Name: Scott Rogowsky, Mike Adams At His Honest Weight (Episode 267)
Uploaded: 2023-09-14T21:30:10.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Scott Rogowsky, Mike Adams At His Honest Weight (Episode 267)' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-09-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Scott Rogowsky, Mike Adams At His Honest Weight (Episode 267)' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-09-14. Transcript available.

Scott Rogowsky, Mike Adams At His Honest Weight (Episode 267)

Well, you wanna woo-woo?
Well, I like having fun.
I like to laugh.
I like to meet people who can make me laugh.
Uh-oh. Last night.
I like having fun. Yes, I like having fun.
Last night I had a dream.
A what?
Last night I had a dream.
A what?
A dream.
But why?
I've been taking little melatonins,
gummies to go to sleep,
and they've activated my dream mind
What are you doing?
to a very, very, very intense degree.
I dreamed
that I had been cast
on Saturday Night Live.
How could this have happened?
I was in the room.
I had clarification
that I was only cast as an actor.
I would not be in the writer's room.
I was filled with anxiety
as my first live show approached.
Would I fail like
Tim Robinson?
Or other
one season
cast members?
Tim Robinson was there.
Why?
There's no affiliation
with the show anymore.
Only his legacy.
I met the director
and the director
let me know
how the show was gonna go.
I said something I would have said
to Ben Berman back in the awesome show days.
I said, "I'm gonna play to you.
I am going to
try to make you laugh."
What he said
I don't remember.
It was not reassuring.
It did not make me feel
wanted.
It did not make me feel
like I was in a safe place.
And I knew
that this experience
would be a
ultimate
failure for me.
And it would have become
the worst decision I ever made.
Then I woke up
because we got a show to do
ladies and gentlemen.
Good morning.
Oh, thank you.
Doug, why do we dream?
The point.
Why do we dream?
I'm trying to rest.
I'm trying to get out
of my own head
and go away for a while.
And there I am going through
a whole fucking miniseries.
A soap opera.
It's like, give me a break.
Can I get a break?
Good morning to you.
How was your dream night?
Good horny.
Dick, why do we dream?
We dream because our mind
gets bored when it's sleeping.
Wrong answer.
Good morning to you.
Good morning.
How are you?
I'm doing wonderful today.
I'm having a great day.
All right.
And we've got Captain Carlin here.
Hello.
And in studio.
Great energy from you guys
this morning.
Positive.
It truly is.
Matt trying to get advice about how to get out of jury duty this morning.
I said, buddy, it's your civic duty.
The government doesn't ask for much.
They ask you to pay your taxes and judge others.
They take those taxes north of Richmond and who knows what they do.
Well, I say do it.
You know, chances are you're not going to get picked because of your dull mind.
But you didn't get any of the advice that you wanted to.
Everyone's like, yeah, I did it.
Yeah, we did it.
I want it.
You want to hear like, how do you not do it?
Weaseling out.
Well, it's karma, man.
You want to have a, you want to have smart cookies on your jury when you go,
when you go in.
I want dummies.
I can fool.
In studio.
The great Scott Rogowski is here.
Hello.
Good morning to you.
Good morning.
Temple pride.
You know, I mean, it's for the cause.
It's really for Bill.
I didn't know there's any other affiliation.
Oh, no, I went to Temple.
Oh, you did?
Yes.
Oh, okay.
I rep it every day for the man who did his time.
So he's out?
Is he out?
I don't know.
Is he still blind?
I think he got his sight back miraculously.
Miraculously, yeah.
No, Scott's here.
If you don't know Scott, you're a dimwit.
It was 20 years ago today!
Do you ever meet him?
The cause?
Do you ever meet him?
Yeah, you.
I can't-- with your glasses.
No, I can't.
I know I have my sunglasses on for some reason.
Yeah, I thought he was blind here.
No, I never met Bill Cosby.
Why would I meet Bill Cosby?
Well, I never met Bill Cosby.
Maybe he gave me my diploma.
He gave me my diploma, too, up at Berkeley.
No.
Yes, he did.
I swear to God.
I probably told this story.
He did that racket.
The commencement speech racket for a while.
He just did.
And he showed up in a full sweatsuit.
That's what you're going to do when you graduate.
See?
You're going to get out there, and you're going to get a job.
Because there ain't no jobs.
See?
But you know, the girl in front of me, when she went to get her diploma, she
said, "Can
I give you a kiss?"
Mmm.
Oh, I love that.
And she kissed him.
Why do you think I do this?
Mmm.
Pudding pops.
I swear to God.
Mmm.
Pudding pops.
Why do you think I do this?
Into a microphone.
If not for the kissing and the little bit of kissing, see?
Those honorary degrees.
Imagine how many honorary degrees that guy has stacked up.
He's got a whole room of them.
Now, Scott, back in what years are we talking now?
2008?
7?
8?
What?
For HQ?
2007, 8?
Yeah.
The pandemic has certainly shifted everyone's sense of time.
It's late, as early, as more recent.
It was more 2017, 18.
Aha!
Yeah, that makes a lot more sense.
Yeah, yeah.
I have no, I mean, the dates I know are 2001.
Right.
Space Odyssey.
2001, World Trade Center collapse, 9/11.
Then everything gets, like, you could tell, ask me when the Iraq War was.
I would say 2004.
That was, yeah, till last week.
Yeah.
But I don't remember in my own life when anything happened.
It's not about number ones.
I don't know when I was married.
Or number twos, or number threes.
I kind of know when my kids are born, because you have to add that information
to so many legal disclaimers these days.
Yeah.
But you seem like the kind of guy, because we talked a little bit a month ago
or so at that show when we met.
Yeah.
You don't dwell on the past.
That seems to be a theme.
I look forward.
You look forward.
You're on the cutting edge.
You're always moving the ball forward.
Yeah.
Interest to it.
I don't respect that about you, because I'm someone who dwells in nostalgia.
You do.
I do.
And I told you I have no interest in that.
You have no interest.
I don't know why I have you booked.
Right.
I mean, how can I be relevant to you at all?
On any level.
At any level.
I like you a lot as a person.
Thank you.
But HQ trivia was what I think I kind of glided over that.
Right.
This was an internet phenomenon.
I played it.
Everybody played it.
You did?
Yes, of course.
I'm on my phone looking for things to do.
That and words with friends.
Words with friends.
That's a big one.
I used to say, "Words with friends always trumps sex with wife."
You know, you're at night.
You always said that.
You're getting in bed at night and you're like, "Goodnight, everybody.
Goodnight, everybody.
Goodnight, sweetheart.
Just got to do something here."
How about sex with friends over Words with Wife?
I've not had sex with any.
I mean, I consider my partners to be friends.
I have romantic partners to be friends.
Do you?
Yeah.
Anyway.
I want to talk about that.
I want to talk about trivia.
Not trivia.
I mean, we have a call out to our listeners.
See if you can stump Scott on some trivia.
Maybe I'll slide in there and answer before him.
We'll see.
Put this P word right in your face.
And you're no expert on trivia.
I'm not.
And you don't really even have an interest in it.
Look, the truth is, no.
I mean, I started my career in the business of show back in college as a stand-up.
And started, you know, open mics, all that.
Moved to New York City after school.
Did the whole mic scene there.
Started doing, you know, book shows.
Started producing my own shows.
Yeah.
My own talk shows.
And I really was like, I want to be a talk show host.
Yeah.
You know, Letterman, Conan.
Yeah.
I mean, I would look to them as my North Star.
And I always, Conan in particular, for inspiration.
Because this is a guy who was famously plucked out of obscurity out of a writer's
room.
Yeah.
You're like, why not me?
Throwing on national TV.
Right.
Why not me?
In fact, when Jimmy Fallon, when Fallon was announced as the host of The
Tonight Show.
Yeah.
And he was moving from late night to Tonight Show.
I'm like, this is my chance.
Right.
You're going to slot into that late.
This is my chance.
Lauren is producing that.
This is my campaign actually.
This is, the YouTube videos are there still.
I said, I'm going to get Lauren to hire me.
Right.
I was doing my running late talk show for years at that point.
And this was like a live thing?
It was a live show.
You know, this is, yeah, it was a live show in theaters around, you know, UCB,
Caroline's,
you know, we did it at a bunch of clubs and things.
Yeah.
But I thought this was my chance.
So I put an edible arrangement.
I went to edible arrangements, got him a gift basket, edible fruit.
Got Lauren Michaels a gift basket.
Yeah.
Is that marijuana stuff?
I should have done that in my dream.
Well, it was a dream actually.
This is funny.
This all came from a dream.
My dream was I gave Lauren Michaels this edible arrangement with my headshot
printed in there.
Delivered it to 30 bucks.
This is not an angle that I think Lauren appreciates.
No.
Well, the upshot is it didn't work.
It's a little much.
It didn't work.
It's a little needy.
It is a bit, I guess.
I got him some Maynard wine gums as well, which is a Canadian candy that I
heard he likes.
Put a restraining order on this regal.
Yeah.
I came close to it.
I ended up getting this delivery guy from edible arrangements.
I put a GoPro in his head, sent him into 30 Rock.
And he, you know, the Lauren's Laurinettes, they're called his like assistants.
Kind of met him downstairs and took the basket and brought it up.
Oh, you must get that from lunatics all day long.
Exactly.
So I mean, you know, I, I, yeah, it didn't quite work.
Seth, the Seth Meyers guy got the job.
I don't know.
Yeah, sure.
Keep it in the family.
Um, we're talking, we are talking about this.
Yeah.
No.
So that was my, my trajectory.
Right.
So anyways, back to what we were talking about.
I'm still in my monologue.
Right.
Right.
If you, listen, I want to give you more time.
I feel like we jumped in too quickly to the guests.
We're fine.
We're fine.
The city of the day.
There's all.
I don't have anything on my agenda.
I have a few things.
I just want to plug and get that out of the way.
I do want to take an early call just to make sure.
But we are, we are going to talk about your, your thrift store.
What is it called?
Is that fair?
It's a vintage boutique.
Vintage boutique.
Thank you.
I want to talk about the goodwill that you opened up.
Yeah.
I got a question about the Maynard, the Maynard wine gums.
Is that the guy from Tool?
He's making his own.
Maynard.
Yeah.
All right.
But here's, here, my, here are my little plugs real quick.
First of all, if you're a high member, HEINetwork.tv.
You get, we released on Monday, the movie, summer movie recap, which is, which
was recorded
right back here.
Oh.
Greg Tarkington and from a high network, Tim Heidecker, spent about an hour
going through
all the summer movies.
It's a lot of fun.
It's very, very funny in my opinion.
Proud of my work and I always will be.
That's available at high network.tv.
Pound house.
How about this plug, Doug?
You don't even have to ask for it.
The pound house is out.
Now, is it just on Brent Weinbach's YouTube channel?
The pounding.
Yeah.
It's on YouTube.
Okay.
And it is on Brent's channel.
Why aren't you hosting it?
Brent talked me into putting it on YouTube.
All right.
Well, you can find, it's going to be hard to find, but find it.
Is that where all the other ones are?
Well, the early ones were on JASH.
Remember JASH?
Oh, yeah.
You were part of.
And then.
All right.
No, Brent's better with the YouTube stuff.
What season is this?
Four.
Four.
And the first episode's up.
It's hilarious.
I'm in it.
I think I'm doing a great job.
Thank you, T.
I love, I mean, I've told you this for years.
It's like really one of my favorite shows.
We tried to get it made as a real show.
But you do tremendous work on it.
And then finally, not finally, Vic Berger, you are playing music tonight.
How sweet.
Tonight.
What?
Some songs at The Resident in downtown LA.
Okay.
Be with Mike Adams tonight.
And solo?
Or is he playing with you?
Yeah, solo.
It's going to be, it's going to be two white stripes type things.
Uh-huh.
It's going to be Mike on guitar and Mark on drums.
And then it's going to be Vic on guitar and Mark on drums.
So not solo.
Okay.
Yeah, no.
Well, and I'm going to do some solo 