Name: Ben Berman, Malibu, Vic Berger III (Episode 251)
Uploaded: 2023-05-26T00:00:10.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ben Berman, Malibu, Vic Berger III (Episode 251)' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ben Berman, Malibu, Vic Berger III (Episode 251)' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-26. Transcript available.

Ben Berman, Malibu, Vic Berger III (Episode 251)

I like having fun. I like to laugh. I like to meet people who can make me laugh.
Louder? Hold on.
This is what people want!
Can you hear me now?
I'm a dog! I'm a dog! I'm a doggy!
Go crazy!
What else?
Can I scream this one?
Well, what am I?
Frog!
Ribbit! Ribbit! Ribbit!
Oink! Oink! Oink! Oink! Oink!
Doug!
Pig!
Why?
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why?
Because!
Because!
Because!
All right!
Ladies and gentlemen, we're going to get the show started because we all have a
five-minute
show today.
I got to get going.
We do not have time to do the show in full today.
Chicken quiet!
Piggy!
Come on, Piggy!
Nice!
I'm just kidding.
We're going to have a great show.
It is Office Hours Live!
Starring Tim Heidecker.
I'm joined by DJ Doug Pound.
Good horning!
And Victor Burger the fourth!
It's Thirsty Thursday.
What's up, everybody?
Sitting behind Victor Burger is Victor Burger the third!
Pounding!
Pig's Daddy Boy!
Grr, baby!
Grr, baby to you!
Grr, baby!
Happy to have you on the show today!
Thank you!
Good to be here!
Coming in from Bedlam, Pennsylvania!
Bedlam, yep!
Bedlam!
And here to see the grandkids!
Yep!
Grandkids!
Going to the first baseball game tonight!
It'll be great!
We're happy about the helicopters at 4 o'clock in the morning!
Circling around!
I didn't ask!
No, you don't care!
You didn't ask your happiness levels!
Okay, well...
Vic...
Watch it!
What did I say to you when you walked in this morning?
Oh, no!
Here he is!
That's what I said!
I said, "Oh, no!"
I said, "Oh, no!"
I said, "Oh, no!"
Okay!
Well, you're, you know, you're a handful, Mr. Burger.
And you got a handful of a son, by the way.
Oh, I know that!
What a handful!
Hooray!
I want you to do something for me before we begin the show.
What's that?
Because you don't do it enough.
What's that?
I've been told.
Why?
Turn, look at your son.
Look him in the eye.
Say, "I love you."
I love you.
Oh!
Oh!
Okay.
All right.
Vic, tell your dad you love him.
Look him in the eye!
Sorry.
I love you.
I love you.
Oh, that's nice.
That's nice.
I'll give you $5 later.
This is the Pennsylvania way.
It's always, it's very cold.
It's very, it can't be too, it can't be too emotive.
You gotta, even if you say, "I love you," you're like, "Yeah, I'll pay you
later for that."
You know, like, you gotta be undercutting your sincerity at all times.
I love Batman.
That's where you get the old, that's where the style of humor that I weighed in
comes from.
That's where I, that's how I grew up.
Everything's ironic.
Everything's with a wink.
I love you too, my queen above 18.
I still got my mirror on Doug, by the way.
Doug, can we see you this morning?
It doesn't change.
I gotta get a picture.
You did it last week.
What is this, Groundhog's Day?
I forgot.
Tim, can you give me a look in there?
You never do nothing with these pictures.
Well, I'm doing my show.
You're doing my, I'm doing my-
I'm doing, I have my own show over here.
Speaking, there's a gentleman here in the office who has been giggling.
And I gotta tell you, there's nothing that gives me more joy and pleasure in my
life than making this one laugh.
Aww.
Because it's part of the secret.
It's the, the Tim and Eric's secret, I believe, is in that, is in the
relationship I have with this man.
And I think he knows what I'm talking about.
But, but, but this is not just a giggling man, you know.
It is acclaimed, acclaimed documentarian Benjamin Berman.
Ben, not Benjamin Button.
No, not Benjamin Button.
Not Benjamin Button.
It'd be cool to have him on the show.
Yeah.
Benjamin Button now streaming on Netflix.
Yeah, probably.
Thanks for having me, guys.
Ben Berman doing a documentarian bit right now.
Sorry.
And you'll get this reference when you see the documentary, the American Gladiator
documentary.
Thank you for the full title.
A lot of people just end with like, the American Gladiators or something.
Um, not a, not a-
Right?
Not an incredibly inventive title, but that's sort of your trademark is your-
Why not?
It's like, let's say exactly, speaking of irony, this is, this is what it is.
Exactly.
I think people can try to be very like creative, uh, and miss the mark cute
with, uh-
Waco.
American apocalypse.
No one needs that stuff.
Just, it's a documentary about this.
Right.
The Waco documentary.
Uh, I, I would prefer that they stay away from, from that, but, but I think it's
kind of my thing.
It is.
And if you see the documentary, you'll see that Benjamin Berman is almost like
a Michael Moore.
Oh, I'm sort of like a Jiminy, Jiminy, uh-
Cricket.
Cricket.
No.
Jiminy Glick.
Glick.
Don't you think you're a little bit like Michael Moore?
Yeah.
I think I asked the tough questions.
You insert yourself in the documentary in certain ways.
I think that's probably the most accurate way to say it.
Cause no one asks me to be in these things.
Right.
I just say, this is.
Well, we're following your journey, uh, the journey, uh, towards truth.
Yeah.
Uh, and we see your, your, as almost like an investigative reporter, uh, trying
to, trying
to peel back the layers, peel the onion skin away to get to the truth of the
matter.
That's, that's, that's certainly, uh, an element of the American Gladius
documentary,
as well as the amazing Jonathan documentary.
My first documentary.
Not so much the evening with Tim Heidecker documentary that you made.
Well, I would, I would argue that actually you, there was a lot of truth given.
Uh, the audience receives a lot of truth.
I am a truth teller.
Via your, your comedy.
My commentary.
And the B camera was just purely, you know, close and truthful.
Oh yeah.
Good stuff.
Well, Ben's going to be with us all show.
Uh, I can't, I watched the documentary last night.
Usually don't do the research when I have guests on.
I want a slow zoom on me.
Yeah.
Put that drone on.
Slow zoom on me.
Slow zoom on Tim.
Wes, is this, what's the director's name?
Wes?
Yeah, Wes.
He's got it.
He's doing it.
He's doing it.
Looks good.
Watch the documentary.
I usually don't do that with guests.
I usually don't do the research.
Don't listen to the music.
I don't watch what they're here to promote.
What are you saying?
I did.
Thank you.
And I thought, you know what?
I'm going to watch.
Oh, it's, it's a long motherfucking doc.
I got a long doc.
It's two parts.
I got a long doc.
I got a long doc.
I got a long doc.
I got a long doc.
I got a long doc.
I got a long doc.
Cut that out now.
Dragon again.
No.
Yeah.
Some would say it's too long.
Cumbersome.
I got drawn in.
Cool.
Luckily I had nothing going on.
And if you did, it would have not been watched.
Covering, recovering from a cold.
I'm going to get this out of the way right now, folks.
It hit me like a ton of bricks.
Monday.
Where's that drop?
Where's that?
The cold, not the doc.
Didn't hit you hard.
No, the doc.
The doc hit you hard?
No, the cold.
Yeah.
Give me a, give me a, it hit me like a ton of bricks.
Come on, man.
Tight with that.
You got to get tight with that.
One more time.
Take it back.
Hold.
And if you're ready.
It hit me like a ton of bricks.
Hold on.
I'm trying to be ready.
No, guys.
The drone.
The dark drone.
Oh, I got it.
No.
Okay.
The one that, I'm doing a call back.
Yeah.
All right.
Now reset.
Ready?
Stop.
Back to one.
Stop the drone.
Stop the drone.
Okay.
It's a.
You're going to hit it on my line.
Vic, you just.
Can you do something about your son?
No.
Set back to one.
Back to one.
Roll sound.
It hit me like a ton of bricks.
Thank you.
Fuck.
Woke up.
We don't need that.
Oh, I thought you were trying that apart again.
Why?
What does that have to do with anything?
I thought you wanted to sound like the bricks.
Oh, that's actually a good idea.
Right?
Let's try that.
That's a brick falling.
The whistle?
Yeah.
That's the bricks falling.
No.
If you have an impact.
Yeah.
I'll do that.
I'll do that.
Drone.
Ton of bricks.
Hit me like a ton of bricks.
Monday woke up.
Sore throat.
Yeah.
Stuffy.
Yes.
Congested.
Right.
I said fuck.
I haven't had a cold in four years.
And it wasn't COVID.
I don't know.
You didn't joke.
I'm not fucking testing for COVID anymore.
It's over.
Yep.
I know it's not COVID.
I'm not fever.
I know what a cold is.
This is our bubble.
Sure.
Who gives a shit.
Hmm.
No more lockdown.
Yeah.
No more government.
No more government.
Yeah.
No more government.
Yeah.
I'm over it.
But man oh man.
Yeah.
The problem with it is.
I can't get any good sleep.
Because I keep waking up.
The other night.
Snot dripping out of my nose.
Fluids.
And waking me up.
Right.
When it hits my skin.
Yeah.
That'll keep you up.
Yeah.
It keeps me.
It doesn't keep me up.
It wakes me up.
Pay attention.
Okay.
You ever have that happen to you?
The snot dripping out of your nose.
It wakes you up in the middle of the night?
No.
But my wife worked with somebody who used to work in LA.
At the school bus.
Got it.
And um.
He is a kid.
He's a kid.
who used to work in L.A. at the school bus.
Got it.
And he's an aide, so he's driving along in a special ed school bus,
and one kid sneezes in the back, and his nose was yellow, green,
all kinds of stuff coming out.
The bus driver said, here's some tissues, take it back to him.
He goes back, and the kid next to him leans over and goes,
sucks it all up.
So he says, you don't need the tissues anymore.
Yeah, well.
That's pleasant.
Good story.
Thanks for being here.
Matt, you asked, is everything okay over there?
Yeah, I'm trying a new thing where I promote the show during the show.
I'm on Instagram.
Okay.
I'm making links.
Well, focus on the show at hand.
I want to take a call.
Yes, I'd love to.
I want to take a call, a Zoom, and just say, hello, good morning.
Here is the first Zoom of the day is actually a celebrity Zoomer, Aaron,
from the teeth.
Whoa.
Oh, damn.
Oh, surprise.
Surprise, surprise.
He's a silly guy.
Hello.
Hey, you hear me?
We hear you.
Can you guys hear me?
Oh, there he is.
Wow.
Hey, Aaron.
Nice to meet you.
I got to be honest.
Nice to meet you, Tim.
I thought it was your brother.
Hey, everybody.
Hey, Vic.
What's up, Aaron?
Hey, Aaron.
How are you?
Long time no see.
I know.
It's been a while.
What are you, an Instacart?
You took me a big camping one.
What are you doing?
Instacart deliveries?
How cool is this?
Looking good.
Yeah, going door to door.
What's up, man?
Congrats on the band getting back together.
Oh, thank you.
Congrats on the 30 by 30.
That's great.
Thank you.
I love that Pistons one they did.
Ah, not familiar.
I got the Pistons in the A.
I'm not much of a sports fan, but yes.
The Bo Jackson one, too, is really fun.
Yeah, all the 30 by 30s are great.
Should we list them?
Now, are these going to be in theaters?
Can you go to the movie theater to see it?
I'm just curious.
We're not doing the interview with Tim right now.
Oh, I thought you wanted to talk to him.
First of all, when do we do the interview with me?
We've been, well, I'm doing it.
I'm going to prohibit you from talking to the guests.
Well, Aaron, I know.
Well, I set this up, but I thought he would want to say hi.
I definitely want.
I'm so happy to say hi.
Welcome to the new show that I'm really proud of.
It's called saying hi to people that know each other.
It's a way to connect people from around the country and the world.
Let me talk to Aaron a little bit.
Let me talk to Aaron.
Let me go around just so I want to see how everybody's doing.
Go ahead.
Talk to Matt first.
How are you, Matt?
I'm pretty good, man.
Just kidding.
You don't have to answer that.
No, you guys don't like that.
Can I just reign this in for a second?
And so people understand, you were in a band called The Teeth that started out
of Philly?
Out of Philadelphia?
Philadelphia, yeah.
What years are we talking?
What years were you guys active?
Early 2000s.
2000 to about 2008 or so.
You broke up.
Broke up.
Why'd you break up?
Yeah, get into it.
Why'd you break up?
Just wasn't working?
A million reasons.
It just wasn't working anymore.
It needed to like start a family and stuff.
You know, you grow up.
Yeah, yeah.
It's like in her 20s.
It's the way to go.
Then...
Hold on.
All the usual r