Name: Brandon Wardell & Jamel Johnson, Janet (aka Edy Modica) (Ep 247)
Uploaded: 2023-04-28T06:10:34.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Brandon Wardell & Jamel Johnson, Janet (aka Edy Modica) (Ep 247)' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Brandon Wardell & Jamel Johnson, Janet (aka Edy Modica) (Ep 247)' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-28. Transcript available.

Brandon Wardell & Jamel Johnson, Janet (aka Edy Modica) (Ep 247)

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Now I'm getting excited.
Now, now, now, now I'm getting excited.
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I, I, I, I, I knew!
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Turning me on!
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Now I'm getting excited.
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Hey everybody, welcome to Office Hours Live!
Hello!
Tim Heidecker reporting for duty.
It is April 27th.
The year is 2023, make a note of that.
10 a.m. here on the West Coast.
And noon in Chicago, of course.
1 p.m. over there in Baltimore, and other places on the East Coast.
I am coming to you on a beautiful, just been pleasant as hell, mid-70s sunshine.
Couldn't be happier.
It's pre-mosquito season.
I haven't gotten bit once, baby.
And that's the good stuff.
And we are going to have a wonderful show today.
A wonderful, wonderful show.
Let me welcome my co-host.
Thank you, too.
Stan, sitting behind me, Mr. DJ Doug Pound.
Good morning.
Good morning.
Bruh.
And Mr. Victor Burger IV will come to you.
Aloha, ha, ha.
Let's have jokes and have fun.
Okay.
Can we turn the bed music off?
It's distracting.
Shut up.
Let's try that again.
Oh, now you've got notes about the mix?
Aloha, ha, ha.
Let's laugh and have fun.
Okay, and Captain Carlin is here.
G'day, mate.
G'day.
There's a lot of chaos.
There's a lot of stuff going on right now.
Here.
Doors are opening and closing.
And one of our guests isn't here, but we have two guests.
And by me saying one of our guests hasn't arrived yet,
I think you've already jumped to the conclusion, if you're using your head,
that means, that can only mean one thing.
One of our guests is here.
And that's Jamel Johnston.
Jamel, welcome to the program.
It was good.
Thanks for having me.
Thanks for allowing me to hug you when I walked in, too.
That was a bit much.
Hey, there.
Oh, now speak of the devil.
There he is.
The slacker in chief.
Hi.
Brandon Wardell has just arrived.
Good to see you, Brandon.
Very embarrassing for you.
Shame on you.
I'm ashamed.
What happened?
Let's go through this.
What time did you go to bed?
He's got a bad relationship with time.
I went to bed early.
I went to bed early.
Brandon doesn't do time.
That's his thing.
I think the bagel pushed me over.
What bagel?
You had a bagel last night?
This morning.
Okay.
I thought, okay, I'll have a healthy breakfast before I come in here.
Bagel's not a healthy breakfast, but go ahead.
There was healthy stuff on the bagel.
What?
Cucumber?
Tomato?
Red onion?
Tomato?
White fish?
Wox?
So you go to a bagel place?
Yes.
Thinking that you're just going to roll in there and no line.
Why would there be a line?
It's got to be the trendiest bagel place in town.
No, no, no.
What are you going to?
Einstein's?
It's the number three most trendiest bagel places.
Maury's Bagels.
Maury's Bagels.
Maury's Bagels.
Yeah.
I'm sorry.
And you get there and it's a line out at the door, right?
It's not.
You know, I did a pickup.
You ordered it on your app?
Maury's got an app.
Tim, I'm sorry.
I don't even have the Maury's app on my phone.
I wanted to come in here for soundcheck.
What time did you, where's this Maury's Bagels?
It's, uh...
En route?
It's en route.
I don't know where it is.
I don't know where your Maury's Bagel is.
I go to Bell's Bagels, fool.
I got a different bagel.
Yeah.
Well, that's a whole other scene over there.
You know what I'm saying?
Which is madness.
Oh, sorry, we're sold out.
Yeah.
What are you doing here?
Oh, hey, we only got salt left.
Yeah.
Oh, good looks, dude.
Thanks for nothing.
I like it.
You do salt?
I like a salt and pepper bagel.
Really?
Oh, shit.
Okay, so let me...
I'm gonna get through the granular here.
Yes.
So Maury's Bagels, where are you coming from?
What part of town?
Silver Lake.
Very cool.
I'll give my address on the...
Put it on Patreon.
Under the paywall.
Put it on Patreon.
Under the paywall, I'll drop the address.
That's love, man.
So you...
So Maury's Bagels is over there in Silver Lake.
Yeah.
So you go...
Yeah.
Give me...
How much time do you give yourself for that bagel stop?
I would say like 10.
Woohoo!
I don't know.
Woohoo!
I don't know.
No.
Sorry, 10 minutes?
It's 30 minutes or less.
Not for a delicious bagel.
Not for a very delicious bagel.
Yeah.
I was eating the...
I picked up the bagel.
I'm walking...
Yeah.
I'm eating it as fast as I can.
Coffee with that?
Wolfing it down.
Yeah.
What kind of coffee are you getting?
It's just the normal coffee.
Nothing fancy.
You're not asking for something that's going to take 20 minutes.
Yeah.
No, no, no.
Always forgive them.
You know how...
I'm a big, big, big Office Hours fan.
Listen.
I didn't want you sitting around here for 20 minutes before the show started
anyway.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Thank you.
You know, straight into it.
Live.
Live.
You know Vic?
Yes.
No, I know all of these folks.
I know you know Doug.
Yes.
Have you tried Courage bagels?
They got the $17 bagel.
Oh, yeah.
They're really...
Come on.
Really?
It's a...
It's a real hit in town.
Lenders.
I go Lenders bagels.
Take them out of the freeze.
Yeah.
Straight to business.
Yeah.
Lenders.
There's got to be a brick and mortar Lenders.
You think it started that way?
Yeah.
There's got to be one Lenders.
And they were like, let's freeze them.
And put them in the freezer section.
Oh, I know what happened.
I messed with that.
Didn't I, Luke?
We have pizzas.
We have 300 hamburgers.
Oh, yeah, Doug.
I mean, I texted Doug ahead of time for a drop.
He made a drop.
You might as well have texted a Nigerian scammer.
I mean, what's the point of texting Doug?
He ain't looking.
No, yeah, you have it.
You have it, right?
He's not following through what you're requesting.
You're bad with the text, too?
I'm bad with the text, too.
I ain't gonna lie, man.
Doug, do you have it?
My phone's always on silent.
I'm doing a terrible job responding to texts.
Really?
See, I have such contempt for people like you and you.
I'd be trying my best, man.
I just feel like...
How about show a little respect?
I'll call you right back.
If you text me, I'll call you right back.
You call?
I'll call you.
I do not want to talk to you.
See, that's the thing I'm trying to get on the right thing.
Do you use the reaction thing where you do a thumbs up or a love?
Yeah.
Do you use that as an end of conversation?
It can feel dismissive.
Sometimes, yeah.
I feel like it's how I wrap things up.
Yeah, a thumbs up feels a little.
Or love.
I send a lot of love.
Too much love.
With love, I'll talk to you later.
I've gotten some passive-aggressive thumbs up.
Stenson received.
Do you have the read?
I do not have it on.
I have my read on.
Why you got the read on?
I hate that.
Well, now you know I didn't see it.
You know I don't got my phone next to my body.
But then I look at it and then I read it.
I'm going to work on mine.
I'm too much of a responder.
What?
I'm too on it.
I'm putting it away.
Stay on.
Thank you, Tim.
I'm on a Do Not Disturb situation right now.
Sometimes I'll be in situations where I can't have my phone.
I'll just take three hours to just watch CBS.
I would like to request all our live listeners to put their devices on Do Not
Disturb
because you're not going to miss a second of the show.
Good job.
I know what it is.
I want to just get, can I just do a little business?
Please.
And you guys are here because, well, we're friends.
I've never met you, but we're hitting it off almost immediately.
Yeah, no, things have been good.
It's kind of something special.
I thought I had blown it with the hug thing, but we rebounded.
I missed the hug thing.
I think I almost, I felt like I was.
You kind of might have brought it.
I thought I, because I wanted it so bad.
I was like, maybe I'm bringing this.
Wow.
I want to feel this guy's muscles.
I think we met in the middle there.
That's nice.
You guys have a podcast.
Yes.
A podcast.
Yeah, we're doing some podcasting.
What is that?
The Brandon Jamel show.
It's me and.
BJS for short.
If you don't have the time to say it.
Yeah, it's me and him.
And you know, the, the old, the old administration ended.
I had, I had an old podcast.
You guys have all.
I've been on it.
Been on it a couple of times.
A couple of times.
And now.
It's a new era.
You know, it's a new era.
It's a new administration.
Okay.
I mean, it's me and Jamel.
How do you know Jamel?
How did this question happen?
10 more years.
DC comedy.
We started together.
Okay.
No one since I was but a boy.
He was a child.
I was 23.
What's the age difference here?
How old are you if you don't mind me asking Jamel?
I'm 35.
I'm 35.
Okay.
Still a young boy.
Yeah.
Not a, not a problematic age gap.
Things are okay.
And now I want to ask you how old you are, but can you rent a car?
I'm 30 years old.
30 years old.
Believe it or not, man.
He's telling people that too.
It's true.
30 years old.
What would happen if you applied for a mortgage on a house?
I wouldn't have the money for it.
I see.
I wouldn't have it.
These are tough times.
Yeah.
They would ask you how you found the papers.
In this market?
I know.
In this economy?
We'll be right back.
Did you get the gotta have them ribs?
He just played it.
It was under us talking, but I didn't hear it.
Let me hear it.
Gotta have them ribs.
And pussy too.
There it is.
Is that Obama?
Yeah, yeah.
It's real.
It's an excerpt.
This is pre-AI.
He's quoting something.
This is real Obama.
He's quoting his book.
It's an excerpt from his book.
He's talking about a guy on the bus who is explaining why he cannot adhere to
Muslim rules.
Oh, I see.
Oh.
Oh, I got you.
Yeah.
Okay.
Gotta have them ribs.
And pussy too.
And pussy too.
The dramatic pause is very good.
I added a little extra pause.
Yeah, you did.
I like that.
Alright, let me just say something.
First of all, Matt, can I get some...
Are you still in the muck over there?
Oh, yeah.
What do you need, boss?
I need the teleprompter to be up with the copy that I have to read for the show's
information.
For all the information.
Oh, okay.
You see what I mean?
Yes, I do.
I've got this beautiful new teleprompter and it's black.
It's black.
No offense.
It's just...
The screen is black, Jamel.
I don't know what y'all see, man.
I'm looking at notes and...
Well, okay.
That's not what I need to read.
Nothing really.
I hope you're watching us on youtube.com/officehourslive.
If you happen to be watching this on Tim Heidecker's channel, get out of your
own ass.
Get off my channel and move to this stupid new channel.
And that's where we're happening.
I think next week is the last week we'll stream on the Tim Heidecker channel.
Do you understand any of this YouTube crap?
We're trying to figure it out.
We're trying to figure it out right now.
We just started...
I was an audio only man.
The old administration.
Yeah.
Now we've got to do...
Now I've got to figure out YouTube.
I don't talk about my ass.
I don't know what I'm doing.
But we're doing it on YouTube.
There you go.
But it's a bunch of...
It's an uphill climb.
It's mostly fun.
It's a real racket.
I don't think it's a racket.
I think that's unfair.
I mean, I like...
You know?
I would be remiss to not remind you that the Two Tims tour is back on the road.
That's at timheidecker.com/live.
That's this summer, late July.
We're starting up there in Monterey, California.
John Steinbeck territory.
Thank you, thank you, Tim.
Heading on down the coast.
Heading all over the country.
We're going to be in New Orleans.
We're going to be in fucking Tampa.
All right.
Can you imagine that?
Me and Tampa.
I've been in Florida in 20 years.
I haven't been there doing shows.
Hitting the zoo?
Nope.
Wise.
Wise.
Going to see the Rays.
Okay, hey.
Rays are killing it.
I love the ALE's baseball talk.
You do?
Of course.
Because you're an Orioles guy.
See the hat.
I wish them the best.
They're doing good.
We're having a nice couple of weeks.
And I'm sure the trains will fall off the track soon.
Sure.
Them and the Pittsburgh Pirates.
These are classic spring teams.
Yes.
They don't really make it.
Come out hot.
Yeah.
And people get injured.
Once it gets to June, everybody's got problems.
Yeah.
A couple of baby mama issues.
Now the coa