Name: Bill Burr TRASHING Women for 8 Minutes Straight
Uploaded: 2024-02-27T16:00:20.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr TRASHING Women for 8 Minutes Straight' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr TRASHING Women for 8 Minutes Straight' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-27. Transcript available.

I really don't trust beautiful women you know why because they're only around
when you have shit
it's like the second you get some if you don't have anything going on you're
just like hanging
out with trolls and shit you know what I mean but the second you get some shit
going on they
come out of the woodwork like oh my god you have some stuff can you buy me some
stuff and then the
second you go broke they're like oh my god I left something over here you know
it's just a real
fucking turn off I don't know you know I just find women that just like uh I
think they're great I
don't want this to come off like I don't come off here like I'm some woman here
because you know
I know I'm a psycho but it's just like I don't know I just find them to be like
relentless
just every day they just they just got to come at you they just wake up they
have an agenda and
they're like these psycho robots that never run out of batteries and every day
just keep fucking
right you got to deal with that every single day hey honey and you literally
you know every day it's
like waves hitting the beach you know every day just eroding a little more your
life away you know
just waking up inch by inch and every day just
why are you hanging out with him he drinks too much
where'd you buy that that's ugly throw it out
so one day you're just hanging out in the middle of a lagoon just floating
there with your baseball cards
you're waving to your friends back on the shore don't get me tickets I still
like sports
oh here she comes here she comes hey honey how you doing
no I'm trying to I'm trying to learn how to how to pick my battles with my girl
you know
it's what I am you know I used to argue all the time I'm just trying to pick
the battles
some days they come at you you just gotta let them go you just let them go and
follow them to
whatever dumb shit they want to do like hey let's go get a picnic we'll have a
picnic you bring the
good bank and you fucking
then other days you just gotta get your hand up you just gotta
just create this perimeter or something for them to bounce off like
you just send that psycho energy in another direction
buy yourself a couple of hours for freedom before they bounce off something
else
they stop coming back
you see my parents
no they're relentless they never stop and there's no reason for them to stop
you know why because you can't hit them
that's what it is think about that there's no physical ramifications for being
an asshole
when you're a woman do you know how much of a how much of a dick I would be if
it was socially
unacceptable to kick the shit out of me dude I would be trashing everybody I
saw
see some big muscle-bound guy I go to the fucking gym slap his protein shake
but I can't do that right every guy has a line and if I cross the line I get
blasted in the face
totally acceptable right but with women there's no line they can just keep
fucking
just keep coming at you
dude they can do stuff worthy of like a suplex and they'll just stand right
next to it
they don't even have the decency to run away
they'll like light your clothes on fire they're like ta-da I did that shit
oh yeah and I was so proud of my work I stuck around to see your reaction
I invited a couple of friends to heckle you as you try to stomp it out with
your bare feet
oh yeah they'll like key your car sign their name Susan did this shit
you're sitting like now can I at least put her in a headlock give her a couple
of
now I feel bad for women that you never get to feel that you guys should
should do it to each other you know just every once in a while
just haul off and just blast one of your friends in the face you know
it's good for you
no I know yeah I know it hurts you know you can't feel your nose your ears are
ringing
but I'm telling you man it clears your head
and it causes you to like evaluate yourself
I swear to god anytime I ever got punched in the face I was always pissed
but at some point during the drive home I'd always be thinking like you know
it's kind of being a dick back there you know
and I really think about it I probably shouldn't have said that last shit you
know
you'd like make that adjustment
sorry just got me on $9,000 to fucking fly here you know what I mean
no offense but there's no Eiffel Tower here I think that's a little pricey
thank you
you're welcome
thank you for not just laughing thank you for verbally letting me know that you
appreciated that
she either has no stairs in her house or someone doesn't know how to walk up
them
at that point
did you call? did you call? look clever!
thank you
that's when she said it
she said it not like I was 10 feet away
she said it like I was downstairs in the rec room
changing the fuse or something
that's not it
no it's done
that's working
alright alright alright alright it's done
it's done
okay
thank you
that's how she said it
can women be funny?
yeah of course
some people have a hard time saying yes though
there's a lot of angry young men on the internet
they're like women can't be funny
you guys just fucking grow up and just sit down and write your own horse shit
and come up with it
start your own fucking show have your own award show
quit waiting around for other people to do shit for you
that's the fucking problem
if you guys had your own big club and I was standing outside of it you'd never
fucking let me in
I'd start my own shit
you guys gotta start your own shit
you got brains in there right?
yes absolutely
so write your own shit and quit your fucking whining
we're all eating a giant shit sandwich out here
nobody cares
I don't care
absolutely
I'm an entrepreneur
I'm a white person
blow the fuck up
it makes no difference
whether you got a dick or a twat
alright?
just do what the fuck you want to do
and hopefully people respond to it
but this fucking horse shit of quotas
and all of this crap
become undeniable
when was the last time you went on stage
and you killed so hard
the person after you bombed?
if you're fucking doing that on a regular basis
people are going to notice
regardless of what you have between your legs
alright?
I've never understood the shame of getting a hooker
people always flip out like
dude you had to pay for it?
just like buddy
I paid for this shirt
what would you rather pay for?
a shirt or a blowjob?
you know what I mean?
it's a no brainer
I'm going to tell you right now man
the only thing that stops me
is sexually transmitted diseases
if it wasn't for like herpes and AIDS and shit like that
I'd be ordering hookers like Domino's
my girlfriend went to a strip club the other night
which I don't have a problem with
I mean she's dating me
I know she's got to look at something
to give her something to think about
right?
but the only problem I had was
she came home
she told me she touched
one of the stripper's dicks
can you believe that ma'am?
she said she touched it
so I go
what do you mean you touched it?
you went like that?
ooh ooh
what is that?
she's like
no I kind of
I kind of went like that
so I was like
well what the fuck
you didn't touch it
you stroked it
so I'm getting this big argument
about what a stroke is
she goes
no a stroke is
down
and then back up again
I go
yeah but that was a stripper's dick
it's twice as big as mine
so once down
is equal to down
and then back up again
she tried to act like
she didn't enjoy it
but it was a great
big stripper cock
and I know she loved it
she definitely loved it
Thank you.