Name: Tim's Surprise Party w/ Bob Dylan, Pearl Charles & Michael Rault (Ep 237)
Uploaded: 2023-02-03T07:11:32.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tim's Surprise Party w/ Bob Dylan, Pearl Charles & Michael Rault (Ep 237)' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-02-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tim's Surprise Party w/ Bob Dylan, Pearl Charles & Michael Rault (Ep 237)' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-02-03. Transcript available.

Tim's Surprise Party w/ Bob Dylan, Pearl Charles & Michael Rault (Ep 237)

Music playing.
Music playing.
Music playing.
Music playing.
Good morning, good morning, nothing to say of what a day has a boy, then boom.
We are back on the air live.
Good morning, it's February 2nd, Groundhog Day.
And Matt, producer Captain Carlin has an update on the Groundhog Day situation.
Matt, real quick.
Cause Shadow, a lot more winter coming your way.
How come?
Oh my God.
How come?
In my iCal, I use Apple products.
iCal is my calendar.
It's how I keep my life organized.
Why is Groundhog Day not listed as a holiday?
Why don't we have today off because of Groundhogs?
Oh.
A quick note for our tech whiz, Wes, Wes, I'm not seeing anything on my monitor
here, just
so you know if something needs to be read.
Oh, there she is.
It needs to be a national holiday.
What also needs to be a national holiday is we are at the Tim Heidecker's 47th
birthday
eve, folks.
We should have moved the show to tomorrow and make this more, cause now it's
annoying.
People are sending me happy birthday wishes and they really should be doing
that tomorrow.
I don't like this whole, just make it a day, but we're going to make today
special.
I have no idea what's going to happen, what's going to be a big surprise for
you.
It's always a big surprise for you.
You don't get the, you don't get the, the, the script ahead of time.
For Tim's a jolly good fellow, he's a jolly good fellow.
So let me introduce.
Hi, Timmy, happy birthday.
The boy is behind me, causing me trouble now for over, well, Doug's been
causing me trouble.
Boy, it's got to be over 20 years now.
Since you were in your 20s, actually.
20 years ago, 2004, well, almost 20.
Speak up.
You're mumbling.
What are you?
Good horning.
What are you, a, uh, what are you, a Gen X back there?
Yeah, losing my voice.
Are you sick?
Are you sick?
Huh?
You got a little cold?
Healthy, healthy as a horse.
And a newer person in my life, but now it's been years as well as 2015, 13, 14,
13.
13, 13, believe it or not.
Mr. Victor Burger IV.
What's cracking?
Fresh.
I worked on that last night.
Fresh from the set of, uh, Rifkin's Festival.
What's cracking?
Can I give you a note on what's cracking?
Or quick, you should add an egg frying to the air.
Shit, that would be great.
That would be perfect.
But I was thinking...
Let's do our notes off air.
I was thinking, like, nuts, though.
Like, let's get nuts.
What's cracking?
You know what I mean?
That kind of thing.
Yeah, I like that.
And, of course, Captain Carlin, who I've known the longest since, I'm going to
say, 2000.
The year 2000.
Maybe 1999.
We don't know.
Happy birthday, old friend.
Thank you, old friend.
One of the greats.
I'll tell you, we haven't changed.
I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but...
I was giggling a lot.
Captain Carlin.
And you're...
I've known many of you out there for many years now,
and I value your support.
Not so much your friendship.
Let's be just frank.
Support on!
Happy birthday.
But I know you've got my back, and hell, what the hell?
I got your back.
Happy birthday to you.
A little bit of business here.
We've got the Patreon.
Patreon.com slash officehours live is humming.
Lots of opportunities there for you to become a member.
There you go.
Happy birthday, Jim.
That's the second half of the show.
We'll be patrons only, unless you're watching live.
And we welcome you.
We hope you're doing good out there.
I know it's cold in a lot of parts of the country.
Love weather issues.
And it's a bit chilly here, too.
Frank.
We got some other stuff that I know about today.
I tell you what.
So, Victor Berger, late to the party on this, but I'm glad he showed up, is
went down what I would consider a deep, dark, sci-tai rabbit hole the past few
days.
And our text thread has been absolutely bombarded with Scientology gold.
I know.
I feel bad every time I send it, but I'm just so into it.
I go on these long walks, and I listen to his lectures.
LRH.
He says nothing.
Yeah, LRH says nothing at all.
Give me a sample of LRH.
All right, let me see here.
Nick Berger.
Ready?
Touch it again, and touch it again, and touch it again, and touch it again.
Christ almighty.
What a whack job that guy was.
Started a whole religion.
He kind of has Neil Hamburger vibes.
He does.
Totally, totally.
Why?
Well, there goes it.
Oh, Christ almighty.
He was a drunkard, wasn't he?
I don't know if he was.
I don't know.
He's demented on his own without the drinking.
He's a true demented man.
But he's fascinating.
I also want to thank Lyle the Therapy Gecko, who was on our show a few months
ago.
I went over and did his show last night on the Twitch network, and I believe
that's available
everywhere.
But boy, that's a good show he's got, I have to say.
It's a bit of a pain.
Right.
What do you think of that Twitch, though?
Do you like it?
No, I don't.
No?
I don't.
I don't engage with it.
I don't play around with that site.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Sometimes I watch Best Show on it.
Yeah, you can do that.
That's worth it.
You can do that.
But yeah, it was pretty cool.
The only pain in the ass of the whole thing was it was out there, and if you're
familiar
with the L.A. basin, this area that we live in, he's over there, and it's over
there, or
an animal.
I guess an animal can have a gender.
Out there at Marina del Rey.
Do you believe that?
Mm-hmm.
And my call time to get going and getting the makeup over there has got to be,
it was at
5.30, man.
What's he do?
It's like...
It's the L.P.M.
Which is worse.
That's worse.
Does he go sailing out there?
What's he living out there for?
I don't know.
There's a lot of tech out there.
You know what I mean?
There's a lot of tech.
Oh, it's how it is.
Okay.
There's tech everywhere.
Yeah, right.
Yeah, well...
There's tech here.
He's got a nice little simple setup over there, but man, I'm talking traffic
and weather
today, folks.
But it is a broken system here.
It should be...
On the way back, it was like 8 o'clock.
It was a smooth ride.
About a half hour or so.
Beam.
Not bad at all.
But getting there over an hour, slogging through downtown.
And I've got this new problem in my life.
It's been a few months now.
I may have mentioned it, but I've got some...
Oh, I didn't know that was...
Upper back issues, you know?
Upper back, neck issue that is not too bad, but...
Almost immediately kicks in when I'm driving.
Certain position I'm in, I don't know what it is, but as soon as I get in my
car, about
two minutes later, I'm going...
And then I'm like, holy shit.
I've got to sit in the car for an hour with this pain, searing pain.
You've got to get these new...
They make these standing cars where you can stand.
I would...
See?
I prefer standing.
It's kind of like a standing desk.
Stand in your car.
Do they have...
Does anybody...
Does that exist anymore?
I know it doesn't.
I know you're joking, but...
It doesn't, but it should.
It should.
Why not?
Why not?
What's the difference?
It could just be strapped in against a wall.
Strapped in, standing up.
You know?
Well, let's say good morning to somebody, Matt.
I don't care who.
You just throw them in my face, and we will engage, because this is what this
community is
about.
Yeah, let's say hi to our old friend, Annie Sway.
You got something today?
Sway?
Oh my God.
I can feel it in my home.
Well, Tim, did you at least have a good day on set, despite the super early
call time?
Well, you weren't listening.
It was late.
It was 5.30 p.m.
Okay, sorry.
I thought you said a.m.
No.
I've done that before.
Believe me.
You get that 5 o'clock call time for a TV show, and you got to wake up at 4, go
leave your
house and dead at night, dark, still seeing the stars, sitting in a makeup
chair, get all
done up.
Well, who am I to complain?
What a gift.
What a life.
Tim, I heard Puxatoni saw his 5 o'clock shadow.
Thank you.
Doug?
So, Annie, how can I help you today?
I want to know if anyone has tips on chapped lips.
I feel like some chapsticks I use, and they just make my lips worse.
Like, I've got this horrible scab.
Oh.
Right here, Burt's Bees.
Burt's Bees.
No, Burt's Bees don't do it for you?
You got to try Burt's Worms.
He's got these new, these new stuff.
Burt's Worms.
Burt's Worms.
How about Burt's C's?
How about Burt's Ernie's?
I have no tips at all.
I wish I had tips for that.
I've heard good things about that coconut oil.
A little coconut oil on them lips?
Mm-hmm.
Or even olive oil or castor oil.
Loder oil.
Pluck the Vaseline all over that, right?
Do you do drool on the bed face down or do you do face up?
I would say I'm at, like, a 45-degree angle.
Okay.
I feel like sometimes that has something to do with it when your mouth is, like...
Are you chewing on your lip or something?
How does it get, like, that painful?
Like, what happened?
No, I was, like, using a really good brand, like, lip balm.
And then I woke up and I was, like, what the frig is that?
Oh, God.
Maybe it's a cold sore.
Or maybe it's a spider beacon.
Herpes.
I mean, I don't think that's likely based on, you know, my recent track record.
But I'm going to start and I'll report back.
Okay.
Yeah.
I'll tell you, it is, it is, you're in, you're in Southern California.
Is that right?
You're in L.A.?
Yep.
It is, it's dry here.
It's a dry one.
It's dry.
A little humidifier going on, right?
Yeah.
Nothing wrong with that.
That's right.
All right, Annie.
That's all we can do.
I don't have anything else to report.
Let's get ahead of the schedule today and do our...
No, actually, don't lick your lips.
That's another thing they say to not do.
But what if you're hungry and you see some ribs?
I mean, we already got sauce in your lips left over.
I'd love to interrupt, but we have a VIP caller.
Oh, VIP.
Just came in on the hotline.
All right.
Are you there, sis?
Are you there on the hotline?
Hello?
Am I talking to...
Who do I have on the phone here?
Who's this?
Hello?
This is Bob Dylan, greatest singer-songwriter in the world.
Oh, my.
Mr. Dylan.
That's awesome.
This is Mr. Dylan.
I'm calling from Malibu, California, where all the tired horses in the sun are
currently...
They're currently laying down.
Oh, Mr.
Just enjoying the wonderful Southern California sun.
That's incredible, Bob.
Well, let me just start by saying I am a huge...
I'd say you're my number one, or maybe number...
I don't want to hear all that.
I don't need to hear all that.
Well...
I don't need to know about all that.
I don't need to hear it.
I love Batman.
I apologize.
Well, it's incredible that...
Yeah, that's not that I can...
That's a...
You know, if you did such a fireman, that's something I can self-describe.
I don't like what other people do.
I can self-apply that.
But I don't like what other people do.
He can what?
He can self-apply that, he says.
Well, Bob, I saw you last year here in L.A.
That was a terrific show.
I'm a big fan of your latest record.
Pantages Theater.
You know, in the corner of the Pantages Theater, Howard Hughes used to maintain
an office there.
Oh, really?
Howard Hughes had an office there, and he fell on his junk with piss and shit.
And he'd think about big boobies women and draw big planes with big wings and
women with big boobies and never cut his nails.
Yes, Howard Hughes.
Hey, Bob, are you...
You got any new recordings in the works?
You back at it?
You got any albums planned for the future?
You know, people love when I write a 25-minute song that sums up the entire
generation that I come from.
Mm-hmm.
And I've done that.
I've done that already with Murder, Mole, Sal.
Yes.
Which you might remember.
I got in the studio with Fiona Apple, Blake Mills, some of the fellas.
Mm-hmm.
And I recorded some covers of some of the great American standards.
And I've decided that I'm going to be recording a fusion of those two styles
very soon.
And that'll be 38-minute-long versions of Nat King Cole songs, and I'm very
excited about them.
Wow.
Well, we'll look forward to hearing it.
Hey, Bob, who are some of your contemporaries that you just have to say, I love
them?
And I...
And I'm...
You know, because you have no peers, but who are the peop