Name: Bill Burr Makes Jimmy Fallon Super Uncomfortable on His Own Show
Uploaded: 2023-08-09T16:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr Makes Jimmy Fallon Super Uncomfortable on His Own Show' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-08-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr Makes Jimmy Fallon Super Uncomfortable on His Own Show' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-08-09. Transcript available.

I've been thinking about getting a gun.
Oh, my God. Ridiculous.
I know people don't like it, but you got to...
What am I supposed to make a... Get a windmill, right?
You start growing zucchini.
And then what?
All I'm doing is just growing that for the strongest guy in the block, you know?
See, this is why...
You got to come in and take...
This is why the pumpkin didn't work.
People just think it's going to come and take all your zucchini.
No, I'm serious. I've been going to gun stores and...
Oh, my God.
I have. And these rednecks are all telling me the same thing because I didn't
grow up with guns.
So they're just going, all right, you never had a gun.
You want to get yourself a shotgun.
It's got a great spread.
That's what they keep saying.
It's got a great spread.
You don't even got to aim.
You got a problem, you just sort of whip around.
You get the guy, right?
I'm sitting there, I'm like, dude, I just want to shoot the guy.
I don't have to do, like, a bunch of drywall work.
And, like, reframe my diploma.
So, I don't know.
Are you with your girlfriend living in LA?
Yes, I am.
I'm technically married, but I'm married how, like, I want to be married.
Yeah.
Which is, I don't sign that behind-the-music contract where, you know,
everything works out until it doesn't work out.
Yeah.
No, you see, Sugar Shea Mosey, one of the greatest boxers of all time, he's
losing his championship belt in a divorce.
Oh, that's awesome.
Losing, yeah, it's like you're trying to break a man.
Why does she want those?
Right?
Trying to break a man.
They go with their shoes.
No, and I love how when you get a divorce, all of a sudden it costs, like, 50
grand a month to give a kid Froot Loops.
Right?
Look, you guys, I'm telling you, there is an epidemic of gold-digging whores in
this country.
And it is just not being addressed on any level.
What are you talking about?
Any level.
What do you mean, what am I talking about?
Every guy out there is just getting, nobody's safe.
Oh, my God.
Nobody's safe.
Football players, actors, politicians.
Nobody's safe.
And they never get called whores.
Arnold Schwarzenegger's maid is still called the maid in the story.
She knew his wife on a first-name basis, hooked up with this dude in their bed,
and is still called the maid.
Why did she bang him?
Why?
Because of that 1987 flat top he's still rocking?
Right?
You don't think it's because of that kindergarten cop money he's got laying
around the room?
I'm not, and listen, I'm not condoning what the man did, but, you know, there
just needs to be, guys need to be educated.
There's nothing out there to help a guy handle becoming rich and famous for
that, that, that platoon of whores that's gonna come over the hill.
Like, like Braveheart.
Faces painted, skirt on, just running down the hill.
Platoon of whores.
Yes.
There's nothing out there.
No, it's like guys never learn how to keep themselves in check.
Society does it for you.
Yeah.
Just, women aren't gonna bang you because you drive the forklift at Home Depot.
Right?
Despite the fact that you want to bang all of them, they're not gonna do it.
So, you didn't keep yourself in check, the forklift job did.
Right?
Then all of a sudden you hit a lot, the lottery, you know?
Yeah.
And then you can just give in to all of that.
Like, I don't, I'm so sick of all these trolls coming on TV, judging these
great men.
These great men, all these guys, all these guys, any time one of these guys
gets caught for screwing around, these guys come waddling out of their cubicles
with their jowls.
They're absolutely reprehensible behavior.
Like, they have any idea what it's like to be tempted at that level.
You know?
Yeah.
As you walk over to your Ford Focus, are you really beating these women off of
you?
All those people who judge Tiger Woods.
How many people are here at golf?
When was the last time you walked off the 18th hole and there was a busload of
Scandinavian women waiting to hump your brains out?
And you're like, sorry, ladies.
You know?
And like I said, thank you.
You guys, Bill Burr is his name, uh...