Name: Bill Burr & Craig Ferguson on Divorced Men
Uploaded: 2024-01-07T16:00:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Craig Ferguson on Divorced Men' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-01-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Craig Ferguson on Divorced Men' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-01-07. Transcript available.

Well, actually, if I wasn't in this business, what I would start selling is I
would sell
houses to divorced men, and this is what they would be.
It'd be a one- or two-car garage, depending on how you did in the divorce, and
then up
top would just be this sick-ass place, perfect for flat-screen TV to the couch,
and then
behind that is your bed, and then there's a little bar area.
It was a big enough, like a mini loft above it, because every guy before they
got married,
that's what they had.
Right.
You had that apartment.
Yeah, I did, actually.
I remember my apartment.
Yeah, your Xbox.
Yep.
You had your bottles of booze, and you were fine.
Well, the thing about the bottles of booze, to be fair, in my-
Oh, you're an alcoholic, right?
Right, so I can either have booze-
You can't handle it.
No, I can't.
They pulled you out of the game.
Well, here's the thing.
I'm still playing.
I can either have booze or an apartment.
I can't have booze.
Oh, okay.
I can either have-
Whatever you're into, your vitamin waters.
Yeah, coconut water, vitamins, vegetables.
Sure.
I am a big believer on having your own little house next to the big one that
she gets.
It's good.
I like this.
I wasn't going to do that daily show again.
I felt like I'd cover that ground.
And she doesn't have keys to it.
Yes, that's it.
Yes, she does.
I know she does.
Yes, she does.
And no matter what, no matter what, no matter how big that house is on the hill,
no matter
how many pairs of shoes, how much fun she's having, at some point she has to
come down
and stick her fucking head in here.
I don't know why.
I didn't know you knew her.
I don't know why.
You could be, honey, this thing is 90,000 square feet.
I have 1,500.
This is a studio, and they would have to come down to see what it is.
Yeah, what's going on.
It's what makes them great mothers.
Yeah.
It's what makes them so, like, drives you nuts.
What's going on?
I just thought, come down and say hi.
What are you doing down here?
What's going on here?
So, like, what?
You're just going to have your vitamin waters and your coconuts?
Yeah, I'm just sitting here.
I'm just having a good time.
What's wrong?
I'm not doing anything.
There's no girls here.
What's going on?
You don't want me to come down?
Yeah, yeah.
I'm just watching some sports.
I don't even watch sports, but I'm just watching sports.
Hey, I like sports.
Well, come on in.
It's over.
And it's over.
Then she's there.
Yeah.
And then she's going to start leaving shit behind.
Yeah.
Like she did before you did.
Right before, when you had your apartment.
That's it.
How long have you been married?
Three and a half years.
I've been with my wife for a long time.
Yeah, you guys have been together a long time, though, right?
Yeah.
Did it change?
We were the number two couple in L.A. for the longest time.
Really?
According to Sirius, yeah.
Now, you're just saying that.
No, no, no.
That's true.
You can't prove that.
So, did it change your relationship, though, when you got married?
Did it make it?
Because you...
I quietly freaked out.
Did you really?
Because the finality of it, even if you have a prenup, even if you have any of
that BS,
they trample that in court.
Sure.
They don't care.
You got a dick.
Sit down.
Shut up.
This is how it's going.
That's how it works, right?
So, there was that moment, but then what I had to do was I had to mentally go
back to
that guy that was in the 1,500-square-foot apartment that was fine and was
happy, and I started
looking around.
I used to do a bit about this, how I just mentally let go of everything in my
house.
I really started looking at it.
I started in the kitchen.
I was going through the drawers.
I was just muttering to myself.
So, you did like an emotional prenup for yourself?
Yeah, I just was like, wait, you want all these whisks?
I don't give a shit about this.
I'll stir my eggs up with a fork.
I don't give a fuck.
I don't know that I owned any kind of kitchen implement other than a can opener
until I
was married.
I didn't have machines to mix food into paste with other bits of food.
I wasn't that guy.
That's why I only had roommates for a short period of time.
That whole thing of guys living like animals.
No, no, I didn't live like an animal.
Oh, yeah, you did.
Why are you doing this to me, Bill?
Why?
No, I just, I was just like, it got to the point of like, you know, obviously
when I first
moved out, you know, I did the whole thing.
It's a chair.
Now it's a table.
You know, everything was like interchangeable.
And, you know, being afraid to order food and take a cab was a big, big luxury
and all
that type of stuff.
And then as I started to get a little, you know, money in the business, I made
sure
that, you know, even if I had, you know, I was living in New York, so it's only
going
to be so comfortable.
I just made sure that like the kitchen was a big thing for me where I was just
like, I
want to be able to, if I want to make a nice meal, I would like to every once
in a while
be able to do that.
Do you do that still?
Yeah.
Well, you, you, you actually cook.
Yeah.
That's great.
Yeah.
I got a good butcher.
That might be the funniest thing that's going to be said on this.
So you might want to wrap that up.
That's fucking hilarious.
All right.
I'm a big, and I paused perfectly.
Lobbed it over.
Pussy.
All right.
We got to take a break.
We were right back.
That's going to be the favorite part of this podcast for my wife to listen to.