Name: Neil Hamburger (guest host), Lizzy Cooperman, Major Entertainer (Ep 243)
Uploaded: 2023-03-24T06:08:35.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Neil Hamburger (guest host), Lizzy Cooperman, Major Entertainer (Ep 243)' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Neil Hamburger (guest host), Lizzy Cooperman, Major Entertainer (Ep 243)' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-24. Transcript available.

Neil Hamburger (guest host), Lizzy Cooperman, Major Entertainer (Ep 243)

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never cleared that up uh and then also major entertainer is also here filling
in hello
for vic burger who i guess has relocated with his family
and uh i guess he's doing a song a little later is that so i'm gonna sing a
song this morning i
might do a few too probably not um and you can support the show i'm told i'm
told you can support
the show i'm told and get lots of additional content i think that's just doug
uh peeling
bananas as far as i know it's not it's nothing you really need but if you want
it
go to patreon.com. That's P-A-T-R-E-O-N. They changed the spelling recently. .com/officehourslive.
Now, if you need prescriptions refilled, that's www.Walgreens.com. And you can
also go there
24 hours a day and then you order the prescriptions and the location near to
you. And then you,
when the prescription is ready, you would go pick it up and they do have
drive-throughs and things like that. The drugs do work. Okay. And also- The
drugs do not
enhance performance. I always forget how irritating this is to be here.
It's- I'll go easy on you. It's literally like you're going mad. Like an insane
asylum.
Well, Major Entertainer brought some gadgets that could be even more hair-raising
than a simple
Woody Woodpecker laugh. Let's hear a sample of Mike.
That's cool. I mean, why do we need visuals on this? If it's just a bunch of blips
and blurps,
why don't we just put those in a big file and just make it free for download?
Which may be with Tim
having moved away. Maybe that's where this is all going. We also have, have you
guys heard of
NRG drinks? NRG drinks? NRG. NRG. Is that different than like a, like a Red
Bull?
It's similar, but it's, it's, it's an abbreviation for an energy drink. NRG.
Anybody out there hear of this?
NRG. Well, we have today with us, NRG. NRG. Most reliable guest.
And that's the great Lizzie Cooperman. Thank you. Thank you so much. God gave
me a second chance.
God gave me a second chance to be here on office hours. I was here. I went to
rehab. Learned how to
use headphones. You went to rehab for this? Because of this? For podcasting.
Because of these noises?
Absolutely. Did they clean your ears out? Because this stuff, I swear it leaves
gum in my eardrums.
I know, that's why I'm using the large. Right. Are you listening to something
else and you don't have to
hear this? Yeah. How can you stand this? No, imagine every week. There's a
reboot of Gilligan's Island.
We always talk about that, Gilligan's Island, but they're rebooting it next
year. Get a job there.
You don't need to hear this. Neal, have you ever tried coning where they suck
the wax out of your ear
through a cone? No. Have you done? I've heard good things about that. We did
that when I was away.
We did coning. What did they find? Did they find any coins? They found so many
coins in there.
Notes. I had a cupping. Have you had the cupping? That's awful. I have had cupping,
yeah. Cupping is
awful. I've had acupuncture of the ear. Now when they find the coins, are those
from grandpas that
didn't get them out? Right. When they do the thing? Oh, the trick, yeah. Yeah.
Up the nose. Maybe they
preload it for later coin grabs. Right. We did all of that. We did that when I
was away. I had a winter
malaise. You were working on this pet podcast that you're doing? Yeah. Pet care
podcast? I got to hear
it. You simply must. I love pets, so I'd love to hear how to take care of pets.
We'll get into that.
You can offer some tips if we ever get past these noises. We also have, I guess
I'm supposed to
promote my own tour. That's strange because I didn't pay for this commercial. I
guess I have to promote.
So I have a tour. It's not really a tour. It's just a collection of shows, but
we have it on the screen.
You can't really read it, but that's how we like to do it. Tokyo. You're going
to Tokyo. Is this your
first time there or have you been there before? Many, many times. We go
anywhere a laugh is needed.
And how do they, how do they, um, how do they like your act in Tokyo? Well,
they love it. It's their
favorite thing. I'm about to find out. Yeah. And major entertainers going with
his noises and blips
and bleeps. Exciting. Have you been to Tokyo? I've been to Tokyo, but I've
never brought this stuff.
Oh my God. Yeah, I think they're going to love it. I studied Japanese in high
school, actually. How do you
say, uh, I will have three, uh, roast beef sandwiches, please. Pisa ga skidas
ga? Okay. And then if they
have it, they go, hi, skidas. Hi is yes. Once no. Got you there. Yay. Chigaymas.
She's for real.
Fact check it. Uh, somebody looked that up. All right. And then also, uh, we,
uh, we have Tim,
I guess, well, he's in Europe. They're doing some of these rock and roll
concerts that are also comedy
shows. This is a real variety type of evening and you need to see it. You need
to be there and you need
to get good tickets. Sure. Don't sit in the back. Sure. Sit in the front. Sure.
And, uh, there's tickets
to a few shows. Most of them are sold out. Uh, there are still a few more
tickets to some of the
smaller, uh, regional markets, you know. Oh, hell no, dude. And, uh, so get the
tickets. If you're
anywhere in Europe, he's not, he's not playing in Greece. He's not going to be
there. You need to get on
the plane from Greece and fly to Leeds or wherever it is that he is playing and
see the show because
this is the closest you're going to get. I traveled, I've traveled, uh, some
400 miles once to see the
four tops from Greece to Leeds, 400 miles. So you can do it. Uh, I don't want
to hear any Grecians say,
oh, Tim never comes to our island. Yes, but you need to go to his island when
he is in England.
And that goes for all the European countries. And he also just announced
another tour in the United
States this summer. Who's going to go to that? We're all going to that. Uh, and
you get more info.
Wow. This is why he moved to Europe, to get away from this.
It's best to just plow right through. Well, I can't. I'm sorry. I just, I haven't
been here
in a while and I'm excited to be back. It's your trigger finger. Doug, you've
got a hot,
hot little finger, apparently. Let's see how fast we can hear some kittens mewing.
Go!
What's mewing? It's meowing. Come on.
You're treading into my pet care territory here. No, I don't do a lot of cat
stuff, but I got it.
There we go. What was that? 12 seconds? You went to Tokyo,
but you won't come to Burbank for my pet podcast. I would go on the pet podcast.
Yeah. I want to give
tips to people that are buying these crickets to feed to their snakes. Oh,
right. And the tip is,
fuck you. Because a cricket is a better pet than a snake. You should be buying
snakes to feed to the
cricket. Are you taking those on the road with you? I don't have it. I don't
have crickets. Oh.
But Doug, how quickly can we have the sound of an excerpt of a Phyllis Diller
routine?
That's going to be amazing. He has no talent, but I'm a big fan of the Police
Academy movies. I got
Jerry Seinfeld, if you want that. No, I don't want that. In the meantime. And
he's going to be guest
hosting next week. So get those tickets at timheidecker.com/live, which is also
where you can go to get
tickets by the Reunited Band Live, who I guess are selling tickets on his
website. Last time she
bought a girdle of US rubber went up eight points. There we go. Speaking of
that, aren't we going to,
are you going to announce the little game we're going to play today? I think we're
playing a few games.
We have a whole lot of games. You know, when you get children on the show, such
as myself, you play
children's games. Yeah, we've got some special games. Are we even announcing
that or is that a surprise?
Yeah, let's let them know, sure. I can announce we get Comedy Karaoke. Comedy
Karaoke. We've got a special
spinning wheel. Remember Blood, Sweat and Tears spinning wheel? Well, that
leads into our other game,
which actually features the band Blood, Sweat and Tears. And it's a mix and
match type of game that we're
very proud of. Oh yes, bands then, bands now and then and now. Then and now. So
what we're doing there is
we've got pictures of classic, all your favorite bands, that are now down to
zero original members.
So you have to match the picture of them in their prime with the new version
where there's a zero
member overlap. So you have to rely on your intuition here. And that's coming
later. Blood,
Sweat and Tears is, it's really hard to Google now because there's a song by
BTS, which is a K-pop
band called Blood, Sweat and Tears. Oh, is there? Are we playing that or are
they? So they just wiped
out all the Blood, Sweat and Tears searches. Well, people also look for that
when they're looking for
something to eat. Blood, Sweat and Tears. Oh, okay. Or when they're looking for
tickets for a Neil
Hamburger concert. Exactly. And there's a lot of tears sadly. Uh, what is this?
Am I supposed to do
something? Yeah, you want to let's, should we check in with some of the
audience maybe? Only the positive
ones because I cannot take some of the negatives. Negative Nellies. Right,
right. Come on and say,
I don't like your show. You want to talk to the boss here? Bruce Springsteen.
Yeah, I'll talk to
Bruce Springsteen. Boss, are you there? Can you unmute? Can I see this boss?
Hey, everyone.
Welcome. You don't look like Bruce Springsteen. Hey folks, welcome. You
actually have a goggle
suntan. Were you in a tanning booth recently? Oh my god, yeah, you're right.
That was from,
yeah, I had goggles on all day yesterday. Really? Yeah. Where were you
underwater or what do you do?
No, above, I was above ground. Oh, okay. Skydiving goggles? Uh, like the
swimming goggles. Okay.
Boss, I've got a question for you. I've got a question for you. What is it that
you have that's so special
so that these guys let you talk without interrupting with all these noises, yet
when the host of the show
is talking, it's this barrage of sound? And they stopped completely when you
showed up. Are you really
the boss? That is such a great question. Yeah, that's why I made that my name.
Okay. I had to establish dominance. Yes. Here we go. Go crazy. Here we go. Go
crazy. Go stupid. Who cares?
Are you okay, Mr. Hamburger? Are you having fun? Uh, yeah, we're working on it.
Okay. Are you making a
sandwich? No, I got microwave, microwaveable noodles for breakfast? Stouffers?
That looks like
stouffers. Wait, wait, what was that? Yeah, it's pretty, yeah, it's, it's
actually, it's organic,
it's organic, um, microwavable treats. Why would you cook when you're on this
program? Why would you
choose that time to cook your food? Why don't you cook before or after? I have
something to talk about.
More of his dominance asserting. Yeah, exactly. No respect. Okay, well, that's
all I got, guys.
That's very stellar. Wait, did you, did you ask a question or anything or what
was that? Yes, I asked,
I asked Neil Hamburger if he was doing okay. Oh, okay. Because I'm worried, I
just,
he seems so upset all the time. Well, it's because of people like you. What did
I do? I'm not
interrupting you. This guy calls in with nothing, nothing at all. And this is
our first caller.
I had so much, I talked to you about my goggles. How about somebody calls up
and asks about the
War of 1812 or something that we can actually talk ab