Name: Bill Burr & Nia Argue Over Italian Food
Uploaded: 2023-07-08T15:00:40.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Nia Argue Over Italian Food' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Nia Argue Over Italian Food' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-08. Transcript available.

Nia, weren't you the one that taught me that macaroni and cheese is not a main
dish?
Yes, I was.
I'm this weird combination of, you know, professional white collars and white
trash.
Oh.
Yeah, we weren't good with money.
There was a period we were not good at money.
So we used to have a tray of macaroni and cheese with toast.
Yeah, that's not a meal.
That was fucking delicious.
The Kraft, frozen, you just throw it in there.
Oh, God.
How dare you?
Oh, God.
White people don't know how to make macaroni and cheese.
It's pasta.
It's from Italians.
So you can only take 50% of the credit.
Italians would be offended that you use Kraft macaroni and cheese.
Wait a minute.
Italians, do they make macaroni and cheese?
That's not their thing.
Yeah, it is.
Macaroni and cheese.
That's one of the, you meet an Italian, that's one of the first things that
they say when they meet him.
No.
You want some macaroni and cheese.
Maybe spaghetti.
Chip the beef on toast.
Now, remember when you made fun of me because I was, like, making a jet.
We went out to dinner the other night, and I was sort of, like, lovingly doing
this kind of, like.
No, you weren't.
And it was because we were in.
Okay, first of all, I'm on my podcast, and I'm just being silly.
Now, if you did what you did in Little Italy the other night in this apartment,
I would have laughed.
We were sitting there, right?
I took Nia to, we got this restaurant.
When I first met my lovely wife, I took her to, like, ten years ago, right?
So I'm trying, like, all day going.
Longer than that.
Yeah, saying, let's, whatever.
Saying, let's fucking go there.
She's like, oh, I want to go to the Stone Cold Creamery and fucking, uh.
What's that other stupid burger place that everybody eats like it's crack?
What, Shake Shack?
Yeah, Shake Shack.
I didn't say I want to go to Shake Shack over this.
Anyway, whatever, just tell the story.
We go to dinner.
She wanted to go to some shiny place, and I wanted to go to the fucking old
school home style.
You know, you order, like, chicken parmesan.
It's like, is that, is that, how long did you hammer this, that this is only
one chicken breast?
This is, like, nine chicken breasts.
And then you fucking plow your way through it, and you wish you didn't eat it.
But it was delicious.
So we go there, and they're playing all this Italian music, right?
They got Dino on.
When the moon hits here, I like a big pizza pie that's amore.
And then Nia does, you know that thing that, you know, in Hollywood movies,
when an Italian likes something, when he puts his thumb between his index and
his middle finger,
brings them together with both hands.
And he's going back and forth.
Back and forth, like, that's so good a pizza sauce.
So the song's on, and Nia starts doing that at the table,
sticking her bottom lip out of the key.
But I'm doing it in a fun way, because I'm bouncing a lot of the music,
because they were playing,
and I was like, you know, I was just doing the whole gesture.
And I said, Nia, what if we were up in Harlem in some soul food restaurant,
okay, and they started playing some fucking R&B,
or whatever the fuck you guys are listening to.
And I started to do a bad version of some breakdancing shit.
Sticking my bottom lip out.
You'd be like, if you don't stop fucking doing that.
And you're sitting there with a white man, Nia.
Huh?
What do you think?
What do you think would happen?
I'm saying, just show you.
Hey, it was out of respect.
So it was culturally insensitive of me to do that?
I didn't give a shit.
I thought it was funny, but I didn't need the waiters.
We still hadn't gotten all of our food,
so I didn't need you fucking with our food.
Listen, they had the whole rack of glasses and stuff,
like, right by the window,
like, right behind where we were sitting.
I mean, come on.
Can I ask you a question?
If I took you to Chinatown.
That food was delicious, though, by the way.
Delicious.
Delish.
Delish.
Now, if I took you to-
It was fucking delish.
If I took you to Chinatown, okay?
And they were playing, you know,
They wouldn't, because apparently that's offensive.
Okay.
Then they started playing,
No.
If you were,
if they started playing some-
Everybody was kung fu fighting?
Yeah.
What would you be doing?
I'd go,
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah, start doing this.
Everybody was kung fu fighting.
And it would be offensive.
But, yeah, all right.
I mean, I don't know.
I really wasn't trying to be-
I'm not trying to be a political correct guy.
I'm just trying to get people not to spit in my food.
Right.
That's all I'm trying to do here.
But I wasn't, like, talking to the waiter, like,
Hey, Baizan, bring me some more.
Hey, fucking Vinny.
Gabagool.
Like, I wasn't trying to do that shit.
Like, I was on the fucking Sopranos.
I wasn't doing that.
All right.
I mean, your point is made.
Yeah.
My point is not about being culturally sensitive.
It's about having people not fuck with your food.
Okay?
You want to do that on your own?
Okay?
Do it on your own time.
You want to go in and get a bagel and be like,
Oy vey, with a lady.
You're going to get an everything bagel like you never had before,
if you know what I mean there.
And I mean everything.
Oy vey, oy vey.
Is that a matzo ball there?
Um.