Name: Bill Burr & Micheal Rapaport Debate Dog Waste for Nearly 12 Minutes
Uploaded: 2024-01-01T16:00:27.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Micheal Rapaport Debate Dog Waste for Nearly 12 Minutes' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-01-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Micheal Rapaport Debate Dog Waste for Nearly 12 Minutes' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-01-01. Transcript available.

i was going to ask you i was going to get into this thing the whole way this
whole podcast you
being on the podcast came about wasn't just that we you know we're working
together was that
we both have dogs right and we i started talking about you know the big thing
is curb your dog if
you have a dog like a new york city i think that they were the first ones came
up with the
pooper scooper or pooper scooper where i was from and uh yeah that basically to
get the dog shit off
right and then that became a thing because when i was a kid if your dog took a
shit it just took a
shit right it was just outside it barely had to have a license so now you're
supposed to pick up
after it so i never owned a dog in new york but i own one out here and i always
pick up after her
and you had this interesting duality as far as when and where you pick up after
your dog yes well
here's the deal okay i i grew up i never had dogs so when i actually got my
first dog i lived in los
angeles and of course you know you want to follow you got the dog a license and
you know pick up after
the dog and and i was good and i and i would carry the shit bags and and i
would pick up the shit and
then i had two dogs so it would be you know you'd have to bring like three or
four shit bags per trip
right because each dog who knows what's going to happen but the thing is then i
then i moved to los
then i moved back to new york with my two dogs and in new york this is where
the what kind of dogs
mutts two months two months two months and and but this is where the
conversation between me and bill
about dog shit and shit bags got interesting because i said i don't use shit
bags anymore now i'm back
living in los angeles and bill there was a just a sense of judgment on you don't
use shit bags in la
in la in la i don't use shit bags and the reason why here's the deal in new york
i use shit bags i
clean up all the the the why in new york because you like east no no west coast
no no no no that's
not why no prejudice no i would pick up the shit and then be able to walk to
the corner
and drop the shit bag in the garbage pail okay in los angeles there's not and
so in new york there's
garbage cans on every corner there is yes there is even catty corner there's
garbage cans sometimes
they're filled all the way to the top and the garbage is spilling out but at
least it's the
place to get rid of the shit bag full of shit in los angeles for those who are
not familiar with
los angeles there are not garbage cans on every corner so therefore when you
are walking your dog
and two dogs when i made up my own rule about this you you pick up the dog crap
i don't want to keep
saying shit you pick up the dog crap in the shit bag all right and then you
carry it and you could be
walking three four five six blocks with it now i'm carrying i have two dogs on
a leash medium-sized
dogs 50 60 pound dogs with two shit bags right by my side it's not like you
could take the shit
bag and put it in your pocket and then dump it out like it's like a like a like
a candy wrapper
right that's not cool to be have to walk around with two shit bags it's not the
picking up it's the
carrying of the shit it's the carrying of it now i could change my rule and
pick up the shit put it
in the shit bags and then throw that right on the side of the street and then
someone else has to
deal with it but a person but just to play devil's advocate play it you you
play it you got the two
fucking dogs all right you live in a nice upstanding neighborhood you're
considered a good citizen of
this of this not by anyone who knows me all right but i appreciate that bill do
your neighbors like
see like your dogs take shits and you just walk like let me ask you this yes so
when you're in la if
your dog's taking a shit do you at least put your head on a swivel and be like
oh there's a basket over
there i will pick this lump no i i i do not buy shit bags anymore my zero
tolerance i have a i don't
fuck with shit bags anymore and the reason why i don't fuck with shit bags
anymore is because i'm not
walking around with bags of shit for block and block and block and block it's
just not cool it's not
it's degrading and here's how is it degrading to to walk with a steaming hot
bag of shit for
like you don't hold it from underneath no but i mean you know it's hanging but
i got truth to what i have
one dog stanley died r.i.p stanley sorry to hear that okay she was old but but
but you know even now i
have a big dog dog takes big shits you know and in the bag and then i i can't
walk text because you
got a text when you're walking your dog that's when you get good text yeah that's
good text time when
you're walking your dog i can't walk the dog who i sometimes take off the leash
she's trained
and then carry a shit bag i'm just not doing it and i'll tell you something i'll
tell you something
so you say upstanding citizen and i'm like this the game i'll refer to it as
the game the shit game
listen if some if a dog shits on my yard i don't it's part of the game oh you
don't get mad if
so nope you shit on my yard it is what it is my dog shits in your yard it is
what it is now
sometimes there is a tinge of guilt if i know that it's a it's because i know
some of my neighbors
so i'll be like oh shit you know like there's a six-year-old there he's
probably gonna wind up
playing football stepping in it running in it oh there's a six-year-old girl at
least like when
your dog takes a shit do you stand there defiantly like i know my dog's taking
a shit i'm not picking
up or do you pretend to be talking on the phone and not notice it are you a
worm about it or are you
i'm a worm about it i'm not gonna front listen there's sometimes i'll feign
like i'm bending
over and i'm doing something to pick it up or if somebody goes hey your dog
just went to the oh you
know he's sick i i ran out of shit bags you know like i i he's a lie i'm not
gonna get because you
but because because i've had confrontations one dude do people literally say
hey michael rapaport
that happened once your dog took a shit one because now now that you have you
know you've had fame for
a while but you're not some random they can't be you can't believe what this
fucking asshole did
they is you can't believe i will accept that i will not argue that it's part of
the shit game
so i gotta turn this down man because we're fucking getting into this i think i
got the levels too high
if you want to insult me criticize me judge me on on my policies with shit bags
fine it's not a los
angeles thing i love los angeles i'm from new york it's just you put a garbage
can on every corner
this will go out the door you got a problem with me put it on you have demands
listen i'm not walking
i'm not walking more than a half a block with a shit bag who's the most famous
person you've seen
walking with a shit bag for a good six blocks you ever just been driving around
and you'd be like oh
there's uh mary tyler moore with a sharing his shit i've never seen have you
ever seen somebody with
a shit bag yeah somebody famous no but i think that they have like their
assistant walks their dog
maybe that's what your problem is do once you get famous dude you need you need
like an assistant
i need to walk the dog i need that text time i need to clear my head i got two
kids get out of the
house for a few minutes and i do my thing but i will tell you one time do your
kids know that you
don't pick up your shit unfortunately yes and i and i say you know don't don't
this is a three-pronged
problem it's a yeah because it's just two kids and then it's creating other
little kids but i i
explain to them the reason why because if you in los angeles if you carry that
shit bag you even have
to make it back to your house say you're 10 blocks away from your house
dude i live it every morning you walk with a shit bag eight nine ten blocks you
know i only it's
almost remember that tom hanks movie where he was like talking to the soccer
ball yeah like literally
like it's to that point and doesn't it disrupts once you pick up the shit and
you have the shit bag
that's the only thing you're thinking about and then sometimes you get so
relaxed it's just like
you forget that it's even in your hand and it's like just dangling it's just
not cool it gets to
the point no you know what it is when she takes a fucking horrific shit this is
gonna be the shit
podcast here by the way when she takes one of those horrific shits steamer that
you can literally
see through the bag and then you're walking with it and then some hot shit
comes jogging by you just
you just feel like an asshole it's degrading man it's degrading and that's my
thing i i had i've had
degrading i've it's it is i've had people say pick your shit up you know i had
one guy my dog and i told
this guy i shook his hand afterwards my dog shat his yard i kept walking i told
him that the dog is
sick this guy's a prick anyway i i this when he first moved in the neighborhood
and i didn't know
he was much why is he a prick because he called you out or because he no i
respected that we got
to some other thing later he called he cursed out my kid and some other kids
called them really bad
names and it was bad and was it because they weren't picking up after no it
wasn't even that he was
just you know one of those guys like it was whatever but my dog shat in his
yard he's some
had a weird accent too and and and and then he said something i said the dog is
sick or whatever
one of my two or three excuses i had it kept going this fucking guy i was
walking three four blocks away
picked up the shit in a shit bag drove up to me so he picked up the shit in a
shit bag and brought
the shit bag in his car i respected it and he came up to me and your dog shit
and he handed me the
shit bag and i said you know what i respect that took the shit i said i just
shake he didn't want
to shake my hand i said please please i shook his hand and he went on you know
it's funny i dropped
the shit bag but you're acting like you're noble that this guy had to go pick
up your shit you'd be
like you know what i respect that i respect that you just picked up my dog's
shit and fucking it's
good depends on what you feed them if you feed them the human food then their
shit's as healthy as
our shit it's fine it's good for the grass but i have you noticed that by the
way what
anything can take a shit on your yard and it'll make the grass greener except
for a human being
and i've shat on my own yard okay we got to get into this
that's my shit bag dude i apologize for the cough no no problem listen man i
fucking
i bought these fucking human cigars and i put them in the fucking humidor and i
had it turned up too
fucking high and it fucked up the cigars like this that gets this fucking
acceptable there's like
fucking little bug eggs in there uh-huh and if it's up too high they like hatch
i don't know what
i don't know what i have in i think i think i got a virus in me it's it's
gradually this is the most
disgusting first 10 minutes oh no no that's good i don't want to discuss people
i'm not i'm not like
one of these people with the you know who likes to talk about shit all right so
on a scale a scale
of one to ten yeah as far as your your upstanding citizen count 10 being the
best one being like i
can't wait for that motherfucker to move out of this neighborhood where where
are you aside from dog
stuff i'm a good neighbor i consider myself a good neighbor i i do that's like
manson say aside from
fucking uh getting people killed i'm a good no no no aside from my dog my dog
is harmless the dog
couldn't hurt a fly listen my house got broken into the fucking dog was
sleeping it said on the police
report it said the dog was sleeping you freaked me out about that you were home
and somebody came in
and just like the boldness of that just came into your house at night took like
whatever laptop or
some bullshit stuff and my dog didn't wake up cops come dog fucking bolts out
there cops pull a pepper
spray no no no don't don't don't pepper spray him right when he had his moment
to shine to bark
attack do something he was sleeping you know i made this reference the other
day you know what he's
like he's like uh that dude bobby in uh saturday night fever driving around the
crowd what were you
guys i was looking for you i was looking for you exactly i would i would have
done something
bobby you actually made me i got they fucking got gus in saturday fever
remember they beat up gus
That's why they went back and got them.
Oh, that's right.
I've only seen it a couple of times.

Bill Burr & Micheal Rapaport Debate Dog Waste for Nearly 12 Minutes

i was going to ask you i was going to get into this thing the whole way this
whole podcast you
being on the podcast came about wasn't just that we you know we're working
together was that
we both have dogs right and we i started talking about you know the big thing
is curb your dog if
you have a dog like a new york city i think that they were the first ones came
up with the
pooper scooper or pooper scooper where i was from and uh yeah that basically to
get the dog shit off
right and then that became a thing because when i was a kid if your dog took a
shit it just took a
shit right it was just outside it barely had to have a license so now you're
supposed to pick up
after it so i never owned a dog in new york but i own one out here and i always
pick up after her
and you had this interesting duality as far as when and where you pick up after
your dog yes well
here's the deal okay i i grew up i never had dogs so when i actually got my
first dog i lived in los
angeles and of course you know you want to follow you got the dog a license and
you know pick up after
the dog and and i was good and i and i would carry the shit bags and and i
would pick up the shit and
then i had two dogs so it would be you know you'd have to bring like three or
four shit bags per trip
right because each dog who knows what's going to happen but the thing is then i
then i moved to los
then i moved back to new york with my two dogs and in new york this is where
the what kind of dogs
mutts two months two months two months and and but this is where the
conversation between me and bill
about dog shit and shit bags got interesting because i said i don't use shit
bags anymore now i'm back
living in los angeles and bill there was a just a sense of judgment on you don't
use shit bags in la
in la in la i don't use shit bags and the reason why here's the deal in new york
i use shit bags i
clean up all the the the why in new york because you like east no no west coast
no no no no that's
not why no prejudice no i would pick up the shit and then be able to walk to
the corner
and drop the shit bag in the garbage pail okay in los angeles there's not and
so in new york there's
garbage cans on every corner there is yes there is even catty corner there's
garbage cans sometimes
they're filled all the way to the top and the garbage is spilling out but at
least it's the
place to get rid of the shit bag full of shit in los angeles for those who are
not familiar with
los angeles there are not garbage cans on every corner so therefore when you
are walking your dog
and two dogs when i made up my own rule about this you you pick up the dog crap
i don't want to keep
saying shit you pick up the dog crap in the shit bag all right and then you
carry it and you could be
walking three four five six blocks with it now i'm carrying i have two dogs on
a leash medium-sized
dogs 50 60 pound dogs with two shit bags right by my side it's not like you
could take the shit
bag and put it in your pocket and then dump it out like it's like a like a like
a candy wrapper
right that's not cool to be have to walk around with two shit bags it's not the
picking up it's the
carrying of the shit it's the carrying of it now i could change my rule and
pick up the shit put it
in the shit bags and then throw that right on the side of the street and then
someone else has to
deal with it but a person but just to play devil's advocate play it you you
play it you got the two
fucking dogs all right you live in a nice upstanding neighborhood you're
considered a good citizen of
this of this not by anyone who knows me all right but i appreciate that bill do
your neighbors like
see like your dogs take shits and you just walk like let me ask you this yes so
when you're in la if
your dog's taking a shit do you at least put your head on a swivel and be like
oh there's a basket over
there i will pick this lump no i i i do not buy shit bags anymore my zero
tolerance i have a i don't
fuck with shit bags anymore and the reason why i don't fuck with shit bags
anymore is because i'm not
walking around with bags of shit for block and block and block and block it's
just not cool it's not
it's degrading and here's how is it degrading to to walk with a steaming hot
bag of shit for
like you don't hold it from underneath no but i mean you know it's hanging but
i got truth to what i have
one dog stanley died r.i.p stanley sorry to hear that okay she was old but but
but you know even now i
have a big dog dog takes big shits you know and in the bag and then i i can't
walk text because you
got a text when you're walking your dog that's when you get good text yeah that's
good text time when
you're walking your dog i can't walk the dog who i sometimes take off the leash
she's trained
and then carry a shit bag i'm just not doing it and i'll tell you something i'll
tell you something
so you say upstanding citizen and i'm like this the game i'll refer to it as
the game the shit game
listen if some if a dog shits on my yard i don't it's part of the game oh you
don't get mad if
so nope you shit on my yard it is what it is my dog shits in your yard it is
what it is now
sometimes there is a tinge of guilt if i know that it's a it's because i know
some of my neighbors
so i'll be like oh shit you know like there's a six-year-old there he's
probably gonna wind up
playing football stepping in it running in it oh there's a six-year-old girl at
least like when
your dog takes a shit do you stand there defiantly like i know my dog's taking
a shit i'm not picking
up or do you pretend to be talking on the phone and not notice it are you a
worm about it or are you
i'm a worm about it i'm not gonna front listen there's sometimes i'll feign
like i'm bending
over and i'm doing something to pick it up or if somebody goes hey your dog
just went to the oh you
know he's sick i i ran out of shit bags you know like i i he's a lie i'm not
gonna get because you
but because because i've had confrontations one dude do people literally say
hey michael rapaport
that happened once your dog took a shit one because now now that you have you
know you've had fame for
a while but you're not some random they can't be you can't believe what this
fucking asshole did
they is you can't believe i will accept that i will not argue that it's part of
the shit game
so i gotta turn this down man because we're fucking getting into this i think i
got the levels too high
if you want to insult me criticize me judge me on on my policies with shit bags
fine it's not a los
angeles thing i love los angeles i'm from new york it's just you put a garbage
can on every corner
this will go out the door you got a problem with me put it on you have demands
listen i'm not walking
i'm not walking more than a half a block with a shit bag who's the most famous
person you've seen
walking with a shit bag for a good six blocks you ever just been driving around
and you'd be like oh
there's uh mary tyler moore with a sharing his shit i've never seen have you
ever seen somebody with
a shit bag yeah somebody famous no but i think that they have like their
assistant walks their dog
maybe that's what your problem is do once you get famous dude you need you need
like an assistant
i need to walk the dog i need that text time i need to clear my head i got two
kids get out of the
house for a few minutes and i do my thing but i will tell you one time do your
kids know that you
don't pick up your shit unfortunately yes and i and i say you know don't don't
this is a three-pronged
problem it's a yeah because it's just two kids and then it's creating other
little kids but i i
explain to them the reason why because if you in los angeles if you carry that
shit bag you even have
to make it back to your house say you're 10 blocks away from your house
dude i live it every morning you walk with a shit bag eight nine ten blocks you
know i only it's
almost remember that tom hanks movie where he was like talking to the soccer
ball yeah like literally
like it's to that point and doesn't it disrupts once you pick up the shit and
you have the shit bag
that's the only thing you're thinking about and then sometimes you get so
relaxed it's just like
you forget that it's even in your hand and it's like just dangling it's just
not cool it gets to
the point no you know what it is when she takes a fucking horrific shit this is
gonna be the shit
podcast here by the way when she takes one of those horrific shits steamer that
you can literally
see through the bag and then you're walking with it and then some hot shit
comes jogging by you just
you just feel like an asshole it's degrading man it's degrading and that's my
thing i i had i've had
degrading i've it's it is i've had people say pick your shit up you know i had
one guy my dog and i told
this guy i shook his hand afterwards my dog shat his yard i kept walking i told
him that the dog is
sick this guy's a prick anyway i i this when he first moved in the neighborhood
and i didn't know
he was much why is he a prick because he called you out or because he no i
respected that we got
to some other thing later he called he cursed out my kid and some other kids
called them really bad
names and it was bad and was it because they weren't picking up after no it
wasn't even that he was
just you know one of those guys like it was whatever but my dog shat in his
yard he's some
had a weird accent too and and and and then he said something i said the dog is
sick or whatever
one of my two or three excuses i had it kept going this fucking guy i was
walking three four blocks away
picked up the shit in a shit bag drove up to me so he picked up the shit in a
shit bag and brought
the shit bag in his car i respected it and he came up to me and your dog shit
and he handed me the
shit bag and i said you know what i respect that took the shit i said i just
shake he didn't want
to shake my hand i said please please i shook his hand and he went on you know
it's funny i dropped
the shit bag but you're acting like you're noble that this guy had to go pick
up your shit you'd be
like you know what i respect that i respect that you just picked up my dog's
shit and fucking it's
good depends on what you feed them if you feed them the human food then their
shit's as healthy as
our shit it's fine it's good for the grass but i have you noticed that by the
way what
anything can take a shit on your yard and it'll make the grass greener except
for a human being
and i've shat on my own yard okay we got to get into this
that's my shit bag dude i apologize for the cough no no problem listen man i
fucking
i bought these fucking human cigars and i put them in the fucking humidor and i
had it turned up too
fucking high and it fucked up the cigars like this that gets this fucking
acceptable there's like
fucking little bug eggs in there uh-huh and if it's up too high they like hatch
i don't know what
i don't know what i have in i think i think i got a virus in me it's it's
gradually this is the most
disgusting first 10 minutes oh no no that's good i don't want to discuss people
i'm not i'm not like
one of these people with the you know who likes to talk about shit all right so
on a scale a scale
of one to ten yeah as far as your your upstanding citizen count 10 being the
best one being like i
can't wait for that motherfucker to move out of this neighborhood where where
are you aside from dog
stuff i'm a good neighbor i consider myself a good neighbor i i do that's like
manson say aside from
fucking uh getting people killed i'm a good no no no aside from my dog my dog
is harmless the dog
couldn't hurt a fly listen my house got broken into the fucking dog was
sleeping it said on the police
report it said the dog was sleeping you freaked me out about that you were home
and somebody came in
and just like the boldness of that just came into your house at night took like
whatever laptop or
some bullshit stuff and my dog didn't wake up cops come dog fucking bolts out
there cops pull a peppe