Name: Bill Burr & Jerry Seinfeld Have a Conversation in a Cigar Room
Uploaded: 2023-08-25T17:55:51.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Jerry Seinfeld Have a Conversation in a Cigar Room' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-08-25. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Jerry Seinfeld Have a Conversation in a Cigar Room' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-08-25. Transcript available.

Well, Massachusetts, it's a great place,
but there's kind of like everybody has,
I got f***ed story.
I want to know why.
Massachusetts is a beautiful state.
I don't understand.
Boston is a great city.
What is the problem with these people?
Where is this dark cloud from?
I don't know.
And what's funny is,
is I didn't notice it when I lived there.
I don't know why.
Come on.
You're too smart to have no theories on this.
It's also why everybody there is f***ing hilarious.
I don't know what the problem is.
Like, people always ask me,
so what is Boston like?
I always go,
it's like a racist San Francisco.
It has the same quaintness,
perfect size.
Yeah.
You want to get on a sailboat?
Yeah, history.
And then throw in the N-word?
Yeah.
And there's Boston.
Bill, comedy's a sport.
You hit or you sit.
I know,
but you could have been born with the same gifts
in a different country
and they didn't have the funny bone to go down to.
You ever think about that?
If you were born in f***ing?
I gotta be grateful for that?
Where I was born?
Yeah.
No, you're locked out.
You gotta be psyched at you.
You weren't born in, like, Peru.
I'm not saying Peru's bad.
For all you bloggers
who can now trash me
in f***ing Peruvian.
You know what I love about
when people text during your show
is I don't care how far away they are,
how big the crowd is,
you can see it.
You can see it.
And you just call them out on it.
You do?
Oh, I was doing it on the Oddball tour.
They'd be like, you know,
it's like five, ten thousand people
and you'd see them.
And I'd be in the middle of a joke
and I'd be going,
I'd go texting!
And it freaks them the f*** out
because they're in this sea of humanity
and they don't realize that
it's like they might as well
put a flashlight
like telling a ghost story.
Anybody who swims in the ocean
is out of their minds.
This guy I know who scuba dives
tells me,
sharks only attack you
when you're up on the surface,
but if you're down below,
they don't, like,
want to attack you.
Oh, really?
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, is that what the shark said?
It's like we talk about restaurants.
They talk about where you're swimming.
You know what I like to eat?
On the surface.
Seems fresher to me.
I don't know why.
Like, I'm doing a bit right now
where I'm just basically discussing
how you can't get mad at the president
because he makes 500 grand a year.
That's really funny.
And getting mad at that guy
is like yelling at the person
behind the counter
when your flight is canceled.
I'm never flying your f***ing airline again
and the person's like,
my airline?
Yeah, yeah, I'm running s***.
My last name is United.
I don't even have health insurance.
You know, I have a great idea
for a car show.
You know, down in Cuba,
they haven't gotten any new imports,
so they have all those
old 1950s cars down there.
I think a really cool car show
is if you actually went down there
and you hooked up somebody's car.
Be a good relation
between our country
and their country.
Why don't we just give them
some new cars?
Why update their crappy old cars?
Because they're not crappy.
They're great old American steel.
They're classics.
Do you think they think of them
as classics?
God, dude, you're the best.
I never looked at it that way.
Do you know actually
how into cigars I am
that I smoke it
all the way down
like a roach?
Smoking past the band.
That's the Bill Burr story.
This guy told me this story
that Castro was in the UN.
You're not supposed
to light up in the UN,
Manhattan, New York, right?
Yeah.
Where it's illegal
and he's just puffing away, right?
Listen to these people.
Yeah, yeah, f***ing whatever.
My country, go f*** yourself, right?
And he gets all the way down
to the end.
He takes off his glasses
and he takes the end
with that hook's running.
He's just stuck it in the sun.
It was such a subtle
go f*** yourself
to everybody there.
He just wanted to play baseball.
He wasn't a dictator.
Right.
That's a little...
You ever think about that?
On some...
Like the amount of
like the left turn.
Yeah.
That if he was good at baseball.
Yeah, if he was good at baseball.
What would have happened?
I used to do a bit like if...
They'd have nice cars
down there now.
If someone was more encouraging
to Hitler in like his art class.
Right.
Like, hey, you know,
that's sculpting.
It's not that bad.
Won't you think so?
I always wonder about
when Hitler was a kid,
if it ever said
on anybody's refrigerator,
if there was ever a note,
I'm at Hitler's.
This is the first time
I've ever finished a TV taping
and I'm sad.
I'm usually relieved
that I can go back to my life.
This has been awesome.
I appreciate that compliment.
I'll tell you right now,
you're gonna have to end this show
because I'm not.