Name: Bill Burr & Bill Hader "My Hometown Friends Are FUNNIER Than Any Comedian"
Uploaded: 2024-01-10T16:00:36.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Bill Hader "My Hometown Friends Are FUNNIER Than Any Comedian"' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-01-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Bill Hader "My Hometown Friends Are FUNNIER Than Any Comedian"' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-01-10. Transcript available.

But the thing, I'm never as funny.
The funniest I'll ever be is in the lunchroom with my friends.
And they were all funnier than me.
You know what I mean?
Everybody went to high school, which was funnier than I was.
Way funnier than me.
And I still see those guys, and they'll just, like, they'll send me a text
about one of my friends hated three billboards, that movie.
And his text made me laugh harder than anything that I've read, any comedian I
know.
All I do is hang around with comedy people.
And I'm like, what?
You know, he works at a window store in Oklahoma someplace, but he's so funny.
Or just how they live their life.
I got a buddy of mine, Joe DeRosa, was opening for me.
And, you know, it was after the show we did in Boston.
I got all my Boston friends, you know, hanging out or whatever.
And one of my buddies offered to buy a round of drinks.
They were all ordering drinks.
And my buddy Joe ordered a white Russian.
And my friend was just done with him.
And he came up to me, he goes, dude, what's up with your boy?
I go, what's the matter?
He goes, he just ordered a white Russian.
And I didn't really think about it.
I was like, you know, he drinks white Russians.
He likes, you know, whatever that movie with the dude.
He likes the Big Lebowski.
Yeah, he's a Big Lebowski.
I didn't think of anything about it.
And then at the end of the night, I'm walking back with Joe.
And he's just like, I like hanging out with friends.
He goes, yeah, that's cool.
He's like, dude, what are your friends?
He was, like, really friendly.
And he was, like, talking to me.
Then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, he just stopped talking to me.
And it was just like, it was all based on the fact that he ordered a white
Russian.
And we were well into our 30s, like late 30s.
And this guy's still to this day.
And I remember a long time ago.
I just don't trust that guy.
I don't know anybody like that.
I remember a long time ago, he, for some reason, was given the responsibility
to watch the house of this married couple.
And, of course, he immediately has us all over there.
And we're getting hammered.
And he's taking care of the house.
He went down into the basement.
And there was some sort of faucet nozzle or something you had to turn on or off.
And the lady left a post-it note on it saying, you might have to turn it a
little harder.
My husband said it's a little fussy.
And my buddy just went out and just immediately turned it with no problem at
all.
And he just mutters, this guy's a pussy.
And we're in his house.
And he probably, he just said that to his wife, just being, you know, gentlemanly,
you know, to a woman.
And then my friend just totally judged this guy that he was not a man.
Like his man, like, that's what I love about my friends back there.
How easily you can lose your man card and you have no idea.
And they won't even tell you why.
They just stop talking to you.
Oh, it's the worst.
When my friends, they visited the set of Barry.
And, you know, I'm doing all these things or whatever.
And I have an assistant.
It's over.
She walked over.
Here's your, here's your coffee.
What, man, you can't get your own coffees now?
What do you think you're big for?
The machine's right there, dude.
Just go over and get your own goddamn coffee, Bill.
And I'm like, well, I'm focusing on, I don't give a shit.
You go over, why are you making her get your, and I'm like, no, no, you're
right.
You're right.
I should be, the machine's right there.
I don't know.
You know, you're right.
You know what I mean?
I just feel like an asshole.
And then I'm like, why did I invite you here to, you know, make me feel bad?
And then, hey, man, did you try the dessert?
I, you know, I'm trying not to eat anything bad because, you know, the guys in
the military
are like, oh, fuck you, man.
Oh, yeah.
No.
It's like, oh, what, you're dining now?
And I'm like, why, you know, they just keep you real.
I, you know, I end up, I just go back harder at them.
I can't say anything.
Well, you know, yeah, I'm really trying to work on my man tits like you have.
And that's the only way to keep them off you.
Dude, I had another friend, the exact same party.
He was telling me, he was telling this story.
He's going, where are you staying?
I told him the hotel I was staying at.
And he was a construction guy.
He goes, oh, I worked on that.
He goes, crazy story.
We were, we were putting a flagpole or something up.
And he goes, the fucking cable broke.
This guy was underneath directing.
The cable broke and just came slamming down on this guy.
Oh, geez.
And I go, Jesus Christ.
I go, did he die?
And he goes, did he die?
He was in fucking pieces.
And I go, well, what happened?
He goes, oh, guys were puking.
Some people jumped in their truck and drove away.
And they go, oh, his dad was there.
He had a heart attack.
So we're all just sitting there like dead silence.
And then he just out of nowhere, he goes, eh, kid was kind of a douche.
And then he goes, he goes, his dad was a good shit.
And that actually broke the tension and everybody started laughing.
And I just remember thinking like, you couldn't teach somebody.
No.
In an acting class, how to take somebody to such a dark place.
Yeah.
And he sensed it.
No.
He sensed that a laugh needed to come and he knew exactly where to go.
Yeah, he had intuition.
As my friend, I used to be a PA.
I was a production assistant for a long time.
And I worked on this movie, James Dean, in An Invented Life.
James Franco played James Dean.
And this guy, Jason Altieri, who's now a big first AD now.
But he was a PA.
And again, what we're talking about, he had a real Rambo knife.
He got it from the props truck.
And he's just taking chunks out of this tree with it.
And he's just hitting this tree with this giant knife.
Okay.
And we're all kind of sitting there lying.
He's just bullshitting with us.
But he's like, look at this fucking thing.
Wow.
Look at this.
Look, it's really.
It's like an axe.
You know?
Tree standing there like, ow, ow, ow, ow.
And this other guy, Bill Hardy, this big guy walking over.
And he's another PA smoking.
He's like, hey, guys.
And Jason, he's weird.
This kid, he pretends like he's going to stab him.
He just goes, hey, hey.
And he goes, hey, don't fuck it.
That's not funny.
Don't do that.
Yeah.
Don't do that.
That's not cool.
Don't do that.
Jason goes, eh.
So Bill walks away.
The props guy comes over and goes, I have that same knife.
But it's the exact same knife, but it's retractable.
It's plastic.
It's fake.
You know?
And he goes, get it to me.
Get it to me.
So he takes it and he does the best piece of acting I've ever seen.
Just totally calm, pretending to like, you know, cut at the tree, do everything,
just waiting
for Bill to come back.
Bill walks back.
Hey, how's it going?
Hey, how you doing?
And he does the thing.
And he just rears back and stabs him in the chest.
Oh, God.
And Bill goes, why?
Oh, no.
He just screamed.
His reaction was, why?
Like, you just murdered me.
His whole life flashed from front of me.
He legitimately was like, my friend just murdered me.
And we fell down laughing.
We felt bad.
And I've told that story to other people.
And I go, that's horrible.
That's not nice at all.
And I go, I know.
But if you were there, it was the funniest thing I think I'd ever seen.
Because you literally got to see what would your friend do if he died.
What would he do if he died?
He would say, why?
If he got murdered.
But then, Jason, to your point, the reason I thought of it, was that he was
such a good actor.
He was just like, you couldn't have taught.
Like, anybody else, I think you would have got it.
And they would want to run over to him and go, hey, look at the knife.
And then, you know what I mean?
That's what I would have.
I would have taken the knife and walked up to him.
And done it.
But he had the patience.
He had the patience to keep, like, no, no, I have to keep this lie up where he
was pretending to do that.
And we sat there waiting for him for, like, 15 minutes.
And then he kind of would meander back, like, no, we can't call him over.
We can't do this.
Oh, I wouldn't be able to keep a straight face.
I'm the worst.
Hey, when you watch somebody do something like that, as an actor, do you get
something out of that, watching a guy like that?
Yeah, yeah, you kind of go, oh, wow, the patience or so much of it, too, is
just kind of impersonating people or, you know, or doing nothing.
That was the thing he did that was good was he didn't do anything.
Do you know what I mean?
He just was doing what he did before.
And he kind of instinctively knew, like, well, that's how that's the best way
to do this.
Yeah.