Name: Bill Burr Gets ANGRY at a FLAT EARTHER
Uploaded: 2024-03-08T16:00:14.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr Gets ANGRY at a FLAT EARTHER' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr Gets ANGRY at a FLAT EARTHER' from Fans of Bill Burr on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-08. Transcript available.

All right. Flat Earth. Dear Billy Globehead, fuck you, man. I have a nice head.
I like my head.
You were wondering what the point of believing in the flat Earth would be.
No, what is the point of making me think the Earth is round when it's really
flat?
Why are they lying about that?
This person says, well, sir, no one really knows, but there is billions of
money put into space exploration.
If we can't go out there, where do you think the money is actually going?
You just introduced an entirely different thing.
Now you're saying that there's like a canopy over the Earth, which I have also
heard.
There's some sort of canopy over the Earth and it's flat or whatever.
Anyway, we are destroying the planet at an alarming pace.
The thought of other worlds makes us feel like it's OK.
We will just find a new planet.
How about the fact that they're now admitting that they don't recycle any of
this plastic that you put into the blue bins and no one's going to be held
accountable for that?
Once again, once again, you know, but if you hoard hand sanitizer as an
individual before a pandemic, they're going to come for you.
If you tell the wrong joke, if you tweet the wrong fucking thing as an
individual, they are going to come for you.
But that shit, yeah, no reason, no reason to be journalist.
Any journalists listening to this, legit journalists, you can tell me where to
actually get to read news from journalists that actually, you know, aren't
bought and paid for, like on CNN and Fox News and all this other crap.
All these big newspapers and shit that just tow a company line.
I'm all ears.
Be fun.
Another idea is that we are one small colony isolated from a much larger world.
Look up crater earth theory.
Imagine we live in one crater on the moon and on every other crater, there's a
whole other civilization.
OK, imagine this.
Imagine the fucking earth is round and there is outer space and you can fucking
go out to it.
And we figured out how to do it with monkeys first.
Imagine that.
How about you just fucking go with what they did?
I mean, how many fucking people would you have to fucking keep their mouths?
It's like the NFL as much as like, ah, it's fucking fixed, it's fixed or
whatever.
It's just like there's too many fucking people involved.
The NBA, I believe, 100 percent, 100 percent.
You can, you can, you can, a couple of fouls, you can get the star out of the
fucking game.
You can shave points and stuff like that.
But I think there's been way more fixing of games like boxing.
That guy Bobby Riggs, when he played Billie Jean King, he was a big time gambler.
There's talks that he bet on Billie Jean King and threw the fucking matches,
all kinds of shit.
You know, you got to have like a small amount of people or the umpire or ref
has to have a lot of fucking power.
One or the other.
I don't know.
But the fight game has always been fixed.
Horse racing.
Horse racing is another one.
Anyways, let's keep going here.
Also, do a YouTube search of pilots saying the Earth is flat.
There's tons of people.
There's no way they have their instrument rating.
There's just no fucking way.
There's no way you got your instrument rating and you fucking think the world
is flat.
There's tons of people who ask them and the pilots say, yeah, it's flat.
Well, there you go.
Why would you listen to a scientist when you could listen to a fucking pilot?
Do you understand what a pilot is?
A pilot is just somebody that learned something that somebody else figured out.
Okay?
Truly intelligent people are people that figure the shit out and then put it in
a book in a way that regularly thinking people, I guess,
can understand the information and now take advantage of what they've
discovered.
So, I don't think I would stop at the fucking pilot level.
You know what I mean?
Like, I can make you a cappuccino, an espresso, whatever the fuck you need on
my coffee machine.
I can't design one.
I don't even understand what the fuck is happening.
I just know what buttons to push.
Okay?
I'm getting better at my consistency of my milk, but I can't do any latte art.
You know?
But somebody figured that shit out.
Somebody figured out how to pour the fucking, the steamed milk in there to
build a canvas and then how to make fucking designs.
Somebody figured out how to do that.
That is an incredibly talented, intelligent fucking person.
What do I do?
I look at YouTube videos to figure out how to do it.
So, let me tell you something about those pilots that think the fucking world
is flat.
I don't, I would never fly with them.
You're going to have nut jobs.
You know?
No matter what you're involved in, you're going to have people that, you know,
I was teasing like gun owners.
You know, you know how they love their guns and everything like that.
And I was, I'm not going to do the whole bit, but one of the things I said in
the end of the bit, I go, look, be honest.
Be honest.
I know you love guns and everything, but let's just fucking be honest here.
Every gun owner knows somebody they would not go to the gun range with.
Every pilot knows somebody that they wouldn't fly with.
Every comedian knows a comic that they don't, they would, they don't want to
fucking watch.
You know?
Every doctor knows a doctor they wouldn't go to.
Just is.
So, those fucking guys, those pilots saying the earth is fucking flat and they're
pilots and all of that shit.
Yeah, those are the guys no one wants to fly with.
What else do they say?
Let's see.
Jesus Christ.
And all the ancient people believed in a flat earth.
And the globe pops up into our history books as soon as Einstein and all these
other fuck whistles start making universities
and indoctrinating the masses.
Einstein was a fuck whistle.
All right.
And what are you?
If that's what he is, that's actually not true.
There was people way before that.
It wasn't Einstein.
It was people way before that.
And when they first started suggesting that the earth was round, they would get
killed for doing it by the church.
At first, we used to listen to the church.
The church was science.
And there was the people in the back going like, I don't think this makes any
fucking sense.
And during the week, they were doing experiments and they were routinely
proving that what the fuck these people were suggesting was not true.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There was all kinds of stuff before Einstein.
Like someone was trying to tell me, you know, with this being a leap year, was
saying the Aztecs figured out you needed to add another day once every four
years with the earth traveling around the sun to make it all even out.
And how the fuck they figured that out looking up at the sky and all of that is
unbelievable that they were able to think that is intelligence.
That's some guy that got a pilot's license.
Look at it.
It's fucking flat.
You keep going.
It's just fucking flat.
Anyway, this guy goes, I don't know.
That's the smartest thing you've said in this, sir or ma'am.
Honestly, I don't know what I believe in anymore, but the moon looks a hell of
a lot closer than they tell us.
Stay sane, S-A-I-N, and go diddle yourself.
I love that.
That's another one that people do.
You know, I don't even know what I believe anymore.
I don't even know what I believe anymore.
That's like when there's just as much evidence to disprove and then it starts
mounting that the way you think is wrong, that's the tap up from the other side.
No, it's actually what you're saying has been proven the exact opposite.
Well, I don't even know what to believe anymore, you know?
I mean, it's just as much information that's out there, I can present the exact
opposite thing.
It's like, yeah, on the internet you can because you don't need any sort of
credentials to upload anything.
And there's no libel or slander.
You can fucking say anything.
So that's why I stick with the science.
In the world of science, you have to fucking prove it.
I'm not saying that there aren't corporations paying money to prove certain
things or whatever, yada, yada, yada, all that shit.
But like, you know, nobody's in the business of fucking, you know, you're
selling more widgets because everyone thinks the world's round and we have to
keep this a secret.
That it's actually a flat cereal bowl living in a fucking crater on the surface
of another fucking moon.
The moon looks a hell of a lot closer than they tell us.
How fucking funny is that?
And how big is the moon?
I don't even, we don't, we, this is the age of, you know, people in bars, you
know, finally having a voice to weigh in on things that they know nothing about.
Myself included.
I think I literally just described my podcast.