Name: Bill Burr Advice - GF's Taxidermist Dad Creeps Me Out
Uploaded: 2023-07-28T19:00:30.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr Advice - GF's Taxidermist Dad Creeps Me Out' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr Advice - GF's Taxidermist Dad Creeps Me Out' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-28. Transcript available.

All right. Taxidermy and girlfriend's dad.
Bill, my new girlfriend's dad is a taxidermist.
How the fuck does he make a living?
Don't those people that throw paint on you,
they don't come by and throw like fucking,
right as he's finishing putting some eyeballs in a yak,
they don't come by and throw a bucket of paint on it?
Murder, murder is murder, man!
And then run away, whatever the fuck they say.
Bill, my new girlfriend's dad is a taxidermist.
Was your old girlfriend's dad a fucking blacksmith?
Like what?
Do you live in a commune?
My mom doesn't like my girlfriend.
She said her forearms are too small and can't churn butter.
What do I do?
All right, this would be fine, but he's also a bit weird.
Yeah, I think they're all weird.
Guys who run funeral parlors, taxidermists,
they're all weird, but I think they scratch that serial killer itch.
They're around it enough.
The strange part is that she thinks he's normal,
even though she seems normal,
and she should think he's strange.
Example, he only eats canned fruit and never washes his hair.
Oh, dude, get the fuck out.
That is coming over your house every Thanksgiving.
Fuck you.
I don't give a shit what you think about this girl.
Get that whole family tree.
That can take a fucking walk right there.
On top of that, he won't eat in a restaurant.
He thinks that people...
He thinks people that do are the ones who are weirdos.
I asked her why, hoping there was some ridiculous reason
that I could use as a placeholder
for why someone would think like that.
It's sanitary concerns would be a good reason for me.
But nope, he doesn't have one.
It has me questioning how serious this relationship could ever get
if I have to have this guy in my life the whole time.
Am I nuts for thinking this?
Not only are you not nuts,
you're seeing the future.
All right?
Part of marrying somebody is you marry into their family,
and those are the fucking people that are going to be coming over.
All right?
So a fucking weirdo taxidermist with his smelly-ass fucking hair
eating goddamn prunes out of a can.
I mean, how soon before he stops cutting his hair
and lets his nails grow like Howard Hughes?
I don't know, dude.
I just feel like if you married his daughter,
one day, you know, you'd wake up early in the morning
and you'd walk, you know, get yourself,
pour yourself a little glass of orange juice
and as you're drinking it, you know,
scratching your lower back,
listening to Travis Tritt, right?
You're going to look out your fucking window
and just see him standing out there.
And it's going to send a jolt
of electricity through your fucking heart
and then he's going to look at you
and then turn and slowly walk away.
And then you're going to go upstairs
and be like,
honey, honey,
your dad was outside standing in the yard.
And she'll just be like,
oh, yeah, you know,
that's just dad.
He does that sometimes.
And then you're going to be like,
that doesn't weird you out.
And she's like,
oh, you're being silly.
You're being silly.
And then later on that night,
you're brushing teeth
and you'll see like,
I don't know,
next to all that beauty shit they have,
you see like a knife in there.
Be like, is that a knife?
Oh, yeah, yeah, it is.
Well, why is that there?
I've never seen that knife before.
Oh, I just found it.
I just,
I used it.
I was,
I bought a new blouse
and I was cutting a tag off of it.
That's just why,
why?
What's wrong with you?
What do you think I'm going to kill you?
You're doing the right thing.
You just got to fucking,
you got to walk away from this.
Because you know something?
At no point did you say like,
this girl really,
has something.
You can't put your finger on it.
I'm not feeling love here.
I just feel like this is somebody
that you can get along with
that will fuck you.
All right?
That's not love.
Okay?
And if you don't have love,
what, like,
even if you just have a fucking,
spend a summer
knowing that any second
some guy,
a taxidermist with unwashed hair,
with a can of fucking peaches
and a little fork
is going to come walking in?
Oh my God.
Get the fuck
out of that.
All right.
Anyways,
congratulations to Max Verstappen.
I got to watch that race.
I was psyched when
Lewis Hamilton got the pull.
Max got the last five in a row
and I was thinking,
all right,
the second half of the season's here.
Mercedes is going to come on.
Maybe,
maybe that,
but maybe that'll still happen.
I haven't looked at the standings
in forever.
Speaking of which,
how about those fucking
Baltimore Orioles
in first fucking place.