America. We work with the top
wine makers and grow up
wine makers and grow throwers from around the world directly to make all of our
wine. High quality and
value $13 bottles would normally retail for $20. Uh, we partner with local
artists to develop wine labels
that are unique works of art right now at club Debbie weapons of mass
destruction. When you go to club Debbie,
don't do that to them. I never really won the election. That's not calm slash
burr. And it gets even
better. The club Debbie should have voted for Jib. Just go to club Debbie. I
never really did anything.
Dot com slash burr. Safe on my watch. To get $20 off your first order now. That's
club Debbie at
dot com slash burr. Oh, here we go. Oh shit. The reads for this week. Club
Debbie. Club Debbie.
I never had to fight. My daddy was a millionaire. Uh, club Debbie delivers wine
straight to your door.
Club Debbie. Club Debbie. Never had to have to fight in my life. Except time
when I was drinking.
Then I had to fight. Dad wouldn't bail me out. Then I got a pilot's license. No,
that was my dad.
I saw her as a drink. When you go to club Debbie, I said, I'm just trying to
kill my daddy. So I killed him.
- Club W, still living town.